bellabloom

You're so funny!!!!! Hahahahahahaha

When do we put the past to rest? I feel like I'm living in this state of "I'm going to wake up and this will have been a dream". I'm afraid to let my fat self go. I want to fully move on into the present and future as my new self. A part of me is afraid I can't do this. Like I have to hold on to her because she's either going to come back, and I shouldn't get too comfortable, or she's my legacy and I need to wear her like a chain around my neck, or she's a me that's died and part of me misses her. Do I just miss the life I lived while I was her? So much happened in that life. She was real. Now I sound like I have split personalities. Is there a point that one can just let it go? I'm tired of talking about it, thinking about it. I feel like I'm living in the past. I think that may be one of the reasons I'm struggling with entering maintianence because I can't let my old self go. Does enough time eventually go by that we just move on? Do we get comfortable? Does the fear or regaining ever go away? I don't want to live in a shadow of what I used to do and look like forever.

This is kind of funny. So a guy starts texting me online and he's like"- I love how thin you are. Staying fit is very important to me. I'm attracted to thin to average women but NOT overweight women. I am very visual and overweight bothers me. " So I can't help myself. I respond and let him know I used to be obese. He's like.... Waaaaaat?? Ummmm ummmm well I still want to go out with you! Because look how you look now!!! Hahahhaa. Kinda put him in a corner didn't I! Funny.

How did you link it?

I watched that video too. Needless to say it spoke to me. I do think I am getting better about looking for red flags. It's very true for me that love feels like a drug and once I'm in that zone it becomes a lot harder to step out of. It's like I chase the high of the beginning even when things have gone sour. Thinking I can bring it back. But you can't! Because it really wasn't there at all. Beating a dead horse. What I worry about is getting too antsy- letting the littlest thing chase me away. Not being able to give people a chance. This is why I think it's important to keep sex out of it for a least five or so dates. Maybe longer. Give it a chance but keep it light until you are relatively sure no major red flags exist and there is real potential. I have trouble separating once I go there with a person. The guy I just broke up with, I rushed into things. I was caught up in the thrill and not making sound decisions. It was kind of a rebound thing for me. Anyway. Good lesson to learn.

You look gorgeous! You've lost quickly!!

I do exactly the same thing. I've been told it's a good idea to date a few for awhile before getting serious about one I also get about 100 percent response. In fact I get about ten emails to 20 emails a day from different men. It's overwhelming. It's hard to focus and know who to go out with. That's why I think it's a good idea to email a couple times on the guys side to let a woman know your really interested

Yes thank you everyone. Amazing support on here. It really helped me

I did it. Sent him a text. I don't think he deserves a phone call. Here is what I said: "I'm sorry this is in a text message but I'm not good at putting my thoughts into words when speaking. There are other things, such as me getting physically hurt around you twice now due to your drinking. That's a big huge deal!!!! I don't feel safe in your company. You really really hurt me twice now. But what it really comes down to is that whenever I try to talk to you about my life either currently or in the past, you never fail to turn the conversation back to yourself. I feel totally unheard. You don't engage or ask me questions about my life or show interest in really knowing me. You are totally tuned into yourself. You show no consideration for me. For example keeping the tv on until 2 am when I am clearly tired from working and still choosing to stay with you. Not a partner I want to be with. And words of love mean nothing without real intimacy or care. This has bothered me about you since day one. I have been on the fence about being with you for a long time because of these things. Couple it with your drinking cracking 6am beers and I am just done. I only wish you well and good luck. But for me it's goodbye." And that's done. Thank you me. Thank you me and everyone who has written to me!!!! I do have self love.

I've had enough. Ending it tomorrow.

Maybe the problem is i'm not dating as this girl I'm still dating as if I'm this girl When I was over weight I undervalued myself criticize myself talk down on myself and felt like I was worthless and maybe there's just a part of me that still feels like that is me

I try to be forgiving of myself. I've been through a lot this year and I've also had a lot of relationship experience. I know I'm not going to let this hurt me in any permanent way. My guard is up now. No way am I living with him! I'm spending the night at his house here and there. I think mainly I'm just holding on to see if this get better!

I take birth control that completely stops my periods. I love it!!! And so you will be past all of this. I'm sorry I know it's hard.

I don't love him. He is obnoxious and full of himself and yes a drunk. There is always an excuse to drink. I can see that clearly. I've historically had a hard time extricating myself from relationships. I hold on until things are just miserable. I really like being able to spend the night next to someone. Maybe I just crave the attention. Maybe there is something about the craziness of this guy that makes me feel alive after so long being fat and miserable. Maybe there is a part of me that thinks things will change because we started out so good. I know I've got to end it. It's only a matter of time at this point.

Gotcha. I was really just teasing. I'm super easy going and don't actually get upset at all about what people write on here. It's a free forum.

Nope. It's a movie theater in another town where I live.

I'm still feeling like I shouldn't lose more but a part of me can't let go of wanting to. I'm at goal. Just need to accept it.

Really? Really. So there is no such thing as crazy? No such thing as someone who is just weird and messed up crazy? Well my stepmom always says there is a lid to every pot!!! Sorry but there are crazy men out there and there are plenty of jerks too and since this is my thread I reserve the right to judge, critique, complain, and vent about whomever I please!!! And if you don't like it, I suggest you start a thread entitled "peace love and fuzzy kittens!!!" ???? Hahhahahahha!!! Also you are happily married! So it's easy for you to say as you sit in your cocoon of love and comfort. It's much harder to go through this than one would think and I think we all deserve a vent once in awhile!! I mean really.

