VictoriaCa

Thank you so much for sharing your story! It was wonderful to read!!

I will own up to being vain, too. I'm 48 years old and the last time I was skinny was in 1975. When I would talk to people about my upcoming VSG I would always say my biggest fears were ending up with a turkey neck and looking old. My fears have somewhat been realized.
I also knew going in I was going to have a lot of loose skin. And I do. I have met with a PS to discuss the three procedures I want done. And they are completely so I can look better. I freely admit it. But never would I have let those concerns hold me back from being sleeved. I went from having a fasting glucose level of 167 to a non fasting level of 78. That alone was worth it.
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Thinnertimes.com
Gastricsleeve.com
But they are so boring! Especially Thinnertimes. Everyone is almost....TOO nice, lol. That's sounds right up your ally though.

This is not the victim olympics or a contest about who is allowed to hurt the most.
This is a WLS forum. So yes, people will delve deep into all manner of weight loss issues despite there being other things happening in the world. There is no need to marginalize or insult people for perfectly legitimate concerns, nor fall back into the tired old "millenial" generalization (which is one of the most inaccurate, backwards, ridiculous labels when you examine the facts).
BP is not a hugbox, but that isn't a moral imperative to be a jerk. Placating and justifying someone's bad decisions is not the same as having a little compassion for someone terrified of the after-effects of weight loss.
I don't view it as "trite" or "shallow" to be hesitant about weight loss due to excess skin. As women, we face a unique struggle in terms of our appearance. We are judged for what we are AND what we are not. We can feel unattractive and have rude comments made about our chubby cheeks, and be conversely nervous that we will have rude comments made about looking saggy, sallow-cheeked, and old (one of the biggest comments on the appearance of extreme weight loss folks is "they look so old now"). Yes, we all have health reasons, but I have a hard time believing many women who get WLS don't also crave feeling beautiful. In our society, beauty means power. Beauty means value. Beauty means avoiding the discrimination, bias, cruelty and dismissal that comes with inhabiting a large body. Should appearance mean these things? No. But that is the reality of the world we live in. We have all suffered so much under society's expectations of what we should and shouldn't look like, is it really a surprise people question the results?
So many of us have deep issues with body image and self-loathing. We are accustomed to viewing ourselves as undesireable. Surgery, hard work, pain, sweat, tears, only to fear that you will still hate the person staring back at you in the mirror? Terrified you will never find love? Worried that you'll go from a "big gal" that some men say they prefer, to a scarred and wrinkled mess that you fear is no one's preference?
That is not shallow. That is not trite. It is legitimate fear. And it can be overcome, but it takes work, time, love, and support. You don't need to kiss anyone's ass, placate, or justify anyone's delusions. You can always scroll past those threads. But damn, a little compassion wouldn't be remiss.
**Edit: Check the forums for how many threads contain "my spouse/partner says they won't find me attractive anymore if I lose weight."

I'm 62 years old. I've been over 200 lbs. for all of my adult life, and over 300 for the last 25 years. I started at 334 on 3/11/16 and am currently 209 and would like to get to 170. But I've said from the getgo that I wanted a breast lift/augmentation when my weight stabilizes. Gravity and now this weight loss has left my breasts like tube socks with a couple of marbles in them. Now I won't say there's no vanity in it. But two weeks ago I rolled over on my left breast while sleeping and pulled the holy heck out of it. It's been hurting ever since and am now sleeping in a bralet.

I'm new to this forum as well. I see a lot of posts about other people's post. I made a post about the 180 day weight loss trial and what kind of Protein shakes I should consider.
I felt so much support when I received responses. It made me feel like this is a place that will help me both before and after surgery.
Later I read a thread about how people are sick of questions that have been asked and answered over and over. They werent going to answer any more questions like what kind of Protein shake, etc. anymore.
The point was that newbies should be using the search option. I would have been a lot less embarrassed if the person would have just posted that.
Anyways that is just my opinion as a newbie. Now I skip the my work here is done and tired of people ... threads.
Ironically, I actually clicked on this thread because I was hoping some of my questions about extra skin would be answered.
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@@Christina.Rose
I, like @@Djmohr had the surgery for health reasons also. Young people just don't understand that although you may think you're 'healthy' and fat, it DOES and WILL catch up to you once you hit your 40's.
I went up and down with my weight most of my adult life, all the while touting I was 'healthy' fat. Once I reached 47, my blood pressure was sky high, I became diabetic and had a fatty liver. My mom had died 3 years earlier at 68 of heart disease from high blood pressure. I wasn't about to go down that road and die relatively young like her.
So yes, people do have the surgery for health reasons. Once they lose the weight, the benefit of looking slimmer and healthier is just icing on the cake.

