rachnett

I'm not quite 3 months post op. I've lost a total of 38 lbs. I started at a size 20 jeans but yesterday I purchased a size 14! A 14. I wore a size 14 to work today, yeah right! Two sizes down in under 3 months, not too bad. I was really excited when i tried them on and they fit perfectly. I was stoked to wear them to work today. But the day came and went and i realized I really don't feel any better in them. I still feel like a fat ass (pardon the politically incorrect adjectives but that's exactly how i feel). When will i start feeling differently about myself? I realize 38lbs isn't a lot a lot but still, shouldn't i feel, I don't know better about me? Shouldn't i feel like i look differently? I've taken some recent pictures and i can't really even see a difference. I would have thought by now i would be able to. Is it all in my head?

I just got my 2nd fill today. I had the first at 4 weeks, this one was 2 weeks later and the next one will be in a month. I lost 9.5 lbs between the first fill and today. My doctor told me, as i'm sitting in the office, that we wouldn't have to do a fill today. We could wait a month. Whatever, I said "i'm here let's do it!" so he has me drink water while he's filling it and he says "normally i can't get a full cc in on a 2nd fill but then normally my patients don't loose 9.5lbs in two weeks" and low and behold he got in just over a cc. I think i'm sitting at just over 5 cc now. i'll make my appointment tomorrow for my november fill!

from reading on here it sounds like it varies a lot. I just had my first fill yesterday and my doctor put in 4cc's. It was done in xray. The barium drink was less than tasty but it was kind of neat to watch it go thru the band. My next fill is in two weeks and then it will be a month from then until the 3rd fill. I've felt no restriction from this first fill but i didn't really expect i would. I'm anxious for the restriction as i know i'm eating more than i should and some days my self control is non existent. I know i'm eating less than before surgery but right now it's just me and my will power.

I was banded on 8/21. my surgery and hospital stay (30 hrs) was absolutely uneventful. I had never had surgery before so i was a little nervous not knowing exactly what to expect but it was all a breeze. I stayed home from work that following week and try to do very little but relax and walk. I had no real issues with any pain. I will say once i was on to mushy food and then real foods i felt 100% normal again! I think the two weeks of liquid diet pre op and the week post op were the worst of the entire process!! good luck. and stay positive! rach

Iowa BCBS Anthem. After i called them to check on my paper work from the doctor my approval came the next day. So just about a week all together.

I feel your pain. And as hard as it is you have to blow these people off and realize they are far worse off. Sadly we can't sew a band around their mouth and give them good restriction. oh but if we could!!!! I was raised to respect my elders and I typically take the high road when insulted. I have a very vivid memory of a comment that was made when i was in jr. high. Two of my very old great aunts told me that they had seen me walking home from school with another girlfriend of mine and they were trying to figure out which one of us was fatter. They used those exact words. which of us girls was fatter. I was absolutely crush. and I felt that i had to just sit there and remain silent because anything i would have said would have clearly been disrespectful. i will never forget that moment. I think one of the common factors in our stories is that the "insulter" was old. I prayer that i never loose the filter between my head and my mouth like some people do as they age. Hang in there

i'm also 5' 9" and started at 276. My doctor thinks it's reasonable for me to get to 176, 100 loss!! That would be about 20lbs below what i was starting my senior year of high school (i'm 36). I'm very excited to start working towards that number. So far i'm down 28 lbs and only 6 days post op!

i was banded on the 21st. the iv drugs and then the roxicet that the dr gave me for at home really knocked me out. i feel like i lost a few days, i've apologized to everyone that came to visit me only watch me doze off mid conversation, lol. everyday has been a little better. I still feel bloated. I've only been taking tylanol for the pain the past two days. of course my incisions hurts but the worst of it is in my left shoulder and my chest. I have a cough but it's not bad, just annoying. I'm sure it's due to the anisthia. i'm down about 6lbs since last friday which is ok with me. I still get weak and tired so i will likely be off of work the rest of this week for sure. At least now that i'm feeling a little better i'll be able to enjoy a couple low key days at home.

Good luck!! I'm 5 days post op and still occasionally have a WTF was i thinking moment but i try to keep myself focused on the big picture: improved health and longevity!

