anaxila

Hi anaxila, I am very much like you. I have told 3 people, and that's it. I had the Lap Band in 2010, and it worked good for 6 months, then I got pregnant, and the band slipped. So I've been throwing up for 3 years....and I am just now talking to a surgeon about GB. He said it will happen in January, so I am hopefull. I am like you, I do not want anyone knowing that I am getting this done. I do not want people judging me. I didn't tell people that I had the band either. And with the band, it took a while to lose weight, so everyone just thought that I was "doing good and eating right" , and therefore lost weight. And I didn't tell them any different. I am not telling people because I do not want to defend myself my choice to anyone. I don't have the strength to stand up for myself...not right now. And if I hear "just work out and eat right" one more time...I will go crazy!! I am not sure this will work for either. The Lap Band was good for a few months, and I lost about 45 pounds, it was great, and I felt great. But since it didn't work after the baby, and I've been struggling with it for the last 3 years, and gained ALL the weight back, I am scared that I won't be able to make this work either. I am reading post after post about people saying that they do not feel hunger anymore....that to me is amazing!!! Cause I am hungry ALL THE TIME. And people are saying that they do not even want sweet things anymore....amazing. I am scared that I am getting this help, and I will just screw it up.
I understand your thinking. I do. I am hoping that after I have this done...and everything is going good....that I have a change in heart, and if someone ask me if I had this done, I will say "hell yeah I did! And it is working for ME! Look how great I am looking and feeling now!!!"
I don't know why this type of operation is such a "failure" operation for us fat people. I am SURE that if there was an operation for people that were strung out on drugs...if there was something that they could operate, they would! And everyone would he happy for them that they took a step in the right direction, that they chose a healthy life instead of drugs. Right??
It is a good thing that you are talking about it and expressing your feelings...but you need to know....that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Take Care!!

This weekend, I told my parents that I'm having surgery on January 6. I hadn't shared anything with them up to this point, so there was a lot of catch-up to do. As expected, my mom was concerned and skeptical and listened with a furrowed brow, and my dad just listened for a bit before expressing his unconditional support.
My weight problems are reflected in dad's side of the family and he's always been able to understand my experience better than mom does. He's gone through a few rounds of weight loss himself, but generally manages okay just by being extremely active and athletic. My mother and her side of the family are all very slim. She's 65 and maybe weighs a few pounds more than when she graduated from high school, but not much.
When I was 16 I asked my parents to pay for Diet Center, which mom dismissed it as silly and wasteful. Dad came to me later and said she didn't understand what it was like and of course they'd pay for it if I wanted. That was around the time he tried Nutri System, and it's the last time we discussed my weight, until Saturday.
Mom has generally done a great job of keeping her opinions about my body to herself over the past 40+ years, but I know there's a lot she would like to say if I gave her an opening. One of my goals for this weekend was to tell her what was happening without giving her that opening to pass judgment, and so far so good.

Thank you, @@Jonathan Blue. I just teared up reading your reply, so clearly i am very fragile about this.
I tend to be an open book with people about just about everything in my life - often more than I should - but I've never talked about my weight with anyone. I just don't have any script for it, but I do have a strong mental model that says don't ever admit weakness or arm people with what they need to hurt you. Which is silly, because the people in my life are wonderful, but the thought pattern persists nonetheless.
I think I'm hedging because I'm afraid that surgery will not work for me - that I will fail, and everyone will know I failed. Although I know I'm fat, and clearly everyone who meets me knows I'm fat, somehow actually acknowledging that I'm aware of it and hate it and am so desperate that I'll have part of my body cut out to fix it... that's terrifying. It's giving people extra ammunition to judge me. And I know they're doing it already, and that nothing bad happens to me from being judged, but I still hate it.
I don't really have a plan for how to talk about it with people, and clearly I need to fix that soon. I just got my surgery date last week, and didn't worry about disclosure while it was still abstract. I am in a high-visibility leadership position at a large company, so I'll definitely need to deal with comments and compliments after the fact for sure. I know it will be weird to be suddenly so visible after years of invisibility (hiding in plain sight as a fat person), but after-the-fact disclosure is less scary to me than putting it out there before I've got anything to show for it.
I don't know. I need to think about this more. I'm so grateful for this site to have a place to work through these thoughts.

