BioTeacher

I do not know what made me think of getting on here. Have not done so in almost two years! Wish I could say I had made a lot of progress since then. Have sure NOT. This three year thing is getting to me more than I thought it would. I have lost about 41 lbs. I need to lose about 50 more. Not a thing happening in that area. In fact, I was pretty stable but now it is creeping UP. I feel like I need to GRAB on the side of a cliff to stop this, but do not know how. I exercise by brisk walking 1/2 hr. to an hour almost every single day. I eat as little as I can. I really do. Sometimes I fix a plate, end up only eating half of it. I am a terrible water drinker and I know that. I really do not think that is the thing that is causing this problem. I do not diary my foods. I just cannot get myself to do this. I know that would help. Otherwise, I am healthy. Good BP, Cholesterol OK, etc. Just cannot get this weight thing to work. I am feeling like trying Weight Watchers again. I even tried Alli. Gained on that last month. Does this sound like my same old same old routine?? Yup. But now I have the band to deal with too. I really think my metabolism just super adjusts. I only have half a thyroid due to a goiter. The other half now has three large finger like goiters. I take my meds there religiously. But I think the 2-3 times over the past three years I have really jolted my metabolism I got a bit off, and then my body adjusts. I have been to the endocrinologist. My TSH and TH levels are normal. So they say that is not it. I guess I do not do some of the things like journaling because I just do not feel they help. I have in the past...to no avail. Last time I went to WW I sat in the meetings week after week, following the program best I could, pretty well, and lost nothing while others did. It is pretty humiliating. So this time I will try at home....probably will not help. I go to the doc every four weeks, if the bariatric specialist does not know how to help me, then how am I supposed to figure this out?? I do feel better. I wear two to three sizes smaller. My clothes all fit from last summer, jeans go in dryer and still fit, etc. Lots of good things I guess. I am just TIRED of being this size. I am tired of doing the best I can, of trying to watch my amounts and keep moving. Just for nothing to happen or now to gain. If you are new to the game, do NOT read this. I hope that everyone has the greatest success with their surgery! I have had some success. Just not what I wanted. Seems like I have had enough time to do some damage too. Just wish I could figure this out........not the best anniversary coming. up.......Thanks for listening....

Well I don't get on here unless I need to pour it out and that I need to do. I saw my sister-in-law that had a rny about a year ago this time. She is a stick figure. She looks so great. It just makes me so sad. I have had this thing for almost 18 months. And here I sit. If I had lost even 5 pounds a month I would be down by 90 lbs! I have lost 35 and that was done by this time last year. And basically nothing since then. I really feel that I eat so much less than I did. I do not drink or eat caffeine, carbonated drinks. I exercise like a trouper. And here I am with this stupid band in me that is doing nothing for me. I guess I just do not have the self discipline needed with it. I needed the rny but I was not obese enough to qualify. So here I sit. Pity Party I know but gee. I just want to sit and watch TV and do nothing when I have plenty to do. House is a mess... I just want to cry. I just want to understand and make some progress. I can see her in my mind. What a shocker. She was so much heavier than me. And here I am.... It does not make me want to do more, it makes me want to just crawl in bed and stay. Well I better go. This isn't helping those of you with lots of hope! Just quit looking now and go back to hopeville. :drool:

Well I don't get on here unless I need to pour it out and that I need to do. I saw my sister-in-law that had a rny about a year ago this time. She is a stick figure. She looks so great. It just makes me so sad. I have had this thing for almost 18 months. And here I sit. If I had lost even 5 pounds a month I would be down by 90 lbs! I have lost 35 and that was done by this time last year. And basically nothing since then. I really feel that I eat so much less than I did. I do not drink or eat caffeine, carbonated drinks. I exercise like a trouper. And here I am with this stupid band in me that is doing nothing for me. I guess I just do not have the self discipline needed with it. I needed the rny but I was not obese enough to qualify. So here I sit. Pity Party I know but gee. I just want to sit and watch TV and do nothing when I have plenty to do. House is a mess... I just want to cry. I just want to understand and make some progress. I can see her in my mind. What a shocker. She was so much heavier than me. And here I am.... It does not make me want to do more, it makes me want to just crawl in bed and stay. Well I better go. This isn't helping those of you with lots of hope! Just quit looking now and go back to hopeville.

Wow I have not been on here since August. I wish I could say I was a lot thinner. I am not. I did get a new doc and had my band adjusted. I found I had about 2ml less that was thought. Then I had a lot put in and it is now pretty tight. I still turn to bad foods when stressed. I have so little time for myself. I guess I should be happy that I have lost 35 lbs. and kept it off for over a year. It is just that I have about 60 more I need to lose and it is just not happening. I wish I could figure it out. My band is tight now. Sometimes things get stuck when I first start eating and I have to go to the restroom and unclog it. Then I am fine. No way do I need more in. So I cannot blame that. I do quit eating, I don't eat much. Sometimes I do turn to bad stuff but not excessively. I just have to eat so close to nothing....sometimes stringy meat gets stuck. So as I am trying to eat my meat first I cannot. I hurt my ankle in October and that really slowed me down, now it was better and I rolled it walking the dog just yesterday so Here I go again with less activity. I know I should write down what I eat or log it somewhere but I just HATE it. I cannot get myself to do it. Maybe just every other day?? try it. UGH UGH If I had lost even 3-5 lbs a month I would be so good now. Even from Sept when the adjustment was made. I have lost nothing. Thought I had some thing going lost 9 then gained 6 back. I am so swamped with school I have no time for myself and I do not know what the answer to that is. Have searched and searched. Well gotta go to bed. I forgot how cathartic it is to blog here. :confused:

Wow I have not been on here since August. I wish I could say I was a lot thinner. I am not. I did get a new doc and had my band adjusted. I found I had about 2ml less that was thought. Then I had a lot put in and it is now pretty tight. I still turn to bad foods when stressed. I have so little time for myself. I guess I should be happy that I have lost 35 lbs. and kept it off for over a year. It is just that I have about 60 more I need to lose and it is just not happening. I wish I could figure it out. My band is tight now. Sometimes things get stuck when I first start eating and I have to go to the restroom and unclog it. Then I am fine. No way do I need more in. So I cannot blame that. I do quit eating, I don't eat much. Sometimes I do turn to bad stuff but not excessively. I just have to eat so close to nothing....sometimes stringy meat gets stuck. So as I am trying to eat my meat first I cannot. I hurt my ankle in October and that really slowed me down, now it was better and I rolled it walking the dog just yesterday so Here I go again with less activity. I know I should write down what I eat or log it somewhere but I just HATE it. I cannot get myself to do it. Maybe just every other day?? try it. UGH UGH If I had lost even 3-5 lbs a month I would be so good now. Even from Sept when the adjustment was made. I have lost nothing. Thought I had some thing going lost 9 then gained 6 back. I am so swamped with school I have no time for myself and I do not know what the answer to that is. Have searched and searched. Well gotta go to bed. I forgot how cathartic it is to blog here.

I heard that another patient at my doc's office was allowed to switch to someone else for fills. I took a step to see if that could be done for me. I have an appt. in October and I am GLAD that I do not have to go in there until then!! I do not want to see them, or wait almost two hours and feel I am just not getting what I should from my band. I just am ready to throw in the towel and the whole thing and say that this is it. I am not gonna lose anymore. This lap band is not what they made it out to be. I am not full, I seldom feel anything and certainly nothing that helps me stop eating and lose. According to them NOW, I am supposed to just stop. I do not eat large quantities but nothing much stops me. I am sure they think I sit and eat ice cream and loads of food all day. They just are not helping me. Anyway, let's see what happens now.... I am not that optimistic that they will let me switch. I have no control over fills, why should I get to control this at all. After all, it is my insurance and my money they are getting. I have to reschedule my appt. because of a conflict anyway and will happy to put it off til November! I can see the writing on the wall. I guess this is just another little thread of hope that somehow, someway I can get this journey going again. I am running out of options and motivation to even try. I hope someone there will try to help.....hmmmm....:laugh:

I heard that another patient at my doc's office was allowed to switch to someone else for fills. I took a step to see if that could be done for me. I have an appt. in October and I am GLAD that I do not have to go in there until then!! I do not want to see them, or wait almost two hours and feel I am just not getting what I should from my band. I just am ready to throw in the towel and the whole thing and say that this is it. I am not gonna lose anymore. This lap band is not what they made it out to be. I am not full, I seldom feel anything and certainly nothing that helps me stop eating and lose. According to them NOW, I am supposed to just stop. I do not eat large quantities but nothing much stops me. I am sure they think I sit and eat ice cream and loads of food all day. They just are not helping me. Anyway, let's see what happens now.... I am not that optimistic that they will let me switch. I have no control over fills, why should I get to control this at all. After all, it is my insurance and my money they are getting. I have to reschedule my appt. because of a conflict anyway and will happy to put it off til November! I can see the writing on the wall. I guess this is just another little thread of hope that somehow, someway I can get this journey going again. I am running out of options and motivation to even try. I hope someone there will try to help.....hmmmm....:thumbup:

Well we got school started. So many, many kids. 30+ in every class. My room is full of kids. But they seem like good kids so far so that is encouraging. As I thought I was exhausted. Did not leave there til 5pm so I worked 10 hour days. Then an hour at night. I did not do my weights til today. But I did them today. I think I can do them a couple times this week we will see. Went a a support group monthly meeting. We watched a video about fat people and how they are treated. Then we had little breakout talks. All four other people with me had had a roux-en-y. And they were all doing great. Losing weight like crazy. A couple were only a few weeks out. My little 35 pounds in 13 months did not sound too hot. I told them be glad they had that surgery. Not really sure if the support group is good for me or not. I just try to be quiet and take it all in. However, afterwards we met in our little Yahoo group and that part was good. Even though I vented really hard on there and thought I shouldn't have they were really supportive and said to go ahead and we should be able to say whatever we want because it is OUR group! The dietician though very nice--it is not her group to run and we were not sure why she is now trying to run it. Anyway. My eating was erratic. AT times good then I would be really tired at the end of the day and eat a little candy! Good grief. I have not been eating that stuff. So I went to the store and got some fat free double chocolate pudding. I figure I can eat two of those or even three if I am feeling a real chocolate need and that would be better than candy for gosh sakes! Using a shake in the morning. Also eating yogurt at about 1030 then lunch tuna if time. Anyway. I feel good after getting some sleep. Still only getting about 6-7 hours. Once I get the 8 on Saturday I am much better. If I am tired I eat, it is just something in there. And I want creamy and chocolate. Is that weird or what?? I would have to go to bed at 10 or earlier and I just cannot get that done. Well let's see how this goes. My angel goes back to college Wednesday and I am taking off to take her up there. Will be alot better this year than last. Man that was AWFUL last year! She has so many friends, a nice living room, and things are going her way. But now that her BF dumped her I know she won't be home much. She is my girl and I am gonna miss her lots. She will have her car too. Well, she is doing so well she deserves it but I will miss her after being together all summer. But she's gotta fly. So now I will just go do some crosswords. Laundry and ironing done, schoolwork tomorrow....ugh. I hope hope hope I get going on the losing. Still have not solved my doctor problem. I just don't know how to find another one. I have seen no reviews and heard nothing from anyone around here. Then you have your insurance fun....I don't go until October and I am liking that actually. That is bad. Well, more on that when it gets close. I am just putting it off I know. Later gater. :thumbup:

