KnowUrWorth

Now I've get everyone's attention lol how long after surgery did people do the deed?? I have a high sex drive ????????

One of my favorite threads on this site is here: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/219760-sex-oh-my-god-sex/
Read if you dare, but it may be one of those underused selling points of finally having the surgery IMHO.
@@mallen1895 - Tell the bf to start eating right and exercising because its only going to get better

Thank you everyone for your input. I'm scared to tell people, and worried what negativity may come my way but I don't like feeling that I'm lying either.
Good point about other people feeling frustrated that I would do so well 'on my own' if they can't.
I have a lot to think about..

Hi guys just wondering if anyone else kept their surgery a 'secret'? I'm getting sleeved in 4 weeks and have so far only told my parents, my two brothers (and their partners) and one friend. I know I'm going to get a lot of questions from all other friends and family, so wondering if I should just make it something I tell everyone or keep to original plan of a secret.
Anyone else have any opinions on this or experienced this themselves?

Thankyou! I have decided to just keep it to the people I've already told and that's all. I'm so excited to start this journey and not going to let this negative thoughts get in my way ????

@ know your worth ,
I'm sure your a beautiful lady don't let anything hold you back go for it , thru this journey your going to need "Positive " support and nothing but good thoughts surrounding you don't let your man bring you down ! I'm always here to talk ????

I have been in an abusive relationship in the past and that is what you are in, like many above said that is emotional and mental abuse. I don't know if your kids are boys or girls but you have to look out for them in this, they will look to him as their role model of how a man is suppose to treat a woman and if your kids are boys that is how they will treat their girlfriends or wives one day. If the kids are girls then chances are that is the kind of man they will end up settling for because they grew up thinking that's normal cause that's how daddy treated mommy. If he is truly sorry then he needs to do counseling to get to the root of his problem if not then you may need to consider life without him because you and your kids are worth more then that.

My husband does not even know I am going through the beginning of the whole process. When I found out about my diabetes and talked to my husband about my fear of one day losing my feet or my kidneys he made light of it. Now when I decline all the carbs and sweet stuff he says" oh yeah you don't want to lose you feet". I told him he was rude and unsupportive! He said "you are not going to lose you feet, stop overreacting." I was done with the conversation. I stick to what I want, he can support me or not, but in the end only I can take care of myself. When I mentioned I was thinking about surgery he went nuts. So, I have not let him into this area of my life. My daughter is the only person I have told. She will take to the hospital and pick me up. Once I am home I will tell him but I am going through with this for me. I do not need his permission. Hopefully he will support me after he knows, if not, it won't change me doing this.

I justified staying with my last ex ten years too long for two reasons:
1. I was raised in a religious home where the wife is long-suffering and silent in spite of how she is treated. Pray and stay. This caused me to ignore blatant red flags that would have warned me to not get involved with that beast. Once I kindy suggested in my very librarian-like voice that maybe he could see a doctor about getting some medication to help him level out his emotions. "I DON'T NEED NO F***ING MEDICATION! I could time his tirades to 45 minutes. I knew that if I could hang in there for 45 minutes he would be calm and nice again. He's sorry, he loves me, he won't let it happen again - several times a day. In spite of the mixed messages of he loves me and I am always a nuisance, I stayed because I was told he was just having a bad day. Besides....
2. He never hit me. Until he hit me. The injury that sent me to the doctor was a bruise on my arm the size of a 7 ounce steak. His private abuse had gone public. I love you. I am sick and tired of your ugly face. (He yelledthat at me in a Subway shop). But he never hit me. Until he hit me. With volatile people like that, you don't leave when they are home. That is how you end up dead in tomorrow's news.
When I finally got out of there ( at 2 am - I left early from work (third shift) I went to a women's shelter. The diary I had kept was very handy in preparing my case for the restraint hearing. I had his guns taken away from him, too.
The diary reminded me that I was not the crazy one. Reading things I wrote while crying remineded me that he was always throwing things at me that accidently slipped out of his hands and flew across the room. It was the camping lantern that fractured my ankle. I would have told you, "But he nevers hits me." Until he hit me.
I cannot stress enough what my doctor said.......Why would you love someone who treats you that way??????
If any of you EVER need someone to talk to, send me a private message. The number for the Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233
I wish you the best. Don't suffer in silence. Help is available.
Oh, I forgot to tell you - I moved 250 miles away.

