Nessa0121

Not happening. He has 2 perfectly working hands

My surgery was Sept 28th so I'm almost at 2 weeks. My husband is driving me crazy because he thinks I should be healed enough to have sex. My surgeon told me that it's up to me of when I feel comfortable to start having sex again.
I still hurt and on top of that I do NOT feel sexual at all. I'm so frustrated feeling like he's rushing things and I can feel how annoyed he's getting.
He's starting to take his frustration out on me by stomping around and being a jerk. Why can't he understand that I just physically don't feel up to it?

I'm there with you. I'm almost 2 weeks post op. Although I don't have the pain that you seem to be. The surgery caused my thyroid to go completely out of whack and now it's like I'm going through menopause on top of everything else. I'm 36.
I'm having hot flashes and just have buckets of sweat falling off of me to feeling like I'm freezing to death within minutes of each other. I have 3 emotions, normal, uncontrollable crying/depression and raging bitch.
I hate Protein shakes and feel like I'm drowning myself with all the Water intake. How I'd normally deal with all of these emotions would be to eat and I can't do that.
I have hope that it will get better because I've seen others go through this and make it through. Just know you're not alone. *hugs*

I'm confused as to why you would be testing how much you can tolerate eating after only 3 months???
As someone who is 1 week post op and also had to pay out of pocket because my insurance sucks, you aren't taking the surgery or weight loss seriously at all.
Having surgery wasn't supposed to be like taking a "magic pill" and suddenly the weight problems and eating addition is gone.
You accused someone of not being helpful on this forum because they told you the truth. I'd much rather come to these forums to have people to talk to that are honest as opposed to someone such as yourself who doesn't seem to care about taking the surgery seriously. You have to work at losing weight and changing your life. I personally don't think you should have had surgery if your thought process is that you should just be able to go back to eating all the same things you did before, just less!
Do some research and realize that with your mental attitude you're right, you will be in the percentage that gain the weight back

OMG! I went through the same thing with my husband! He had always been a very affectionate man but as I started losing, he became overly touchy feely. My surgeon told me not to have sex until 4-6 weeks out as you would with most surgeries.
Ugh! Men!

Cause he's a man-- only plausible explanation! Sorry he is pestering you-- but I hope you can hold him off until you feel better and can *both* enjoy it!

Hi Marie ,
I have to honest and say, some days yes. I have had some serious complications and issues after surgery (bowl obstruction and C DIFF). However, that is not the only reason I say yes. We all got here because our relationship to food is a problem. We lean on it, we love it and yes, hate it too. After surgery though, seeing people in my life just eat with wild happy abandon makes me seethe with jealousy at times. I know this is irrational, I wanted this, I even hired an advocate and fought for this! In my case, I have been through WLS once before for god sake! However...this is forever where as the band I knew, I could take off if I wanted. Having said all of that, I am only 2lbs away from seeing a 1 in front of my number on a scale for the first time in 18 years. I am no longer pre diabetic and look totally different and feel totally different. There are days I am happy I made this plunge to be sure, there are days I wonder if I made a good choice. However, I think that is the human condition isn't it? We take a road and then spend all of the time we walk it wondering what we missed along the other. I think if you are truly unhappy in this life you are in, its worth the grab for a new one, or at least that is the way I felt about my life. We are all on here because we wanted a new road with new things to see and I think for the most part, the sites have been good ones with minor bumps in the pavement along the way. That is what this forum will be here for, the bumps in your road, we'll be here for you when you need us! See you in a month, good luck!

Thyroids all good! Ty!

Just as an FYI, make sure your thyroid is being checked. That can also effect your body temperature
Most likely it's just the weight loss (woo hoo) but it is something to ask about just to be on the safe side
Congrats on the weight loss!

Don't worry, you will make it up to him a thousand times over once you are better and healthier! Let him spoil you right now and appreciate every minute of it! Better, healthier times will come my friend!

He sounds like a very supportive and loving husband. You deserve this time to get your strength back, so relax and try not to be so hard on yourself. You'll be back up and around soon.

I'm confused as to why you would be testing how much you can tolerate eating after only 3 months???
As someone who is 1 week post op and also had to pay out of pocket because my insurance sucks, you aren't taking the surgery or weight loss seriously at all.
Having surgery wasn't supposed to be like taking a "magic pill" and suddenly the weight problems and eating addition is gone.
You accused someone of not being helpful on this forum because they told you the truth. I'd much rather come to these forums to have people to talk to that are honest as opposed to someone such as yourself who doesn't seem to care about taking the surgery seriously. You have to work at losing weight and changing your life. I personally don't think you should have had surgery if your thought process is that you should just be able to go back to eating all the same things you did before, just less!
Do some research and realize that with your mental attitude you're right, you will be in the percentage that gain the weight back

@@toasty spoke the truth. And he wrote it in a very kind and non condescending way. It in no way comes across as "unhelpful" or should have warranted a negative response in turn.

The surgery you got is not a therapist. It will not stop your food addiction. You can definitely sabotage it. It was meant as a tool to help you lose weight, but it still requires hard work on our part. We have to change our pattern of eating. I was taught that 1/2 of the meal should be Protein, 1/4 fruits/vegetables, and if you can still eat, the final 1/4 should be whole-grain or complex carbs. Although having 1 (one) slice of pizza every once in a while won't kill you, making a habit of having that or other such foods (such as hamburgers) will stop or reverse your weight loss.
Grazing (eating small amounts throughout the day) will also sabotage your weight loss. Drinking high-calorie beverages will also sabotage your weight loss. Both of these habits get around your surgical restrictions.
For your food addiction, you should definitely see a therapist. Group therapy might work as well.
Your weight loss is up to you, not the surgery. It was not a magic bullet to lose weight.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

I talked to them this morning and they said as long as I'm working on my sips and taking my Vitamins I should be ok.

Sounds to me you need to chat with your surgeon and general practitioner.
Just to put your mind at ease. Get facts and info from them of what they expect your weight loss journey to look like and what things are normal as to when you should start to worry.
Do your own research also. It doesn't do any good to always be worried and questioning if things are going the right way or not.

My heart is just breaking for you. My surgery was on the 28th and I too have been struggling and I am annoyed with my husband and the lack of empathy he has had but at least he isn't being a complete asshole on purpose.
Your family needs a serious slap to the face. I'm so sorry that they think it's okay to treat you like that. How is that helping you?
Try to stay positive and know you have made a huge, wonderful change.

I was just going to say to get your thyroid check before I got to your last post. I had the same issues for many years and was ignored, so I am so glad the ER dr took the time to really look at this for you and see if she could figure something out!

During my liquid phase, I was allowed anything that would be liquid at room temp or warmer, which included popsicles and pudding. So I would often make sugar-free, fat-free pudding with a Protein shake instead of milk, and add in a scoop of Protein Powder. It would give me something to slowly eat over the course of the day and had over 50 grams of Protein, so I was basically getting all the protein I needed just from my pudding, which also tasted delicious and felt very soothing to my pouch. Another thing I would occasionally do is mix a scoop of unjury chicken Soup flavored protein powder into low sodium chicken broth and sip on that. It was also very high protein, especially if I got chicken or beef broth with has 16g of protein in 32 ounces just by itself. Adding the powder was just icing on the protein cake. Hope this helps!

Late last night I got a call from the ER doctor that said it was bothering her so she did some more looking and sure enough my thyroid numbers are way off. Explains the sweating and moodiness.
I'll be giving my doctor a call Monday morning to discuss.
Did make me feel better knowing that there is a reason and I'm not just losing my mind

Nessa0121, just thinking perhaps it could be hormonal since the surgery? I know that I am pre-menopausal and will just break out into a full on sweat for no reason, and that is due to hormones. Hormones can be really out of whack prior to surgery, and I think WLS can put them back into sync with each other. It could be nothing more than that. Hope it gets better. I know I hate the sweats.

@@Nessa0121 - I am not married nor do I have children so I don't have great advice. I just wanted to encourage you though and say that the first week is really hard - not just psychically but emotionally - and that was while I was recovering alone. (My mom stayed with me a couple of nights and then I was on my own which I think might have been easier than being around others with food.) You are not wrong for wanting some help. Hopefully you can help him understand at the very least that you did just have major surgery and are recovering and just like it were knee or shoulder or hysterectomy, you would need a little help.
I am sure other moms / wives will chime in but I just wanted to say hang in there! HUGS!

Hubby and I did talk and as always he proved to me why I married him. I apologized for being mean and nasty and he told me to take a nap and realize that it will all be okay.
He is a really good guy!
In the meantime I also had a good cry with my mom who had the sleeve done 2 years ago and she continues to guarantee that in a month from now it will all be worth it.
Thank you all for your kind words

Good luck.