cookielover

I got my lapband on October 3rd. I lost my best friend on November 16th! Here is the email that I received: Dear Amy, Well, this is not going to be what you want to get from me, but hey "let's be honest before we start lying to each other". (That is what I normally say to her.) I'm really sorry, but I am not going to be able to come up next weekend. (She was suppose to come up to Canada for the weekend.) As I always say, if you're not living on the edge- you're taking up too much space; however I seem to be way too close to the edge as of right now. I'm really trying to be rational and not get overly emotional while still allowing myself to feel these days as that seems to be the healthiest space for me. (I think she is preparing me for what is coming next...) Let me explain: this will be train of thought, stream of consciousness style as that's when I can get most honest with myself. Right now I need a break. I don't know how much of it is you, but I'm definitely aware of how much of it is me. A lot of this will sound accusatory; I wish it didn't. I've lied to you so much in the last few months specifically about your weight loss surgery. I'm pretty sure that's what got me started on the bad feelings. It wasn't all bad by any means. It was actually so wonderful in my suspended world of denial for awhile. I said most things to keep the peace and got so many wonderful memories and good times recently, so it seemed worth it- but it's seeping into the rest of my life and the web is getting too tangled now. ( I told her a few months ago that I was having WLS and she seemed really cool with it. We had a fantastic summer, and had some kick-ass trips.) I wish I could have told you how much I didn't want you to mutilate your body, how much I thought that there were other things that should have been tried first. (We talked in length about all of my options, and the proceedure.) I just went along with everything you said because I was afraid of making you angry. (This is so not true she ALWAYS speaks her mind. That is what I like about her.) I thought I was willing to exchange your happiness for my integrity, but it turns out I'm not. Now I cansee some of the fruits of your labor, not really the weight loss-(I have lost 30 pounds and two pant sizes; there is no way she could not tell!) I think I'm just programmed not to care about that; my family always said I was so much happier in the arms of a 'big' person even as a baby that my tummy would stop hurting and I would just fall asleep.(Huh???) Still, I do see that you look healthy and seem to be proud of all your hard work. I want to be supportive, yet I'm not there. I might get there and I might never. I finally like my body in the past couple of years, even more than I ever could have when I was thin. (She has been working out and I am very proud of her. She is not overweight.) I love how strong and energetic I always feel- not sick and weak like I did in college. Right now I just know that the holiday season is never really as easy as I I also know that I have way too much wrapped up in diet hell. I really can't begin to explain what any kind of food restriction does to me, how emotional that issue is. Yes, you've heard me say it- and unless I screamed it in the street for 24 hours straight I fear you couldn't possibly get it. (She does not like it that I refuse to eat sugar and wheat product. I did not make her make me special meals, or eat different foods. I just didn't eat bread or sugar, and that freaked her out.) So that's the major dilemma right now- how to deal supportively with you while dealing with that side of me that just doesn't see a happy normal between us about this issue. All I can see is that I'm terrified of being in a household where the 'mother' has extreme diet restrictions and I just can't do it right now. (I guess her mother dieted a lot.) I think it's making me hypersensitive to lots of other small things. I can feel myself over-relating to you as if you were my mom and I can't do that anymore. (Since I can't eat bread...therefore I must be her mom...I guess.) It will literally push me over the edge. When I joke about walking a fine line, it's not really a joke. I barely made it through this past weekend and I'm not ready to try it again right now. I feel bad that I lied to you. I want you to be so successful in your endeavor. You feel bad you lied to me? How about writing me this email? Today I lost over 150 pound because of my lapband. She was my best friend for 25 years. I am so sad I am going to bed.

:cool:You guys are doing amazing!!! I am so proud of you all. It has been a long hard journey to get to this point, but we have done it, and we have begun it, so we rock. Doesn't it feel good to go down a size? I wonder where we will be in 2 months???

I am so cold that even my nose gets cold. I can't wait until summer.

Check out the board it seems most of us are all going through this in one shape or another. I went through mine last week. It does get better. Hang in there with us and lean on us any time!

