SlimJill

"But you're so young! You could have just exercised and ate less..." Yes because I should have waited another 10, 20, 30 years of unhappiness and hating life until I decided to make a change... of course! Exercise and eat less, well holy hell there's a new concept I NEVER tried before!
"You're going to gain ALL your weight back because I know 1 person who did!"

Well today I texted my boss to let him know I've completed 32 hours of modules at home and will start the new set today. I spoke to him before about it and he said "Oh yes, just make a list of how long it takes you and I'll put it in all at once instead of 2 hours here, and 30 minutes there..." but that was verbal... now I have to see if he comes through on it. And if he doesn't I will be calling the District Manager, HR, Ethics Line, etc...
I just keep repeating to myself... 7 more months... 7 more months... 7 more months...
If only pot were legal my problems would be solved jk, not trading one addiction for another!

Thank you everyone for your replies!
I will definitely look into OA. I had looked into them maybe a year before surgery but I wasn't truly ready to let go of food so I never pursued it.
*Deep Breath* This job. Oh Man.
This job is at company A, and I never EVER expected it to be so crappy.
1. Never enough man power to get the work done so constantly falling behind (not just me either, but people who have been there for years struggle to complete their work)
2. Because of the above I constantly feel inadequate at my new job
3. Because of the above I frequently skip lunch to make sure I can finish my work for the night - which I know is really bad because it's a very physical job and I need fuel.
4. On the odd chance I do decide to "treat" myself to a lunch break I have the cashier calling me up for backup to help with the line (And I am NOT a manager, I make an hourly rate = working on my lunch is working off the clock)
5. Because they don't have enough labor hours provided by corporate the manager expects me to do job required training at home on my own computer which I haven't been paid for yet (32 hours worth of it with tons more to go)
6. I'm constantly stressed out, feeling inadequate, never having a moment to breath, and really hate it.
All that being said... I am definitely looking for something else. I have 7 months until I graduate with my Bachelors degree and once I have that in my possession the world is my oyster! I will finally have not a limited schedule due to classes! Right now I'm kind of in a pickle because I have class on Wednesday, so every normal M-F 9-5 job I can't have... only retail... so if I switch companies I'm not entirely sure I will have it any better at another retail company... In addition, this job has given me the title of Shift Supervisor with a whole host of new responsibilities which will look very good once I graduate and apply to other jobs so I don't want to lose that title. But at this point I need to decide which is more important to me - my health and happiness or my career.
Fluids: Check check check I'm constantly drinking Water at work and at home
Vitamins: Check
Protein: I am getting in right around 60 grams though it should probably be more when I'm working.
A new hobby I've adopted is shopping for clothes though that isn't exactly a stress relief...
I'm exercising though not on a regular basis.
And as I wrap up this long post I'm going to go throw out my junk food! Thank you guys and I will definitely try a 5 day cleanse. Unlike before the surgery I know my success is in my own hands and I can do this!

PS, it would be a good idea to document every time you are asked to do something that would violate labor laws.

You have got to learn to set boundaries at work. No job and no company is worth your health. They will exploit you as much as you allow and won't lose a second in replacing you if you dropped dead tomorrow.

