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My sister and a very close friend, both of whom were also morbidly obese, were extremely hostile and unsupportive about my decision to have surgery. I interpreted it as their being threatened that I was doing something to take control of my life. My relationship with both of them has suffered as a result. They both continue to say they would never want to give up wine and good food and say that it must be awful for me that I can't enjoy eating. (I actually do enjoy eating now.)

My sister and a very close friend, both of whom were also morbidly obese, were extremely hostile and unsupportive about my decision to have surgery. I interpreted it as their being threatened that I was doing something to take control of my life. My relationship with both of them has suffered as a result. They both continue to say they would never want to give up wine and good food and say that it must be awful for me that I can't enjoy eating. (I actually do enjoy eating now.)

I was having strong doubts about whether I was doing the right thing right up until surgery. Before going into surgery I had a complete meltdown, started crying hysterically and had to be sedated before even going in. Here I am four years later, thrilled with my results and wishing I had done it years (decades) earlier.
The two-week pre-op diet is way harder than the post-op liquid diet (when you won't be hungry at all).

My sister and a very close friend, both of whom were also morbidly obese, were extremely hostile and unsupportive about my decision to have surgery. I interpreted it as their being threatened that I was doing something to take control of my life. My relationship with both of them has suffered as a result. They both continue to say they would never want to give up wine and good food and say that it must be awful for me that I can't enjoy eating. (I actually do enjoy eating now.)

59 years of pre-surgery programming here!
I agree with everything Arabesque said above. I think I probably enjoy eating more than I did before, because I do it in a mindful way and savor what I'm eating.
I also wanted to say that my tastes have definitely changed. Not only do I not crave sugary foods any more, I actually find overly sweet food disgusting now (including things I used to love). Most of my cravings now are for "good" foods that I should be eating as part of a healthy diet.

My sister and a very close friend, both of whom were also morbidly obese, were extremely hostile and unsupportive about my decision to have surgery. I interpreted it as their being threatened that I was doing something to take control of my life. My relationship with both of them has suffered as a result. They both continue to say they would never want to give up wine and good food and say that it must be awful for me that I can't enjoy eating. (I actually do enjoy eating now.)

My main fear regarding what my body would look like was loose skin. And yes, it's a reality, though it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I have loose skin all over my body, but it was most pronounced on my belly and neck.
My stomach seems to look better four years after surgery--or perhaps I've just gotten used to it. I still have a turkey neck and droopy jowls on my face, and they make me look much older. I never thought I would have plastic surgery after weight loose, but I'm now planning a lower face lift and neck lift, since I simply can't hide those areas.
I've made peace with the rest of my body. I definitely look better in clothes than without, but it sure beats the embarrassment/shame I felt when I was significantly overweight.

59 years of pre-surgery programming here!
I agree with everything Arabesque said above. I think I probably enjoy eating more than I did before, because I do it in a mindful way and savor what I'm eating.
I also wanted to say that my tastes have definitely changed. Not only do I not crave sugary foods any more, I actually find overly sweet food disgusting now (including things I used to love). Most of my cravings now are for "good" foods that I should be eating as part of a healthy diet.

I have dumped on both processed sugar and excess fat, as recently as several months ago when I had a small bowl of ice cream. (I'm four years post-surgery). From what I've read here, I seem to more sensitive to "bad" foods than most people and I dump pretty easily. I don't necessarily consider that a problem, because it keeps me from cheating too much! 😊
I don't seem to have a problem with small amounts of fruit, but I can't overdo it. I use artificial sweetener in coffee, because I can't stand black coffee (even though I know it's not good for me).
Avocados and nuts are no problem, but I can't tolerate nut butters. I can also tolerate small amounts of fatty meats, but too much causes a problem. (I still enjoy a slice or two of bacon from time to time.)
It's possible to avoid processed sugar entirely, which I try to do. It's not possible to eliminate fat from your diet, but it's not hard to cut down on it considerably. All of this sounded impossible to me pre-surgery, but it has become second nature at this point and I don't even think about it.

I have dumped on both processed sugar and excess fat, as recently as several months ago when I had a small bowl of ice cream. (I'm four years post-surgery). From what I've read here, I seem to more sensitive to "bad" foods than most people and I dump pretty easily. I don't necessarily consider that a problem, because it keeps me from cheating too much! 😊
I don't seem to have a problem with small amounts of fruit, but I can't overdo it. I use artificial sweetener in coffee, because I can't stand black coffee (even though I know it's not good for me).
Avocados and nuts are no problem, but I can't tolerate nut butters. I can also tolerate small amounts of fatty meats, but too much causes a problem. (I still enjoy a slice or two of bacon from time to time.)
It's possible to avoid processed sugar entirely, which I try to do. It's not possible to eliminate fat from your diet, but it's not hard to cut down on it considerably. All of this sounded impossible to me pre-surgery, but it has become second nature at this point and I don't even think about it.