Well we got school started. So many, many kids. 30+ in every class. My room is full of kids. But they seem like good kids so far so that is encouraging. As I thought I was exhausted. Did not leave there til 5pm so I worked 10 hour days. Then an hour at night. I did not do my weights til today. But I did them today. I think I can do them a couple times this week we will see. Went a a support group monthly meeting. We watched a video about fat people and how they are treated. Then we had little breakout talks. All four other people with me had had a roux-en-y. And they were all doing great. Losing weight like crazy. A couple were only a few weeks out. My little 35 pounds in 13 months did not sound too hot. I told them be glad they had that surgery. Not really sure if the support group is good for me or not. I just try to be quiet and take it all in. However, afterwards we met in our little Yahoo group and that part was good. Even though I vented really hard on there and thought I shouldn't have they were really supportive and said to go ahead and we should be able to say whatever we want because it is OUR group! The dietician though very nice--it is not her group to run and we were not sure why she is now trying to run it. Anyway. My eating was erratic. AT times good then I would be really tired at the end of the day and eat a little candy! Good grief. I have not been eating that stuff. So I went to the store and got some fat free double chocolate pudding. I figure I can eat two of those or even three if I am feeling a real chocolate need and that would be better than candy for gosh sakes! Using a shake in the morning. Also eating yogurt at about 1030 then lunch tuna if time. Anyway. I feel good after getting some sleep. Still only getting about 6-7 hours. Once I get the 8 on Saturday I am much better. If I am tired I eat, it is just something in there. And I want creamy and chocolate. Is that weird or what?? I would have to go to bed at 10 or earlier and I just cannot get that done. Well let's see how this goes. My angel goes back to college Wednesday and I am taking off to take her up there. Will be alot better this year than last. Man that was AWFUL last year! She has so many friends, a nice living room, and things are going her way. But now that her BF dumped her I know she won't be home much. She is my girl and I am gonna miss her lots. She will have her car too. Well, she is doing so well she deserves it but I will miss her after being together all summer. But she's gotta fly. So now I will just go do some crosswords. Laundry and ironing done, schoolwork tomorrow....ugh. I hope hope hope I get going on the losing. Still have not solved my doctor problem. I just don't know how to find another one. I have seen no reviews and heard nothing from anyone around here. Then you have your insurance fun....I don't go until October and I am liking that actually. That is bad. Well, more on that when it gets close. I am just putting it off I know. Later gater. :sad:

Thanks bashful. My daughter said the buffet was basically a chinese buffet some american. She was not that impressed. So I worked it out instead and am glad about that. I appreciate your words. Hope your journey is going well too??

There is a support group that meets once a month. I have went a couple of times and will go more. We have established a Yahoo group too and the people are nice. I think I probably needs lots more than this. But it is what I have. Laura thanks. I think the school year is really looming and once I get going again, I will be better too. I too am in my 50's and this is just hard. I will try to smile and find happy. The kids are school do make me laugh usually. I appreciate the kind thoughts and ideas always...

Just got a call from someone at my doc's office. I shouldn't say no one cares there because some do. I was encouraged to share my frustrations with the doctor and others. Well, all I could say is that day after I had waited all that time, I would have totally LOST it and I just don't do that. I won't. I told her that I felt he and I were not on the same plane. Now I am wondering, has my plane crashed? Am I just losing it? Has all this frustration with me and my band put me over the edge?? I guess I really thought this journey was going to be a lot different than it is. Ultimately, I have got to do this myself. I am not going to get much support from them. I am obviously some kind of "hard to lose, slow loser" person. For what reason I do not know. I have tried to find out. Maybe I am kidding myself about what I eat and I am in la-la land. Right now I just do not know. I probably could use some counseling for deeper food issues than I even know. I don't see me getting that done. Just will not have the time or just won't. So I gotta DIG IN DEEP and get very strict. What I see others eat is just not going to work for me. How this band works for others is not on my plate so to speak. It is just not helping me much --- I needed more than its got. I have more going on than I can deal with and this tool is not quite getting it for me. I am tired, tired of fretting about this. Soon I will have plenty to think about besides this. I don't know. Two good things. My family was going to a big buffet thing for lunch today--The Journey. That sounds omninous doesn't it? I looked it up--lots of stuff. I decided not to go. I am feeling a bit blue about that. Isn't that terrible?? I miss going with them too but I see them often so it must be the food. How silly. Well I know I did the right thing. I think I am going to go work out with weights now instead and get in some cardio. I really do not want to do that either. I just want to sit around and do nothing. I think I am getting a tad bit depressed there. Well, as I said, school starts next week and there will be no time to do that. I will try to get my big butt going and go work out. Later. :frown:

Just got a call from someone at my doc's office. I shouldn't say no one cares there because some do. I was encouraged to share my frustrations with the doctor and others. Well, all I could say is that day after I had waited all that time, I would have totally LOST it and I just don't do that. I won't. I told her that I felt he and I were not on the same plane. Now I am wondering, has my plane crashed? Am I just losing it? Has all this frustration with me and my band put me over the edge?? I guess I really thought this journey was going to be a lot different than it is. Ultimately, I have got to do this myself. I am not going to get much support from them. I am obviously some kind of "hard to lose, slow loser" person. For what reason I do not know. I have tried to find out. Maybe I am kidding myself about what I eat and I am in la-la land. Right now I just do not know. I probably could use some counseling for deeper food issues than I even know. I don't see me getting that done. Just will not have the time or just won't. So I gotta DIG IN DEEP and get very strict. What I see others eat is just not going to work for me. How this band works for others is not on my plate so to speak. It is just not helping me much --- I needed more than its got. I have more going on than I can deal with and this tool is not quite getting it for me. I am tired, tired of fretting about this. Soon I will have plenty to think about besides this. I don't know. Two good things. My family was going to a big buffet thing for lunch today--The Journey. That sounds omninous doesn't it? I looked it up--lots of stuff. I decided not to go. I am feeling a bit blue about that. Isn't that terrible?? I miss going with them too but I see them often so it must be the food. How silly. Well I know I did the right thing. I think I am going to go work out with weights now instead and get in some cardio. I really do not want to do that either. I just want to sit around and do nothing. I think I am getting a tad bit depressed there. Well, as I said, school starts next week and there will be no time to do that. I will try to get my big butt going and go work out. Later. :thumbup:

I am normally an optimistic person. I really am. Lately I have been wondering WHERE that all went! Not just with weight loss which is not happening, but with everything. Maybe it is just that fact that school is again starting and I know how tired and just real tired it makes me. Or that there will be so many kids and I have a hard time handling that. Or what did I actually accomplish this summer? Not much. I have just got to find that happy person again. Maybe the kids I will have will bring that back. Even though it is exhausting work, the one thing that keeps me laughing are the kids. So even though I have darn many of them, maybe I can get some fun and laughter from them. Maybe that is just what I need. As for the weight loss, I have just got to get on a VERY STRICT eating plan. I hope I am not too tired and crazy to do that. I really need a fix of sweets it seems like once a day. I saw this girl on Intervention. She ate ice cream, whipped cream, peanut butter, stuff like that then immediately purged it up. Now that made me think. The things I really NEED or get most pleasure from are cool whip, chocolate, peanut butter, soft serve ice cream. The same things she was eating and purging. What is it about those foods that I am not getting? I think it is the creaminess, sweetness, and bold flavor. Anyway, I do not eat them very much at all now. But I still have some of them and I still struggle. I need to find out what is making me tick with those and why I need them. You hear people say after they have not had sweets for several months then they do not want them anymore. Well---that is NOT the way it is for me. I do not need a BUNCH or large amount but just a bit almost every day. When I am tired I know I say--hey you made it through the day---you deserve a little something. Who is going to eat an apple then? I always admired those THIN people who can eat PART of a donut (I do not eat them now I really don't) and then leave like a couple bites there. Now again, two bites of a donut--how hard is that!? Well that is why I am here and they are there! ha. So anyway, I am trying to find my "mojo" or happy self. I am trying I really am. I must get on that eating plan that is so strict or I will never lose. Just doing pretty good is just not doing anything for me. I also spent all summer working out with weights, doing lots of aerobics almost everyday and I weigh almost the same as I did at the end of May. Now I am finding it hard to get motivated to go, I mean WHY? it is not helping. But I will keep trying. And also just try to not worry about my stupid doc's office. Those people do not care about me and I can do this without them. Maybe if I hear of someone better I can find them, but right now I am stumped there. Any suggestions on finding that Happy Hannah?? I could use them. Thanks for helping me to get this out. It really helps. :frown:

I am normally an optimistic person. I really am. Lately I have been wondering WHERE that all went! Not just with weight loss which is not happening, but with everything. Maybe it is just that fact that school is again starting and I know how tired and just real tired it makes me. Or that there will be so many kids and I have a hard time handling that. Or what did I actually accomplish this summer? Not much. I have just got to find that happy person again. Maybe the kids I will have will bring that back. Even though it is exhausting work, the one thing that keeps me laughing are the kids. So even though I have darn many of them, maybe I can get some fun and laughter from them. Maybe that is just what I need. As for the weight loss, I have just got to get on a VERY STRICT eating plan. I hope I am not too tired and crazy to do that. I really need a fix of sweets it seems like once a day. I saw this girl on Intervention. She ate ice cream, whipped cream, peanut butter, stuff like that then immediately purged it up. Now that made me think. The things I really NEED or get most pleasure from are cool whip, chocolate, peanut butter, soft serve ice cream. The same things she was eating and purging. What is it about those foods that I am not getting? I think it is the creaminess, sweetness, and bold flavor. Anyway, I do not eat them very much at all now. But I still have some of them and I still struggle. I need to find out what is making me tick with those and why I need them. You hear people say after they have not had sweets for several months then they do not want them anymore. Well---that is NOT the way it is for me. I do not need a BUNCH or large amount but just a bit almost every day. When I am tired I know I say--hey you made it through the day---you deserve a little something. Who is going to eat an apple then? I always admired those THIN people who can eat PART of a donut (I do not eat them now I really don't) and then leave like a couple bites there. Now again, two bites of a donut--how hard is that!? Well that is why I am here and they are there! ha. So anyway, I am trying to find my "mojo" or happy self. I am trying I really am. I must get on that eating plan that is so strict or I will never lose. Just doing pretty good is just not doing anything for me. I also spent all summer working out with weights, doing lots of aerobics almost everyday and I weigh almost the same as I did at the end of May. Now I am finding it hard to get motivated to go, I mean WHY? it is not helping. But I will keep trying. And also just try to not worry about my stupid doc's office. Those people do not care about me and I can do this without them. Maybe if I hear of someone better I can find them, but right now I am stumped there. Any suggestions on finding that Happy Hannah?? I could use them. Thanks for helping me to get this out. It really helps. :thumbup:

Just returned from my appt. Here is exactly how it went: 1) I got there at 9:30 and my appt was at 9:30. Thought since I was off for summer, go early, less wait time. There were about 8 people there ahead of me. I knew I was in trouble. 2) At 10:00 I was called to the appt lady. She asked me if I was getting a fill, which I said I did not know. She made me an appt. for October 19th after school. 3) Nurses said all rooms were full, I waited couple minutes there. 4) VERY NICE nurse took me back, asked all questions, weighed me. I told her I had been on three vacations this month. 1/2 pd. gain not too bad. 5) She left maybe 10:10. I waited in the exam room with nothing to do until 11:10. Doctor comes in then. He asks me how restriction is, listens to my heart, asks me again if I had read Mindless Eating, that is it. TWO MINUTES! I timed it. I waited an hour and 40 minutes for a big two minutes of his time. No fill, no thought of a fill, no nothing. No help 6) He walks me out and tells lady I should come back in a month when I have not been on a vacation. She looks at me and says, that is not what we did is it, we put two months. I was not going to say a thing. Honestly, I was so upset, mad, frustrated, I just HAD to get the heck OUT of there or burst out yelling! (Aug3-Oct 19th--2 months??) He said that was OK would work too. She says we set it up that way because I was having a knee replacement surgery. I looked at her and said not the I know of. OH it must have been someone else...she says. and I leave. Those are the facts. I came out of there so mad and frustrated I could have yelled at them. I came home yelling at my husband who incidentally stayed home today to do something with me when I spent most of my day sitting there for a two minute appt. I cried for awhile too. Guess what I REALLY wanted to do?? EAT!! Why would I want to do that now?? I believe I can finally say I am going to start looking for a new doctor. I just do not see the care for patients at all. And as some of you know, this is NOT my first frustrating appt. there. This is just another one of many. If any of you know of any other good docs out there in the Indianapolis area please let me know. I HOPE for all you that your journey is going much better than mine. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. This is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. It is a 30 year struggle. I need better help and care than this. Thanks for listening bloggie. By the way--I KNOW this is Negative Nellie. I GOTTA get this out somehow to keep from eating everything in sight! UGH. :biggrin:

Just returned from my appt. Here is exactly how it went: 1) I got there at 9:30 and my appt was at 9:30. Thought since I was off for summer, go early, less wait time. There were about 8 people there ahead of me. I knew I was in trouble. 2) At 10:00 I was called to the appt lady. She asked me if I was getting a fill, which I said I did not know. She made me an appt. for October 19th after school. 3) Nurses said all rooms were full, I waited couple minutes there. 4) VERY NICE nurse took me back, asked all questions, weighed me. I told her I had been on three vacations this month. 1/2 pd. gain not too bad. 5) She left maybe 10:10. I waited in the exam room with nothing to do until 11:10. Doctor comes in then. He asks me how restriction is, listens to my heart, asks me again if I had read Mindless Eating, that is it. TWO MINUTES! I timed it. I waited an hour and 40 minutes for a big two minutes of his time. No fill, no thought of a fill, no nothing. No help 6) He walks me out and tells lady I should come back in a month when I have not been on a vacation. She looks at me and says, that is not what we did is it, we put two months. I was not going to say a thing. Honestly, I was so upset, mad, frustrated, I just HAD to get the heck OUT of there or burst out yelling! (Aug3-Oct 19th--2 months??) He said that was OK would work too. She says we set it up that way because I was having a knee replacement surgery. I looked at her and said not the I know of. OH it must have been someone else...she says. and I leave. Those are the facts. I came out of there so mad and frustrated I could have yelled at them. I came home yelling at my husband who incidentally stayed home today to do something with me when I spent most of my day sitting there for a two minute appt. I cried for awhile too. Guess what I REALLY wanted to do?? EAT!! Why would I want to do that now?? I believe I can finally say I am going to start looking for a new doctor. I just do not see the care for patients at all. And as some of you know, this is NOT my first frustrating appt. there. This is just another one of many. If any of you know of any other good docs out there in the Indianapolis area please let me know. I HOPE for all you that your journey is going much better than mine. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. This is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. It is a 30 year struggle. I need better help and care than this. Thanks for listening bloggie. By the way--I KNOW this is Negative Nellie. I GOTTA get this out somehow to keep from eating everything in sight! UGH. :sneaky:

Thanks for the thoughts bashful. I can see that I am feeling negative. The no weight loss thing has really got a big hold on me. I haven't lost anything since last November 08 and I have just tried all I can think of. And school is just so tiring. I think maybe I am just a bit depressed really. I go to doc on this coming Monday. I already have 7ml in my 9ml band. I think they do not want to put any more in there at all. I used to fret about that but I don't anymore. Whatever. As far as the scheduling, I will try. Things just go at you at school so fast and so many things need done at once that I have a hard time keeping up. And I tend to take care of school stuff always first, then family, then if any time left for me. There isn't much left and so I am so tired I eat poorly. I always try to go into it thinking I am not going to do that, etc. It seems that never happens. At my doc we have a counselor we can see. Maybe I will ask to see her Monday. I guess I just know my capabilities and I am fearing the worst. I have always thought I was a more positive person but maybe I have slipped to the dark side! I know the blog helps me get it OUT. Just wish I could find some path that I could follow to help me start losing again. I have tried so many. At 13 months and none for quite awhile you wonder if you can do any more.... well, again, thanks and I will try to tie on some happy!

