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10 commandments of lap band



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I can't take credit for this and some of you may have seen it. I got if off a post from another lap band forum website thought it very funny however good advise and rules to pledge to for us about to undergo surgery. I think I will post it on my fridge

1. Thou shalt consume thy Protein first, followed by thy veggies and fruits. If thou, then hast any room left thou shalt comusme thy carbs lastly!

2. Thou shalt take the tiniest of bites, placing thy fork and thy spoon upon thine table, that thou shalt have more time between bites to savor that which thou hast eaten, and allow thy stomach adequate time to inform thy brain of thine fullness.

3. Thou shalt chew and chew and when thou has done so, thou shalt chew some more, lest thy band rise up and smite thee,causing in thy chest great pain, and spewing forth.

4. Thou shalt drink of thy Water, copiously, consuming all that has been recommended to thee, that thou mayest be spared the pangs of hunger and dehydration, and thou shalt thus, also keep thy kidneys well flushed, that thou shalt not develop stones to aggrieve thee.

5. Thou shalt exercise in a manner that thou mayest choose, of thine own accord, providing that thou art faithful to thine execise regimen,that thou shalt not falter on thy journey to thine smaller self.

6. Thou shalt honor thy band and maintain it well, that it shalt be a steadfast friend to thee throughout thine entire life. Thou wilt,from time to time, as thou hast been told, obtain for it the fills that it needest that it may then help thee in thy hours of need, keeping it always in perfect adjustment for thine benefit.

7. Thou shalt not worry and gnash thy teeth, becoming aggrieved at those times when thy losses seemingly stop and thy weight remaineth constant, remembering then that thou tookest long to acquire thine pounds, and that thy pounds must then take time for loss.

8. Thou shalt maintain a log or dairy of thine measurements, that thou mayest truly perceive the effect of they band when thine scale doth pause in it's downward progress.

9. Thou shalt join into and participate within thy local support community, for without the input, experience and love of they fellow bandsters, thou shalt have a much more difficult time in thy journey, and when thou art well upon thy road, thou shalt then likewise assist those who followest in thine footsteps that they too might be successful in their own diminishment.

10. Thou shalt beware of thine " soft caolries syndrome", keeping always in thy mind that thou canst thus sabotage thine efforts and thine investment and lead thee then therefore into depression and guilt. As once stated "Just because thou canst, it meaneth not that thou shouldith".

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Oh yeah. Fridge, framed copy on my desk, perhaps tattooed on my ample stomach.....

This was hilarious!!:lol:

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Hah!!! This is so funny! It's late and I'm laughing too loudly! Great post!

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oh this is good!!!! gonna print this baby off and take it to my drs office lol. let them share it. :-)

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HILARIOUS! love it and going to do the same take a copy to my doctors office and hang it up.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
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    • KimBaxleyWilson

      Three months and four days ago... I was in Costa Rica having a life changing surgery! Yesterday we had a followup visit with Dr. Esmeral via video chat and this morning my middle number changed.  I'm down 47lbs and two pants sizes. I can wear a Large tshirt for the first time in like... 14 years! Woot!! Everything is going great. I have zero regrets. I went down to the riverwalk with a friend and walked 2 miles on Monday without even getting fatigued. And no more snoring or chugging pickle juice for crazy leg cramps! I need to go to the gym more... I'm making new shirts next week so that will motivate me. LOL But I'm also just not as TIRED all the time! I have a LONG way to go...but seeing the progress on the scales and in the mirror is a huge motivator!! Thank you all for cheering me on and supporting me!!
      · 0 replies
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    • bellaamey

      https://alluniqueguide.com/java-burn-coffee-reviews/
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      1. This update has no replies.
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