njgal

Thank you for your comment. I do hope that with a certain new found confidence post-surgery I will be able to initiate more.. and possibly have thicker skin as well. Right, I should put that on my "looking forward to" list.. to have thicker skin and not doubt myself as often!

Well, it's a start alright... the finish has yet to come. But I'll document my sleeve story here in the hopes that it'll help others.
Surgery to lose weight? Peh!! That's for weaklings... I would never mutilate my body.... why take the easy way out... in short, wls was a remote concept to me. Honestly, it just never was on my radar, that's all.
But like many here I struggled.. and it was a constant battle in the back of my head. I've been everywhere on the spectrum from "a real woman has curves, damn it" to " this is a social construct; it's todays world that makes me feel bad about who I am... I mean look at norms from 50-60 years ago" to "I don't have to be thin/normal/etc, I have brains to prove myself... I will never be one to rely on how I look to get ahead".... you name it, I've probably been there.
I'm going on 40... years of this... and dieting... and gaining... and dieting... and checking out the newest fad... and shopping based on what fits... not what I like.... years of focusing on the 'content' vs the 'packaging', coupled with a very low idea of self-worth rooted in childhood... well, for one reason or the other we all end up in the same spot.
Last summer my family and I were at the beach; There I am, sitting at the beach and I just can't stop judging people. Nevermind the fact that I lost 20 pounds and gained 19,5 back... So technically I have still lost weight compared to same time last year; I am just sitting here, in the shade and I can't stop myself from passing judgment on everybody... Bad posture, wrong choice of bathing suit... Omg!! What was she thinking?!?!? I would kill to have the body of most of the women who unknowingly are subject to my internal rantings but there you have it. And then I caught myself... sort of saw myself from a different perspective. Is this really who I want to be? This constantly bitter, unhappy person who blames everyone and everything but neglects to take responsibility? And it was there the first seeds of change had been sewn. Althought wls was still a long ways off from being even an idea.
I came to the US 20 years ago... It's not easy being the 'outsider', less so when you're a parent. At times it feels like everybody knows each other; even worse everybody likes each other... everybody but you. And this even though we all started being soccer moms and dads at the same time. Granted, sometimes you'll have your neighbors who know each other and naturally gravitate toward each other... or those parents whose kids are besties in school and who automatically click.
Some days a parent will say hi... good morning... how're ya doing? And those days are good days because for the next 60 minutes of a game you re-live that moment when you were part of the in-crowd. On other days your good morning will be ignored.. sometimes on purpose. And those days you put on a brave face for your kids because no kid likes their parents to be the outsider. Some days it gets so bad, so lonely, that I feel like exploding... i feel like asking "guys... what is it? Is it because i'm fat? Wear glasses? Have an accent? All of the above? I see these posts for parents with tips on how to deal with socially awkward teenagers... or how to boost their kids' confidence and I gulp them up looking for a glimpse on what it could be I'm doing wrong. It is a sad state of affairs when you're diving into teen advise columns but you're almost 40.
I have two amazing kids... and I know how easily effected kids are by how they view their parents. All parents are an embarassment to their kids in one way or another but what all of this led to, what I realized was that unless I accept myself, unless I am OK with myself and unless I respect and love myself I couldn't possibly expect others to show me the same. And this sense of personal responsibility was the second seed toward change. You see, as much as it seems from the above that I am doing this so that others will love me, I have come to realize that I am doing this for me... and only me.
Then, in January my husband's friend comes to visit.. and I don't recognize him... seriously, different human being. I felt like on candid camera where they do a switcheroo, you know? And he tells me about how he got sleeved... and he is patient with me and talks to me, explains, shows, guides me and before I know it I know that this is what I want. I just do, it makes sense, it all clicks, falls into place... damn in, I want it and I want it now!!!
I talk to 3 different surgeons even though I have to pay for consults... one can't even be bothered to look me in the eyes... he's Mr super busy and important... you know, like a factory assembly line, you're just a number, not a human being. The second is nice...patient, knowledgeable but his staff is not well organized. Then I went to see my friend's surgeon. Staff and surgeon... good call; I clicked and knew I had found my surgeon. Of course I did my research, I read reviews, reached out to people but first impressions are so important.
My insurance requires 6 months of documented visits. I was ready to have the surgery; I was excited; I didn't want to wait.. I even considered doing this out of pocket but thankfully cooler heads prevailed. I still think 6 months is too long but I'm halfway there.
I am hopeful to have a surgery date in september for my sleeve.
I still do my homework, I day-dream and I make lists, I fantasize about shopping sprees (which will be fun now, not torture... right guys?) but I'm not in laland in terms of expectation. I think I have a pretty solid grasp on the difficulties ahead. I'm going to therapy to prepare mentally.

I have an incredibly supportive husband who's been with me through thick (and will be with me through thin!!)

And with your support I know I can do this.

Updates will follow!

Wow, 4 months out, down 100 lbs and already at goal. You’re rockin’ it!!