Hey Holly- I was going to send a search party out to look for you soon if you didn't show up.:spy: Whew! I totally understand what you are going through. Even as upbeat as I am, I too am sometimes down in the dumps. It's weird because I thought I would be on cloud 9, but it turns out that I hang out on cloud 7. I am losing weight, not cheating on my diet, and I am remembering to exercise...but...but...is this all there is? I guess I built this up in mind so huge that it could never live up to my expection of the greatness of it. Don't get me wrong I love losing 28 pounds in a month! I guess I was hoping for a parade or something...maybe a building named after me...who knows what was in my mind????:humble: I will have to just live one day at a time, do my best, and lean on all of you guys for support. By the way I do feel much better now. I am suppose to be eating solids, but I can't bring myself to do it, so I am not going to. I think I have a fear of chewing.:tape: I have to wean(sp?) back on to solids. Who would have thought that a month ago? Holly hang in there. I am here for you anytime. :huggie:I have the search party ready and waiting if you need them. We all will get through this together.:Banane20:

Happy Birthday! Hey you know what will be marvy? When someone looks at mypicture on my license and asks, "is this really you? You look so different!" HA HA HA! I will totally post when that day comes.

I am suppose to be starting solids tomorrow and I don't think I can do it! No kidding. I think I am going to stay on mushies for a few more weeks, and see how it goes. I now have a fear of chewing and swallowing, hmmmm?

The "diet hell" doesn't stop there, because after surgery there are 6 more weeks of "diet hell" that are much more important to follow. Good luck it is only 8 weeks, out of your 39 years. Following the post-op diet I have never felt better, because my sweet and junk food cravings are gone. It is totally worth it to work the program. Good luck. Get you slip up out of the way now, because you can't slip up later.

If you don't want a fill so soon, just call and make an appointment for another time further down the road. If you are losing weight, having good restriction, and don't feel quite ready, then postpone the fill. Remember it's up to you to measure what you need.

I want to exercise more because I am lighter so it is much easier for me know. I am not carrying around all the extra weight.

Aww guys I think we are all just getting blue, because we are going through some pretty big changes in our lives. I started wearing my jeans, and I feel okay about it. I bought an evil scale. (EEEK, but I have managed to stay off of it. I am not going to be a scale slave.) I think it is harder because the band is my main focus right now. I exercise for my band, I eat for my band, I rest for my band...ect. Next week I am going to do what I normally do when I get down....I am going on vacation. I am going to take some time off from bandland. I am going to step outside of all of this, and just relax. I will stick to my eating plan, but I am forgetting everything else. I mean everywhere I look there are reminders that life is different: pills, a pill crusher, dixie cups, bottled flavored Water, pudding cups, Soups, Crystal Light, heating pads, ice packs, you name it- I got it. I just need to get away, so I am going shopping for new clothes and pick-me-ups. (I TOTALLY LOVE MY HUSBAND- he treats me so well. (I never call him my DH because he deserves the full his title!) ) I totally understand that not everyone can get away, but try and do something nice for yourself, because look at all we have been through this last month. I for one can say it was one of the hardest months of my life. So don't feel bad about feeling down. If you are one of the few who get through this without a touch of the blues- count your blessings. To the rest of us: remember we must take care of ourselves, and give ourselves a break. (I also love the Tenacious Tens too!)

After I was banded I listened to my body. If my body only wanted to walk 5 minutes then I only walked 5 minutes. I walked all the time to get rid of the gas, but in doses that I could handle, and most of the time I just shuffled along slowly. Slowly there was a change I was walking longer and faster. I have been banded 4 weeks and I can walk about 3 miles in an hour. I am pretty happy with that. I walk about 5 times a week. At this point I plan to make walking my exercise of choice for another 4 weeks and then I will toddle of to the gym. If I need more exercise I will increase my speed and walking time. Good luck and just listen to your body; it will tell you what it needs.

We all made it! All of us are finally at the finish line. After a month of fearing, cheering, and "OMG if I ever see anymore Jell-O I am going to lose it!" (Sorry to the folks who are recently banded...you will feel that way very shortly.) Now our new journey together begins: WEIGHT LOSS and EXERCISE! YEEHAW.... I knew we were name TENACIOUS for a reason. As we move into November and December and get into the swing of our new bodies, and our bands it will be important that we come together as a group. And can you just imagine what the new year is going to look like for all of us? Wow we are going to be HOT! In closing I just want to say that I am proud to be a member of the Tenacious Tens. We are now off...and running...no one can stop us now!

