Pac-woman

Nervous/excited? I remember my countdown. I couldn't believe it was really gonna happen.

More nervous than excited. This pre-op diet has been a huge bummer. Today is my 7th day (14 days total) and I just woke up with a protein shake strike. I refuse to have milk and chalky protein today. So I have been sipping on chicken broth and let a noodle or two slip into my mouth when no one is looking. (lol) But have been pretty weak. I know my protein intake today is bad. But I just need a break. Can't handle it.

So that brings me to the surgery. I am nervous, very nervous. But at the same time I want to get it over with so I can move on with my life and bring some kind of normalcy back. Even if it means eatting a spoon worth of food. But at least it is chewing something solid.

I hate to say this, but I don't feel the excitement that others do. I am asking myself why. I really don't know. It is more of a dreadful thing I have to do because it is the last choice at this point. I have failed at everything else. I wish I could feel excited.

But my will is made of iron. Because I sat across from my boyfriend today at the mall why he pigged out in the foodcourt and I sat there staring down at my phone so I don't look at his food. He offered a piece of pitty chicken and I said no thank you.

I am trying!