Thank you everyone for your replies!
I will definitely look into OA. I had looked into them maybe a year before surgery but I wasn't truly ready to let go of food so I never pursued it.
*Deep Breath* This job. Oh Man.
This job is at company A, and I never EVER expected it to be so crappy.
1. Never enough man power to get the work done so constantly falling behind (not just me either, but people who have been there for years struggle to complete their work)
2. Because of the above I constantly feel inadequate at my new job
3. Because of the above I frequently skip lunch to make sure I can finish my work for the night - which I know is really bad because it's a very physical job and I need fuel.
4. On the odd chance I do decide to "treat" myself to a lunch break I have the cashier calling me up for backup to help with the line (And I am NOT a manager, I make an hourly rate = working on my lunch is working off the clock)
5. Because they don't have enough labor hours provided by corporate the manager expects me to do job required training at home on my own computer which I haven't been paid for yet (32 hours worth of it with tons more to go)
6. I'm constantly stressed out, feeling inadequate, never having a moment to breath, and really hate it.
All that being said... I am definitely looking for something else. I have 7 months until I graduate with my Bachelors degree and once I have that in my possession the world is my oyster! I will finally have not a limited schedule due to classes! Right now I'm kind of in a pickle because I have class on Wednesday, so every normal M-F 9-5 job I can't have... only retail... so if I switch companies I'm not entirely sure I will have it any better at another retail company... In addition, this job has given me the title of Shift Supervisor with a whole host of new responsibilities which will look very good once I graduate and apply to other jobs so I don't want to lose that title. But at this point I need to decide which is more important to me - my health and happiness or my career.
Fluids: Check check check I'm constantly drinking Water at work and at home
Vitamins: Check
Protein: I am getting in right around 60 grams though it should probably be more when I'm working.
A new hobby I've adopted is shopping for clothes though that isn't exactly a stress relief...
I'm exercising though not on a regular basis.
And as I wrap up this long post I'm going to go throw out my junk food! Thank you guys and I will definitely try a 5 day cleanse. Unlike before the surgery I know my success is in my own hands and I can do this!

I certainly understand your struggle.
I am glad to hear you are seeing a therapist. In addition to therapy, have you ever considered OA? If you go to their website, www.oa.org, you will find meeting lists (phone and in-person), podcasts, and literature.
I also understand having a miserable job. Sometimes it's because the job/organization is not right, but sometimes it's because we are miserable and unhappy with our lives. You will have to do some soul searching, but if the job is not right you may just have to find something else. You don't have to quit today, but you can start working on a plan today to change jobs and find a job that works for you.
In the meantime, are you getting in all your Protein, fluids, and Vitamins?
Are you exercising?
Do you journal?
Do you pray/meditate?
Do you have a trusted friend you can talk to?
Do you have any hobbies?
Do you volunteer?
Get the junk out of your house, your desk, and/or your car, or wherever you keep it. If you don't have it you can't eat it.
Keep participating here.
Best of luck and keep us posted on how you are doing.
.

My thought ....
Being trapped is horrible. It's slavery.
And when you have a situation going like this ... (like having a VERY stressful/crappy new job - like come home crying because I hate it so much...) ... you are trapped, enslaved.
And everyone would be stressed to the max in a situation like that.
Stress keeps us in addiction and out of recovery.
You do have choices. This isn't the only job in the world. Yes, I know, you're about to tell me why this is THE ONLY JOB you could possibly have right now.
And even before you tell me how this is THE ONLY JOB for you right now, I say: Hells, no!

I know this song so well - sometimes I feel like I wrote it.
I'm still relatively new at all of this but sometimes the desire to grab something that isn't good for my body is so strong that I think I'm going to go crazy. My doctor and his team take a realistic approach - they have not ever told me to never have a sweet again, or eat a piece of pizza. I had to identify some of my own triggers that will send me down that slippery slope.
I wish I had words of wisdom or tricks to help get you back on track. Truth is, I know I have some dark days ahead and will struggle with the same demons. I have a counselor who specializes in eating disorders. I've asked my family to keep the foods I find difficult out of sight. I don't bring in things I know I can't deal with. I attend my surgery support group and I'm honest with others when I'm having a challenge.
Please know you're absolutely not alone. You've got someone pulling for you here.
CJ