I got back on track today. Ate out at both lunch and dinner but did good and ate good snacks. Walked after dinner too. I wanted to go do my weights after a week off due to vacations but just did not feel the motivation! What GOOD did it do? I tried for 8 weeks and I am still as fat or fatter than I was then. So WHY do it? I will try to go tomorrow or even Sunday. For sure on Monday anyway. Then school is starting and I am not feeling very confident that I can keep it up at all. No time for me! :mad:I am just about to start eating a shake in the morning, then tuna and green beans for the other two meals of the day with maybe some yogurt for snacks. This sounds dull to me but surely I can lose just eating that. I will probably gag up the tuna but I am just about to give up here! I gotta get this going, I just gotta!!!!!! I am desperate to get the scale moving again! I just returned from almost two weeks on vacation and did OK but not so well. Too much fat in the things I ate. The pictures of me were absolutely AWFUL. They make me sick to see them. I just feel like I have made no progress here. For the past 8 Weeks I have worked out with weights 2-3 times a week and done 30-50 minutes of fast walking almost EVERY DAY! And I am no better off right now than I was 8 weeks ago when school started! I have lost nothing and maybe gained. I am afraid to get on the scale and come this Monday morning I will be getting on there at the doc's office. And then get yelled at. At least I know WHAT I did wrong this time. WHY I cannot get this loss going again I just cannot figure it out. I have invested in some Weight Watchers chocolate fudge bars. They are so good, one point, and even my family loves them. Try them if you have not--they are truly good fudgies. Just get the plain chocolate fudge ones for a treat. I can hardly keep up with the number of papers and planning that I had--I never got more than 6 hours of sleep and had trouble exercising much less eating right. I just ate and was so tired. I was just beat after fixing dinner, cleaning it up, grading papers, then bed at about midnight and up at 6am. By Friday I was DEAD! Now it is going to be WORSE!!! Every year I hope to stop it but once the merry-go -round starts I am lucky to hang on. And MY health and what I need will not get done. Much less to even LOSE any weight. ha ha....I am so fearful. I do not weigh enough for any other kind of surgery but I sure weigh enough to look and feel BAD and FAT. I may have to face that this is IT! It makes me so sad. I know I would have more energy and feel better too if I could get more off. But I was unable to make a DENT in it this summer with all the charting and exercising. I cannot do it when school starts. Not sure what to do. The weight just stays right on my front belly. I KNOW I need to put myself up there at the top of the list but you have NO idea how that just does not happen. So much planning with so many kids now. Parents. I have an extracurricular that takes lots of time. Then I have to cook meals for the family, clean up, then if I do not do papers every day then all day Sunday is taken. It takes all my energy just to keep up with my job. I have examined and examined what to do and nothing is jumping out at me. I just feel overwhelmed and it has not even started yet. Can someone just make meals an send them to me ??:thumbup: Am feeling stressed and it has not even started yet. I am feeling real anxiety over the fact that I will not take care of myself. Yikes. Help, help, help. :biggrin:

I got back on track today. Ate out at both lunch and dinner but did good and ate good snacks. Walked after dinner too. I wanted to go do my weights after a week off due to vacations but just did not feel the motivation! What GOOD did it do? I tried for 8 weeks and I am still as fat or fatter than I was then. So WHY do it? I will try to go tomorrow or even Sunday. For sure on Monday anyway. Then school is starting and I am not feeling very confident that I can keep it up at all. No time for me! :mad:I am just about to start eating a shake in the morning, then tuna and green beans for the other two meals of the day with maybe some yogurt for snacks. This sounds dull to me but surely I can lose just eating that. I will probably gag up the tuna but I am just about to give up here! I gotta get this going, I just gotta!!!!!! I am desperate to get the scale moving again! I just returned from almost two weeks on vacation and did OK but not so well. Too much fat in the things I ate. The pictures of me were absolutely AWFUL. They make me sick to see them. I just feel like I have made no progress here. For the past 8 Weeks I have worked out with weights 2-3 times a week and done 30-50 minutes of fast walking almost EVERY DAY! And I am no better off right now than I was 8 weeks ago when school started! I have lost nothing and maybe gained. I am afraid to get on the scale and come this Monday morning I will be getting on there at the doc's office. And then get yelled at. At least I know WHAT I did wrong this time. WHY I cannot get this loss going again I just cannot figure it out. I have invested in some Weight Watchers chocolate fudge bars. They are so good, one point, and even my family loves them. Try them if you have not--they are truly good fudgies. Just get the plain chocolate fudge ones for a treat. I can hardly keep up with the number of papers and planning that I had--I never got more than 6 hours of sleep and had trouble exercising much less eating right. I just ate and was so tired. I was just beat after fixing dinner, cleaning it up, grading papers, then bed at about midnight and up at 6am. By Friday I was DEAD! Now it is going to be WORSE!!! Every year I hope to stop it but once the merry-go -round starts I am lucky to hang on. And MY health and what I need will not get done. Much less to even LOSE any weight. ha ha....I am so fearful. I do not weigh enough for any other kind of surgery but I sure weigh enough to look and feel BAD and FAT. I may have to face that this is IT! It makes me so sad. I know I would have more energy and feel better too if I could get more off. But I was unable to make a DENT in it this summer with all the charting and exercising. I cannot do it when school starts. Not sure what to do. The weight just stays right on my front belly. I KNOW I need to put myself up there at the top of the list but you have NO idea how that just does not happen. So much planning with so many kids now. Parents. I have an extracurricular that takes lots of time. Then I have to cook meals for the family, clean up, then if I do not do papers every day then all day Sunday is taken. It takes all my energy just to keep up with my job. I have examined and examined what to do and nothing is jumping out at me. I just feel overwhelmed and it has not even started yet. Can someone just make meals an send them to me ??:thumbup: Am feeling stressed and it has not even started yet. I am feeling real anxiety over the fact that I will not take care of myself. Yikes. Help, help, help. :sneaky:

Just returned from being gone almost a week. I first was gone earlier in the month for four days on a trip with 3 sister in laws, mother in law, nieces. Did OK on that trip but that was the one where I threw up. Then a scant week or so later I went to visit relatives and stayed the weekend with them. Drove about 600 miles in three days. They never really had real meals, well we had two, I was afraid to ask for food so I ate my protein bars, pb crackers, etc. that I had brought with me. Some pretty strange eating. Then these last four days I went to Florida with my daughter and me only. On the beach. Well first of all the pictures. I hate, hate hate putting on a bathing suit anyway. I pretty much have refused to do it! Well I can sure see WHY. I look absolutely AWFUL in the pictures. Even those with clothes on! I just have this awful load of FAT right on my entire front portion. I have worked hard this summer on weights, walking and it sure looks like I have made absolutely no progress at all! UGH! It just looks so awful. I just cannot get this going again. Then I did not do really well on the eating on this last trip. Not that I had a lot or really bad just not good. I am sitting here now feeling terrible about how I look in those pictures and very full and FAT!. And then I get to go in MONDAY and weigh in for my appt. I am going to gain. I feel it coming. I think I will try really hard to get a handle on things and be very strict the next three days maybe even using a protein shake once a day. Right now I just feel like a huge pig and those pictures really showed it. I just want to look NORMAL! Not even thin, just a normal person who, when I look at a picture does not make me cringe! Ugh Ugh.... I will get back at the exercising tomorrow but I have got to find something to get this scale and my weight moving DOWN! I am so discouraged.... hmmmm.... Also I found out that we have such large class sizes. I will have more students than I have EVER had in my teaching career! I cannot hardly handle what I have had before. I am up at night doing papers, working all day on Sunday, just exhausted by the time I get any dinner done and cleaned up, then papers....how can I possibly do more than ever? I am more tired and slower as I have gotten older. YIKES! If I had some more weight off I would feel that more energy! But once this merry-go -round begins I will once again NOT take care of myself. I will be lucky to get my other stuff done. And then here I go again eating and not taking care....I see it coming a mile away. Much less making any progress toward losing MORE! I will have at least 30 in all classes and with six that means 180 students with papers to grade with good quality? hmmm. Plus I am teaching a high level class now that requires more even. One thing I NEED To do is to dump off my extracurricular assignment. It takes up way too much time. I guess I will see how it goes. But based on past years I think I know. NO sleep, won't eat right, exercise will dwindle to nothing, and there I will be fatter than ever. Scary and tiring to even think about. I know I am LUCKY to even have such a good job--many people don't but it is really getting to me. But when I was off this summer I tried really hard to get this weight going and look where I am. Right where I was. Still looking FAT and awful. Sorry if you are reading this and it is bringing you down. Just get off now! I need to vent but I do not know HOW to get going and get out of this mess! Help!!!!!

Just returned from being gone almost a week. I first was gone earlier in the month for four days on a trip with 3 sister in laws, mother in law, nieces. Did OK on that trip but that was the one where I threw up. Then a scant week or so later I went to visit relatives and stayed the weekend with them. Drove about 600 miles in three days. They never really had real meals, well we had two, I was afraid to ask for food so I ate my protein bars, pb crackers, etc. that I had brought with me. Some pretty strange eating. Then these last four days I went to Florida with my daughter and me only. On the beach. Well first of all the pictures. I hate, hate hate putting on a bathing suit anyway. I pretty much have refused to do it! Well I can sure see WHY. I look absolutely AWFUL in the pictures. Even those with clothes on! I just have this awful load of FAT right on my entire front portion. I have worked hard this summer on weights, walking and it sure looks like I have made absolutely no progress at all! UGH! It just looks so awful. I just cannot get this going again. Then I did not do really well on the eating on this last trip. Not that I had a lot or really bad just not good. I am sitting here now feeling terrible about how I look in those pictures and very full and FAT!. And then I get to go in MONDAY and weigh in for my appt. I am going to gain. I feel it coming. I think I will try really hard to get a handle on things and be very strict the next three days maybe even using a protein shake once a day. Right now I just feel like a huge pig and those pictures really showed it. I just want to look NORMAL! Not even thin, just a normal person who, when I look at a picture does not make me cringe! Ugh Ugh.... I will get back at the exercising tomorrow but I have got to find something to get this scale and my weight moving DOWN! I am so discouraged.... hmmmm.... Also I found out that we have such large class sizes. I will have more students than I have EVER had in my teaching career! I cannot hardly handle what I have had before. I am up at night doing papers, working all day on Sunday, just exhausted by the time I get any dinner done and cleaned up, then papers....how can I possibly do more than ever? I am more tired and slower as I have gotten older. YIKES! If I had some more weight off I would feel that more energy! But once this merry-go -round begins I will once again NOT take care of myself. I will be lucky to get my other stuff done. And then here I go again eating and not taking care....I see it coming a mile away. Much less making any progress toward losing MORE! I will have at least 30 in all classes and with six that means 180 students with papers to grade with good quality? hmmm. Plus I am teaching a high level class now that requires more even. One thing I NEED To do is to dump off my extracurricular assignment. It takes up way too much time. I guess I will see how it goes. But based on past years I think I know. NO sleep, won't eat right, exercise will dwindle to nothing, and there I will be fatter than ever. Scary and tiring to even think about. I know I am LUCKY to even have such a good job--many people don't but it is really getting to me. But when I was off this summer I tried really hard to get this weight going and look where I am. Right where I was. Still looking FAT and awful. Sorry if you are reading this and it is bringing you down. Just get off now! I need to vent but I do not know HOW to get going and get out of this mess! Help!!!!! :sneaky:

Thanks Cyndi. But just know that I am over one year post op and this is the first time I have EVER thrown up! So you do not have to expect that kind of stuff. I hear it happens to others but really not to me. Hopefully you won't get it either. Wondering when your date is?? Hope it is coming up soon. Thanks for the words of encouragement! We must all help each other. And thanks Laura. I may have to mark stringy chicken off my list. Now eggs go down just fine. I just have to eat slowly and chew and stop in between. I still eat too fast. Thanks guys!

Went on a fun girls trip. I did OK on the eating. Ate chef salad or grilled chicken salad a lot. If we ate at a family Amish type rest. then I had green beans, chicken, stuff like that. However, I had my very first ever throw up! I was eating lunch at the rest. where the flea market is. I had some white meat chicken on the bone and was eating it slowly and chewing it up, At least I thought I was. I also had eaten some green beans. Ate a bite of mashed tatoes then gave rest to my kid. All of a sudden it began to hurt in my chest like REALLY BAD. Like a heart attack! I felt bad. I went to the RR and there was a big line and I was about 6 back from even getting in the door. I almost just yelled for all of them to get out of the way and head for the sink. I was gulping to hold it down. Then I saw a door, I ran out, went behind the bldg. and just puked it up. I felt FINE afterwards and immediately better. wow. My daughter knew what was wrong but the other 7 people had no idea about my band so did not know. The nice Amish lady waiting on us asked if something was wrong with the food! Also because ate very little of it. Man oh man, I do not want that. I guess the chicken got stuck. Yikes. So I stuck with salads the rest of the trip. Seriously. Before that I had some Wendy's grilled chicken and felt a little stuck too. Guess I am not going slow enough or eating with more chewing.....ugh. You ever had any of that? I have read about lots of people who have but that was a first for me! I am proud to have worked out with weights for SEVEN weeks now since school is out! I am so proud! Gotta figure out how to keep that up. Also my cardio is great. We even walked back to the hotel from restaurants twice about a mile! One night after walking all day at flea market! No problem. I have not been on the scale since July 6th. I will try to not get on there til I go back in August. Not sure I can do that! ha. I do not feel a big weight loss but do feel loose in some clothes and others fitting just fine. Probably have lost nothing.... did not track the foods on Fit.com while gone so will get back to that now. Trying to eat 1600 calories is sort of hard--so used to trying to stick to less. Oh well. Water is going well too. Many other things going on. Two more short trips coming up. My daughter is my watchdog though and she keeps me good a lot. More later. :smile2:

Went on a fun girls trip. I did OK on the eating. Ate chef salad or grilled chicken salad a lot. If we ate at a family Amish type rest. then I had green beans, chicken, stuff like that. However, I had my very first ever throw up! I was eating lunch at the rest. where the flea market is. I had some white meat chicken on the bone and was eating it slowly and chewing it up, At least I thought I was. I also had eaten some green beans. Ate a bite of mashed tatoes then gave rest to my kid. All of a sudden it began to hurt in my chest like REALLY BAD. Like a heart attack! I felt bad. I went to the RR and there was a big line and I was about 6 back from even getting in the door. I almost just yelled for all of them to get out of the way and head for the sink. I was gulping to hold it down. Then I saw a door, I ran out, went behind the bldg. and just puked it up. I felt FINE afterwards and immediately better. wow. My daughter knew what was wrong but the other 7 people had no idea about my band so did not know. The nice Amish lady waiting on us asked if something was wrong with the food! Also because ate very little of it. Man oh man, I do not want that. I guess the chicken got stuck. Yikes. So I stuck with salads the rest of the trip. Seriously. Before that I had some Wendy's grilled chicken and felt a little stuck too. Guess I am not going slow enough or eating with more chewing.....ugh. You ever had any of that? I have read about lots of people who have but that was a first for me! I am proud to have worked out with weights for SEVEN weeks now since school is out! I am so proud! Gotta figure out how to keep that up. Also my cardio is great. We even walked back to the hotel from restaurants twice about a mile! One night after walking all day at flea market! No problem. I have not been on the scale since July 6th. I will try to not get on there til I go back in August. Not sure I can do that! ha. I do not feel a big weight loss but do feel loose in some clothes and others fitting just fine. Probably have lost nothing.... did not track the foods on Fit.com while gone so will get back to that now. Trying to eat 1600 calories is sort of hard--so used to trying to stick to less. Oh well. Water is going well too. Many other things going on. Two more short trips coming up. My daughter is my watchdog though and she keeps me good a lot. More later.