BioTeacher

I do not know what made me think of getting on here. Have not done so in almost two years! Wish I could say I had made a lot of progress since then. Have sure NOT. This three year thing is getting to me more than I thought it would. I have lost about 41 lbs. I need to lose about 50 more. Not a thing happening in that area. In fact, I was pretty stable but now it is creeping UP. I feel like I need to GRAB on the side of a cliff to stop this, but do not know how. I exercise by brisk walking 1/2 hr. to an hour almost every single day. I eat as little as I can. I really do. Sometimes I fix a plate, end up only eating half of it. I am a terrible water drinker and I know that. I really do not think that is the thing that is causing this problem. I do not diary my foods. I just cannot get myself to do this. I know that would help. Otherwise, I am healthy. Good BP, Cholesterol OK, etc. Just cannot get this weight thing to work. I am feeling like trying Weight Watchers again. I even tried Alli. Gained on that last month. Does this sound like my same old same old routine?? Yup. But now I have the band to deal with too. I really think my metabolism just super adjusts. I only have half a thyroid due to a goiter. The other half now has three large finger like goiters. I take my meds there religiously. But I think the 2-3 times over the past three years I have really jolted my metabolism I got a bit off, and then my body adjusts. I have been to the endocrinologist. My TSH and TH levels are normal. So they say that is not it. I guess I do not do some of the things like journaling because I just do not feel they help. I have in the past...to no avail. Last time I went to WW I sat in the meetings week after week, following the program best I could, pretty well, and lost nothing while others did. It is pretty humiliating. So this time I will try at home....probably will not help. I go to the doc every four weeks, if the bariatric specialist does not know how to help me, then how am I supposed to figure this out?? I do feel better. I wear two to three sizes smaller. My clothes all fit from last summer, jeans go in dryer and still fit, etc. Lots of good things I guess. I am just TIRED of being this size. I am tired of doing the best I can, of trying to watch my amounts and keep moving. Just for nothing to happen or now to gain. If you are new to the game, do NOT read this. I hope that everyone has the greatest success with their surgery! I have had some success. Just not what I wanted. Seems like I have had enough time to do some damage too. Just wish I could figure this out........not the best anniversary coming. up.......Thanks for listening....

Well I don't get on here unless I need to pour it out and that I need to do. I saw my sister-in-law that had a rny about a year ago this time. She is a stick figure. She looks so great. It just makes me so sad. I have had this thing for almost 18 months. And here I sit. If I had lost even 5 pounds a month I would be down by 90 lbs! I have lost 35 and that was done by this time last year. And basically nothing since then. I really feel that I eat so much less than I did. I do not drink or eat caffeine, carbonated drinks. I exercise like a trouper. And here I am with this stupid band in me that is doing nothing for me. I guess I just do not have the self discipline needed with it. I needed the rny but I was not obese enough to qualify. So here I sit. Pity Party I know but gee. I just want to sit and watch TV and do nothing when I have plenty to do. House is a mess... I just want to cry. I just want to understand and make some progress. I can see her in my mind. What a shocker. She was so much heavier than me. And here I am.... It does not make me want to do more, it makes me want to just crawl in bed and stay. Well I better go. This isn't helping those of you with lots of hope! Just quit looking now and go back to hopeville. :drool:

Well I don't get on here unless I need to pour it out and that I need to do. I saw my sister-in-law that had a rny about a year ago this time. She is a stick figure. She looks so great. It just makes me so sad. I have had this thing for almost 18 months. And here I sit. If I had lost even 5 pounds a month I would be down by 90 lbs! I have lost 35 and that was done by this time last year. And basically nothing since then. I really feel that I eat so much less than I did. I do not drink or eat caffeine, carbonated drinks. I exercise like a trouper. And here I am with this stupid band in me that is doing nothing for me. I guess I just do not have the self discipline needed with it. I needed the rny but I was not obese enough to qualify. So here I sit. Pity Party I know but gee. I just want to sit and watch TV and do nothing when I have plenty to do. House is a mess... I just want to cry. I just want to understand and make some progress. I can see her in my mind. What a shocker. She was so much heavier than me. And here I am.... It does not make me want to do more, it makes me want to just crawl in bed and stay. Well I better go. This isn't helping those of you with lots of hope! Just quit looking now and go back to hopeville.