. I am k
I am old and. Want to get older so need to get over apnea diabetes high blood pressure etc But I also want to be comfortable and throw away the spandex if possible and look nice if nothing but for the funerals
Director, (dated him in high school ❤️) so though age makes us wiser but not less vain, some might call that pride, However we all need support not judgement whatever reason we are doing it and not have our reasoning questioned or some one may be hurt who is fragile, and aren't we all in one way or another ? My motto is Be kind, let's just offer solutions if we have them, encouragement if we can't and failing either remain silent.God bless ✌️
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@@Christina.Rose
Did you read your original post where you called people liars?
Pot/Kettle......just saying.

I think its horrible when people...like me....go on this site for support and information on experiences and read BS talking about how their concerns are annoying or stupid to some other self righteous person. This isn't Facebook this is a WLS forum for information and "fellowship" for the process. Not to make others feel worse about themselves. Some people come on here because they DONT get support at home. To be ridiculed by someone who just happened to have surgery first is wrong. And I am nice, but I call it like I see it. Nobody on here should be putting down anybody's questions and making them self conscious. Everyone here has a VALID struggle and we, you, everyone here is here to get information and FEEL BETTER about themselves.
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I can honestly say that when i had WLS it was 100% because of my health. My kidneys were failing and I was headed for dialysis and possibly a transplant down the road.
My nephrologist suggested WLS knowing that I had been trying to lose weight on my own for years. I was also 51 when I had my surgery and the concern was losing and keeping it off to give my kidneys a break.
Never once did it occur to me that I would lose all of my excess weight nor did i care even a little about what i would look like after.
Not until the 3 month mark did it even occur to me that I would care. Once the fat was gone, I started to feel fantastic. My kidney function was better, no more diabetes, high blood pressure, severe GERD, sleep apnea. My knees and feet no longer hurt. I could walk for miles and miles.....after only about 3 months!
What people dont realize is how that extra skin makes a person feel. The possibility of looking as good as you feel finally begins to hit you. (It takes a while because your brain needs time to catch up with your body)
You are finally at goal but now the extra skin is pulling on you and it is ugly so plastics then enters your head.
I get it you are 30, you probably do not have the health issues many other morbidly obese patients have so you can not relate. And i totally understand your concern about loose skin because I am living it and would not want to be as young as you are and know that it will happen.
But, all that being said. I NEVER EVER thought about having WLS for any other reason than my health issues. Getting thin and now caring about how I look came after i realized that I could lose all my weight and not only be healthier but look halfway decent too.
Please dont assume that everyone who has had WLS is doing it for non health reasons. It simply is not true.

@@mariernest
It depends on the city you live in. I live in Wisconsin and had my brachioplasty done in July. The cost was 5950.00 and I went home the same day.
In January, I am having a full abdominalplasty, breast lift with augmentation. Two nights in the hospital (my choice) and the cost is 16,800.00. The two nights in the hospital will cost 500.00 per night and that is included in the price. I am choosing to do that to take the scary part off my husband.
I have seen costs in larger cities go way up in price. My surgeon is double board certified and am very happy with her.
I am now wondering what it will cost to do a neck lift. I would see her partner for that and I am not ready to even really think about it yet. I want to get through this big surgery first.

Wow. How supportive and welcoming. I am DEFINITELY concerned about the extra skin possibility. Im in my 30s and dont want to go from a cow to a deflated elephant. To call people stupid and whiny for daring to care if their self esteem and possible depression or living misery of feeling ugly and abnormal will get better or potentially worse is judgemental and none of your business. Mental health is a part of being healthy too and if you say you didn't care about what you would end up looking like after surgery and you were only doing it to get rid of....diabetes/apnea/joint pain blah blah etc, then you have to be lying. What is with all the Fatty divas on this site? This site is supposed to be here for questions, concerns, support, not being a jerk and complaining about peoples personal issues or struggles. Guess what. You were fat just like everyone else. It doesn't make you a leader or rock star because you got cut up before other people did.
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I agree that it seems absolutely ridiculous when people post that they're considering not having surgery due to excess skin. Really, it's just stupid. You would rather stay obese and risk death (and as someone mentioned earlier, being obese itself is generally considered ugly in our society). It most often feels like these people are looking for an excuse to continue with their unhealthy ways.
HOWEVER, I will say that I'm absolutely shocked at the amount of excess skin I have, and it bothers me so much more than I thought it would. I figured I would have some excess skin on my stomach because that's where I carried most of my weight, but I couldn't have been more wrong!
I mean, I do have a ton of excess skin on my stomach, but I also have it on my upper arms, thighs, sides and I totally have a shar pei butt. It sucks, and really detracts from my ability to see myself as "thin". It's hard to feel thin when you can literally grab handfuls on most parts of your body.
Would I do it all over again? OF COURSE! And I am SO much more healthy, which was my goal. I feel better, I have more energy, and my co-morbidities are gone. The skin is a small price to pay. It's just a much bigger price than I was prepared for.

