BigSue

Wow, that's horrible. I hope you know, but I'll say it anyway, that you do NOT deserve to be treated this way. There is a lot of stigma on obesity and weight loss surgery, and I think almost everyone on this forum has had to deal with hurtful comments about it, but it is the worst when these comments come from people who are supposed to love and care about us.
It looks like your husband is not speaking from a place of wanting what's best for you, so it is all the more important that you look out for yourself and don't be influenced by people who are biased against weight loss surgery out of ignorance or personal disgust. Now, there are pros and cons to it, and you should definitely research on your own before you take the plunge, but your decision should be about what's right for your health and your life.
(And the next time your husband says he doesn't know why he married a fat woman, you can reply, "I don't know why I married an a-hole!")

I've seen a lot of articles and YouTube videos about eating at restaurants after weight loss surgery. I would suggest googling something like "restaurants after weight loss surgery" for tips. Something to keep in mind, though, is that most of these articles are about going out to eat on rare occasions, not eating all of your meals from restaurants.
It's hard to lose weight if you're always eating at restaurants because (1) you don't really know what's in the food, so you can't track your intake accurately, and (2) the food is loaded with extra fat and sugar. In terms of tracking your intake, chain restaurants are probably easier because you can find the nutrition information online, and the food is usually pre-packaged and just heated up at the restaurant, so they're probably not adding a bunch of extra butter or anything. You can also find a lot of articles about the healthiest foods at various chain restaurants. Salads with grilled meat are usually a safe bet, but you have to watch the dressing. Always get dressing on the side, and maybe use your own light dressing instead. Trader Joe's has some amazing super-low-calorie dressings (green goddess and spicy cashew). A sandwich without the bun is another option (some places will even make you a lettuce wrap instead of a sandwich). A lot of restaurants have dishes that are basically meat plus sides, and you can order veggies as the sides. Just watch out for the sauces (ask for sauces on the side to be safe).
Regarding portion size, why can't you take a measuring cup with you to a restaurant? It doesn't necessarily have to be a measuring cup, but you can carry a 4-ounce plastic container with a lid in your purse and use it to measure half a cup. Of course, once you get some practice, you will probably be able to eyeball the correct portion size pretty well. A lot of people recommend asking for a box when you get your meal and putting some of the food in the box to bring home so you don't over-eat (I've seen this recommended just for general dieting purposes, not just for WLS patients). You could measure out a potion to leave on your plate and put the rest in the box. Yeah, it might look weird, but I guarantee you won't be the first person who does that.
Finally, when you say you don't cook, are you open to heating up prepared foods? Like frozen meals? Unfortunately, most frozen meals aren't very bariatric-friendly because they usually have rice and Pasta, but there are some decent ones with cauliflower rice or just meat and veggies, or they have the rice in a separate compartment so you can leave it out. How about semi-homemade? It's not difficult to heat up some frozen veggies and pre-packaged meat. One of my go-to meals consists of frozen cauliflower rice + canned black Beans + salsa from a jar + chicken + shredded cheese (I usually make my own taco meat chicken in the Instant Pot, but frozen grilled chicken works, too). It only takes a couple of minutes to throw all that stuff in a bowl and stick it in the microwave. Another easy option is bagged salad mix + meat + light dressing from a bottle.
I'm 7 months post-op and I can count on one hand the number of times I've eaten restaurant food since my surgery. I've found that I don't really enjoy it anymore because I can't eat the foods that I used to order at restaurants, I can only eat tiny portions, and it seems like a waste to spend so much money on a restaurant meal when it's pretty much the same as what I would make for myself at home.

I actually don't buy pre-made pumpkin pie spice -- I use a combo of cinnamon, allspice, cloves, ginger, and nutmeg (freshly-grated if you can find whole nutmeg). I don't measure any of it, just sprinkle on some of each.

Carrot Cake Protein oatmeal (ate it all):

I'm 6 months out and I usually get 500-600 calories per day. The nutritionist wanted me to go to 800-1000 at 6 weeks, which I don't even think would have been possible then. I probably could get 800-1000 now, but I am trying to stick with my new eating habits. There are conflicting opinions about whether eating too little can hurt in the long run, so I'm not sure what I should do. My results have been great so far, so my surgeon just said to keep on doing what I'm doing. The patient manual doesn't give any guidelines for calories, just Protein and carbs.

Carrot Cake Protein oatmeal (ate it all):

Carrot Cake Protein oatmeal (ate it all):

Carrot Cake Protein oatmeal (ate it all):

I haven't tried that flavor (peach oatmeal doesn't appeal to me in any case), but I like the apple cinnamon and maple brown sugar. I ate it during the pureed and soft food stages but rarely eat it anymore because I'd rather have solid food like eggs. But coincidentally, I actually did have it for Breakfast today. It doesn't have much flavor on its own, but I like it with mix-ins. My favorite is to add shredded carrots, pumpkin pie spice, nuts, and birthday cake Protein Powder to make carrot cake oatmeal (also topped with brown Swerve):
I think the value of this oatmeal is that it's a lot lower in carbs and higher in Protein than regular oatmeal, so I think it's worth having on hand to use as a starting point. Maybe you could try mixing in some real peaches and it might taste better?

