MrsFlipFlops

These were all really good comments. I did decide to talk to Bob about the touching thing... I felt I should give him a chance to let him know I'm uncomfortable with it, I think, before going to a manager or HR. He may just think we're good ole pals, I feel it's only fair to first ask him to stop. You're probably right that it's due to his own insecurities. There are a several other black men in the office, but the majority of the group is white, with a smattering of hispanic. Enigma- you're probably right that this is one way to identify with someone or himself and that the exaggeration for effect if you will, is almost a way for him to show that. For years I've disliked the "acting white" label. I can't tell you how much it hurts me to hear people say that about anyone. My husband and I don't have any kids yet, but I'm a little scared to have them because I'm not quite sure what to teach them about race. I don't care what they want to identify with, be blue- it doesn't matter to me. I just don't want to them to feel rejected from either sides of the fence... realistically they will be. I hate race in this country. I hate racism. I don't want people to be colorblind, I just don't want race to matter. When they ask for my race on an appication, I leave it blank. Normally I don't even think about this topic this much, but I think with the comments Bob made, it just got me all riled up. My husband and I talk about how we'll present race or deal with racism with our future kids, but that's pretty much the extent of our conversations on race- except the occasional stereotypical joke. You all are right, I should have said something right then and walked away. I have this darn complex of wanting to be liked by everyone and fear I might hurt someone's feelings. I've dated people from all different backgrounds, but once I was dating a guy from Haiti, whose parents asked (very sincerely, I might add) if he was with me for my credit rating! LOL! I didn't even have good credit then! (Think- college and "free" money from credit cards!)

Pix, I should clarify... I am in agreement for holding people responsible when they give/buy drinks to underage drinkers... knowingly.

So, I have this coworker, let's call him "Bob". Bob is black. Bob recently came by my desk and saw a picture of myself and my husband. I'm white, my hubby is black. Since then, Bob has made three comments that have disturbed me. First I should say I don't particularly like Bob to begin with, he's very nice, but he's also very touchy, and I don't like to be touched. He hugs me and high fives me and what not. I haven't figured out how to politely get him to stop that either, but that's another story. Anyway, the first thing Bob said was "That's your husband? I never would have guessed!" The second thing Bob said was "You know, Heidi, I like you. Especially now because who I know you go with, I mean, married to." to this I replied "Is everything about race to you?" and the third thing Bob said... people in the office were talking about popcorn and Bob said he liked popcorn with hot sauce and said pretty loudly, "I know who else likes hot sauce and popcorn, Heidi's husband." Here's my issue, this guy has never met my husband. I am one to believe that stereotypes are generally made because some population actually fit the criteria. But I don't feel that a person should be judged based on stereotypes. I don't assume my Jewish friend owns a bank or that my hispanic friend is illegal. I don't assume that the black man sitting next to me walks with a limp and raps. It's just obnoxious that Bob seems to think he "knows" my husband based on stereotypes. Besides, the stereotypical black guy profile that Bob assumes could not be farther from my husband. My husband is a professional pianist and got his Bachelor's at the number 2 music school in the country. My husband is a broker in the financial industry, and his hobby is flying. My husband doesn't rap and doesn't even like listening to it. In fact, if anyone is a stereotypical black person in our family it's me. I guess I'm overly sensitive. My husband has often gotten teased at his family functions for acting white. It bothers me that a person doing well is accused of "acting white" and can't just be doing well and receive a good job from his family. Ug! Okay, just had to get that out. This Bob is obnoxious. Boo for Bob!

I so agree with this. We need to make people accountable. I remember reading a study in on of my theory classes that stated this in order for laws to be effective that had to de three things: 1) be applied immediately after the crime, 2) be harsh, and 2) be guaranteed. After thinking about that for several years and working with offenders myself, I think that's true. Of course, given our justice system and people's right to a "fair trial" those three things will never happen. We may get one, or two but not all three at once. I used to be under the philosophy of being lighter on first offenses. Sometimes I wonder if by being lighter the offender is thinking it's no big deal and offendes again and again. Why not be real harsh the first offense? Just a thought, still working our kinks. :thumbup:

You shouldn't... I agree with you. Drunk drivers, especially chronic offenders, shouldn't be able to drive and should be required to serve time.

lol... yeah, I don't know if I could take that. Even if there was nothing but niceness, I'm so danged jealous and un confident! Good for you! I want to be more like that!

I think I'm slowly overcoming my addiction to food, but I'm sadly replacing one addition for another... okay, maybe two! LBT! I find myself reading during work, when I come home, heck- I read in traffic on my PDA! (yeah, I'm the one texting at lights and reading my email- honk at me if you want, you won't change me) :laugh: Okay, so that's addiction number one. Addiction number 2- weighing myself. I have been doing it day and night, mid day if I got the chance! It got so bad that I made my husband hide the scale from me! lol. He gets it out for me every Saturday, but then puts it away. It's been sitting out since this morning in our bathroom and I have weighed myself three times! Before dinner, after dinner, after a bathroom break! I'm out of control! Addiction number 3- never before have I been the type to look at myself too much in the mirror, but I find myself checking myself out when I pass by mirrors, windows, anything reflective. I look at my arms, my legs, my butt... I suck it in, I push it out, I stand up tall, I slouch. I look at my nose from this angle, then THIS angle, then tHis angle... I'm pretty sure someone could make a lot of hilarious footage by simply putting a camera behind the glass. Allright, now I've shared mine... anyone else care to share their newest addictions?? Don't hold out on me... I want to know i'm not the only one!! :biggrin:

I can understand how your feel... it is so difficult to watch a parent prepare to leave this world. My mom has had a degenerative neurological condition for awhile, and each episode she has we think it's going to be our last time with her. How lucky we are that she pushes on and we can relish each moment with her. Someday when she does pass away from this earth, it's comforting to me to know that her pain has ended and that this earth life is just a blip in time. I belief I will see her again. Good luck. And it's okay to cry! :thumbup:

I was SO scared of surgery. I kept telling myself I could say never mind any minute and they'd just wheel me out the door and I could go home... but I never could bring myself to say it. Boy, I'm glad I didn't. Anesthesia isn't all that bad. Most people go under and wake up with little to no side effects. I can't say too much about scars... I was banded on 2/11/08 and I still see my cuts, so I don't know the consequences for WAY down the line. I never wear anything revealing and won't even when I'm skinny, so I'm not too worried. After surgery you'll be on liquids... then thicker liquids, then soft food, then hard foods. I don't really do Pasta, steak, or bread any more. When we eat out I tend to get chicken fingers. Sometimes the length of time it takes for me to chew something just isn't worth it. I guess my laziness has finally paid off for something! Oh, start now looking for a Protein shake you like. I spent WEEKS finding one I could tolerate, until I determined that I can't stand any of the ones you make yourself. I'm a prepackaged kind of gal I suppose (New whey and Atkins are my faves). You'll be glad to have something you can enjoy. Soon after banding a shake and some ice was the BEST food I'd ever had. :laugh:

Well, I wish I could say my household is the same! I keep trying to be organic and healthy... but my husband just doesn't want to come on board! :laugh: I buy organic stuff and local produce (Dallas has a great Farmer's Market) and he teases me for being "green". hee hee... Hey, I can keep trying, right? Someday I'll report he's been converted... :biggrin:

I've been putting off getting together with some girlfriends for this same reason! They keep trying to gather us, but I say I'm just too busy hoping that I can push it just a few more months out... oh goodness, I hope none of them read this. :w00t:

Allergies. I asked my doctor about unexplained tightness, he said the usual- stress and what not. But he also encouraged me to take allergy meds (given I have really bad ones!) I felt really tight last night and couldn't shake it. I remembered to take a pill and lo and behold- no more! Of course, now my pill is wearing off so I'm starting to feel tight again. Apparentely the mucus builds up and hangs out down there. (ew!)

Well, I don't know the laws in the country where they gave birth, I'll grant that... however, abandoning a child in a hospital in many states is considered to be giving them up for adoption and making no claim on them. I was making assumptions based on the laws I know. The concept I believe is the same.

Well, I'm not a jazzy june, I was banded in Feb. but I found this post in the unanswered posts... I drink something. That helps keep my mouth busy. The other thing I do is get going with something with my hands. Organizing my coupons, cleaning, polishing my nails... helps to stay distracted.

I had my first fill about 4 or 5 weeks out. I didn't limit my intake to 1/2 cup or anything like that. I ate until I was satisfied- not stuffed, but no longer hungry... when I drank Water in between I had special k water with Protein to keep me full. The first few months are rough because you're expecting to not be hungry anymore, but for me, it was opposite, I was hungry all the time! I'd eat, and and hour later I was starving again. Not head hungry, but stomach-is-growling-and-I'm-pretty-sure-it's-nibbling-on-my-liver-hungry. Don't beat yourself up... just do your best on will power. I would probably ask my doctor to give me a reasonable explanation as to why no fill. Maybe explain that you're starving all the time. I tell my doc how hungry I've been the past few weeks, and he uses that as one factor to help know how much to give me for my fills. After my third fill, I'm FINALLY feeling some restriction.

Yeah, um... I don't see how this article does any of that gadget. The couple gave birth to the babies. It doesn't matter the reason they gave them up, they did. I don't think it speaks to how people don't value life in utero, I think it speaks as to how a culture values female life perhaps. Actually, it speaks to how strong the drive is for a male to want his "seed" or line to live on. If anything it's proadoption, we assume that they didn't know the sex of the baby previously (I really didn't know that Aphrodite, very interesting!). So... my vote is- it doesn't have anything to do with abortion. Are we now going to get on all the people who have babies and give them up? Even I'm not willing to fight that fight. :thumbup:

Hm, interesting. I know I didn't know what any restriction felt like until this last fill, it was my third. I go every four weeks. My doc doesn't do them any more often than that either, but I don't mind because it has given me time to adjust my eating habits. I don't think I could go from eating everything to nothing in a day. Of course, when I go in, they give me more than .5 cc.... Have you talked to other people in the office that are patients to determine their experience. I know everyone I talk to is different, I like being filled up slowly because I have time to mentally adjust, but others I've met wanted to be filled up right away with full restriction from day one.

Congratulations! That's got to feel good, being in the one hundreds!! Wow, awesome!

I'm 5'7" and was 380. I agree with you on the bits of stomach thing... I just didn't agree with permanentely altering my body. You never know what technology we'll have in 20 or 30 years....

Wow, I had never even thought to ask that, or even thought that there might be some kind of limit! Though, the research I've done since state it's a couple hundred punctures.

It may not be called dumping, but I've def. had something similar. It seems it happens when I eat greasy foods and then drink a lot of water. It's like it's being pushed out of my stomach and then about 30 minutes later I get cramps and bad bathroom issues. I am learning to stay away from the things that make me feel that way.

Breakfast: slim fast shake snack (if wanted/needed) yogurt Lunch: Tuna with lite mayo and six crackers dinner: sm. piece meat, couple tablespoons veggies or sides late night snack: sf popsicle or ice cream

Ah, yes, the new wardrobe ploy. Been dangled in front of me for many years by my parents. By me staying fat you'd think I'm being purposefully rebellious!

I think this is totally normal. I did the same thing. Pre op and post op diets are hard! I'm slowly learning that food is NOT my best friend! :sad:

The purpose of law is to protect people from other people and to protect people from themselves. If a woman is not in physical danger by having the baby, by her choosing to abort the baby, she is potentially harming herself. It would be like asking her or any individual to put on a seatbelt, not do drugs, not participate in prostitution... all seemingly "victimless" crimes that are put into place to prevent the person from hurting themselves. Putting a law into place that prevents freely performed abortions prevents her from hurting herself. I'm not going to get into the details of when the child becomes a life. My whole point is that a healthy woman has a choice before getting pregnant. Should that choice turn into an unwanted pregnancy- the law should prevent her from hurting herself. We already know the horrible damage an abortion can cause a woman. I'm feel sorry for the woman who carry the baby and then give it up for adoption. I cannot imagine the pain it might cause throughout some years to never know where that child is. But that is a personal emotion she must overcome, even with assistance from a psychologist. I'm not willing to allow a woman to harm herself in order for her to pretend a problem doesn't exist and move on with her life "complication-free". Our choices have actions. Do I ever think we will have a law banning abortion- no, I don't. What I'm really hoping for here is that people on their own will come to their senses and make good choices that will lead their lives in the direction they want to go. I'm all for women's freedom and equality, but women, wake up! You're not doing yourself any favors by getting yourself into a bad situation. I'm for changing women's actions for better- not attempting to change the natural, biological consequence.