Being trapped is horrible. Especially in a job because we all have to support ourselves. I make a move up or get away plan.
1. Review your skills
2. Honestly review your job performance. If you can change or relearn ways to make your job better then do so. If not....
3. Polish up the resume and seek to gt out ASAP. This may mean putting up a front and being a stellar employee.
Ways to deal with a sucky job:
1. Take advantage of allowed breaks. I always made it a point to go out for a walk during my lunch break. The upside of this is it means exercise for you. Pack your lunch so you have healthy food options. Bring your Water bottle and truly try to chill. If you can find a nook or quiet spot where you can meditate even better.
2. Post work activities. This is the time to burn off steam by exercising.
3. My new "treat" are cute workout clothes. I mentally tell myself I deserve those cute sneakers for sticking to my WLS plans. You can scale it back to small things like if you make it a week eating well, buy a new pack of headbands or a cute tshirt. If your drink all your Water for that week, splurge on a pretty water bottle.< /p>
Remind yourself that this is about self love. Write it on cards and stick them on your mirrors at home. Put a post it note in your lunch reminding your that you're eating well to be the better you.
SAVE
I once stepped out on faith and left a job with no new one in sight. I felt like the job was literally killing me. I was stressed and looked awful. My doctor was even concerned with how bad I looked. I saved up enough to pay for 3 mths of bills. (In hindsight I should have done 6mths) and handed in my resignation. Thankfully a month later I did receive another job offer.
Hang in there. Find anything to do beside eat. Puzzles, therapy, ANYTHING but self harming behaviors.

@@SlimJill - Hey, thanks for having the guts to admit this. Great first step. As Will Rogers said, "when you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging." My next step is to hit Google. You sound like you are defining your problem correctly. Get an accountability person on your team, make a plan of things you will commit to doing, start now getting rid of the crap in the fridge so you will not to make it worse, make gradual and habitual changes for the stress. You had the courage to post this so you want to change, now start making it. And if you want tough love and support, well I won't name names, but we have people here to provide it.

I realize there is a strong emotional component to this - I am not trying to minimize it, but here is another perspective.
Eating junky crappy food makes us want junky crappy food even if life is wonderfully perfect. I believe that if you can "break" the physical drive for those foods, it will support your effort in breaking the emotional. I say this as someone who used to weigh TWICE as much as I do now. Counseling has a huge value, but it never stopped me from craving certain foods, from having that high drive to eat. The last counselor I saw pre weight loss was an eating disorders specialist and she was sure i was lying when I told her that i was like really really hungry all the time. Neither she nor I understood the obesity disease process and how that excess fat acts like another organ in your body ... feeding the appetite monster.
I am not sure the best technique for you, but I made huge strides toward breaking that cycle when I was sleeved. I white knuckled it for awhile and over time... food just ... stopped pleasing me like it once had. In some ways it was even a little sad to realize that even if I WANTED to feel better by overeating, it didn't really work!
So, just some ideas - how about committing to just 5 consecutive days of eating "clean". Meaning, don't starve yourself, but eat Protein, veggies and avoid all processed type food. Journal it, log it, reward yourself with non food things each day. Tell yourself that those chips and Cookies and crap will be waiting for you later if that is what you REALLY want. (don't worry, now that I am not eating that crap there is plenty for the rest of North America - ha).
If at the end of 5 days you decide you don't like eating this way - well, you can make a choice of what to do next. For me, it was always helpful to think in terms that i don't need to do this "forever" just for now. As time has gone on, I want to eat healthy forever because I feel and look so much better - that different behavior has created a reward feedback to me which is motivational.
I know this is very very hard. I am rooting for you, whatever course of action you choose.

Over the past 2-3 months my diet has gone from near perfect to train wreck!
I'm talking junk food - fritos, cheetos, sugar free candy, real sugar candy, pizza, Chinese food, etc. Just the crappiest stuff around. I wholeheartedly blame myself and feel terrible because I spent so much money, made such a huge change, was so good for so long and then... stress/life really challenged me and I buckled under the pressure...
I currently go to a psychologist who is a addiction specialist but I want to hear from the mouths of former or current food addicts...
What do you use as stress relief now? How do you deal with things you cannot change (like having a VERY stressful/crappy new job - like come home crying because I hate it so much...) ?
I know that instead of finding a new healthier alternative, I went back to my trusted old friend of food. My constant companion from life. I don't want how I'm eating to become a forever thing again, I want this to be a little road block in my journey. But I need help, I need suggestions... from those who understand my struggle.

