4TheHealthOfIt

The decision was mine for certain. He gave me advice and left it up to me. He had previously had a bypass, so he knew personally about the topic as well.

I'm shocked to hear a psychologist give that advice. I would understand if they said if was your decision, and here are some of the pros and cons of it, but to outright tell you be secretive about it is just plain bad advice IMO, regardless of whether of it worked for you or not.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that it did work for you, and it was certainly YOUR decision to make, however, a "professional" that's of the opinion that you should hide and/or lie about what you've done because of the negativity surrounding it, is ONLY ADDING TO THE NEGATIVITY!!!!!
In the end, as I said, the decision is yours. If you're more comfortable keeping it a secret, then by all means do that, but don't feel as though you have to...because you don't.

I told mostly everyone from the moment I started the six month pre-op requirement. It was just easier for me. I didn't want to have to lie or explain why I was eating/drinking in a certain way. I've found everyone to be supportive and no one has dared say to me that I've taken the easy way out. They might be thinking it but I could care less. I'm doing this for my health not for anyone's approval. A good side effect of being up front about it is that people do not push food on me at family events, etc. They know I can only eat a small amount.

I kept my surgery a secret on the strong advice of the psychologist who I was required to see as part of my surgery approval. He mentioned that people can be really negative about WL surgery and how people post-op, those who know will start to police what you put in your mouth. Super annoying. I'm now 3 years out and only a total of 10 people know who aren't medical professionals. I'm a really private person anyway, so this worked with my personality.
One other thing that helped me keep this as a "secret" is that I had previous weight loss successes that were in the 50-60 pound range, then a regain over a year or two (which is what led me to surgery) -- people close to me knew that I had lost larger amounts of weight previously so they didn't think anything of it when I started losing again.
So for me, this was a smart move and I am happy that I made that decision and stuck to it -- secrecy gets awkward sometimes, but my privacy was completely worth it!
Best of luck to you - you're in the very best part of the journey right now!

Initially, only my wife knew, but, once you start to lose a lot of weight in a relatively short amount of time people will (1) notice and (2) ask questions or ask for advice.
I really don't feel as though I'm helping anyone asking me for advice if I tell them I'm simply doing a fad diet. I'm not big on lying, and certainly not when it's going to send someone else down the (most likely) wrong path....so I decided to own it, wear it on my sleeve, and educate anyone who asks.
There's a cloud of negativity surrounding weight loss surgery, as though we've somehow "taken the easy way out", which couldn't be further from the truth. So I use it as a platform to help others who may have questions or concerns about wls in hopes that it can perhaps help others as it has helped me.
That being said, I don't wear a giant sign on my back that says I had surgery, but those closest to me who ask get the absolute truth.
I also believe when people around you know, it will motivate you more to succeed. If you're telling people that you're on a fad diet, then failing isn't "a bad thing" in their eyes. In fact, it's probably expected as it is with most other fad diets, and so you might be tempted more easily to eat things that you otherwise wouldn't if you are motivated to succeed. This isn't always the case with people who "hide it", but it's certainly something to consider.
In the end, it has to be your decision and you need to do what you're comfortable doing, but the longer we hide behind the fact that we've had surgery, the longer it will take for public acceptance, not to mention that when you're "hiding" it, you're limiting your resources in terms of recipes, information, etc. It's nice to not be afraid to pull my phone out in public and look at this site or search for bariatric recipes without fear someone will see me.

So I've done it!
Had my VSG last Thursday 2/23.
I've struggled with my weight my whole life. Creeping up to 40 I've seen that since putting a significant amount of weight on over the years, I'm not living the life I want. My kids are not getting the best version of me.
But....I don't want to share this with the people close to me. Of course my husband knows and I told my childhood best friend who has shared similar struggles and is interested in this too. But my immediate family, children, close friends and co-workers do NOT KNOW.
Has anyone managed to pull this off?
4 weeks prior to surgery I made a vow to cut back and get myself in shape surgery or not. I gave up sugar and then subsequently all processed carbs just before I was approved. Then shortly thereafter started the pre-op liquid diet and just told people I was using my Protein Shakes as Meal Replacements. So it's no secret that I'm trying to lose weight...I just left out the VSG part.
Truth be told I don't want to explain myself. I don't want people thinking I'm taking the easy way out. I don't or at least I didn't want people trying to talk me out of it...and trust me they would have. I don't want people watching what I eat and asking if I should be eating it, etc. I've seen what people do and say for others who have gone down this road first hand...at work and in my personal life, and I'm just trying to avoid all that.
And of course, I'm afraid of failing. I have the can do attitude. I really see myself being a success and I mean life long. But there is that fear from my past failures.
Any advice or personal experiences from people who have been down this road would be appreciated.

@teacupsaucer that was literally some of the best advice ever. Thank you for that. I started doing boxing class which was fun so who knows i might make new friends there.