You said, "It's usually ok but when we argue it can get full on and he can be quite nasty & say some hurtful things. We've got 2 children together. 2 year old & 3 month old, so you'd think he would be a lot nicer but that isn't the case. It's not the first time his put me down about my weight. He always apologies and says he only said it in anger but I just don't know when enough is enough.."
Look up the Cycle of Abuse. I am a survivor of domestic violence, including death threats from an unstable ex who kept five loaded guns in the house.
When I finally had to go to the doctor to have my injuries looked at, he said. "Why are you still there?" I said because I love him. The doctor asked, "Why would you love someone who treats you that way?" That doctor was very supportive in helping me escape from that mess.
It is no secret here that bariatric surgery exposes the raw dynamics of a relationship. My first ex was "just kidding" when he told me I was too ugly to live. My second ex "didn't really mean it" he when he said he wished he could beat the godda** shi*out of me.
Actually, as much as his cycle of tirades and apologies hurt, you are now seeing what he really thinks of you, and the lack of appreciation he has for your love. Examine your realtionship and how you two contribute to each other's day. What's in it for him, and what's in it for you? What was in it for my exes was cooking, laundry, housekkeeping, errand running, a second income to pay for their hobbies, and free degrading sex when they weren't out with someone else. What was in it for me was tears and humiliation. I ate what they ate, watched what they wanted on TV, wore what they told me to wear.
Bariatric surgery is going to help you re-invent yourself. I am guessing that he is not being all that lovely to the children either. I know that the politically correct thing to say is that you should do this for yourself, but the domestic violence survivor in me says to turn that fat money into revenge money. Do what you gotta do to keep your dignity and peace of mind and go get HOT!

Hi guys just wondering if anyone else kept their surgery a 'secret'? I'm getting sleeved in 4 weeks and have so far only told my parents, my two brothers (and their partners) and one friend. I know I'm going to get a lot of questions from all other friends and family, so wondering if I should just make it something I tell everyone or keep to original plan of a secret.
Anyone else have any opinions on this or experienced this themselves?

It's usually ok but when we argue it can get full on and he can be quite nasty & say some hurtful things. We've got 2 children together. 2 year old & 3 month old, so you'd think he would be a lot nicer but that isn't the case. It's not the first time his put me down about my weight. He always apologies and says he only said it in anger but I just don't know when enough is enough..

Hi there...I too have an unsupportive husband. He tried for a year or more to belittle the idea because he feels it's not worth a major surgery, when some are able to lose lbs w/o surgery.
Then came the, "what if you die?" argument. Finally he admitted that he knows that he feels comfortable with my being overweight. That his opinion on this is more about HIM than me. So, now we're saving for the surgery and he's "ready"... he will take care of me no matter what, but his emotions will be more erratic than mine. It's SO hard to deal with men like this. I feel your pain. Let's pray for one another and maybe we can support one another in some small way!
Contact me if you need to talk it out.
God bless!!

Hun..please keep us updated. Remember this is your journey not his. Big hugs sent your way.

It's usually ok but when we argue it can get full on and he can be quite nasty & say some hurtful things. We've got 2 children together. 2 year old & 3 month old, so you'd think he would be a lot nicer but that isn't the case. It's not the first time his put me down about my weight. He always apologies and says he only said it in anger but I just don't know when enough is enough..

So my partner hasn't been very supportive of my upcoming surgery! During an argument tonight he referred to my savings for my surgery as my "fat money" an I looked at him disputed and his response was "well it's true the reason your getting surgery is cos your fucking fat" .. I'm so hurt right now... ????

When people show you who they are, believe them.
~Maya Angelou~

You do not need that s*** in your life.

Thank you everyone for your input. I'm scared to tell people, and worried what negativity may come my way but I don't like feeling that I'm lying either.
Good point about other people feeling frustrated that I would do so well 'on my own' if they can't.
I have a lot to think about..