Wow I have not been on here since August. I wish I could say I was a lot thinner. I am not. I did get a new doc and had my band adjusted. I found I had about 2ml less that was thought. Then I had a lot put in and it is now pretty tight. I still turn to bad foods when stressed. I have so little time for myself. I guess I should be happy that I have lost 35 lbs. and kept it off for over a year. It is just that I have about 60 more I need to lose and it is just not happening. I wish I could figure it out. My band is tight now. Sometimes things get stuck when I first start eating and I have to go to the restroom and unclog it. Then I am fine. No way do I need more in. So I cannot blame that. I do quit eating, I don't eat much. Sometimes I do turn to bad stuff but not excessively. I just have to eat so close to nothing....sometimes stringy meat gets stuck. So as I am trying to eat my meat first I cannot. I hurt my ankle in October and that really slowed me down, now it was better and I rolled it walking the dog just yesterday so Here I go again with less activity. I know I should write down what I eat or log it somewhere but I just HATE it. I cannot get myself to do it. Maybe just every other day?? try it. UGH UGH If I had lost even 3-5 lbs a month I would be so good now. Even from Sept when the adjustment was made. I have lost nothing. Thought I had some thing going lost 9 then gained 6 back. I am so swamped with school I have no time for myself and I do not know what the answer to that is. Have searched and searched. Well gotta go to bed. I forgot how cathartic it is to blog here. :confused:

Wow I have not been on here since August. I wish I could say I was a lot thinner. I am not. I did get a new doc and had my band adjusted. I found I had about 2ml less that was thought. Then I had a lot put in and it is now pretty tight. I still turn to bad foods when stressed. I have so little time for myself. I guess I should be happy that I have lost 35 lbs. and kept it off for over a year. It is just that I have about 60 more I need to lose and it is just not happening. I wish I could figure it out. My band is tight now. Sometimes things get stuck when I first start eating and I have to go to the restroom and unclog it. Then I am fine. No way do I need more in. So I cannot blame that. I do quit eating, I don't eat much. Sometimes I do turn to bad stuff but not excessively. I just have to eat so close to nothing....sometimes stringy meat gets stuck. So as I am trying to eat my meat first I cannot. I hurt my ankle in October and that really slowed me down, now it was better and I rolled it walking the dog just yesterday so Here I go again with less activity. I know I should write down what I eat or log it somewhere but I just HATE it. I cannot get myself to do it. Maybe just every other day?? try it. UGH UGH If I had lost even 3-5 lbs a month I would be so good now. Even from Sept when the adjustment was made. I have lost nothing. Thought I had some thing going lost 9 then gained 6 back. I am so swamped with school I have no time for myself and I do not know what the answer to that is. Have searched and searched. Well gotta go to bed. I forgot how cathartic it is to blog here.

I heard that another patient at my doc's office was allowed to switch to someone else for fills. I took a step to see if that could be done for me. I have an appt. in October and I am GLAD that I do not have to go in there until then!! I do not want to see them, or wait almost two hours and feel I am just not getting what I should from my band. I just am ready to throw in the towel and the whole thing and say that this is it. I am not gonna lose anymore. This lap band is not what they made it out to be. I am not full, I seldom feel anything and certainly nothing that helps me stop eating and lose. According to them NOW, I am supposed to just stop. I do not eat large quantities but nothing much stops me. I am sure they think I sit and eat ice cream and loads of food all day. They just are not helping me. Anyway, let's see what happens now.... I am not that optimistic that they will let me switch. I have no control over fills, why should I get to control this at all. After all, it is my insurance and my money they are getting. I have to reschedule my appt. because of a conflict anyway and will happy to put it off til November! I can see the writing on the wall. I guess this is just another little thread of hope that somehow, someway I can get this journey going again. I am running out of options and motivation to even try. I hope someone there will try to help.....hmmmm....:laugh:

I heard that another patient at my doc's office was allowed to switch to someone else for fills. I took a step to see if that could be done for me. I have an appt. in October and I am GLAD that I do not have to go in there until then!! I do not want to see them, or wait almost two hours and feel I am just not getting what I should from my band. I just am ready to throw in the towel and the whole thing and say that this is it. I am not gonna lose anymore. This lap band is not what they made it out to be. I am not full, I seldom feel anything and certainly nothing that helps me stop eating and lose. According to them NOW, I am supposed to just stop. I do not eat large quantities but nothing much stops me. I am sure they think I sit and eat ice cream and loads of food all day. They just are not helping me. Anyway, let's see what happens now.... I am not that optimistic that they will let me switch. I have no control over fills, why should I get to control this at all. After all, it is my insurance and my money they are getting. I have to reschedule my appt. because of a conflict anyway and will happy to put it off til November! I can see the writing on the wall. I guess this is just another little thread of hope that somehow, someway I can get this journey going again. I am running out of options and motivation to even try. I hope someone there will try to help.....hmmmm....:thumbup:

Well we got school started. So many, many kids. 30+ in every class. My room is full of kids. But they seem like good kids so far so that is encouraging. As I thought I was exhausted. Did not leave there til 5pm so I worked 10 hour days. Then an hour at night. I did not do my weights til today. But I did them today. I think I can do them a couple times this week we will see. Went a a support group monthly meeting. We watched a video about fat people and how they are treated. Then we had little breakout talks. All four other people with me had had a roux-en-y. And they were all doing great. Losing weight like crazy. A couple were only a few weeks out. My little 35 pounds in 13 months did not sound too hot. I told them be glad they had that surgery. Not really sure if the support group is good for me or not. I just try to be quiet and take it all in. However, afterwards we met in our little Yahoo group and that part was good. Even though I vented really hard on there and thought I shouldn't have they were really supportive and said to go ahead and we should be able to say whatever we want because it is OUR group! The dietician though very nice--it is not her group to run and we were not sure why she is now trying to run it. Anyway. My eating was erratic. AT times good then I would be really tired at the end of the day and eat a little candy! Good grief. I have not been eating that stuff. So I went to the store and got some fat free double chocolate pudding. I figure I can eat two of those or even three if I am feeling a real chocolate need and that would be better than candy for gosh sakes! Using a shake in the morning. Also eating yogurt at about 1030 then lunch tuna if time. Anyway. I feel good after getting some sleep. Still only getting about 6-7 hours. Once I get the 8 on Saturday I am much better. If I am tired I eat, it is just something in there. And I want creamy and chocolate. Is that weird or what?? I would have to go to bed at 10 or earlier and I just cannot get that done. Well let's see how this goes. My angel goes back to college Wednesday and I am taking off to take her up there. Will be alot better this year than last. Man that was AWFUL last year! She has so many friends, a nice living room, and things are going her way. But now that her BF dumped her I know she won't be home much. She is my girl and I am gonna miss her lots. She will have her car too. Well, she is doing so well she deserves it but I will miss her after being together all summer. But she's gotta fly. So now I will just go do some crosswords. Laundry and ironing done, schoolwork tomorrow....ugh. I hope hope hope I get going on the losing. Still have not solved my doctor problem. I just don't know how to find another one. I have seen no reviews and heard nothing from anyone around here. Then you have your insurance fun....I don't go until October and I am liking that actually. That is bad. Well, more on that when it gets close. I am just putting it off I know. Later gater. :thumbup:

Well we got school started. So many, many kids. 30+ in every class. My room is full of kids. But they seem like good kids so far so that is encouraging. As I thought I was exhausted. Did not leave there til 5pm so I worked 10 hour days. Then an hour at night. I did not do my weights til today. But I did them today. I think I can do them a couple times this week we will see. Went a a support group monthly meeting. We watched a video about fat people and how they are treated. Then we had little breakout talks. All four other people with me had had a roux-en-y. And they were all doing great. Losing weight like crazy. A couple were only a few weeks out. My little 35 pounds in 13 months did not sound too hot. I told them be glad they had that surgery. Not really sure if the support group is good for me or not. I just try to be quiet and take it all in. However, afterwards we met in our little Yahoo group and that part was good. Even though I vented really hard on there and thought I shouldn't have they were really supportive and said to go ahead and we should be able to say whatever we want because it is OUR group! The dietician though very nice--it is not her group to run and we were not sure why she is now trying to run it. Anyway. My eating was erratic. AT times good then I would be really tired at the end of the day and eat a little candy! Good grief. I have not been eating that stuff. So I went to the store and got some fat free double chocolate pudding. I figure I can eat two of those or even three if I am feeling a real chocolate need and that would be better than candy for gosh sakes! Using a shake in the morning. Also eating yogurt at about 1030 then lunch tuna if time. Anyway. I feel good after getting some sleep. Still only getting about 6-7 hours. Once I get the 8 on Saturday I am much better. If I am tired I eat, it is just something in there. And I want creamy and chocolate. Is that weird or what?? I would have to go to bed at 10 or earlier and I just cannot get that done. Well let's see how this goes. My angel goes back to college Wednesday and I am taking off to take her up there. Will be alot better this year than last. Man that was AWFUL last year! She has so many friends, a nice living room, and things are going her way. But now that her BF dumped her I know she won't be home much. She is my girl and I am gonna miss her lots. She will have her car too. Well, she is doing so well she deserves it but I will miss her after being together all summer. But she's gotta fly. So now I will just go do some crosswords. Laundry and ironing done, schoolwork tomorrow....ugh. I hope hope hope I get going on the losing. Still have not solved my doctor problem. I just don't know how to find another one. I have seen no reviews and heard nothing from anyone around here. Then you have your insurance fun....I don't go until October and I am liking that actually. That is bad. Well, more on that when it gets close. I am just putting it off I know. Later gater. :sad:

Thanks bashful. My daughter said the buffet was basically a chinese buffet some american. She was not that impressed. So I worked it out instead and am glad about that. I appreciate your words. Hope your journey is going well too??