I LOVE the BariatricPal hot cocoa! Have you tried the flavored ones? The raspberry is delicious. In my early post-op days, I was so sick of Protein Shakes, and I found the hot cocoa much easier to drink. I am constantly recommending it to post-ops here who are struggling with Protein shakes.

I was told that up to half of my Fluid goal could be from non-clear liquids. In other words, I was supposed to get at least 30 ounces of Clear Liquids and I could count up to 30 ounces of Protein Drinks toward my total 60 ounces.

I wanna play! I have a long way to go but I’m more than halfway there.
Beginning photo was me at my highest weight of 255 a week before surgery. Second photo is me last week at 187. My goal weight is 130lbs. I’ll be 5 months postop on Saturday.

The few times I've eaten restaurant food since surgery, I found that I don't really enjoy it anymore. I can't eat the things that I used to love from restaurants, and what I can eat, I can only eat tiny amounts. And it's pretty much the same food I would eat at home, anyway, so it seems like a waste to pay so much for it. But I do understand sometimes needing something to eat when you're on the go and can't cook for yourself.

Well, I'm single, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but maybe this would be a good thing to discuss with him directly. Ask if he's concerned about your clothing choices and why the idea of you wearing different clothing bothers him.

It's definitely normal to have cold feet before surgery! I certainly did. On the day of my surgery, I was lying there with an IV in my arm, thinking, "Holy crap, am I actually going through with this?!" Having surgery is a very personal decision that only you can make, but I'm sure you had very good reasons for going down this path. For most of us, it's a pretty lengthy process to get approval, pre-op testing, etc., so you've had a lot of time to think about it from a calm and rational standpoint, considering all of the pros and cons. Remember your reasons and don't let fear and worry cloud your judgment.
It took me 15 years from the time I first looked into WLS until I actually went through with it, and like so many people, I regret not doing it sooner. I've missed out on so many things in life because of my weight. I had generally good health for a long time, but what pushed me to finally get the surgery was that my health started to decline and I realized there was no way I could lose enough weight on my own.

It's definitely normal to have cold feet before surgery! I certainly did. On the day of my surgery, I was lying there with an IV in my arm, thinking, "Holy crap, am I actually going through with this?!" Having surgery is a very personal decision that only you can make, but I'm sure you had very good reasons for going down this path. For most of us, it's a pretty lengthy process to get approval, pre-op testing, etc., so you've had a lot of time to think about it from a calm and rational standpoint, considering all of the pros and cons. Remember your reasons and don't let fear and worry cloud your judgment.
It took me 15 years from the time I first looked into WLS until I actually went through with it, and like so many people, I regret not doing it sooner. I've missed out on so many things in life because of my weight. I had generally good health for a long time, but what pushed me to finally get the surgery was that my health started to decline and I realized there was no way I could lose enough weight on my own.

Yes, that is extremely common. They pump you full of IV fluids in the hospital, so it's normal and expected to temporarily gain weight from that. Right now, it is too early to worry about your weight at all. The scale is meaningless at this point. You just need to focus on getting your fluids and Protein for now.

Yes, that is extremely common. They pump you full of IV fluids in the hospital, so it's normal and expected to temporarily gain weight from that. Right now, it is too early to worry about your weight at all. The scale is meaningless at this point. You just need to focus on getting your fluids and Protein for now.

Yes, that is extremely common. They pump you full of IV fluids in the hospital, so it's normal and expected to temporarily gain weight from that. Right now, it is too early to worry about your weight at all. The scale is meaningless at this point. You just need to focus on getting your fluids and Protein for now.

That's pretty extreme. Different surgeons have different pre-op diets (some don't require any pre-op diet at all until the day before surgery), but this might be the most extreme one I've seen. If this type of diet were sustainable without surgery, you already would have lost the weight!
Honestly, I would look at this as a red flag for this surgeon and get a consultation with another surgeon. At 5'1" and 220 pounds, your BMI is 41.6, which is relatively low for WLS patients. You shouldn't need to lose a lot of weight just to get the surgery. My BMI was over 60 when I went to my initial consultation and my surgeon only asked me to lose 20 pounds. There is a legitimate reason for the pre-op diet, which is to shrink your liver and give the surgeon more room to work for a safer surgery, but it's usually no more than 2 weeks. This diet, for 2 months, is pretty unrealistic and it's setting you up to fail, just like all the diets you've probably tried in the past. It makes me wonder what his post-op diet is going to look like.
Just out of curiosity, are you allowed to use any Protein Shakes and bars you want, or is he requiring a specific brand? Like one that you're supposed to buy from his office?

