OKCPirate

I finally met someone who got me out of the dating pool. It is interesting that this wasn't some crazy hormonal charged ubber romantic chance meeting thing. It has grown slowly from someone I was attracted to someone I want to grow a relationship with. We have a tenancy to define intimacy as sex. I think it is much more than that. While sex is important, its a servant to intimacy not the master.
What I am finding as this grows is finding the right person was vital. Duh? Well what I didn't realize was how important it was to find someone who was really emotionally healthy. For me it turned out that it was important to find someone who had suffered trauma and overcame it. This is why I'm posting this insight here.
For many of us who have undergone major transformation via WLS we had issues with food and the weight literally and spiritually blocked us from people for years. If your goal is true intimacy, I think this a consideration you might want to put on your list. In the back of your mind when you are getting to know them, listen to their stories of how they overcame bad things. It might be the point of connection that might lead to the deep intimacy we all crave.
So what I am hoping to start is a conversation on growing truly intimate with another human being.
What were the things that made you comfortable enough to be vulnerable? Can you do it too quickly? What are the joys and risks? How do you nurture it? I think negative experiences and lessons learned are just as important as the positives.
While I have posted a great deal on dating and finding the right person, there was always a goal. I am sure I have crossed that goal line, now its taking it to the next level, so veteran or newbie I'm curious about how you see intimacy and how you grew it, or blew it.

One of these days we are going to have a frank conversation about the idea of monogamy. It is a universal failure. What percentage of people do you know have only had 1 partner for life? Nearly everyone is a serial polygamous when you think about it. The idea that one person will always be sexually, intellectually compatible with you your entire life is mathematically improbable. The only options are:
1) Get divorced and give up half your stuff and break up all your relationships
2) Quietly cheat, hope you don't get caught and live a double life.
3) Live in quiet desperation, deprivation and misery.
I think there is another option, which requires a serious change in people's views of sex and relationships. We need to really start to ask ourselves where this idea came from. How much of it was designed to control women. Who are the sex experts we have been listening to anyway? (Most, like Dr. Kellogg [who was a closeted homosexual, but his ideas still out there] were really screwed up people). Its a serious conversation that needs to be had.

@@Who'sThere - I'm with you. The spirit WAS willing, but the flesh was weak. Thank goodness my mom was with me in Mexico as support (just to keep my friends and family quiet). If not, I might have created an embarrassing international incident with one of the cute nurses, dang I was unnaturally randy post op and for several months following.

@@OutsideMatchInside oh that's perfect. Working on good luck chuck
My son borrows his roommate's terrier when he needs a date. Better babe magnet than a baby

A complete list of all contingencies for worst case.
Since you are self pay, you may be on the hook for any complications from the surgery. KNOW how much that could cost.
[NOTE: I'm a single dad, I needed to know what could happen so I could plan out contingencies for my kids. Finances are important, and I needed to understand what insurance would cover even though I self paid the surgery in Mexico]

Yes. But it is a great excuse to not eat so much when I go out.

Yes. But it is a great excuse to not eat so much when I go out.

Yes it sucks having to spend $100 to keep from getting sexually molested by your government when you travel, but on the other side of the coin, my time is worth more than that...so I spent the cash. TSA can't give a decent massage, and I don't want a happy ending from those creeps.

The scanner would not pick up anything on the inside like staples. They are not Iron or steel, so they won't set off a metal detector. Surgery scars shouldn't be a problem, but lose skin might be a problem.
The dang things kept pick up sweat on my back so I got one of the "TSA PRE" cards so I don't have to get scanned anymore.
PERSONAL RANT: Only the government can make something less safe, more annoying and more expensive. TSA is the poster child. The only thing that is really effective at stopping bombs and guns is a metal detector (nothing of consequence goes boom without metal). The scanners are expensive and they just don't work. Every test of the TSA at picking up banned items shows they fail 90% of the time. But they want another increase in the fee even though the lines keep getting longer. Just remember during this election year when someone says "I'm from the government and I'm here to help" scream and run.

Yes it sucks having to spend $100 to keep from getting sexually molested by your government when you travel, but on the other side of the coin, my time is worth more than that...so I spent the cash. TSA can't give a decent massage, and I don't want a happy ending from those creeps.

@@Who'sThere - I'm with you. The spirit WAS willing, but the flesh was weak. Thank goodness my mom was with me in Mexico as support (just to keep my friends and family quiet). If not, I might have created an embarrassing international incident with one of the cute nurses, dang I was unnaturally randy post op and for several months following.