There is a support group that meets once a month. I have went a couple of times and will go more. We have established a Yahoo group too and the people are nice. I think I probably needs lots more than this. But it is what I have. Laura thanks. I think the school year is really looming and once I get going again, I will be better too. I too am in my 50's and this is just hard. I will try to smile and find happy. The kids are school do make me laugh usually. I appreciate the kind thoughts and ideas always...

Just got a call from someone at my doc's office. I shouldn't say no one cares there because some do. I was encouraged to share my frustrations with the doctor and others. Well, all I could say is that day after I had waited all that time, I would have totally LOST it and I just don't do that. I won't. I told her that I felt he and I were not on the same plane. Now I am wondering, has my plane crashed? Am I just losing it? Has all this frustration with me and my band put me over the edge?? I guess I really thought this journey was going to be a lot different than it is. Ultimately, I have got to do this myself. I am not going to get much support from them. I am obviously some kind of "hard to lose, slow loser" person. For what reason I do not know. I have tried to find out. Maybe I am kidding myself about what I eat and I am in la-la land. Right now I just do not know. I probably could use some counseling for deeper food issues than I even know. I don't see me getting that done. Just will not have the time or just won't. So I gotta DIG IN DEEP and get very strict. What I see others eat is just not going to work for me. How this band works for others is not on my plate so to speak. It is just not helping me much --- I needed more than its got. I have more going on than I can deal with and this tool is not quite getting it for me. I am tired, tired of fretting about this. Soon I will have plenty to think about besides this. I don't know. Two good things. My family was going to a big buffet thing for lunch today--The Journey. That sounds omninous doesn't it? I looked it up--lots of stuff. I decided not to go. I am feeling a bit blue about that. Isn't that terrible?? I miss going with them too but I see them often so it must be the food. How silly. Well I know I did the right thing. I think I am going to go work out with weights now instead and get in some cardio. I really do not want to do that either. I just want to sit around and do nothing. I think I am getting a tad bit depressed there. Well, as I said, school starts next week and there will be no time to do that. I will try to get my big butt going and go work out. Later. :frown:

Just got a call from someone at my doc's office. I shouldn't say no one cares there because some do. I was encouraged to share my frustrations with the doctor and others. Well, all I could say is that day after I had waited all that time, I would have totally LOST it and I just don't do that. I won't. I told her that I felt he and I were not on the same plane. Now I am wondering, has my plane crashed? Am I just losing it? Has all this frustration with me and my band put me over the edge?? I guess I really thought this journey was going to be a lot different than it is. Ultimately, I have got to do this myself. I am not going to get much support from them. I am obviously some kind of "hard to lose, slow loser" person. For what reason I do not know. I have tried to find out. Maybe I am kidding myself about what I eat and I am in la-la land. Right now I just do not know. I probably could use some counseling for deeper food issues than I even know. I don't see me getting that done. Just will not have the time or just won't. So I gotta DIG IN DEEP and get very strict. What I see others eat is just not going to work for me. How this band works for others is not on my plate so to speak. It is just not helping me much --- I needed more than its got. I have more going on than I can deal with and this tool is not quite getting it for me. I am tired, tired of fretting about this. Soon I will have plenty to think about besides this. I don't know. Two good things. My family was going to a big buffet thing for lunch today--The Journey. That sounds omninous doesn't it? I looked it up--lots of stuff. I decided not to go. I am feeling a bit blue about that. Isn't that terrible?? I miss going with them too but I see them often so it must be the food. How silly. Well I know I did the right thing. I think I am going to go work out with weights now instead and get in some cardio. I really do not want to do that either. I just want to sit around and do nothing. I think I am getting a tad bit depressed there. Well, as I said, school starts next week and there will be no time to do that. I will try to get my big butt going and go work out. Later. :thumbup:

I am normally an optimistic person. I really am. Lately I have been wondering WHERE that all went! Not just with weight loss which is not happening, but with everything. Maybe it is just that fact that school is again starting and I know how tired and just real tired it makes me. Or that there will be so many kids and I have a hard time handling that. Or what did I actually accomplish this summer? Not much. I have just got to find that happy person again. Maybe the kids I will have will bring that back. Even though it is exhausting work, the one thing that keeps me laughing are the kids. So even though I have darn many of them, maybe I can get some fun and laughter from them. Maybe that is just what I need. As for the weight loss, I have just got to get on a VERY STRICT eating plan. I hope I am not too tired and crazy to do that. I really need a fix of sweets it seems like once a day. I saw this girl on Intervention. She ate ice cream, whipped cream, peanut butter, stuff like that then immediately purged it up. Now that made me think. The things I really NEED or get most pleasure from are cool whip, chocolate, peanut butter, soft serve ice cream. The same things she was eating and purging. What is it about those foods that I am not getting? I think it is the creaminess, sweetness, and bold flavor. Anyway, I do not eat them very much at all now. But I still have some of them and I still struggle. I need to find out what is making me tick with those and why I need them. You hear people say after they have not had sweets for several months then they do not want them anymore. Well---that is NOT the way it is for me. I do not need a BUNCH or large amount but just a bit almost every day. When I am tired I know I say--hey you made it through the day---you deserve a little something. Who is going to eat an apple then? I always admired those THIN people who can eat PART of a donut (I do not eat them now I really don't) and then leave like a couple bites there. Now again, two bites of a donut--how hard is that!? Well that is why I am here and they are there! ha. So anyway, I am trying to find my "mojo" or happy self. I am trying I really am. I must get on that eating plan that is so strict or I will never lose. Just doing pretty good is just not doing anything for me. I also spent all summer working out with weights, doing lots of aerobics almost everyday and I weigh almost the same as I did at the end of May. Now I am finding it hard to get motivated to go, I mean WHY? it is not helping. But I will keep trying. And also just try to not worry about my stupid doc's office. Those people do not care about me and I can do this without them. Maybe if I hear of someone better I can find them, but right now I am stumped there. Any suggestions on finding that Happy Hannah?? I could use them. Thanks for helping me to get this out. It really helps. :frown:

I am normally an optimistic person. I really am. Lately I have been wondering WHERE that all went! Not just with weight loss which is not happening, but with everything. Maybe it is just that fact that school is again starting and I know how tired and just real tired it makes me. Or that there will be so many kids and I have a hard time handling that. Or what did I actually accomplish this summer? Not much. I have just got to find that happy person again. Maybe the kids I will have will bring that back. Even though it is exhausting work, the one thing that keeps me laughing are the kids. So even though I have darn many of them, maybe I can get some fun and laughter from them. Maybe that is just what I need. As for the weight loss, I have just got to get on a VERY STRICT eating plan. I hope I am not too tired and crazy to do that. I really need a fix of sweets it seems like once a day. I saw this girl on Intervention. She ate ice cream, whipped cream, peanut butter, stuff like that then immediately purged it up. Now that made me think. The things I really NEED or get most pleasure from are cool whip, chocolate, peanut butter, soft serve ice cream. The same things she was eating and purging. What is it about those foods that I am not getting? I think it is the creaminess, sweetness, and bold flavor. Anyway, I do not eat them very much at all now. But I still have some of them and I still struggle. I need to find out what is making me tick with those and why I need them. You hear people say after they have not had sweets for several months then they do not want them anymore. Well---that is NOT the way it is for me. I do not need a BUNCH or large amount but just a bit almost every day. When I am tired I know I say--hey you made it through the day---you deserve a little something. Who is going to eat an apple then? I always admired those THIN people who can eat PART of a donut (I do not eat them now I really don't) and then leave like a couple bites there. Now again, two bites of a donut--how hard is that!? Well that is why I am here and they are there! ha. So anyway, I am trying to find my "mojo" or happy self. I am trying I really am. I must get on that eating plan that is so strict or I will never lose. Just doing pretty good is just not doing anything for me. I also spent all summer working out with weights, doing lots of aerobics almost everyday and I weigh almost the same as I did at the end of May. Now I am finding it hard to get motivated to go, I mean WHY? it is not helping. But I will keep trying. And also just try to not worry about my stupid doc's office. Those people do not care about me and I can do this without them. Maybe if I hear of someone better I can find them, but right now I am stumped there. Any suggestions on finding that Happy Hannah?? I could use them. Thanks for helping me to get this out. It really helps. :thumbup: