OKCPirate

I really don't know. I haven't seen much evidence of that. If I were in that situation, I think I'd try increasing calorie intake VERY gradually at the same time as increasing my cardio intensity. And then do some strength training to build more muscle, since muscle increases metabolism.

@
He was talking to me. I have been dating men in their 40s for the past 20 years. My preference has always been a silver fox, so 40 and up. Dating someone in their 40s isn't settling, most women want an established man.
Even though I mainly get approached now by men in their 20s.
Men and how they feel about me aren't the issue. It is my own person issue and comfort level. I always feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall with this topic. No one gets it.

@@OKCPirateI agree that with the weight loss it has opened up more options in the bedroom. I've gained a full 2.5 inches of USABLE "confidence". If the fat around the pubic bone would go away I would actually be pretty decent!
I do have to disagree with you on her being stuck with dating guys in their 40's. @@Dashofpixiedust8 is quite cutell and she has a smile that matches her personality. If I remember correctly she is 30. I could easily see her not having to "settle" (my words not yours). I believe that she will be just fine but I also understand her body issues. I truly believe that with a little bit of lingerie and her personality that she will have no problem when the time comes for sex.

I don't track my food anymore, but I know I ALWAYS get at least 100 grams of Protein a day, That is my top priority. I do also eat a fair amount of carbs, because as was mentioned by another poster, I am a distance runner. I don't go crazy with the carbs, but I don't shy away from them either, if I am confident I will make my protein goal for the day. I probably get close to 200 carbs when I am in the serious part of my training.
Clicking back through some of my logs from when I was tracking food as I was training for my half marathon, it looks like I was around 2100-2500 calories, 100 grams of fat, 200 grams of carbs, and 100-140 grams of protein.

So is it possible to increase your metabolic rate two years or more after surgery if you're one of those who ate very low calorie while in the "honeymoon" phase? I still have about another 20 pounds to lose but have been stuck at about the same weight for about one year. I am now eating about 1300 calories per day and exercise 3 to 4 times per week, including cardio and lifting weights. If I eat more than about 1400 calories per day I gain. Any suggestions???

@@LittleBill I totally agree. I had a horrible experience at a restaurant in OKC which I found out was part of a local management group. I did a check of Quicken account and I documented that I spent over $5K at their establishments in the last year (hey, I was single and date a great deal). I let them know how mad I was, never heard a response, so I organized a boycott ("let's avoid this place during Lent" - it was an issue with me showing a date a vaping device, and the waiter went ballistic). The company is publically traded, so when I noticed his companies 20% drop in revenue during the boycott, I reminded him, "it is amazing what a pissed customer can do." He actually called me, asked what he could do, I told him to have a talk with a friend of mine who was one of the best customer service people I know. End result, he ended up hiring her to train his wait staff and I feel safe going back to his restaurants. I turned down all of their offers for gift cards etc. I just wanted to be treated fairly.

Never run into it before, but if I was the manager/server, I would have said "oh I'm sorry you didn't notice that was on the menu. We add it so we can enhance your experience and stay in business." Or something to that effect. End of the day, same effect, but at least you would feel better and they get to keep their doors open.
I know restaurants have low margins, I know customer service isn't easy, but a little imagination, fun and training just makes everyone's experience better.

@@indyjeff - you are welcome and I very much enjoy the input of @@OutsideMatchInside and @@JamieLogical and others who really do some interesting research.

@@OKCPirate thank you, appreciate the insight. I failed to realize the "power dynamic" you mentioned. It does make a lot sense when you put it that way.
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Actually I haven't had bad experiences at least not about my looks. My issues are internal. Most men think I am beautiful, actually strikingly beautiful, which is really another problem all together that I am dealing with.
Like I said before, no man I have dated in the past year as said anything at all about my body, they are usually very stuck on how beautiful my face is.
The issue is my own person comfort level with my skin. Suddenly being uncomfortable in your own body is a very weird feeling.
I never had this issue morbidly obese. I would walk around naked around men all the time, sex with the lights on, everything. I was very comfortable with my body. I wasn't one of those fat people that hated myself.
I have lost over 170 pounds, not many people have lost that much weight. That puts me in a class with very few people. People that have lost in the 100 pound range don't have the same issues as people who have lost nearly twice as much. One of the things I am working on with my therapist is learning to accept that I am in a class alone and other people just aren't going to understand what I am going through because they aren't there and never will be. Even when I talk to my therapist I feel like I am talking to a brick wall, people just don't get it, and she doesn't either. I'm pretty much on an island by myself, which is difficult.
I almost weight less currently than the weight I have lost, most people don't lose a full grown adult male in weight, and of the people that do lose that much, a lot of them have so much to lose, they are still morbidly obese after losing this much.
So anyway I got a 2nd job for skin removal, because I can't see living like this much longer, beyond vanity it is terribly uncomfortable.

Just like I said on the first page. No one that responded to this thread has been out here dating in the past 2 years.
With the internet people have infinite choices when it comes to dating. It is competitive and brutal.
All this kumbaya pat on the back crap from people that have been married since the 80s or 90s is useless. It is a completely different world.

Damnrite !!!!
That's how I roll, too.............I wear camo garb to bed and try to provide the whole Duck Dynasty experience......or is it Duck DieNasty. My beard could use a little work.....perhaps if I let it grow long enough It'd hide things well, too.
Combination of camo and low lighting and is all good at gametime. At that point its all about the right theme music in the background and hoping the arthritis meds kick in at the right times. Geriatric spidermonkey.
It ain't purty, but it's how I roll.

I cannot help you. I am not there. My suggestion is just that, not a panacea. There are ways to work around things, but you have to find them yourself, not rely on strangers.

I agree with @theantichick. If a guy gets to the point of having sex with you and the skin is a bone killer than you didn't need that relationship anyway. Anyone worth a damn won't hesitate. Theantichick has a great point about making you feel better though, lingerie is nice! Honestly I enjoy the mystery of lingerie during sex. Completely naked is fine by me but some lace and high heels does more for me than just a birthday suit. I have a sneaking suspicion that your smile, attitude and simply how cute you are will overcome any issues that you are concerned about.

My husband assures me that guys by and large (no pun intended) don't care about any of the stuff women care about. They are getting laid, and that makes it all good in their book. LOL.
I have given a lot of thought to the hanging skin. I know I'd rather have that than the fat, but I don't know that I'll ever really come to love it.
However, I am damned good at costuming. LOL. Quality lingerie can hide a multitude of sins, rolls, and whatnot. And there's nothing like french lace to make you feel pretty, IMNSHO. I will be finding what lingerie styles camouflage the stuff I don't like seeing, and having fun collecting pieces for my "naughty" wardrobe. I can even whip up a little arm sleeve thing similar to some belly dance costume pieces I used to make, with spandex lace if the batwings get too flappy.
I think it's a matter of finding what will help *you* be OK with (or maybe even love) the way you look, and the right guy will love it. You'll have a whole new body to dress and play with, enjoy it!!

I can't speak for you or anyone else but for me the differnce is, I look very small and normal in clothes. When I was big, I was big and people knew exactly what they were getting. Now I feel like I am false advertising even though I am not trying to.
No guy I have been with has commented or cared but it is my comfort issue.
I'm really struggling with it. Most people that post on here are married and older or in a LTR, so there aren't many people that can relate to dating with loose skin. So don't expect many useful responses.

So this may be tmi but my doctor pointed something out to me the other day and I wondered if anyone else had this issue.
Even though I'm not anywhere close to goal I have a bunch of hanging skin since I've lost 200 lbs. I just turned 30 and just started dating again. I don't feel comfortable being naked with someone because I feel disgusting.
My doctor pointed out I was fine and didn't care about how my body looked when I was much heavier.
It really made me stop and think. I don't know why I was more okay being naked when I was heavier than I do now.
The only thing I can think of is that I didn't care at all what I looked like before and now I do. I wear make up and I dress nice now.
I don't know how to become comfortable enough with my new body and hanging skin to be intimate with someone.
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I want to follow this post! My boyfriend is the only person that knows and I want to keep it that way but how do I explain the magical weight loss that conveniently happened right after I take 4 weeks off of work for surgery? I hear a lot of people keep it a secret but I feel like it's a hard thing to hide.
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My mom (RIP) used to always say "Don't borrow trouble".
Stop worrying about something that may or may not happen. With surgery coming up, your main focus should be YOU. You're going to have enough stuff to worry about without worrying about a hypothetical situation.

If any man made me choose between him or my health, I would choose my health every time. If what they love about you most is your unhealthy size, you're an object of their fetish, not a whole person.
How is it different than if you were rich and they were drawn to your money, then you were poor and they were no longer attracted to you? That would be a huge turnoff right?
I would much prefer someone who loved and wanted to be with me for my insides than one who mostly was attracted to my outsides. And that goes for whether I'm fat or thin.
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I haven't logged into BariatricPal in a few weeks and it's funny that this should be on the top of the list for current topics. I'm 5 days postop and I am really wishing I had some help with this pain as well. The Zofran makes me throw up and the Tylenol codine is hit or miss at this point. This post has convinced me to talk to my cousin about what my best route would be. I'm thinking a vape also bc I hate pipe smoking and I don't have anywhere private to smoke anyway atm. I have the sublingual tincture but I don't feel like it's ever helped much. I'm gonna try it right now to see if things have changed since surgery. I only partake in edibles when I can't handle the pain of XYZ. That time is now. Lol. I have the best candies too .
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Since rec is legal in your state, I say absolutely try it. Oxycodone is bad news.
My suggestion is to go to a shop and tell them what you're looking for. They sell strains with a higher CBD content specifically for pain control. A nice CBD oil or tincture may be exactly what you need.
Doesn't hurt to go ask - find a shop with good reviews.

I have a question for everyone who uses this. I don't, never have, but I'm getting desperate for pain relief and willing to try anything at this point. I'm also in Colorado so I don't have to worry about needing a medical card. Since I started my pre-op journey in June my back has hurt worse and worse. More weight I lose, more it hurts. Usually starts hurting by early afternoon and by the night it spasms so bad I'm in tears. I'm working with my doctor about it but she won't prescribe pain meds (just take tylenol and use ice/heat... yeah, doesn't touch it at all). Even the oxycodone I was given after the surgery didn't touch the pain. Could marijuana help? I'm so freaking desperate.

I use a sublingual tincture. My doctor said to avoid smoking for the same reason we need to avoid cigarettes.
The tincture doesn't have the calories of edibles and begins to take effect in 20-ish minutes. I do indulge to relax occasionally, but mostly it is fantastic for aches and pains after a good workout.
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I just vape. It's so mild. Love it!
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