Constance

How do you know, after you take a bite, that you can move on to the nexyt one? Are you just giving it some time or do you actually feel the food moving along and then you know you're ready for the next bite?

I was always perpetually stark white. My skin was almost translucent I was so pale. I suffered horrible blistering sunburns as a kid so I pretty much avoided the siun. Then, just in the past few years, I started going down to SPF 8 on my arms and legs (never the face). To my shock and excitement, I actually get s little teeny tan now! I mean, to my standards I am tan. To the outside viewer I am barely a cafe au lait, or even a almond bisque. Anyway, I'm just saying, I was a pale super freckled red haired pasty white girl. But with some time and lower SPF I got the so-called "safe" tan. But I KNOW it is bad. Though, I can see how people get addicted. I just got back from Mexico and all I wanted was to get just a little more sun very day - even though I limited the full-on 'laying out' to about 20 minutes with and spf 8-15. The rest of the time I wore a 25. My belly has never seen the sun so it is quite a contrast. Milk white and not a freckle. I've never done a tanning bed. As a pale person, it seems too unpredictable. If 20 min in a bed = all day in the sun...I'd be so fried. And I did have days in Mex where just a little too long made me feel like twice-baked potato. But I do think with the right SPF and small amounts of time you can get some color without pain. Now, that doesn't make it safe, but it is a wee bit safer. The faux stuff is ok, but I hate the smell and how you have to be all careful not to disturb it as it works. I own about 5 different kinds.

You all raise great points. Today, I actually emailed my husband a few of your posts. We went for a long walk tonight (shocker, we normally sit on the couch most of the evening) and he said he wants to support whatever I decide. One post, which broke down every one of his concerns, really swayed him. Thanks all! THIS is support!

Today he turned to me in the car and said , " I don't think you should do it." I thought I would have been scheduled for surgery by now, thinking I'd be self-pay. But then the surgeon told me to continue on with seeing my PCP for 3 more months and I would probably get insurance coverage. So in the midst of this waiting period my husband has learned more about the band and thinks it is a bad idea. Things he is afraid of: We eat out when we travel and go on vacation. He thinks I will have to obsess over my choices and/or end up disappointed all the time. I will have scars and a device in my body for life. I will be miserable and regret it. Why he thinks I can succeed without the band (in his words): "You have lost weight before and I know you can do it again" "I can help you and we can do it together" "We just need to make better choices" "I'd rather you be a little heavy but do it naturally than be thin and do it surgically" The man is wonderful and loves me -- but I am having a hard time getting him onboard with this. Yes, I would do it without his blessing. But part of me agrees with him and wants to give traditional diet/exercise 'one more try'. Did you go through this? Then I think of the dumb diet mentailty and the endless failures and I feel like 'hurry up 3 months and bring on the surgery!' Suddenly, I'm really conflicted!! Advice?

What a wonderful family! You look beautiful!

Haha! you guys are funny. I'm not famous, I just wanted more anonymity with that whole Google thing. I just thought it was a funny reason to change my name. Like *I* need anonymity? It seems so silly -- but it's true! Anyway...I think people just want to be helpful but it sucks when my Mom says "Sweetie Pie, what are you doing about your weight?" What I WANT to say is "Mom, what are you doing about you lack of tact?"

I have probably another 3 or 4 months before I have surgery. My BMI is a hair over 40, and I need to keep it there for my next doctor visits. (We all know how screwed up this is, not to mention unhealthy. But that is a whole other thread). Anyway, my friends and family are all up in my business because they see I am not dieting and, well, I'm heavier than ever. I have decided not to talk about the sugery for many reasons. Is there anything I can say to get them to leave me alone? To be fair, they are used to seeing me ALWAYS on some new "plan" or working out like a freak, however periodically. So for me to just eat normal food and be bigger than ever is unusual for them. How can I get them off my back and not feel so self-conscious during these next few months? It is bad enough that I AM heavier than ever. But to have people remind me of it AND know that I can't talk about the surgery is so hard. It's like I feel like I need an excuse for not doing something. :phanvan