Good question, and I've never really thought about that. I'm almost four years since surgery, and at this point my healthy eating habits are essentially second nature. I've completely changed the way I eat and think about food, and I no longer think about how much Protein I need every day or about avoiding carbs and sugar. (During the first year after surgery, I couldn't imagine that I would ever get to this point.).
The people that knew me when I was fat say that they no longer think of me as that person and are used to me looking the way I do now. Even I am shocked when I see my "before" pictures, and I no longer relate to that person. I'd say that this is not the "new" normal--it's just normal.

Good question, and I've never really thought about that. I'm almost four years since surgery, and at this point my healthy eating habits are essentially second nature. I've completely changed the way I eat and think about food, and I no longer think about how much Protein I need every day or about avoiding carbs and sugar. (During the first year after surgery, I couldn't imagine that I would ever get to this point.).
The people that knew me when I was fat say that they no longer think of me as that person and are used to me looking the way I do now. Even I am shocked when I see my "before" pictures, and I no longer relate to that person. I'd say that this is not the "new" normal--it's just normal.

Thanks for posting this. there are very few people on this board so long after their surgeries, and many of us wonder what it will be like in the long term. Your post is a valuable reminder that this is a lifetime change in our lifestyle and relationship with food.

Jake, that is so inspiring! I'm also 3.5 years out. While I'm "thin," I'm not fit, and I've decided that 2023 is the year I'm going to get to a gym to increase my core strength, stamina, and endurance. If you can run 33 miles, I can certainly drag myself to a gym several time a week. Thanks for posting!

Jake, that is so inspiring! I'm also 3.5 years out. While I'm "thin," I'm not fit, and I've decided that 2023 is the year I'm going to get to a gym to increase my core strength, stamina, and endurance. If you can run 33 miles, I can certainly drag myself to a gym several time a week. Thanks for posting!

More than three years out, and my only regret is that I didn't do it years earlier.

This may sound extreme, but is there somewhere you could go for the next six months or so, like your parents' house? You don't seem to be getting a great deal of support from your husband, and at this point you need to focus on your needs.

I have always had the same issue. I posted this elsewhere, but I have a rather simple trick that usually works for me. After finishing dinner, I brush and floss my teeth very thoroughly, as I normally would right before bed. It sounds odd, but that generally prevents me from snacking before bed. At the very least, I think twice before eater after brushing my teeth, which gives me time to ask myself whether I really need it.

I was/am exactly the same way. I told only a very small circle of people about the surgery. However, when an acquaintance with a weight issue asks about it, I feel it's important to let them know about the surgery. What I accomplished is really not possible with diet and exercise alone, and I don't want to mislead anyone into thinking it is.

I have always had the same issue. I posted this elsewhere, but I have a rather simple trick that usually works for me. After finishing dinner, I brush and floss my teeth very thoroughly, as I normally would right before bed. It sounds odd, but that generally prevents me from snacking before bed. At the very least, I think twice before eater after brushing my teeth, which gives me time to ask myself whether I really need it.

I have always had the same issue. I posted this elsewhere, but I have a rather simple trick that usually works for me. After finishing dinner, I brush and floss my teeth very thoroughly, as I normally would right before bed. It sounds odd, but that generally prevents me from snacking before bed. At the very least, I think twice before eater after brushing my teeth, which gives me time to ask myself whether I really need it.

Literally never--even now, more than three years after surgery. I just walked as necessary for my daily routine. And it didn't impact my weight loss at all--I was quite successful.

More than three years out, and my only regret is that I didn't do it years earlier.

I was 59 when I had my surgery and had a BMI in the high 30s, so I was in a similar position. I also hesitated for the same reasons you mention.
As SpartanMaker said, nobody else can tell you whether you should or shouldn't have the surgery. I can tell you that, 3.5 years later, the improvement in my quality of life and overall physical and emotional well-being are tremendous. I have more energy than I did 20 years ago and have a new lease on life. Also, at this point I'm eating more or less normally (just smaller quantities and a healthier diet), and I don't feel I've sacrificed anything.
As you can tell, I haven't regretted my decision for a moment. I've said it often: my only regret is that I didn't do this decades earlier!

I'm not a relationship expert either. However, based on what you've shared, I would guess it's insecurity. When you were obese, perhaps he didn't worry about other men being interested in you, but he could see this as a real possibility now that you've lost so much weight. He may simply need reassurance of your commitment to him. This should be obvious after 20 years, but your circumstances have changed. Even if we know it's true, we all want to hear our partners tell us that they love us and would never leave us!