Just wondering, would you go into the schools and give them a lecture to scare them straight? I sure wouldn't!! But my body could scare someone straight for sure!! Like you said I'm to old also. I think that most of us don't have PS because we want to LOOK GOOD> I did have a Panni done a year ago last Sept. I can tell you it wasn't for my hard natural body!! If only I was younger and had the money I would have nips and tucks done in a NEW YORK minute!!

@@JupiterinVirgo
As a person that has lost over 170 lbs and has to deal with skin every day. You are really ignorant as to what living with excess skin is like.
My need to remove skin is not just vanity. The skin I have is painful. If I don't clean my belly button very carefully multiple times a day it gets infected.
Skin is something worth worry about. I spend a lot of money on Shapewear to hold it in so it doesn't hurt when I move. I have to be careful and spend a lot of $$$$ buying bras so they work with my skin issues. I have to deal with balancing wearing shapewear all the time and not ending up with constant yeast infections.
Vanity come dead last in my concerns about my skin. I wish I had thought about the skin issues and considered them long before I let myself sit at over 300 pounds for half my life but now I am paying the price.
It isn't a frivolous concern, the health benefits far out weigh the skin issues but there still are skin issues and they are serious issues.
Next time post your rants, in rants.

I agree with a lot of your sentiment, but let me make one thing perfectly clear.
Most people who have skin surgery after WLS are NOT doing it out of vanity, but out of necessity due to infections and the skin just being a hindrance in functioning normally. So to say it's 'vain' to have surgery to remove skin after WLS is insulting and frankly quite ignorant.
And even if it's done out of vanity, so what? People feel amazing after large losses, and they want to feel even more amazing and have things tightened up and removed. That's their prerogative. And did you know that statistically people are more likely to keep the weight off after having plastic surgery?

Thank you so much for sharing your story! It was wonderful to read!!

I think depression is a natural and adaptive reaction to surgery as major as WLS. Unlike other surgery, this one brings up from the depths all of our "stuff" about being obese. In my case, I knew I needed this surgery, having been fat since age 3 (64 now), and that all the hundreds of attempts to do this on my own were going to be over. Honestly, I got depressed just contemplating my journey in this area, and was reacting to the huge changes coming. I am now 3 weeks post surgery, no depression, and am looking forward. Good luck!

Hopefully your hormones are just out of whack making you feel this way. You have lost a significant amount of weight already so I would guess that getting healthy really is important to you.
Having all of this junk around does make it much harder and there are times when we all slip but it should be the exception and not the rule.
The other thing is, it is very hard to force the people around you to change because of your disease but like others said it doesn't mean you can't make that happen albeit slowly.
I am the cook in my family and just started changing how I cook. I make a Protein, veggie and salad almost every night. Maybe once or twice a week I will make a potato, rice or other starch. Sometimes I have a spoonful of mashed potatoes sometimes I choose not to. I have found over time that my hubby likes this new way of eating and actually requests many of these foods.
I have also learned that he can have his fast food for lunch when he chooses and it really does not bother me anymore. For me, that food is just no longer desirable and I used to eat it everyday. When I think about what I ate before, it sickens me. How many times I would stop on my way home at McDonald's eat crap from there and then go home to cook for my family.
I am glad you are talking to a therapist on Monday. Give yourself some time to adjust and give your man a break too. They didn't choose this so it may take some time to adjust as well.

The comment that bothers me is that he wants you to watch him eat. I had a mean old rotten ex-husband who wanted me to watch him watch TV and not leave the room, even to go to bed. That's control and intentional sabotage.
Does he feel like he is losing something if you lose more weight. Would he have a tantrum if you eat grilled chicken salad while he eats a Big Mac of if you do something else while he eats?
Tell us more about the dynamic working here. It might make a difference in what direction we go with our comments. I am all for walking away from jerks - life is too short to live with a jerk. Others feel that more direct conversation or self-examination is the way to go. Please clue us in on where you stand with him, apart from the weight loss issue.

