green

I don't think I have any skin tags yet. :nervous I have some moles and I have a couple of liver spots on my forearms. I found that they were age-related when I asked a dermatologist if they were skin cancer. His answer was bad but not the worst. :phanvan A further insult is that I have developed acne on my upper back. Backacne is what I call it. Trouble is I can't get at it without help. :help: Oh, bluddy!

A very good idea, and one to Leatha, too. There was a shout out to TOM but he hasn't replied. Alas! :cry

And welcome to BandLand, ElaineU.

A friend of mine who has made a study of herbs claims she knows of one who will make the person who eats it stink like a 1000 camels. :bounce:I've never tried it out on anyone.....yet. (Congratulations on your weight loss, TDoodle. Your new avatar looks great. )

I would have the first photo displaying the couple looking at the computer, one seated, the other standing and holding his coffee cup. The second photo should show them in a passionate embrace with their clothes askew. You must pick a more attractive couple for this fantasy and because most readers of romance are women, do make the man slightly younger and more attractive than the woman. The upper photo should be smaller than the pay-off passion photo. :bounce:

Oh, and by the way, I found the old geezer kind of creepy.

I like the hunk. I really like the hunk.

I have been overweight and I have been slim but I have never, ever been into sports and physical activities other than walking and physical labour. I really like walking and physical labour has a point to it. :bounce: Gym was a major source of humiliation for me when I was in highschool. :phanvan I have always preferred to do academic work, or to read, paint, write, travel, and socialise with friends. I guess the only other physical activity I was nuts about was getting laid. I can be foul-tempered but I am working on this....:heh:

Yah, sorry he got caught!!!! What an a$$ ho....! :angry:mad:

What are skin tags? Are they the same as those moles that are not flush with the rest of your skin?

I have chosen to call the other woman the whore because this thread is all about Zannie and her feelings and her pain. It is in no way intended to be an even handed anaysis of what may have gone on. Zannie does not need this at the present time. What she does need is practical advice and friends who are on her side. This is why I have also advised her to engage herself in a little bit of creative revenge on the whore. It will engage her intellectually and empower her by allowing herself the fun of knowing that the other woman is not getting away without experiencing some difficulties of her own. If Zannie were still to be finding herself locked in the same state of pain and outrage a year or two down the road my advice would be much different. This is when one wants to see the sufferer start to move on, to rebuild her own emotional life, and to regain a sense of peace and contentment. Right now, however, Zannie is in the thick of it and though your advice is rock solid, TerriD, I personally believe that it might possibly be a little premature. I only say this because I still vividly remember the phases I went through during my own horrible break-up, a break-up caused (I felt at the time) by my husband's infidelity. Time does pass, water does flow under the bridge, and the most painful event of one's entire life can end up looking like a fortunate escape or the chance to grow closer together depending upon how things play out. For sure healthy people will move on with their lives. It sounds like Zannie is trying to do so by giving her husband her heart and her goodwill. I agree with you: it is in her family's best interest to do so. If vilifying and avenging herself upon the whore is what it takes for her to get over this affair, then I think that she should go for it and enjoy it, too.

Oops! My bad! I didn't read the fine print! I am not only blonde but I am old, too! :bounce:Hey! They brought Mister Bounce back! :biggrin1:

Now, Derick, even though you amuse me a big bunch and I am kinda nuts about you I find myself sitting in the opposite corner of the room when it comes to your assessment of Carlene. I have always taken great pleasure in her posts. She has always taken care to supply us with much fascinating information and she was always respectful of the opinions of others who posted. I have very, very high cards for Carlene. She stood her ground but was always open to examining the viewpoints of others.

I have often been surprised by the capacity which some men have when it comes to putting up with stupid, incompetant, greedy, neurotic, and manipulative love interests. This lunacy of standing by a truly lousy choice holds equally true, by the way, for my gay friends; it is not just a straight guy thing. It does seem that many men are wired to be nurturing towards their sexual partners - they can't just f*** and run - and it may well be that although your husband's prime desire is to be with you and his children, he still feels something in the way of an emotional responsibility towards this ghastly woman. He may feel that because he did have a sexual relationship with her he cannot simply toss her in the garbage can. Remember that she still wants him and is applying her entire array of theatrical skills to this end. A loving and caring man is bound to feel guilty and concerned. A womanizer would have had no trouble kicking her to the curb when he was done with her but then you yourself wouldn't want to live with a man who is cold and uncaring and who is able to disengage himself from other people sufficiently that he can use them as sexual toys and then toss them aside. I may be expressing this poorly but it seems to me that your husband's desire to treat the whacked out whore with kindness and respect may simply be a sign that he is a very good-hearted, loving, and decent human being. If this is true then he is still the same man with whom you fell in love and have spent many years. He will be unable to be cruel to her because he is a sensitive and loving man, and because they did have a thing and because she was and still is needy. But then you love him because he is a caring and sensitive individual and not a hard-hearted a**hole. Nevertheless, keep your wits about you, take care of your financial business, and hang on to those hard copies of the emails. Trust that the very the best will happen, but prepare for the worst. I am always surprised by how many women opt to leave themselves in financially precarious positions, and divorce isn't the only event which can leave a woman dangling, widowhood can, too. Of course we all want to see you and your husband back together. (The above advice was just in the nature of taking care of business advice.) It does sound like you two have a pretty good shot at it. Keep us in the loop.