By day I'm a Sr Analyst in the Loss Mitigation department for a major mortgage company. By night/weekend I'm a photographer and run my own business. I love both of my jobs!! Oh yeah more importantly I'm a mother of two great kids, three dogs and a cat.

my surgeon does the first fill at 4 weeks, yeah for me!!!

i had my surgery on friday the 21st. i'm experiencing horrible pain in my left shoulder and chest which i understand is due to the gas they pumped into you. My belly is sore sore sore but getting better every day. now i'm just ready to get past this part of it. ready to be back on my feet and moving pain free!

I am numb to just about everything at this point. I went to have my eyebrows waxed the other day and it hardly even hurt. It was the weirdest thing. It's kind of like my whole world is black and white. And logically I know this is all worth it. I know this will all pass and I will be fabulous. I can even say it out loud but right now it's just words. That whole BS about how it takes more muscles to frown than smile, i'd like to challenge that please. I think what i hate the most is my lack of personality. I'm flat. i wonder if this is how mentally ill people feel when they are medicated? is this the feeling that drives them to risk being off their meds? Yet i stand strong. I've been a good good girl the past few days. I'm not really hungry any more at all, i'm just so so tired. Life has not given me any breaks this past week. I've had just as much if not more going on. With the kids breaking their cells phones (both of which have to be replaced today), trying to schedule photo clients for Sept and Oct, trying to keep my disgusting house some what clean while working a gazillion hours. And now tonight, the night before surgery i have an evening filled with church meetings... But tomorrow. Ahhh tomorrow things will get underway and I will crest the hill that i've been climbing. I'm so ready for this. I'm so ready to get back to the regular me, well of course with some improvements!!! See i managed to throw in a couple exclamation points. I haven't even been able to do that the past few days. 24 hours from now things will be underway....

I am numb to just about everything at this point. I went to have my eyebrows waxed the other day and it hardly even hurt. It was the weirdest thing. It's kind of like my whole world is black and white. And logically I know this is all worth it. I know this will all pass and I will be fabulous. I can even say it out loud but right now it's just words. That whole BS about how it takes more muscles to frown than smile, i'd like to challenge that please. I think what i hate the most is my lack of personality. I'm flat. i wonder if this is how mentally ill people feel when they are medicated? is this the feeling that drives them to risk being off their meds? Yet i stand strong. I've been a good good girl the past few days. I'm not really hungry any more at all, i'm just so so tired. Life has not given me any breaks this past week. I've had just as much if not more going on. With the kids breaking their cells phones (both of which have to be replaced today), trying to schedule photo clients for Sept and Oct, trying to keep my disgusting house some what clean while working a gazillion hours. And now tonight, the night before surgery i have an evening filled with church meetings... But tomorrow. Ahhh tomorrow things will get underway and I will crest the hill that i've been climbing. I'm so ready for this. I'm so ready to get back to the regular me, well of course with some improvements!!! See i managed to throw in a couple exclamation points. I haven't even been able to do that the past few days. 24 hours from now things will be underway....

8/10/09 Day four. Somebody shoot me. this f’ing sucks. I’m having less than 500 calories a day with 95% of them being liquid. It should be 100% liquid but I can not tolerate the powdered protein they want me to be consuming every day. I’ve tried every imaginable form of it out there. It all tastes like crap. It’s all thick. Really I’m not being a baby about this. I’m the girl who can’t drink milk because it’s yucky. If I force myself to drink it, it’s just going to come back up. I can hardly eat jello because the texture makes me gag. So I’m started to supplement my liquid diet with a daily single serving of tuna. 60 calories, no carbs & 12 grams of protein. cheater I know. go back thru my blog I don’t think it’s any surprise that I’m a cheater. So any way let’s add to it. let’s pour salt in my wound (I hate the word wound). I had to start using my bypap machine Friday night. In order for insurance to cover it they have to see that I’m using it 4 hours a night. Really? instead of helping me sleep better this thing just ensures that I don’t sleep through the night. It’s uncomfortable. It’s noisy. It smells funny. I feel like a dumb a. so I’m not sleeping well and I’m tired because I’m consuming minimal protein. I’m having a WTF was I thinking moment today. Really? all of this for what? To be healthier and get into a size 10 jean. Maybe an 8. Really? please God promise me this will all be worth it down the road because today it isn’t. 8/12/09 Day six I could not get out of bed this morning. I slept like crap thanks to that stupid stupid bipap machine. Really? I have to add that to my already stupid restrictive life. Now I’m not even allowed to sleep? Anyway, so I call into work. Told them I felt awful which was the under statement of the year. I think the lack of protein finally hit me. I felt like I was moving my body through water. My limbs were heavy. I was sluggish. And my head was foggy. Gosh it’s great to be me. So I slept in a little then got as far as my desk. In my pj’s, unshowered I spent the next 3.5 hours working on photos. That wasn’t so taxing. I told the kids to pretend like I wasn’t home. Sha was there. I just shut my door. I felt good about what I got done. I played some tutorial videos as I worked and actually learned a thing or two. I had to rush through the shower to get out the door in time to get to the hospital by 1:45 for my pre admission testing. On the way I gave Dad a call to get an update on him. He talked all the way from Reinbeck to Cedar Falls and then some. At this point I was crabby. I was so tired. I was dizzy. A couple times I thought this must be what it feels like before you pass out. So I sit thru the pat’ing. She’s telling me to do this and don’t do that and I’m just sitting there staring at her. I know I’m not smiling, I don’t think I had the energy to smile. I told her at one point I needed to write some of what she was telling me down or would never remember it. I told her the liquid diet had wicked away my memory and my personality. Sad but true. Once I’d signed off that I was aware of all the bad things that could happen from the procedure they walked me down to the lab for yet more lab work. Why is it a little tiny needle in the crook of my arm hurts so much more than the thousands upon thousands of jabs that I take while sitting for Juno? Finally I’m allowed to go to my appointment with Dr. hodges which requires me to drive around to the other office. Yeah well first I have to remember where I parked my car. I go outside and I hit the lock button so that the horn can lead me to it. Except when I hear the horn I seriously can not tell what direction the sound came from. It’s like a freaking fun house! finally after walking around for a minute or so (it’s not a big parking lot) I find my car. Thank goodness!