My advice to you: Have plenty of photos that are good quality. Clear face shots and full body. I will often pass up a guy if he doesn't have enough photos. Make a profile that describes your basic personality, a few sentences about what you are looking for in a partner. And list a couple specific likes and interests such as favorite song and what is important to you in life. Use specific examples. Email lots of women and make sure and ask questions to keep the conversation going. It's hard to keep up texting without questions back and forth. Follow every answer with a question. As her out on a date quickly- within a couple days. It's always better to meet than text for long periods. Always, always pay on the first date. I cannot tell you what a turnoff it is to me when a guy doesn't do this. In fact I feel guys should pay the majority of the time. It's manly and attractive to do so and a sign of respect. Don't worry about rejection. Date plenty of people at once and know that not everyone is your match, but it only takes one.

So I'm not overreacting that this is crazy? I mean, it's a queen size bed!!! How can he fall on me and almost crack my skull like that!! So not all alcoholics can barely walk when they drink? I've never been around one before.

I do feel like I am worthy of a better man!!! Of course I do. I think I'm awesome!! I just don't like being alone and I haven't met anyone else that has sparked my interest. All the other guys I've met were just so lame. But of course so is the one in supposed to be with!! I'm only now realizing how bad it really is with him.

I would never, ever expose my kids to this. He has only met them once months ago before he started acting this way. And to be honest, I was less than thrilled how he acted towards them. Disinterested, just like he acts towards me on a mental level. So after that I decided not to bring him around again. In fact, I'm not planning on introducing anyone to my kids anytime soon. I'm a protective mother cub when it comes to them, they are a separate part of my life until the truly right man comes along. I have the 50% of the time and it's during my other 50% I date, not when they are with me. I know there is 0 future with the guy. 0 future for me and definitely 0 future with my kids!! I need to drop him. I am realizing I dislike being alone more than I thought.

It's pretty nuts. I can't believe I'm in the situation and how much I am procrastinating ending it!!! Am I that afraid to be alone? What is it with this guy. I just don't know. He is very funny and that's a real attractive trait to me, and he's very affectionate but not in a personal way! Just words, that's all they are. He barely knows me.

Well, a life lesson for me again. Don't date an alcoholic. I've never known an alcoholic before. The man I've been dating the past 5 months is one. It snuck up on me, realizing how bad it is. We were together successfully 3 months when he lost his job, his brother died, and now his dad has prostate cancer. He's totally hit rock bottom and spends all day drinking. I've been trying to survive in the relationship. We've already broken up once and got back together recently. The first time we broke up, it was after I was spending the night at his house and in the middle of the night he got up to use the restroom and fell on me and almost broke my ribs. He is a pretty big guy (6 foot) and he was dead weight and I'm very tiny now. I was so bruised I could barely lift my arm. I broke up with him and then regretted it, missing him and the company. So I decided to give it another try thinking it was a one time thing. Then last night, I was at his house in bed and he got up, came back to sit down and sat down backwards too close to me, and the back of his head cracked into my face sooooooo hard, I thought my eyebrow was split. I cried and held my face for 15 minutes seeing stars with tears streaming down and shaking. I'm so surprised I don't have a black eye today. What is wrong with me that I can't leave this situation. I'm getting hurt and it's dangerous. Clearly he is sick and I have no business being in this. On top of all this, he is totally narcissistic and I find him rather irritating and boring. He doesn't ever talk with me about my life, only himself and his problems. Why am I still in this??????? The weird thing is that although he doesn't listen well, ask me questions or take and interest he is constant saying how much he loves me, adores me, how sexy and beautiful I am, how he wants to marry me and he also wants to have sex with me around the clock!!! Makes no sense.

Omg. Are you guys ready? Here I go!! 1. Guy shows up and he's nothing like his profile pictures. He's ugly and has a hairy back sticking out of his shirt. His voice is incredibly obnoxious and he spends most of the date talking about Kung fu movies. He talks me into going to sushi with him and I tell him, fine but I'm NOT hungry so I'll just watch you eat. We get there, and turns out he is one of those people that thinks Japanese sushi chefs will understand them better if they speak in a very loud pretend Japanese accent!! "Hewwwwo, we likey sushii yum yum pwease! Arigato!" Omg. The waitresses are rolling their eyes, and I am mortified having lived in Japan and being very aware how ridiculous this is! The ****** bag proceeds to order me a 16 piece of sushi plate and a shrimp head!! Omg. I can't eat it of course but I make myself sick trying because I can't stand to waste food and puke three times in the bathroom and to make it worse the a*****e drinks all my sake!!!! 2. I go out with this super cute guy. On our second date he takes me to a beautiful restaurant, delicious food, pulling out my chair, opening the car door, doing everything right! He is funny and charming and I'm loving it. Until. He gets this crazy look in his eyes and starts telling me with full conviction how he's got friends with special powers that can levitate things with their minds and see the future!!! Aha hahahha. 2. Go out to Breakfast with a guy. He's late but when he shows up he's kinda cute. So we sit down and we are chatting and he tells me about how he was part of a Christian cult for 12 years. ???? But he left it and I'm thinking okay at least he left it. I casually ask about his kids and he launches into everything about his ex wife and how three weeks ago!!!!! He finally had her arrested from their home for domestic abuse and she went to jail. Three weeks ago!!! f**k!!! I want to leave but I stay and damn sure he pays for breakfast. 4. Quick summery- the guy who offered to put his hand up my dress and grab my ass. The guy who showed up wearing lipstick. The gay cowboy. The nutlike guys who have me the entire histories of their alcoholic bulimic abusive ex-wives. The guys who bailed on their kids. The guys with no time at all for dating. The guy who had a compulsive spitting problem. The alcoholic. The guys who made me pay. Ugh. It's a scary world out there!!