Everyone can struggle with food and more importantly self image and self esteem...
My best friend is drop dead gorgeous, and I've been jealous of her my entire life! She is 5'4, 120 pounds, hour glass frame, tan skin, nicest clothes, new car, etc. That bitch has everything I want but I never realized she had an eating disorder... she struggles with food and self image just as much as I do - only in a different way.
So in a way I understand how we want to say "you have NO idea"
but everyone has a problem, it might just not be visible like ours... and we shouldn't put others down because of it.

Everyone can struggle with food and more importantly self image and self esteem...
My best friend is drop dead gorgeous, and I've been jealous of her my entire life! She is 5'4, 120 pounds, hour glass frame, tan skin, nicest clothes, new car, etc. That bitch has everything I want but I never realized she had an eating disorder... she struggles with food and self image just as much as I do - only in a different way.
So in a way I understand how we want to say "you have NO idea"
but everyone has a problem, it might just not be visible like ours... and we shouldn't put others down because of it.

Everyone can struggle with food and more importantly self image and self esteem...
My best friend is drop dead gorgeous, and I've been jealous of her my entire life! She is 5'4, 120 pounds, hour glass frame, tan skin, nicest clothes, new car, etc. That bitch has everything I want but I never realized she had an eating disorder... she struggles with food and self image just as much as I do - only in a different way.
So in a way I understand how we want to say "you have NO idea"
but everyone has a problem, it might just not be visible like ours... and we shouldn't put others down because of it.

Everyone can struggle with food and more importantly self image and self esteem...
My best friend is drop dead gorgeous, and I've been jealous of her my entire life! She is 5'4, 120 pounds, hour glass frame, tan skin, nicest clothes, new car, etc. That bitch has everything I want but I never realized she had an eating disorder... she struggles with food and self image just as much as I do - only in a different way.
So in a way I understand how we want to say "you have NO idea"
but everyone has a problem, it might just not be visible like ours... and we shouldn't put others down because of it.

"But you're so young! You could have just exercised and ate less..." Yes because I should have waited another 10, 20, 30 years of unhappiness and hating life until I decided to make a change... of course! Exercise and eat less, well holy hell there's a new concept I NEVER tried before!
"You're going to gain ALL your weight back because I know 1 person who did!"

"But you're so young! You could have just exercised and ate less..." Yes because I should have waited another 10, 20, 30 years of unhappiness and hating life until I decided to make a change... of course! Exercise and eat less, well holy hell there's a new concept I NEVER tried before!
"You're going to gain ALL your weight back because I know 1 person who did!"

I am 7 weeks post-op and just ate out for the first time this weekend.
I order a Water and a coconut shrimp appetizer. The Water came with a straw and I completely forgot that's not allowed so I drank from it and then could only eat 2.5 shrimp. I took home the rest, no weird looks from the waitress, and the people I was with knew about my surgery. Shrimp went down fine... although fried... and the way I see it is this is my new life, not my diet. I felt no guilt for those shrimp and I continue to experiment with food (in little amounts) just the way my sleeve intended.

I agree, you should tell him. If he isn't supportive then maybe he isn't a guy you want in your life...

I went on a couple dates with a guy, afterwards he sat me down for an intervention about my eating disorder. I sat him down and explained.

Here's a different point of view. If this is truly a person of interest, then you should be honest and tell them you had weight loss surgery and the effects it has had on your diet. If they can't handle the fact that you have had weight loss surgery, then maybe you should move on and find someone who can be supportive of a decision that you made for the sake of your health.

I am 7 weeks post-op and just ate out for the first time this weekend.
I order a Water and a coconut shrimp appetizer. The Water came with a straw and I completely forgot that's not allowed so I drank from it and then could only eat 2.5 shrimp. I took home the rest, no weird looks from the waitress, and the people I was with knew about my surgery. Shrimp went down fine... although fried... and the way I see it is this is my new life, not my diet. I felt no guilt for those shrimp and I continue to experiment with food (in little amounts) just the way my sleeve intended.