This weekend, I told my parents that I'm having surgery on January 6. I hadn't shared anything with them up to this point, so there was a lot of catch-up to do. As expected, my mom was concerned and skeptical and listened with a furrowed brow, and my dad just listened for a bit before expressing his unconditional support.
My weight problems are reflected in dad's side of the family and he's always been able to understand my experience better than mom does. He's gone through a few rounds of weight loss himself, but generally manages okay just by being extremely active and athletic. My mother and her side of the family are all very slim. She's 65 and maybe weighs a few pounds more than when she graduated from high school, but not much.
When I was 16 I asked my parents to pay for Diet Center, which mom dismissed it as silly and wasteful. Dad came to me later and said she didn't understand what it was like and of course they'd pay for it if I wanted. That was around the time he tried Nutri System, and it's the last time we discussed my weight, until Saturday.
Mom has generally done a great job of keeping her opinions about my body to herself over the past 40+ years, but I know there's a lot she would like to say if I gave her an opening. One of my goals for this weekend was to tell her what was happening without giving her that opening to pass judgment, and so far so good.

I love your list! You see I went on a trip back in August with my kids and hubby and was unable to do so much. I tried but I held them back and they would not go withou me. I think I cried every night. at the time we knew I was about a month out from surgery and my granddaughter kept saying how this would be the last time i would not be able to walk very far or would not be able to go zip lining.
Well, two weeks ago I went to Las Vegas with my husband. First, I had to go buy clothes that were 4 sizes smaller! Then when I got on the plane and into my seat, my seatbelt not only fit, I probably had an extra 6 inches! I walked all over Las Vegas and was not in pain, in fact my hubby and son got pooped out before I did! And I did not have to use a necklace extender.
In February, I am taking my other son and Granddaughter to Hawaii, we have not been there since 1999. I have excursions planned on every island and I cannot wait to mark things off my list!
You are going to have a blast when it happens for you. I am less than halfway to my goal and only 10 weeks post op and I feel so blessed to be where I am already!

The APA (American Psychiatric Association) recognizes something called "Body Dysmorphic Disorder" as a psychiatric condition. It basically means this (copied from wikipedia): "a disorder that involves belief that one's own appearance is unusually defective and is worthy of being hidden or fixed... If the perceived flaw has any foundation in reality, it is typically minor, though severely exaggerated." It's usually diagnosed in people with anorexia, to explain how someone can look in the mirror and describe their 80-pound body as grossly fat.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately as I get ready for surgery (28 days and counting!), and review pictures of myself throughout my life. I was "the fat kid" from an early age, but when I look at pictures of myself in elementary school, junior high, etc, I hardly see what the problem was. I was on the soft side of normal, but you'd never know it for the teasing I got and the self-hatred I heaped on myself. I weighed 185 when I got married in 1993, and was so incredibly disappointed in myself for failing to lose weight in advance of the wedding and making my (ex-)husband stand up and marry such a gross person that I could hardly bear to stand up there and go through the thing.
Now fast-forward 20 years. Depending on the day, I'm just over or just under 300 pounds at 5'4". That's a BMI of 50-51. I am not psychotic about avoiding them, but I generally don't spend a lot of time with mirrors or cameras. And now that I am seriously, dangerously, actually obese, my mind's latest trick is the "I'm not THAT fat" game.
I am literally two little boxes from being off the printed BMI scale entirely, and even the largest plus-sized clothing made by my employer has only about a 50/50 chance of fitting. I have diabetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, the whole package. But somehow, I still catch myself wondering if I really need surgery. I've recently realized that in my mind I am about a hundred pounds lighter. The only times I am really aware of how I look is when I'm sitting in the hair stylist's chair for highlights (they take forever, and the mirror is huge), or when I see pictures. I finished my MBA program last weekend, and I am horrified by the pictures from graduation - "Is THAT how I look? OMG, I'm huge!" I feel it in the physical discomfort of moving through the world at this size, but in my mind's eye I'm much smaller than reality shows me.
It's just interesting to me how my mind plays tricks on me. When I wasn't that heavy I was convinced that I was grossly fat. And now that I am seriously out of control, my mind tries to convince me that everything is not that bad. I wonder if I will have a realistic picture at any point: if my mind and body will match up somewhere along the way.