I have picked myself up by my boot straps and said, "Amy, for goodness sake woman what are you doing? You are hot, remember?" I got on a scale and I found out I lost another 11 pounds. (It must be in my bum where I can't see it.) Went to my closet put on some jeans, a fitted top, and went shopping. It is a start. For me I have to believe that this is ACTUALLY happening. I will stick to my exercise plan and eating schedule, and hope for the best! Thanks to everyone for all their encouragement and support and PM's. I could not have kicked my own butt without you guys.

I had my "last supper" for two weeks before surgery. My doctor did not put me on a pre-op diet. Every day was like: "oooo let's have this...for the last time" or "I just gotta have one of those before I can't have them again." You know what was funny I lost 2 pounds before surgery! (I think the doctor's scale was broken!) Good luck tomorrow on you new path. We will be waiting for you on the other side.

I am eating about 1000 calories a day. My doctor did not tell me to stick to a certain amount. I walk for an hour a day which burns 400 calories. If I only consumed 800 calories I think I would get headaches and feel awful.

Well I am back to 3/4 of food and I too stop when I burp. It does take about 5 or so minutes to feel full. I now just trust that the full feeling will come. It is a different world that I am entering into...I used to eat until I was full...now I eat and wait til' I am full. It seems to be working. Thanks for the advice. You guys are the best.

Being banded is not something to be taken lightly, so if you have fears and worries that is completely normal. Just take them one at a time, and work them out. Have faith. Yesterday I was feeling pretty blue, but after talking it out here I feel pretty good today. Good luck on your journey; it is going to be a beautiful ride!

I think that you should eat smaller meals more often, and drink high protein, low calorie protein drinks. Keep a food journal, and call your doctor and tell him that you are starving and you feel that you are eating too much and you have proof (show him your food journal), and you need a fill sooner not later. I would wait 6 weeks, because that is the normal time most doctors do a fill. This is just my opinion.

I am starting solids on Saturday and I am a little scared too. First of all I really don't know what is good and what is bad. I have an instruction book, but that doesn't give me much comfort. I want to stay in my mushy comfort zone forever, but alas we must move forward. I am not too worried about gaining weight, because I will just increase my exercise to compensate. Also I will expect to gain during this time. I will start losing when the fills start, that is the big key to the success of the band, right?

This site is a life saver for me, and this group of the Tenacious Ten is very special. I could not make this journey without these wonderful people. Welcome and I hope you stay with us.

I wish I was where you are...98 pounds lighter! You see everyone has a some one to look up to, or wish they could be. Right now I wish I could be you. I am not worried I will put in my time, and I will get there too. Thank you for being my inspiration.

Okay so here goes... I am having some hang ups about losing weight. I am refusing to wear anything but sweat pants and large shirts. The funny thing is: I didn't own a pair of sweat pants before the surgery, as I always wore jeans. I use excuses such as: "I am too bloated to put on pants." or "My jeans don't fit yet." or "Jeans bother my port area." But truth be known I haven't even tried on a pair of pants yet. Today I am hanging out in my PJs because my sweats are in the wash. I don't know if I lost any weight because I won't get on a scale. I tell myself that I haven't because I don't look any different yet. (And of course my clothes don't fit any different.) Really no one says anything about me losing weight so I figure I haven't. Hence, that is why I won't get on a scale, because what if this was all for nothing? I know this is stupid thinking; I am so aware of that even as I type it. Now yesterday and today I have resorted back to liquids. I just don't feel like consuming any food whatsoever. I never thought I would regret getting this band but I kind of do. I feel so much pressure to lose weight. I figure if I close my eyes and pull the cover over my head it will go away. The good news is: At least I am not stuffing my face with cake. I know that everyone is excited to have their band and see their results. So what the heck is wrong with me? Thank you for reading.

I am glad you and your daughter worked it out. You are very beautiful, and I am betting that your daughter is a beauty too!