Everyone's experience seems to vary. If you don't deal with the issues which got you to where you are, transference can be an issue. Look up the book, "The Emotional First Aid Kit for Bariatric Surgery." While I'm not against it, I do always say "get to your goal weight first, and then have that discussion." Post surgery you have a limited window of time where you can really lose weight quickly. Don't pee on that gift.

Yes. But it is a great excuse to not eat so much when I go out.

I stand corrected. The women here will treat us like a side of beef (albeit a much smaller side of beef)

Look for Dannon's Oikos triple 0 - 15g Protein, 0 added sugar (stevia), 120 calories. I love all the flavors, but the coconut creme I mix with my chocolate Protein shake to give me a "I'm eating a Mounds bar" feeling

As far as Mexico is concerned, here were the benefits I found:
Cost - HUGE, especially if you can self pay Infection rate - much lower on international scale (rooms were bigger, single occupancy, much less equipment/surfaces to wipe down, they had crews in to mop three times a day). Much less idiotic "CYA against lawsuits" than in the US. So no idiot classes, screenings et. al. Most of this is to screen out the worst candidates who are only looking at this because insurance pays for it. Nearly everyone in Mexico I met did their own research and preparation. Doctors do very good job of explaining their expertise. Why? They know they are selling to an international audience. Made research easier. My biggest problem? I was talked into spending an extra day than I thought I needed on recovery. Was board to death. Only plus, found a GNC at mall near hospital and found Isopure Protein.
Yes my family balked. They put tons of pressure on me not to do it. Finally convinced my mom (retired RN) to go with me. That got everyone to shut up.

One of these days we are going to have a frank conversation about the idea of monogamy. It is a universal failure. What percentage of people do you know have only had 1 partner for life? Nearly everyone is a serial polygamous when you think about it. The idea that one person will always be sexually, intellectually compatible with you your entire life is mathematically improbable. The only options are:
1) Get divorced and give up half your stuff and break up all your relationships
2) Quietly cheat, hope you don't get caught and live a double life.
3) Live in quiet desperation, deprivation and misery.
I think there is another option, which requires a serious change in people's views of sex and relationships. We need to really start to ask ourselves where this idea came from. How much of it was designed to control women. Who are the sex experts we have been listening to anyway? (Most, like Dr. Kellogg [who was a closeted homosexual, but his ideas still out there] were really screwed up people). Its a serious conversation that needs to be had.

@@Who'sThere - I'm with you. The spirit WAS willing, but the flesh was weak. Thank goodness my mom was with me in Mexico as support (just to keep my friends and family quiet). If not, I might have created an embarrassing international incident with one of the cute nurses, dang I was unnaturally randy post op and for several months following.

Scared of the 8 days of no pooping post surgery...yes that too shall pass. It turned out to be a non-problem. It sucked that I gained weight post surgery, but it went away quickly after the IV fluids left my system. I really hated that I had pizza 8 weeks post op, that crap got all stuck and ended up retching. (Never again). But over all, not getting it done sooner. But I'm a hard ass who thought this was the easy way out and didn't really look at it in a significant way until two years ago.

Why be sore, when you can soar?

I feel your pain. I'm in love with a woman who does marathons for fun and is planning on doing the Kona Tri. Oh well, pass the lube and soldier on my friend. A man's gotta do, what a man's gotta do. Lie back, think of England and all that.

I feel your pain. I'm in love with a woman who does marathons for fun and is planning on doing the Kona Tri. Oh well, pass the lube and soldier on my friend. A man's gotta do, what a man's gotta do. Lie back, think of England and all that.

Tough call...http://my.clevelandclinic.org/about-cleveland-clinic/newsroom/releases-videos-newsletters/2014-3-31-cleveland-clinic-study-shows-bariatric-surgery-provides-long-term-control-of-type-2-diabetes
I was not yet diabetic, but I see where the consult is coming from

@@Lauriep - Look at the dangers of remaining overwieght, and see if that is worth it. Averages include those who don't take this seriously. It is a tool not a magic wand. It works very well if you respect it and work the program.

Scared of the 8 days of no pooping post surgery...yes that too shall pass. It turned out to be a non-problem. It sucked that I gained weight post surgery, but it went away quickly after the IV fluids left my system. I really hated that I had pizza 8 weeks post op, that crap got all stuck and ended up retching. (Never again). But over all, not getting it done sooner. But I'm a hard ass who thought this was the easy way out and didn't really look at it in a significant way until two years ago.