I've started a list of things I can't do today, and look forward to doing once my excess weight is reduced or gone. I don't recall a day when I was suddenly unable to do these things, but I know I can't do them now and am excited to see them return. In other words, these are some of the small victories and milestones I look forward to achieving. What are yours?
In no particular order...
buy clothes in a normal store wear necklaces without extensions wear knee-high boots board an airplane without worrying who'll be next to me and whether I need a seatbelt extension cross my legs in a meeting ride a horse fit into a wetsuit hike and schlep around mountains and islands and monuments in general ride a roller coaster sit comfortably in a theater take the stairs at work take a walk around the block without being winded tie my shoes straight use a regular bathroom stall comfortably climb a ladder

I've started a list of things I can't do today, and look forward to doing once my excess weight is reduced or gone. I don't recall a day when I was suddenly unable to do these things, but I know I can't do them now and am excited to see them return. In other words, these are some of the small victories and milestones I look forward to achieving. What are yours?
In no particular order...
buy clothes in a normal store wear necklaces without extensions wear knee-high boots board an airplane without worrying who'll be next to me and whether I need a seatbelt extension cross my legs in a meeting ride a horse fit into a wetsuit hike and schlep around mountains and islands and monuments in general ride a roller coaster sit comfortably in a theater take the stairs at work take a walk around the block without being winded tie my shoes straight use a regular bathroom stall comfortably climb a ladder

@@anaxila,
I know it can be very difficult putting yourself out there. We all deal with pain associated from our weight and worrying about what others think of us behind our back. I have horror story after horror story of chairs breaking, needing to buy special work uniforms, and being rejected for dates because I was too fat. I was the one that was invisible to everyone other than I was the elephant in the room. To tell you the truth even though I am down over 210lbs. I still feel like that guy sometimes.
Right now, being a high profile executive, you know how important positive self talk can be. I want you to stop thinking about what if the surgery doesn't work. IT WILL WORK. If you follow the plan and rely on the others on here for help and advice, you have no choice but to succeed. I have a blog and there are three special posts on there about how I prepared for surgery, as well as a host of other great articles about my journey and ways to stay motivated. There are even some healthy cooking demos. I really recommend you check it out. The link is below my signature. I think the prepping for surgery posts will be especially good for you to read over.
Things will change as you lose weight and the confident inner person that you weight has kept quiet will start to emerge. That is an amazing time and people will definitely take notice. In the last year I have gotten two promotions at work and been invited be a part of several committees just because my personality has emerged and become one that people just want to be around. I think its awesome. It is the true me that has always been there, just covered up by fat. It will be absolutely amazing and I am so excited for you. Use what people say as motivation to help you succeed. There will always be negative people. It is how you deal with them that affects your success.
If you need anything at all, my contact information is below. I will do what I can to help you out.

OMG you are me! I have read many of your posts and thought it now this just sealed it! I almost posted this when u were posting on your mom and dad (nail on the head to mine) but this yes! Are u sure we are not somehow related lol.
Just think, soon u really will be 100 pounds lighter! Just don't cross back to the other feelings. Our minds are amazing machines, and learned responses and protective in nature of the ID. With that being said, your mind may be in protection mode, knowing pain n hurt u feel w reality and does that as a coping method. Then comes pics or mirrors, hurt and ouch; hence your brain goes to protection mode! Wow I just used my masters in nursing on that one! If I could do that w myself haha ..........
You got this and 28 more days u will be on your way and need to retrain that brain of yours!

I know that putting yourself out there is always a very tough thing to do. Especially when, if you were like me, you hated being in the public eye at the size you were before surgery. I hated getting attention because I always felt it was negative. You will soon come to love all the attention and even crave it because it will all be great! That will be like a new drug that you need to have instead of food. Plus it keeps you accountable to your thousands of fans! lol.
Amazing work putting yourself out there. I followed you on instagram. I can't wait to see your progress and all the amazing things you will be doing!

I was not to far into the surgery prep process before I realized that the psychological issues were going to need as much attention - if not more - than the physical ones. I am generally mentally healthy and competent, but increasingly aware that food and fat are a barrier and protection that goes well beyond my original understanding.
I've bought and started to work through two books that are so far very helpful:
1) The Food & Feelings Workbook - really excellent exercises and reflection throughout the book, totally applicable to WLS patients
2) The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Weight Management - less helpful than the first book because there are some things that just don't seem to apply to WLS patients, but pick and choose and you'll find some thought-provoking exercises.
I'd appreciate any additional recommendations anyone has. I'm very concerned about sabotaging my own success for psych/fear-related issues, and so the more tools the better.

I recently celebrated a huge victory! My stomach (around the belly button) went from 63 inches down to 34 inches!!! Almost 30 inches lost. Holy moly! !!!
That is unfathomable. Even better my waist (my skinny part) is 31 inches, from 56 inches. So crazy! !! Measure those inches they matter!!
Sw 333 pounds, size 24
Cw- 174 pounds, size 12/14 canadian/10 american
Height 5'6"
Shout out your victories!

Help! Suddenly I can't post repies, start threads, or reach out via the "contact us" page. This reply probably won't go through either, but just in case...
Here's the error message. I get errors on my Mac, my Windows machine, on Google Chrome browser, internet explorer, and firefox. It's very persistent.
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I will join the chorus of people singing the praises of the Fitbit. I have also tried Jawbone's UP24 and Misfit's Shine, and the Fitbit has the best overall balance of features, reliability, and usability.

I'm still waiting for my surgery date. December 4th I will have completed my 6 months supervised diet insurance requirements. I'm hoping when that date comes and they submit it to my insurance that it won't take long to get approved and to get a surgery date. I am so ready to get it done already. Now I'm just counting the days..I'm not the most patient person either

Well...I WANT to be January 6th! Does that count? No? dang. (congrats to you though)

So happy for you! I'm January 6th. If you haven't already done so, join the January board!

So happy for you! I'm January 6th. If you haven't already done so, join the January board!

I had lost a lot of weight in the past (though gained it all back quickly & more) so I had to deal with a lot of very inappropriate comments about my weight loss and it always unsettled me. I hated my weight loss (and regain) always being the topic of the day wherever I went! So, this time, in doing the emotional prep work for this surgery, I've already come up with a response that I think will defuse some of the unsolicited & unwanted comments. If anyone goes beyond a nice simple, "wow, you look great". and starts in asking things like "how much has you lost?", or commenting on how fat I was before, etc, I will just smile sweetly and say "I am bored talking about my body, let's talk about yours now!" I figure that will stop things pretty fast. :-)

I wish I could find my source of information, but it was something I read, or perhaps my doctor told me that really made me seriously consider having this surgery and change my no to a yes when I was deciding. I tell people this little piece of information when they ask me why I decided to do it, and this is how I word it : "Only eight percent of people my size who manage to lose all of their weight actually keep that weight off for the rest of their lives. With this surgery, the percentage jumps to 80%. I like those odds a lot better."
My primary care physician told me that I will run into more judgement from people outside of the medical profession than within it. Most doctors are on board with it because it not only helps obesity, but all of the co-morbidities that go along with it. We are doing what we need to do to save our own lives. I'm sorry your sister doesn't seem to see that, but hopefully she will come around when she sees how healthy you have become, and when she truly sees how hard you have to work at it, and that even though it's not "the old fashioned" way, it's most certainly not the easy way out.
Best wishes to you!

Hey, it's you again! You're stalking me in reverse, right? I'm also January 6 and am glad to have a place for January folks to gather.

I love this topic, and am really enjoying reading all the replies. I am all over the place in trying to set a weight goal, and even more puzzled by the size goal. My clothing-related goal is to be able to shop from normal stores. I love clothes and that sounds like amazing freedom. And I want to wear boots. I miss boots. My weight-related goal is also to be normal. I am always aware of whether I'm the fattest person in the room, and these days I usually am. I'd like that to end. I just want to fit in, physically and metaphorically.
I'm shocked by all the people who are talking about size 4, 6, 8, and am shocked by my shock if that makes any sense. I mean, I know that getting smaller is part of the deal (if not kind of the point), but I haven't been in single-digit sizes since just after puberty and am having a hard time adjusting my worldview to admit the possibility of wearing any. I realize that my "shop in normal stores" goal would seem to include single digit sizes by definition, but it's hard to make the connection. Maybe size inflation really has been out of control the past 25+ years (omg I'm old!) and a size 8 today is what I would have worn then. I don't know, I just can't fathom it.
But I really think that the best thing for me is actually not to set goals. I need to make this be about the journey, not the destination. Every time I've set a destination it's felt like a punishment. Maybe this time I should just keep score and Celebrate the milestones and achievements, but otherwise just do the surgery (still three weeks out), stick with the program, live at the gym, and see what happens.

Dr. Wallace was my surgeon it was my 1 year anniversary on 11/19. He is excellent and by the book. I've had no complications thus far and being that he started the program at Froedtert it gave me even more confidence in his abilities. I'd say you are in very good hands.

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