Monday I met with my PCP. After much discussion of my chart and good ol' Cigna, we came to the conclusion that I will probably need to weigh-in for 3 more months. Even though she has appointments with me dating back 2 years and me being substantially overweight each time - Cigna will probably want to see 6 consecutive months. But we don't know for sure and I have asked the surgeon's insurance biller to advise me. In any case, my doctor said I was (finally?) at a BMI of 41, something Cigna sees as good reason to approve the surgery. So, assuming I have another 3 months to go, I need to keep this weight. That's right no dieting, folks. Isn't this what we all dream about?! Go ahead, eat whatever you want, you simply *must* if you want this covered under insurance. UUUGGGH, I feel so terribly gigantic. Every aspect of physical movement is embarassing and makes me self-conscious. I simply have never been so heavy, so it is hard to be comfortable, in my head AND in my body. I have decided not to tell my friends and family. My husband and daughter, yes...and one friend who is a good secret keeper. But I just don't want the judgement and opinions of anyone else. They are all lifetime thin people who just don't 'get it'. Or they are jerky judemental fat people who think I don't try hard enough. (Yeah, because they have obviously tapped into this will power, right?) So my friends and family see me and my hugeness and they are concerned. They ask "so, are you working out lately" or the even more obnoxiously ambiguous, "Is everything *OK*?" I hate not being able to say, "look, I know I'm huge right now, but this fatness could mean 10,000$ for me towards surgery that will make me LESS fat". Yes, it is completely effed up. Let's thank the insurance companies for that. "Oh you need back surgery? Well, we need you to bend over and pick up boxes every day for a few months. You know, so we can be SURE you need the back suregery." So ridiculous.

Monday I met with my PCP. After much discussion of my chart and good ol' Cigna, we came to the conclusion that I will probably need to weigh-in for 3 more months. Even though she has appointments with me dating back 2 years and me being substantially overweight each time - Cigna will probably want to see 6 consecutive months. But we don't know for sure and I have asked the surgeon's insurance biller to advise me. In any case, my doctor said I was (finally?) at a BMI of 41, something Cigna sees as good reason to approve the surgery. So, assuming I have another 3 months to go, I need to keep this weight. That's right no dieting, folks. Isn't this what we all dream about?! Go ahead, eat whatever you want, you simply *must* if you want this covered under insurance. UUUGGGH, I feel so terribly gigantic. Every aspect of physical movement is embarassing and makes me self-conscious. I simply have never been so heavy, so it is hard to be comfortable, in my head AND in my body. I have decided not to tell my friends and family. My husband and daughter, yes...and one friend who is a good secret keeper. But I just don't want the judgement and opinions of anyone else. They are all lifetime thin people who just don't 'get it'. Or they are jerky judemental fat people who think I don't try hard enough. (Yeah, because they have obviously tapped into this will power, right?) So my friends and family see me and my hugeness and they are concerned. They ask "so, are you working out lately" or the even more obnoxiously ambiguous, "Is everything *OK*?" I hate not being able to say, "look, I know I'm huge right now, but this fatness could mean 10,000$ for me towards surgery that will make me LESS fat". Yes, it is completely effed up. Let's thank the insurance companies for that. "Oh you need back surgery? Well, we need you to bend over and pick up boxes every day for a few months. You know, so we can be SURE you need the back suregery." So ridiculous.

My PCP has told me we will need to combine my personal records with her records before we submit the info to Cigna. I, too, was only seeing her every 2 or 3 months. I'd like to know your ideas and feedback on this if anyone has suggestions. I hate to just sit in her office guessing at what to write. All I can say is that I gained and lost the same 5 pounds for 6 months. Is that what Cigna is looking for?