8/10/09 Day four. Somebody shoot me. this f’ing sucks. I’m having less than 500 calories a day with 95% of them being liquid. It should be 100% liquid but I can not tolerate the powdered protein they want me to be consuming every day. I’ve tried every imaginable form of it out there. It all tastes like crap. It’s all thick. Really I’m not being a baby about this. I’m the girl who can’t drink milk because it’s yucky. If I force myself to drink it, it’s just going to come back up. I can hardly eat jello because the texture makes me gag. So I’m started to supplement my liquid diet with a daily single serving of tuna. 60 calories, no carbs & 12 grams of protein. cheater I know. go back thru my blog I don’t think it’s any surprise that I’m a cheater. So any way let’s add to it. let’s pour salt in my wound (I hate the word wound). I had to start using my bypap machine Friday night. In order for insurance to cover it they have to see that I’m using it 4 hours a night. Really? instead of helping me sleep better this thing just ensures that I don’t sleep through the night. It’s uncomfortable. It’s noisy. It smells funny. I feel like a dumb a. so I’m not sleeping well and I’m tired because I’m consuming minimal protein. I’m having a WTF was I thinking moment today. Really? all of this for what? To be healthier and get into a size 10 jean. Maybe an 8. Really? please God promise me this will all be worth it down the road because today it isn’t. 8/12/09 Day six I could not get out of bed this morning. I slept like crap thanks to that stupid stupid bipap machine. Really? I have to add that to my already stupid restrictive life. Now I’m not even allowed to sleep? Anyway, so I call into work. Told them I felt awful which was the under statement of the year. I think the lack of protein finally hit me. I felt like I was moving my body through water. My limbs were heavy. I was sluggish. And my head was foggy. Gosh it’s great to be me. So I slept in a little then got as far as my desk. In my pj’s, unshowered I spent the next 3.5 hours working on photos. That wasn’t so taxing. I told the kids to pretend like I wasn’t home. Sha was there. I just shut my door. I felt good about what I got done. I played some tutorial videos as I worked and actually learned a thing or two. I had to rush through the shower to get out the door in time to get to the hospital by 1:45 for my pre admission testing. On the way I gave Dad a call to get an update on him. He talked all the way from Reinbeck to Cedar Falls and then some. At this point I was crabby. I was so tired. I was dizzy. A couple times I thought this must be what it feels like before you pass out. So I sit thru the pat’ing. She’s telling me to do this and don’t do that and I’m just sitting there staring at her. I know I’m not smiling, I don’t think I had the energy to smile. I told her at one point I needed to write some of what she was telling me down or would never remember it. I told her the liquid diet had wicked away my memory and my personality. Sad but true. Once I’d signed off that I was aware of all the bad things that could happen from the procedure they walked me down to the lab for yet more lab work. Why is it a little tiny needle in the crook of my arm hurts so much more than the thousands upon thousands of jabs that I take while sitting for Juno? Finally I’m allowed to go to my appointment with Dr. hodges which requires me to drive around to the other office. Yeah well first I have to remember where I parked my car. I go outside and I hit the lock button so that the horn can lead me to it. Except when I hear the horn I seriously can not tell what direction the sound came from. It’s like a freaking fun house! finally after walking around for a minute or so (it’s not a big parking lot) I find my car. Thank goodness!