Sometimes it comes from jealousy but the longer I have been on this path the more I realize most people are straight up clueless about what is actually healthy.
Most restaurants make 12 ounce steaks the norm, but that is 3-4 times the amount of steak you should eat at once. 3-4 ounces of steak is not a barbaric portion, that is a proper portion size. That is what everyone is supposed to eat. That is why is so annoying when people whine about only being able to eat a little bit for the rest of their life. No, you will actually be eating how everyone else is supposed to be eating. We are a society of gluttons and gluttony is encouraged at every turn.
When you eat right around people that eating wrong, fat or skinny they know already they are eating wrong and you eating right it makes them self conscious. The more weight I lose with more results, people look at how I eat, everyone gets pizza, I get a chicken Cesar salad, and eating the toppings off a piece or 2 of pizza, everyone gorging on pizza looks at how I eat. Not because it is so different but because it really isn't terrible, especially to get the results I have. So now people are thinking, wow why can't I do that? How people feel about you losing weight is really complicated and they may not even know why they are in their feelings.
Having your fat friend go healthy is just like having your party buddy get married or give up liquor. Now you lost your partner in crime. Not eating with your fat friends is the same thing.
I was lucky post-op that I lived in a new area, where I did not know anyone. I never had to worry about how anyone felt because I never saw anyone for more than a few hours at a time. If I treated myself the every 2 to 3 months I hung out with someone I knew it didn't matter. My macros were still fine, and my idea of a treat is different than most people.
I suggest people distance themselves from people they enjoyed their old habits with until they really have a good handle on their new lifestyle. Just like any other addict.

If it's coming from a place of jealousy and sabatoge, it's time to find some new friends... try joining an activity where slightly fitter people might gravitate to--I joined swing dance lessons and have already met lots of women who aren't complete couch-bound sadsacks like I used to be but also aren't complete gym bunnies who are going to scoff that I wear the biggest size in Lululemon. Or see if you can meet other post-bariatric friends your age to hang out with. I found a core group of girls in a local bariatric support group and we get along great and know what each other are going through.
If it's coming from a place of love and cluelessness... try and invite them to do activities that don't involve food. Invite them to a movie and bring your own snack. Join an art class, or try out a drop in dance lesson, or get mani pedis together, or go bowling. So much of our socialization revolves around food and it doesn't HAVE to, but if it's all you know, it's hard to break out of that mold.
Either way, there's nothing wrong with expanding your friend group, as well. I haven't ditched my friends from when I was fat by any means, but I have made some new friends too.

A favorite quote of mine is, "The problem with Slimfast shakes is that they go so well with cookies."
This is going to be a long time recurring issue. And it just never seems to get less annoying to me either.

I never thought of it as jealousy. I honestly just thought they were lovable clueless idiots.

They are somewhat supportive. They just haven't figured out that in order for this to work i have to make life long changes. I can't pig out with them anymore.

Yes, people will be very CONCERNED ( in my sarcastic voice) about your eating habits now. I know most of the time it's jealousy because you were rave enough to take the bull by the horn and change your life for a healthier lifestyle. Brush the haters off and keep working. You owe no one anything . I have had so many co workers/ friends make little snide remarks about my food choices and surgery as well as my clothes being too big and I just say something bk to them to shut them up. This is my journey and will not be interrupted by jealous people who want to take me down.... not gonna happen. FYI, if they had opportunity to switch places they would in a heartbeat. Stay strong n keep pushing to goal.

been thinking of you!!! glad you're feeling good so far!!!

I too have breasts that reach my navel. I'm so sorry to hear that your surgery has to be postponed. How disappointing! You'll be in my prayers that everything will turn out okay. Living with constant pain is so difficult. It really wears you down.

Please send me a friend request. I would love to keep in touch!

Here are a couple of pictures from yesterday. They're not that great but you get the idea. I was two days post op.  

I actually have very little pain. More discomfort. I'm surprised how easy it's been so far!

Awesome so happy for you! I need the surgery, I actually see the surgeon for the 1st time next week & I'm already worrying about how much it's going to hurt lol!

All in all I'm feeling really good! Haven't taken any more pain meds since last night.

I went in for my post op and saw my new arms for the first time. I love them! What a difference! I will try and get some pictures this evening. My doctor took the drains out and cleared me to go back to work when I want. So happy right now!

It is done! I already feel like a different person. I will take some pictures in a few days. Not sure how much tissue he removed. I don't even remember him coming into my room after let alone what he said. lol. I'll ask him at my first post op appointment.

I've wanted a breast reduction since I was in high school. Can't wait till that one is done too.

You look A-MAZE-ING!!! I'm going in for my bypass the day before your arm surgery.....All the best to you!!! I'm excited for you!!!!

My surgery is Monday. The only pre-op diet that I have to do is Clear Liquids these two days before surgery, then the lovely bowel prep liquids the day before. I can have Jello and broth, gatorade, clear tea/coffee (no milk), etc.

Pre-surgery date, I had 6 mos of weight management through my primary doctor. I logged food on myfitnesspal and turned logs in to the nutritionist at the bariatrics surgery center. I lost about 16 lbs in the 6 mos.

That guy deserves a biiiiiiiiiiiiig

I was all like damn I'm gonna be having me some enchiladas hahahhahahahahahahhaha !!!

Sorry, that was supposed to read "Echinacea". It helps prevent & battle colds. It's a Vitamin. Autocorrect murdered that hard core