Yesterday I met with the surgeon. As I sat in the waiting area with other heavy ladies, I wondered where they were in the process. How much had they lost? Were they in for a fill? I noticed one lady look another up and down as she talked to the receptionist with her back to us. We were all checking each other out - how silly! I suppose it is natural. We want to see results, if not on ourselves then on someone else. After a bit of a wait I met with the doctor. He was friendly and apologetic for the wait. He gave me some info and talked a bit about what to expect. He put his goal for me at 141. I haven't weighed that since I was 14 years old! He was very encouraging without being sales pitchy. I asked him to show me where my port would be and he drew a line on my belly. He made some reccomendations for a few more tests and got to the final question. "So, I think this surgery would be good for you...do you want to move forward?". And I said yes. His demeanor really put me at ease. At one point, when I said I was nervous, he said "you know, I could do this surgery this afternoon, it would only take an hour. But I want you to get your pre-op work finished and get this covered under your insurance, and in the mean time, you'll feel less nervous" So now I wait...and try to get all my info in order. I had initially accepted that I had a good chance of being self-pay. But now, as I learn more about how the surgeon's office can help me get approval, I'm willing to do whatever I can to get coverage. I am meeting with my PCP on Monday to try and fill in the blanks in my chart. I wasn't technically on a supervised diet, but I was coming in every few months complaining about my weight. So if we can get that more complete I may be able to show my 6 months or more of diet under supervision.

Yesterday I met with the surgeon. As I sat in the waiting area with other heavy ladies, I wondered where they were in the process. How much had they lost? Were they in for a fill? I noticed one lady look another up and down as she talked to the receptionist with her back to us. We were all checking each other out - how silly! I suppose it is natural. We want to see results, if not on ourselves then on someone else. After a bit of a wait I met with the doctor. He was friendly and apologetic for the wait. He gave me some info and talked a bit about what to expect. He put his goal for me at 141. I haven't weighed that since I was 14 years old! He was very encouraging without being sales pitchy. I asked him to show me where my port would be and he drew a line on my belly. He made some reccomendations for a few more tests and got to the final question. "So, I think this surgery would be good for you...do you want to move forward?". And I said yes. His demeanor really put me at ease. At one point, when I said I was nervous, he said "you know, I could do this surgery this afternoon, it would only take an hour. But I want you to get your pre-op work finished and get this covered under your insurance, and in the mean time, you'll feel less nervous" So now I wait...and try to get all my info in order. I had initially accepted that I had a good chance of being self-pay. But now, as I learn more about how the surgeon's office can help me get approval, I'm willing to do whatever I can to get coverage. I am meeting with my PCP on Monday to try and fill in the blanks in my chart. I wasn't technically on a supervised diet, but I was coming in every few months complaining about my weight. So if we can get that more complete I may be able to show my 6 months or more of diet under supervision.

My surgeon said that yes, a small percentage of people never need a fill. Just the band alone is restrictive enough for them. He said the average among his patients is 3.1 fills until the sweet spot. He said he has done as many as 12 fills -- it's just different for everyone.

Amazing! You were gorgeous before...but your after is stunning! Good for you! And thanks so much for sharing the pics with us.

You look great!!

Check out the top chat forum, General Lap Band Discussion, and you'll find answers to all of your questions and more! Also, the are "Sticky" topics, things that are perma-posted for people to browse. Another good spot for the basic overview of the surgery is on the Inamed website. They make the band. (Just google Inamed and youll find it). Obesity Help.com also has good info on different surgeries. Welcome!