Rant & Raves is my favourite hangout but it has been awful damn bland lately. :bored I have been missing the always interesting TOM greatly, and I miss the wisdom of Carlene, too. And our chief creationist seems to be MIA. Hell, even Lee4 seems to have dropped out of sight. :phanvan Why oh why has everyone jumped off the merry-go-round? Green is so sad these days. *sob* Perhaps they will all return in the fall. In the meantime, it is up to you, marjon and DerickM, to start up a little action.... Please, eh. :heh:

Oh, Marjon, never say never! I will happily jump in as soon as you post something contentious. :ranger: I have been quite bored lately, you know. :help: And I adore bad taste as long as it isn't expressed through poor choices in dress. :heh:

This is wonderful advice. :clap2::clap2::clap2:

I spent the first 3 days post op in bed napping and reading and really enjoying the prescription meds. My big pains came from gas. I really should have got out of bed and walked around more! On the 4th day I was washed, wearing day clothes, and goofing on the computer. The stairs were not a problem for me but the drive home from the surgery was. My husband and I took a cab and he drove energetically, speeding up, making lots of sudden stops, and sudden lane changes. I was still stoned out of my mind and was left unsecured by a seat belt in the back seat. The result was that I flopped around as I passed in and out of consciousness and my port incision began to bleed. By the time I crawled into bed I was dripping blood. It was messy and if I hadn't been so stoned I would have been scared. It was a good thing that it was only a 15-20 minute trip. You might want to place a piece of furniture near your bed that you can grab on to when you need to get up. I have a bookcase next to mine and this really, really helped during those first few days. Good luck on your surgery.

Congratulations on the weight loss and the kid. Both of you look great!!!!

Thanks, Kat and Zannie, for clarifying the info on that 80% statistic. Anyhow, Lauraj, please don't be worrying that the band is going to be wrecking your brand new marriage. You will be just fine, grrl. :biggrin1: It strikes me that Kat has a very good idea. It would be both amusing and useful for your brother to issue an official complaint with the cops concerning the threats she made to him. A peace bond would mean that the whore would be legally unable to get in touch with your husband while he is working at your brother's place of work. As for the phone calls which she makes on the cell, is it possible to get a different cell number, an unlisted one? I am very pleased to hear that the two of you are working on saving your marriage. A renewed and stronger marriage would be the best outcome for all of you including the children. Good luck and keep us in the loop, eh.

Newgirl, you should play with their heads and get your man a t-shirt that reads boy-toy.

Lauraj, I am surprised to hear about this statistic of 80% and would love to know where you dug this up. If you will look at the results of the poll which is part of this thread only 3 individuals have responded that their sexual relationships have altered post-banding. The vast majority of us report that life continues as usual. In light of this I really don't understand why you find the contents of this thread to be disturbing. There is one individual who is currently suffering marital difficulties and she was the one who began this particular thread. The rest of us who have responded with our own stories of ghastly failed marriages experienced these bum marriages in our past, and not as a result of the band. I suspect that big changes can place intolerable stress on relationships which may already be vulnerable. Such changes will include the loss of a job, a new baby, a big promotion, major illness, and the change in the physical beauty of one or the other mate.

Zannie: don't let your husband or the whore know that you have access to her emails but do print these out in hard copy. You will require them as leverage at the time of your divorce should you decide to go this route. You should also keep a diary/log where you note down the day and details of such incidents as the threats made to your brother, the times when your husband spends his time with the whore, the frequency of her phone calls, when and how you first learned about his affair, etc. You might also enter into this book everything which you have come to learn about her and her association with your husband; her claim that she was pregnant with his child would be a good place to start. Remember that proof of her emotional instability, her threats, etc will certainly assist your case when you request sole custody and that your children be kept clear of the crazy bitch. It seems that her estranged husband is actively pushing for the success of her relationship with your husband. Perhaps he is anxious to see her married and off his hands. That way he will be free of this crazy chick and will also be able to avoid paying out alimony. A double win for him. Lepez's advice about getting all your financial ducks in a row is superb advice. I know that you are feeling pretty much at sea at this time. This is normal. But it seems to me that you are doing a fine job of keeping your wits about you. You are much luckier than I was when I went through this: you have the rest of us to use as both a support group and as a source of advice. I went through my divorce solo and often felt as though I was losing my mind. I had no friends who had ever gone through a split, you see. Anyhow, keep on keeping us in the loop. We are all here for you.

As for landing coots who are my own age, BJean, I find that they are never, ever interested in me (except for one therapist who had a countertransference crush). It is men who are younger who tend to like me. Other friends of mine have noticed the same thing. I have one friend, a widow who is 60, who is having a big fling with a guy who is in his mid 40s.

I've checked it out, Foxy. It's a good thread.