I'm 7 months out from gastric bypass, and my new relationship with food is still a challenge, but a little easier as I get used to it.
I was told to eat 3 meals per day and avoid Snacks, and I've been really strict about sticking to that. The only things I have between meals are sugar-free Jello or popsicles, 0-calorie or low-calorie beverages, and Protein Shakes. And of course the three meals I eat are still very small (~4 ounces each) and have to be mostly Protein. I have a rotation of go-to meals that I eat all the time, and they're mostly things I can prepare and freeze in individual portions. It feels really limiting sometimes to know that I can only pick three things to eat each day. I keep finding delicious-looking recipes on Pinterest that I want to try, but there's sort of a waiting list to get new meals onto my menu. It's especially hard when I buy fresh vegetables and it's a race against time to eat them before they go bad.
I usually eat with a tiny fork or spoon to help me take small bites, and I set a timer to go off every 30 seconds. I take a bite, chew for ~30 seconds, then wait 30 seconds until the next bite. Now, I've read about the benefits of "mindful eating" and how you should eat without distractions, not eat in front of the TV or computer, etc., but I would go INSANE if I tried to eat this way and had nothing to do while waiting for the next bite. I'm always doing something else while eating, whether it's watching TV/YouTube, scrolling through Facebook, working, etc. Sometimes I eat lunch while working, and I don't take my next bite until I finish a task. I can make a Protein Bar last over an hour that way. I don't know, maybe this is a bad habit, but it's how I roll...
It's also kind of hard to get used to taking so many pills, but I've gotten a pretty good routine down. The challenge is that I have to take Calcium 3x/day and Iron 2x/day, which have to be at least 2 hours apart from one another and at least 4 hours apart from my thyroid medication. I use an app called Medisafe to remind me at specific times (at this point, I remember on my own, but I still like to track when I take them), and it also tracks how many I have left so I know when to refill or reorder.
It does kind of feel like this stuff has taken over my life sometimes, especially if I include my daily workout plus walking, and it seems like A LOT because I spent so many years not thinking much about what or when I was eating, not taking any pills, not exercising. But it's gotten a little easier over time as it's become part of my life and part of my routine.

I am happy to show a 2 month difference! And 52 pounds between the two!

This can be a bit of a controversial topic, and there are lots of people who say, "Don't do food funerals! You need to start your healthy lifestyle now!" And yeah, sure, it would be best for you not to go and binge on unhealthy foods now or ever again, but my personal feeling is that there can be room for food funerals.
I lost about 70 pounds in the 5 months before my surgery by intermittent fasting and tracking everything in MyFitnessPal. I had a calorie limit in MyFitnessPal and I stayed under it every day, and I challenged myself to keep decreasing my calories (mostly by changing my food choices to lower-calorie foods). When I was approaching my pre-op diet, I had that desire to eat my favorite things one last time. I did, and I'm not sorry -- but I think the important thing is that I did it within limits.
I made a list of all the things I wanted to eat "one last time" before surgery and planned it out day by day, but I stayed within my calorie limit every single day. Some days, that meant fasting all day so I could have one big dinner. I got a piece of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory and I had to split it between two days. I feel like my approach was a good compromise, where I got some closure on all those foods I can no longer eat, but I didn't go completely off the rails and gain back the weight I had worked so hard to lose. It still kind of bothers me that I never had a chance to eat one last doughnut!
And yes, it's true that you will eventually be able to eat unhealthy foods again, but first of all, there are things you may not be able to eat again at all without getting sick, and secondly, I didn't want to go into this counting down the days until I could have pizza again. And after surgery, there's really not much room for unhealthy foods -- if you fill up on two bites of cheesecake, you're not going to have room for the Protein you need. My last two meals before surgery were pizza from my favorite pizza place (these were both "fast all day and eat half a pizza and cheesy bread for dinner" days) and I ate it with the thought that it could be the last time. I am 7 months post-op now, and based on what I've read here, I could probably eat a few bites of pizza and be ok, but you know what? I don't need to. If I'm really craving pizza, I put a little marinara sauce, cheese, and turkey pepperoni on a 1-net-carb tortilla and I'm satisfied with that.

Before weight about 220 Photo was 10/2019

Surgery weight 193 surgery was 7/16/2020

Goal Weight 135 hit this just about two weeks ago 2/2020

Current Weight 133

No regrets!!

Surgery

I'm happy to see all these success stories! I have lost over 100 pounds since my surgery, and over 170 from my highest weight. I am literally HALF the person I was a year ago! I've been working out almost every day for several months, and I got a new Fitbit for Christmas that has motivated me to walk more. I got pretty bored getting 10,000 steps just walking around the house, so I've started taking walks around the neighborhood (1-2 miles) every day.