Yeah I was pretty open about my having the surgery. Which now that I'm looking back on I am very glad that I did. There is nothing to be ashamed about when it comes to dealing with obesity and trying to do the things you can do to help overcome it. I also think that by me being so open about the procedure and all the pluses and minus post surgery its not only helping me to deal with the journey better, but it may help someone else who may also be thinking about weight loss surgery.

Thankyou! I have decided to just keep it to the people I've already told and that's all. I'm so excited to start this journey and not going to let this negative thoughts get in my way ????

Thankyou! I have decided to just keep it to the people I've already told and that's all. I'm so excited to start this journey and not going to let this negative thoughts get in my way ????

I kept mine secret until one hour before my surgery. I was worried about all the judgment of people thinking this was and easy out. But it was going to come out eventually and I didn't want to lie about my weight loss when people start noticing the quick drop. I didn't want people to talk behind my back trying to figure it out so I decided to be upfront and made it Facebook official. I got way more support than I was expecting. And you know what so what if they talk. If they really care about you they will be supportive. Find out who your true friends are. Everyone has seen me struggle all my life and if it wasn't for all the health issues maybe I wouldn't have done it. Its desperation to be healthy. This was my post to everyone
VEVY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
about My Life. For my Family, Friends and inquiring minds who want to know.
Soooo, I have made a huge decision that is going to change my life forever. Hopefully for the better. If all goes well....
Some of you may or may not know that I had a lap band procedure done in 2010 to help with weight loss. It did help for a little while. Eventually the band stopped helping me completely and I fell back into old eating habits.
Started the whole yo-yo dieting again. I gained it all back then I lost it all again. Then I gained it all back plus some more. The band has been busted for about 3 years but it's still hanging out in my belly.
I have been fighting battle of the bulge since I was 8 yrs old. The older you get the harder it is. The bulge always seems to win.
The thing that really makes it hard are the underlying health issues. Like PCOS, thyroid, diabetes, depression and anxiety. Then there is the high cholesterol and blood pressure. With all these health problems comes medication for all. Some of the medication causes weight gain but you need them.
So conclusion to this battle. I am having the Lapband removed from my stomach and I will be converting to the gastric sleeve.
I am so grateful that I have a wonderful husband who has been with me through all of my struggles. He has seen my ups, downs and all arounds. He sees how hard I do work. How hard I try. How much I beat myself up when I don't lose weight even when I have done all of the right things. He has seen me give up hopes and give in to the unhealthy from my disappointment of not winning the battle. He has stood by me through thick and uh, not so thin. I want to thank him very much for helping me with my journey of becoming a healthier me.
Because of my fear of judgement I have kept this to myself. But most people would say not to worry about what others think.
A lot of people will say well if you just exercise and eat right you will lose weight. Well I do and it does help but it just isn't enough for me. Exercise has become really hard due to arthritis in my right knee and hip but I will continue to fight through the pain.
This is not going to be easy!!!!!
I love food!!!!!!!!!!!
Sugar is the devil!!!!!!!!!!
I am giving up all the tasty favorites for a new me.
I am going into surgery at 9:30. Wish me luck. See you when I wake
I love you all!!!!❤✌
— feeling optimistic.

Thank you everyone for your input. I'm scared to tell people, and worried what negativity may come my way but I don't like feeling that I'm lying either.
Good point about other people feeling frustrated that I would do so well 'on my own' if they can't.
I have a lot to think about..

A lot of people in the office know I've been on a liquid diet for the last couple of weeks, and they know I am going to be out of the office next week for my surgery. I'm not broadcasting it like "HEY EVERYONE - I'M GETTING WLS!!" but when they ask why I am more than comfortable being open and honest. I've come to terms with my guilt and doubt about whether or not to have the surgery. All they can say to me is stuff I've already thought about and have resolved. I don't feel the need to defend my decision. This is what needs to be done for my health and for my future.

The only negative comments have been from my mother, and it's just because she is worried about complications during surgery. Everyone else has been excited for me (and some even a little jealous)