I have gone through phases on this topic. There was a time when I would hide in my bedroom rather than watch people eat. How it has evolved though is I cook a Protein, a veggie, make a salad and then make rice,potato or Pasta for the guys. I eat the first 3, they feel like they are getting a gourmet meal - winwin all around.
I live with my grown sons and if they want junk food, they buy it and keep it in their rooms. The rule of the house is if there are Cookies, ice cream etc in the main living area of the house I am likely to eat it, toss it, or some combination thereof. I feel no guilt for that. I don't expect them to eat like I do,but I don't want it under my nose either.
Luckily they aren't fast food take out fans. They have my taste for higher quality food.
However truth is lousy food surrounds us. There is a reason I don't watch regular tv, I don't want to watch food porn, all the pushing of candy and chips and fast food that is literally killing our country. When I go into the office, junk food is at everyone's desk. It has taken me a long time to not want a fistful of candy every time I see a bowl of it.
I am 4 years out , and while I am so much better, my drive for sweets and stuff rears its ugly head based on visual and odor cues. I don't have an answer except I like the trim me so much better than the obese me that I remain diligent. Whenever I doubt that, I look at my before and after photos.
You can do this, he is rght,he shouldn't have to change (unless he wants a healthier life) but it is asking alot for you to sit there and watch/smell while he eats your trigger foods. Hopefully your counselor has some good strategies for you.

Brianna, I am sorry you are having to deal with what sounds like an non-supportive partner. You are correct, I cannot understand the food addiction aspects of the struggle. I have been eating healthy several years, and what caused my obesity was medication. However, I do understand the having to cook food for the family and them wanting fast food. And I can tell you what I have done in the past.
But first off, let me say your boyfriend's lack of support may be just lack of knowledge. My husband said the same thing a long time ago, why should I have to change because you are? And I said you are correct, you shouldn't "have to" and left it at that.
What I did was make meals that were healthier for me in terms of options, that is if I was making steak, potatoes, and a veggie, I would only eat steak and veggie, or make a killer salad to cut my steak over, or even eat part of a sweet potato. If they wanted fast food, I would go, order a burger with extra lettuce and no bun, or a taco salad no shell, etc. etc. Did you know that McDonald's has egg white? who knew, the things you find out just by asking. Not people will look crazy at you sometimes, but what the hell.
What happened with my family is they would see all these great looking things they wanted to try that I was making for myself. Like the loaded salad, or even the Greek yogurt, or spaghetti made with spaghetti squash rather than noodle, or the Pasta or rice dishes that I subbed with cauliflower. Slowly over time, things changed. They were ogling my food, and requesting that I make more of that. My husband finally said it made him feel left out when I would get so involved with making my own food, despite we were all sitting at the table. He then told me to just make everyone's food the way I make mine, and I did. Granted I still bake Desserts and give them the other stuff from time to time, but it was a fairly smooth transition. Years later, him and the kids don't remember when they started eating Greek yogurt, or drinking 2 percent milk, or cottage cheese with fruit in it. They don't know why they request spaghetti squash spaghetti or mashed cauliflower. And nobody is upset that some of the ingredients are sugar free or fat free or all natural.
I say all of that to say that sometimes for those on the outside, being supportive for something like this is very new, and you have to move forward regardless. There are thousands of recipes for making healthy, delicious options out there. And many restaurants have healthier options or foods which you can transform by taking something out. Make this work for you.

Your insurance should cover Iron infusions, if you need them. Generally, what happens is your Iron numbers have to get low enough that your doctor recommends infusions. I do know quite a few DSers who need them.
As for vitamins: I take 40+ per day. You will probably want to buy vit/minerals in bulk. costco, BJs, etc. Online places as well. I generally buy 6 months or more at a time so I save on shipping. As I have my bloods done every 6 months there is often a tweak made to my routine.

I bought all of mine from Bariatric Advantage. They have chewables that work pretty well, and don't take up space in the stomach once you let them dissolve in your mouth. The Multivitamin chewable is pretty metallic and I'm not super keen on it, but it's not candy The Iron chew is not great either. But the Calcium chew (caramel) is like a piece of candy three times a day, so that's nice.
Basically, I take the Multivitamin twice a day (morning and evening), the Calcium three times a day, the Iron once, and I also take Vitamin D because my levels were low. I have a sub-lingual B-12 that I take once a week (melts under your tongue). Lotta Vitamins. I think I paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $120 for three months supply, and after that's all gone I can go with normal over-the-counter Vitamins that you swallow. But while I'm healing, I'm going to use these.