I had sleeve done on November 30th. Most people are telling me I look great and seem genuinely happy for me. I have a family member that acts jealous though. Just by a few rude remarks I won’t bother posting on here. How do you guys deal with jealousy?

My sister and a very close friend, both of whom were also morbidly obese, were extremely hostile and unsupportive about my decision to have surgery. I interpreted it as their being threatened that I was doing something to take control of my life. My relationship with both of them has suffered as a result. They both continue to say they would never want to give up wine and good food and say that it must be awful for me that I can't enjoy eating. (I actually do enjoy eating now.)

I will soon be seeing my family for the first time in a long time. Some haven't seen me since I was 295lbs (136lbs ago) & this is what I'm worried about. I assume a lot of my family will be supportive but I think the ones I'm not as close to might talk behind my back. Ugh I'm worried. I'd also love to hear other's stories

Edited January 30, 20233 yr by bbykitty

I have been fortunate enough to have the majority of my family/friends/coworkers have been very supportive and I think the funniest thing is dresses I wear now that I wore 100 lbs ago I get mega compliments. I do have a few "friends" that keep close track of my weight loss and comment about how they've found the weight I lost and things like that, but I have noticed a distance as I get closer to my ideal weight from some people. I feel lucky that I have not had a lot of nay sayers in my world, but I have had people distance themselves.

I'm also VERY open about my surgery. I feel like that's important to be said here. If someone compliments me on my weight loss and asks how I did it, I tell them I had RNY and my before and after story. I'm sure there's talk behind my back about "the easy way" and things like that but I just refuse to let the negative in.

I have had a few comments from people that I wasn't expecting.

One of my friends said "we could look better too if all our husbands paid for it". and then the "easy way out' Comments.

I don't let it bother me. There's nothing easy about it.

I mostly get jealousy from my mother. She is not a great person, nor mother… She seems to think it’s a competition because I’m losing so much weight. She’s not even obese… It is infuriating and I wish she could just be happy for me. I just do my best to let her comments roll off.

If someone is jealous of your success, it's 100% because of their own hang ups and insecurities. Don't let anyone rain on your parade, and know that you are doing this for you!!

I've been at goal for a little over 2 years, and can say that being thin is my new normal. Everyone is just used to me looking like this, and nobody ever comments on my size, what I eat, etc. Someday it will be like that for you too!!!

Keep up the great work!!

Edited January 30, 20233 yr by ChubRub

3 hours ago, SuziDavis said:

I have had a few comments from people that I wasn't expecting.

One of my friends said "we could look better too if all our husbands paid for it". and then the "easy way out' Comments.

I don't let it bother me. There's nothing easy about it.

WOW so much bitterness seeps from that comment. Who knows what she says when you're not around

On 01/30/2023 at 09:59, ChubRub said:

If someone is jealous of your success, it's 100% because of their own hang ups and insecurities. Don't let anyone rain on your parade, and know that you are doing this for you!!

I've been at goal for a little over 2 years, and can say that being thin is my new normal. Everyone is just used to me looking like this, and nobody ever comments on my size, what I eat, etc. Someday it will be like that for you too!!!

Keep up the great work!!

Congrats at staying at your goal for so long! Thanks for the encouragement also

On 01/30/2023 at 09:42, busymamasews said:

I mostly get jealousy from my mother. She is not a great person, nor mother… She seems to think it’s a competition because I’m losing so much weight. She’s not even obese… It is infuriating and I wish she could just be happy for me. I just do my best to let her comments roll off.

Ugg sounds like me with my sister, she is the one with the rude remarks. She also Started acting like it’s a competition. Saying things like “ well you were big enough you needed that surgery my doctor says I’m not big enough for it. “ then when she found out the other day I now weigh about 15 lbs less then her well she flipped. Full competition mode.
Oh well I can only worry about myself. I did this for ME and my health. I wont let haters knock me down.

2 hours ago, bbykitty said:

WOW so much bitterness seeps from that comment. Who knows what she says when you're not around

I know, I don't really let it get to me. People are miserable.

On 1/29/2023 at 7:39 PM, Recidivist said:

They both continue to say they would never want to give up wine and good food and say that it must be awful for me that I can't enjoy eating. (I actually do enjoy eating now.)

I would respond that I could still enjoy food and wine in moderation and have discovered there is so much more fulfillment when life's activities are not limited by an obsession with food and drink. It is the difference of choosing living over existing.

I’m struggling with this right now, too. My brother, who is 16 months older than me, doesn’t approve of my choice to have VSG and told me I’ve obviously “convinced myself” and “let the doctors convince me” that I need something I don’t, as if I’m not capable of researching and making an informed decision about my own health. He refers to it as “drastic” and told me I have zero self discipline. The worst thing he said, though, is that he feels sorry for me.

I’m capable of brushing this off, but I’m hurt because he said all of this the night before my surgery. I was so excited and he nearly stole that from me.

I honestly put up boundaries with people and if they can’t respect them I limit the time I spend around them. You’re in such a great space in your life ! Be proud and continue to do everything that is best for you !

8 hours ago, mcipanda said:

I’m struggling with this right now, too. My brother, who is 16 months older than me, doesn’t approve of my choice to have VSG and told me I’ve obviously “convinced myself” and “let the doctors convince me” that I need something I don’t, as if I’m not capable of researching and making an informed decision about my own health. He refers to it as “drastic” and told me I have zero self discipline. The worst thing he said, though, is that he feels sorry for me.

I’m capable of brushing this off, but I’m hurt because he said all of this the night before my surgery. I was so excited and he nearly stole that from me.

I had one sibling....an older brother by 18 months. Sadly, he died in an accident several years ago. We were very close, which also gave us the ability to cut each other to the quick during arguments. By the time we were in our twenties, I shut him down with little effort with one directed exchange....."Never underestimate how well I know you. Based on some of your activities and decisions you have made, I am glad I am living my life rather than yours. If I want your advise, which is highly unlikely, I will ask for it, until then, shut the hell up." My brother never knew what "activities and decisions" I was referencing. When asked to elaborate, i just smiled and walked away and he never pressed the matter. I gained a new level of respect from him by standing my ground. He never challenged or criticized me again.

People can only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Learn to either walk away or tell them to leave. The next time you see them, they will have more respect for your boundaries because you took control in the relationship. You don't need anyone's approval but your own!

I have only told my husband and mother (and a few select friends) about my surgery. I'm one month post op and over all have lost 35 lbs.

My husband's family (i see them VERY often, weekly) doesn't know about my surgery.

He has an aunt that has always been very jealous of me and is the definition of a "hater" or a "friendemey" friend / enemy

She's very very over weight and always says she wants to lose weight (i recently found out she was considering WLS about a year ago). Anytime I've lost weight in the past, she's very jealous. She doesn't SAY things, but it's obvious by her lack of compliments or any comments at all about how different i look. Plus you can see it all over her face and then she'll start dieting or exercising for a few days.

Now that I've gotten my VSG, she once again hasn't commented on my weightloss. Her husband has and her mother has too, but she refuses to even give me a compliment.

Prior to my surgery i was so concerned about how it would make her feel when i started losing weight but honestly, i did this for me. Not for anyone else.

My point is, let people be jealous. Let them fester in their own envy. That's their problem. You're finally making yourself happy and that's all you should focus us. Enjoy it!!!! Don't let them ruin it for you, that's what they want! They're just jealous they didn't have the balls to do it themselves.