When do we put the past to rest? I feel like I'm living in this state of "I'm going to wake up and this will have been a dream".

I'm afraid to let my fat self go. I want to fully move on into the present and future as my new self. A part of me is afraid I can't do this. Like I have to hold on to her because she's either going to come back, and I shouldn't get too comfortable, or she's my legacy and I need to wear her like a chain around my neck, or she's a me that's died and part of me misses her.

Do I just miss the life I lived while I was her? So much happened in that life. She was real.

Now I sound like I have split personalities.

Is there a point that one can just let it go? I'm tired of talking about it, thinking about it. I feel like I'm living in the past. I think that may be one of the reasons I'm struggling with entering maintianence because I can't let my old self go.

Does enough time eventually go by that we just move on? Do we get comfortable? Does the fear or regaining ever go away?

I don't want to live in a shadow of what I used to do and look like forever.

Edited October 12, 201510 yr by bellabloom

This is a great post...

I'm going to reply...

But I'm going to word it correctly so that it makes absolute sense...

Give me a while...

wow, you said a lot of things that go through my head!

Following...

Do you have to let your ‘fat self’ go?

You are still her.

She is still you.

You’re the same, real person.

Her memories are your memories.

Her fears, your fears.

Hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes…

All shared.

That part of you hasn’t changed.

What’s changed is your ability to do something about those fears, hopes, dreams etc…

Fat is what you were, not who you were.

Fat didn’t define you.

It may have ruled how you were, but it didn’t rule who you were.

It may have influenced your decisions, but it didn’t have the final say.

It may have been what held you back, but it wasn’t what held you down.

It’s only your shell that was fat. Your outer layer. Your physicality.

Your brain wasn’t fat.

Your mind…

Your soul…

Not fat.

These things remain the same.

What’s changed is the vessel in which these things (and more) are contained.

Old you versus new you is old shoes versus new shoes.

The old shoes are comfortable but they’re not functional.

They’re easy to put on and easy to take off but they provide you with no support.

The new shoes are clean, shiny and look really good.

They’re not tarnished with years of wear.

They don’t have the mark on them from being kicked and trodden on repeatedly.

New shoes take a bit of getting used to, but with a little patience, their true value quickly becomes apparent.

Of course, there’s always the option to go back to your old shoes…

But when it comes down to it, you know that your heart now belongs to your new shoes.

They're the same shoes...

They just look different...

Of course, this may all be the rambling jibber-jabber of a crazy man…

Or I may be using this as an excuse to get some of my own thoughts or insecurities out in the open…

But maybe, just maybe, I’m onto something…

I guess time will tell…

And @@bellabloom

Time is something that you've given yourself...

Apologies if this entire post makes no sense...

Kinda..

That's a lot of individuation going on there ... fat you vs. still-not-skinny-enough you.

@@bellabloom ... seriously, my dear -- it's therapy time. Spoken with kindness.

That's a lot of individuation going on there ... fat you vs. still-not-skinny-enough you.

@@bellabloom ... seriously, my dear -- it's therapy time. Spoken with kindness.

I've been in weekly therapy for over a year. . Maybe time for a new therapist? Or put more work in...

Edited October 13, 201510 yr by bellabloom

@@bellabloom time is a great healer. I was a different person at one year post op than I am now at three years. It took me a while to adjust to the new me. I was (and am) so thrilled with the changes that have occurred that sometimes it felt a little surreal.

It takes time to get comfortable in your new skin, and the longer you are the thin you, the less fear you will have that it can be taken from you. I remember being sort of shocked and excited and a little fearful that it was too good to be true when I was finally successful at losing weight. I was not certain I could maintain the loss, so it was a little hard figuring out where/who I was. I had to come to the realization that I'm working for this new body, all day, every day, and I deserve to have it. I have found it actually was a little too good to be true (it's much easier to lose/maintain the first 12-18 months) but I am empowered by the fact that I'm in control now, and I can do this!

Now that the newness has worn off, I am comfortable in my skin. I am still thrilled everyday that I get to be normal! But now I've learned that I'm still me, just healthier and better looking. I am more fun, I can do more, and I don't have the ball and chain of obesity holding me back. I think you are right on track with your acceptance and moving forward with your new life.

I think the feelings you describe are pretty normal. Once we get a taste of the "good life" it can strike terror thinking it could all go away. You'll figure out how to become the new you while holding onto the real you in due time.

I'm 14 months post-op and have lost 95 pounds. Yes, I have a different self image when I'm in motion -- walking, moving, feeling no pain, and able to move much faster and more easily. At these times I'm quite aware that I'm much smaller than I used to be.

But until recently -- while working, reading, writing, and generally being mentally engaged -- I haven't felt much different than when I was much heavier. In these situations, I just feel like the "old me."

But during the last few weeks I've been at events where lots of pictures have been taken of me, posted on Facebook and shared in other ways. I've truly been visually bombarded with current pix of the way I look now.

Somehow, these pix have had more power to change how I view myself mentally than have the mirror reflections I've been looking at for months.

I'm 14 months post-op and have lost 95 pounds. Yes, I have a different self image when I'm in motion -- walking, moving, feeling no pain, and able to move much faster and more easily. At these times I'm quite aware that I'm much smaller than I used to be.

But until recently -- while working, reading, writing, and generally being mentally engaged -- I haven't felt much different than when I was much heavier. In these situations, I just feel like the "old me."

But during the last few weeks I've been at events where lots of pictures have been taken of me, posted on Facebook and shared in other ways. I've truly been visually bombarded with current pix of the way I look now.

Somehow, these pix have had more power to change how I view myself mentally than have the mirror reflections I've been looking at for months.

I'm always asking people to take pictures of me, just trying to get my head around how I look! Yesterday for the first time I looked in the mirror at the gym and actually thought I looked too thin. It was a bit shocking.

I say be the you you always dreamed of being. This means act like that person. Did she smile more, be more outgoing, wear heels? Fake it till you make it. She's in there.

@@KindaFamiliar What a great response!!

Want to follow this one and share a little later... funny timing...just discussed this with my weight management psychologist this week!

For me she's always there whispering - nothing tastes as good as being skinny! Hope she stays but behaves herself !

I STILL FEEL LIKE THE 311 LB ME SOMETIMES...IT'S CONFUSING...

I have to tell you, I reallyl do think the way you are feeling is normal. Or maybe I want to believe it is normal because it is how I feel a lot of the time too. I LOVE the post about the new and old shoes. That entire post struck me so hard, because the truth of it was nearly blinding. I do believe that we find it hard to let go of the old us because we spent so much time accepting that the "fat us" was the "normal us" and that it would be that way forever. We yo-yo dieted, we gained and lost and gained again and it seemed like it was a never ending cycle and we would always be the "fat us" until now, suddenly, something is working. Its terrifying to think this is working so well and we have to tell ourselves (I partially feel it is a cushion, a protection of sorts) that it may not last forever because it never did before. I think once we see that the weight is staying off, we are in complete control and we really can manage ourselves and keep ourselves small, that we can accept that the "old" is gone and the "new" is here to stay. It is super important though to be sure we do remember that we are still the same person. We love the same, hate the same, care the same, worry and fear the same, and most importantly think and feel the same... we are just as awesome as we were before, but all that awesome and all those feelings are just in a much smaller, more able package now