7/28/09 I must hate myself. Right? why else would I do this to myself. I’m like a fast food junkie. This must be what it feels like to be hooked on crack. Always thinking about your next hit and where it’s going to come from. The moment I feel a twinge of lunch-time hunger I’m all about where I’m going to snag my next “hit”. Then I eat and for about 30 seconds I enjoy it right before the guilt sets in. Then about 10 minutes later I feel terrible. Bloated and full and yucky, which just accentuates the guilt. And the cycle continues…I must hate myself. right? or I wouldn’t eat like I do. I’m actually to a point where I’m going to have a doctor surgically restrict my stomach capacity. Oh God please don’t let me fail. This is like my only chance. All I have to do is follow the rules. I try so hard to be optimistic and not think about the possibility of failure but it’s there. In my head, it’s there. That voice, that sounds oddly like my mothers, saying “why bother, you’re not going to be able to follow the rules.” Am I in denial because I’m not allowing myself to really even think about the possibility of failure or is that what I’m supposed to do? If the root cause is self hate then really will the surgery even work? Have I been fooling myself all these years into thinking I liked myself? I’m mean really I must hate myself. right? or I wouldn’t eat like I do….

7/28/09 I must hate myself. Right? why else would I do this to myself. I’m like a fast food junkie. This must be what it feels like to be hooked on crack. Always thinking about your next hit and where it’s going to come from. The moment I feel a twinge of lunch-time hunger I’m all about where I’m going to snag my next “hit”. Then I eat and for about 30 seconds I enjoy it right before the guilt sets in. Then about 10 minutes later I feel terrible. Bloated and full and yucky, which just accentuates the guilt. And the cycle continues…I must hate myself. right? or I wouldn’t eat like I do. I’m actually to a point where I’m going to have a doctor surgically restrict my stomach capacity. Oh God please don’t let me fail. This is like my only chance. All I have to do is follow the rules. I try so hard to be optimistic and not think about the possibility of failure but it’s there. In my head, it’s there. That voice, that sounds oddly like my mothers, saying “why bother, you’re not going to be able to follow the rules.” Am I in denial because I’m not allowing myself to really even think about the possibility of failure or is that what I’m supposed to do? If the root cause is self hate then really will the surgery even work? Have I been fooling myself all these years into thinking I liked myself? I’m mean really I must hate myself. right? or I wouldn’t eat like I do….

So tell me about the stuff you have to drink when you have a fill?? i have a low gag point and don't do well with yucky stuff... (currently things like protein drinks and jello fall onto my yucky stuff list, lol! )

i'm in the midst of day two of my pre op clear liquid diet. so far so good. i would feel tons better if i could take a little something for this headache but i'm not suppose to.... i'm actually doing ok not eating, my problem is going to be getting in any protien because i can't stand any of the shakes or drinkes or anything... yuck!

i just got a date of 8/21 today!! YEAH!!! i'm so excited. not really even nervous about it yet, just ready to get going!!!

I just wanted to say hi! I started the process in February with a seminar and my consultation. My insurance (BCBS anthem) requires a 6 months medically supervised diet, i've got two months done, 4 to go!! My primary care doctor has been incredibly supportive and encouraging with this diet. My head has not been so supportive though. Ever since i uttered the word diet it seems my food cravings have gone into over load. Kind of like an oppositional diffiance disorder, lol. I kid but it sucks. I know I HAVE to get these cravings under control. I'm embarssed to admit that fast food seems to be my down fall lately. Before I could go weeks without even thinking about it. now it's like I can't drive by without finding myself sitting in the drive thru. What do you do to curb this? My doc is switching my anti anxiety meds hoping that will help. I have my psych evaluation this week and plan on talking to her about it also. I'm so ready to be banded. I'm not scare of the proceedure, or the liquid diet before and after, i'm not scare of feeling hungry but i'm very scared of head hunger. of not being able to control that.... so I have 4+ months to get my head in order... any advice?