That I have no idea what my style in clothing is. Years of wearing what fit vs what I liked and voila!

I’m borrowing this idea from someone else but I heard “how to walk in high heels” lessons are being offered so I plan to get me some good and make use of that class!

Hahahahah good one!

Hahahahaha seriously??!?!

That I have no idea what my style in clothing is. Years of wearing what fit vs what I liked and voila!

That I have no idea what my style in clothing is. Years of wearing what fit vs what I liked and voila!

That I have no idea what my style in clothing is. Years of wearing what fit vs what I liked and voila!

That I have no idea what my style in clothing is. Years of wearing what fit vs what I liked and voila!

Mashed avocado if you’re allowed. Twinge of lemon juice in it. It was actually pretty good.

That I have no idea what my style in clothing is. Years of wearing what fit vs what I liked and voila!

Thank you. He said no eating after midnight.

Sent from my SM-N920P using BariatricPal mobile app

I need to no if i can eat something small before my next day surgery
Sent from my SM-N920P using BariatricPal mobile app

Pre-op class and pre-reg was yesterday 10/4... surgery is 10/10

How do you accidentally hit block ? I still can't figure out how to block someone lol tell me how it doesn't seem easy enough to be an accidental lol

Sent from my Vivo 5R using BariatricPal mobile app

That I have no idea what my style in clothing is. Years of wearing what fit vs what I liked and voila!

That I have no idea what my style in clothing is. Years of wearing what fit vs what I liked and voila!

I wanted to share two NSVs; both happened today. First one is about smoking. I used to smoke (keywords used to).. up until about 2 months ago. I knew I had to give up smoking and quitting hasn't been my problem in the past. But instead of setting a date one day after my dental cleaning was nicely done I decided I'd have just about enough of this. Wasn't bad.. wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.. it just happened. Wouldn't have happened if I had set a date and tried to prepare for it... it just did.. anyway, my NSV was that today I took a drag from hubby's smoke and felt nauseous. Now, that might not sound like much but you know how the saying goes.. you don't quit smoking, smoking quits you! I think it just might have left me for the last time.
My second NSV was about Water. As one of my first steps toward preparing myself I decided to get my water intake regulated. I've always been big on water, grew up drinking delicious tap water and have never had a problem with it like some people do. However... once I started actually measuring how much I drink I realized that 64 ounces was a loooooong ways off from what I was drinking. Listen up people! You may not be drinking as much water as you think you are. I was very much surprised by this especially since I thought I had 64 oz down pat! But today I actually did have it down, all 64 oz of it. God knows I haven't had to pee this often since I was pregnant

Feign a crappy tummy ache?

Oh, I’m at 30 lb now.. one can’t change stats on the app and I rarely access the forum on a computer but you haven’t missed much with my progress [emoji4] If I didn’t have a reminder to weigh in weekly I would probably not step on the scale. It’s not so much about the pounds for me as it is about establishing good habits now. We’ll see how that goes.
As far as being back to “normal”; well, a friend of mine ended up being an outpatient and drove himself home... others take it easy for weeks. I was pretty much back to normal 2-3 days after I was home; so 4-5 days post-op.
Once you have your liquid intake under control I don’t see a reason why you shouldn’t be back in action but Water (i.e. liquids) is key. It won’t be child’s play but it’s definitely doable!

Alrighty folks! Update time.

I am now 2.5 weeks post op and am slowly learning to listen to my body. I’m experimenting with food but find that variety isn’t that attractive at the moment. I’ll eat something a couple of days in a row if it works.

I plan for the whole 4 ounces at each meal but mostly push it away about halfway through. I also still drink Protein Shakes twice a day.

I’m not feeling hungry, except for when I go way past my designated eating time.

I’ve lost 20 lbs but honestly I only weigh myself for the record, I am more concerned about establishing habits.

I’ve been spotting on and off since I came home and there’s slight bruising on my left side. Both minor inconveniences really.

My knees don’t hurt anymore and I’ve already sent off one bag of clothing.

I always make it a point to reach my goal of 10k steps everyday. That usually involves 40-50 minutes on the treadmill at 2 mph, no incline. I was advised not to do exercise that breaks a sweat just yet but honestly it’s what I feel comfortable with anyway.

That will change over time. You are still fairly newly post op (I didn't even start solids until 10 wks postop) but over time the amount you can eat will change as the swelling continues to go down and your body settles into your new stomach. I'm 11 months out and I'm able to eat an entire slice of thin crust pizza and 3/4 a slice of Sicilian with no crust.

I wish I had known that I'd still be dreadfully hungry after surgery. I'm exactly a week out and the Soups and liquids are doing NOTHING to sate my hunger. I keep sneaking in solids like meat but that's a monster to digest. I'm miserable because I'm constantly drinking but feel like I'm starving. Although Protein Shakes kill the hunger, I can no longer stand the processed taste and it automatically induces nausea. I wish there was a way I could make an all natural Protein dense liquid meal.