Tonight I spent too long in a fitting room. I know all the 'feel good', 'positive body talk' rhetoric and how we should be kind to ourselves. But frankly, I was so grossed out. Who was that fat girl in the mirror? The heaving lower belly, like udders without nipples. The new dark purple stretch marks, crawling from above my bikini line like poison in my veins. Who IS that? The ill-fitting bra, confused as to where it should rest, over or under the back rolls. The lumpy cheese thighs, spotted with patches of broken blood vessels. The butt, which starts somewhere below the back rolls and ends somewhere above the meaty calves. The stance, awkward and pigeon-toed because the thighs are too large for the feet to get much closer together. Notice I don't say MY feet or MY butt. Because it doesn't even feel like my body anymore. The only good part of the whole interaction with 'The Body' was that it reinforced how much I would like to move forward with the surgery. My appt. with the surgeon is next week and I've been up and down with my feelings of certainty or lack thereof. In some sad but undeniable way, the fitting room, and so many other daily indignities may be what I need to muster up the ultimate certainty. I had hoped the decision would come rationally and organically. I do the research, attend the seminars and supprt groups, read the materials and BOOM, I'm certain. But it hasn't been that way. I hear about slime and PBs and scars and no eating of dounts (Ever. Again.) and I feel totally uncertain, afraid. Like I'm a 15 year old getting a boob job or something. Like this is just so dangerous, vain and uneccesary. Sometimes I regret reading every gritty detail of any and everything bad that can happen. I think overall it has muddied what should be a clear decision.

Tonight I spent too long in a fitting room. I know all the 'feel good', 'positive body talk' rhetoric and how we should be kind to ourselves. But frankly, I was so grossed out. Who was that fat girl in the mirror? The heaving lower belly, like udders without nipples. The new dark purple stretch marks, crawling from above my bikini line like poison in my veins. Who IS that? The ill-fitting bra, confused as to where it should rest, over or under the back rolls. The lumpy cheese thighs, spotted with patches of broken blood vessels. The butt, which starts somewhere below the back rolls and ends somewhere above the meaty calves. The stance, awkward and pigeon-toed because the thighs are too large for the feet to get much closer together. Notice I don't say MY feet or MY butt. Because it doesn't even feel like my body anymore. The only good part of the whole interaction with 'The Body' was that it reinforced how much I would like to move forward with the surgery. My appt. with the surgeon is next week and I've been up and down with my feelings of certainty or lack thereof. In some sad but undeniable way, the fitting room, and so many other daily indignities may be what I need to muster up the ultimate certainty. I had hoped the decision would come rationally and organically. I do the research, attend the seminars and supprt groups, read the materials and BOOM, I'm certain. But it hasn't been that way. I hear about slime and PBs and scars and no eating of dounts (Ever. Again.) and I feel totally uncertain, afraid. Like I'm a 15 year old getting a boob job or something. Like this is just so dangerous, vain and uneccesary. Sometimes I regret reading every gritty detail of any and everything bad that can happen. I think overall it has muddied what should be a clear decision.

Why did I imagine the port being on the side of my waist rather than in the middle?

My family has always pushed the Uncle Sam Cereal. It is bran flakes with flax seeds. I'm not banded yet, but do you think the flax seeds would go down ok? You can't really chew them, only break them up a bit with your teeth.

Good info and very easy to use in the real world!

I think it is AWESOME that you have shared your pictures! You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are gorgeous, even in a state of healing. Seriously, it's great to see some REAL women going under the knife and sharing the results. Thanks and Bravo!!

I know exactly what you mean (See my thread titles "How do you DO this?!". I, too, am really fighting with the feelings of desperate binging. I am allowing myslef to pretty much have what I want. However, I've been trying to shoot for these circumstances... 1)only when I'm hungry 2)chew thoroughly 3)stop when full. That's enough for me right now. I won't be losing any weight. But I will be getting more in touch with my body's signals and they is more important than "dieting" to me right now.

Thanks for the great responses. Sometimes I see posts about how some bandsters are so diligent and disciplined. It is both inspiring AND intimidating.

I can so relate to this. (See the thread I just started. I feel like a giant hypocrite even responding here). But look how far you have come! You can do it. Just take it one day at a time. Sometimes you can get so caught up in your past failures that you can't see how far you have gone to change. So you slipped into some old habits, it's part of life. Just work on tomorrow. The reese's pb cups are NOT the enemy! You just get caught up in something that is really tasty and easy to digest. It's like speeding. You realize, "Hey, I can push this pedal even harder and I can go SUPER fast!" Maybe you even get away with it. But you know you can't drive that way all the time. So you have to put the breaks on a bit and it isn't much fun, but you know it is the right thing to do. Hang in there. I know EXACTLY how you feel.