ArnoldS

I read a post on another thread about her dating life changing.
But, I was wondering about those of us over 60. Has any of your lives changed in this area? I'm very shy.
Do you find that more men pay attention to you? Or, is it about the same?

I closed the room already. Didn't feel like putting in the time to build it up. I think I'm getting the support that I need here.
This is a great web site.

November 14 was to be my surgery date.
I've been seeing a smoking cessation lady at the hospital. I was doing really well. Then I went off the NRT, namely Nicotrol Inhaler. I immediately wanted to smoke. The urge got so great that I didn't call anybody b/c I didn't want anyone to talk me out of it. I've been smoking ever since.
At my last appt. w the lady, I registered a 3 on the nicotine inhaler, which is very good.
She suggested that I go off the NRT and do it with a nicotine lozenge. I said, "I'm good. I don't need the lozenge."
There I go again trying to run the show.
I felt so bad that I decided to give up on this program, the all or nothing thinking. Throwing the baby out w the bath Water. I started eating more than I should, even though it was the right food. I wasn't drinking my Water.< /p>
Then something kicked in and I realized that just b/c I started smoking, all is not lost. The worst that will happen is that my surgery date will be pushed back. I don't like that, but I can deal w it.
So, I'm back on program. I see the lady today. I even started walking three days ago.
Now, I will follow her advice.
This is one vice that I really enjoy. It is one that I really don't want to part with. It's darn hard. I even joined an open mic 12 step group for nicotine addiction.
Just venting, I guess. Any comments or advice is welcomed.
Thanks for reading.

Hi Martha,
I just recently quit smoking (9 days ago). I did it cold turkey, because I couldn't take anything to asist me for various reasons. I completely empathize with you as well as send my support. Quitting smoking was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The physical withrawals were horrible.
My experience was:
day 1 was mind over matter
day 2 I slept through most of the day to try to get through the physical withdrawals which really kicked in
day 3 was a Monday and I was back at work... omg this was the worst day ever! the physical withdrawals were the worst. I spend much of the day researching withdrawals and quitting smoming online to find out when it would get better.
day 4 not pleasant but better than day 3
day 5 I finally felt like I was going to make it.
Today I finally feel strong enough to know I am really doing it this time. I know I won't go back to smoking because I never want to go through that type of total discomfort again.
I will agree that it is hard to quit smoking and focus on changing your eating habits. I think I gained about 3 or 4 pounds in a week. This weekend I am back to working on my eating again.
I am not sure if any of this helps, but I mostly just wanted to voice my support and encouragement. Quitting smoking is hard.
I read this one post from a woman asking where the balloons and confetti were. She felt like the sky should open up and balloons and confetti should fall down upon her to Celebrate her accomplishment of quitting smoking. I think she order some doves, rainbows and unicorns too.
You can do this. Just keep trying. It takes a few tries.
Sorry for all the rambling and random thoughts. lol
Bonnie

I agree with SouthernSoul. Making the decision is a job for your friend with the guidance of a good mental health professional. Just being supportive and willing to listen are the best things a friend can do when someone is working through a major life decision. Your friend is lucky to have you. It sounds like you really want to do your best to help.

I'm not sure how you could actually make a determination of when he's ready for VSG. Seems to me that if he wants to undergo a big life step such as this, he would need to work closely with a psych and/or a substance abuse counselor & make a plan for coping with the challenges. Be his friend & support his efforts, but let him figure out when he's ready.

I'm a 60 year old man who had been smoking for over 40 years. I have Kaiser for my insurance and I attended their stop smoking program, I took wellbutrin for a couple weeks in conjuction with the patch, I quit smoking in may and I haven't had one since, give the Patches a try, they worked for me

My surgeon shares the following poem with all of his WLS patients. I was shocked so much of this was true for me and I think this helped me come to terms with some of my issues. There were also a lot of tears shed as I tried to read it to my husband.
LISTEN TO THE LIFE OF THE MORBIDLY OBESE Author Unknown
LISTEN to the embarrassment we encounter in our everyday life. The name-calling, stares, rude comments and looks of disgust we endure battling the last acceptable form of discrimination. People we meet that give us a far wider berth than we need when passing us on the street, in the hall ... in life. Afraid that somehow our disease of obesity might be contagious.
LISTEN to our apprehension as we expertly eye the chair. Will we break it, or will we fit. Will we ever fit into life, as "normal" people know it?
LISTEN to our agony as we just walk and perform the simple activities of daily living on joints screaming in pain from an incredible burden they were never meant to carry. LISTEN to the pain of our humiliation when ridiculed by a doctor for "allowing" ourselves to get so fat. Realizing even the doctor's office is not a "safe" place, we tend to neglect our health even more. Hey doctor, didn't you take an oath to help?
LISTEN to our hopelessness after being turned down over and over for a job or promotion because we don't "match the corporate image" of the person they envision for this position.
LISTEN to our guilt. Because of our size, we feel we've cheated those we love out of the parent, spouse, child or friend we feel we should've been. Our embarrassment has now become theirs as well.
LISTEN to our anticipation as we eagerly embark on yet another diet. THIS will be the one. This time I WILL SUCEED!
LISTEN to our frustration as once again we fail at another attempt to lose weight, reinforcing once again our feelings of worthlessness, failure and defeat.
LISTEN to our fear for what life holds if we don't have surgery. We try to ignore it, to stuff it down, but when we are brutally honest with ourselves, we realize an early death is an almost certainty.
LISTEN to our indecision as we do extensive research, trying to outweigh the risk of complications (up to and including death) versus the chance of a new life. A chance to improve our health, move without pain, play with our children, the opportunity to just "fit in" to society.
LISTEN to our indecision as we second-guess our decision to have surgery. As we ask ourselves, "Should I try just one more diet?" ... And tell ourselves, "If I only had more willpower." Knowing that willpower isn't the whole answer.
LISTEN to us as we eagerly meet with the surgeon, with our five-page, single-spaced, list of questions in hand. Let down by the medical profession in the past, can I really trust this person who looks at me with compassion, as he assures me I'm a "good candidate" and he can help? Please God, I want to believe him, tell me I'm not setting myself up for failure once again.
LISTEN to our feelings of helplessness as we place our future in the hands of an insurance company. Fully aware that with a simple denial letter, all the work we have done to this point, may be pointless. This surgery is not without cost, physical, emotional and monetary.
LISTEN to our joy as we open the long awaited "approval letter" or obtain financing to make this dream a reality.
LISTEN to us as we grasp for a chance at improved health, of moving with ease and just living life as a "normal" person.
LISTEN to our renewed hope of living long enough to see our children grow up, get married, play with grandchildren and grow old alongside our mate.
LISTEN to our fear as we roll into the surgical suite. The sights, the smells, the needles, the faceless people behind the masks. Do you care? Do you understand, or will you too make cracks about my weight once I'm asleep? My life is now in your hands, please take care of me. I have a brand new life ahead of me, and so much to live for. LISTEN to the Sigh of relief as we wake up in pain ... but alive! Stand up, walk a few steps, cough and deep breathe. Sure nurse, whatever you say, I can handle it ... because I'm alive!
LISTEN to our delight as the weight starts to drop off, realizing this is for real. We are actually on the losing side.
LISTEN to our misery as the body we once knew so well, now betrays us with nausea and vomiting when we attempt to eat.
LISTEN to our frustration as we attempt to do something as simple as drinking a glass of Water.
LISTEN to our panic at the first plateau or weight gain. As that little voice inside tells us, "Once again I'm a failure."
LISTEN to us relax and let out our breath as we watch the numbers on the scale edge down once again. Plateau over. Renewed hope. Maybe I will make it after all.
LISTEN to our efforts to move as we slowly and painfully attempt to exercise in a body that is still morbidly obese.
LISTEN to our confusion as our emotions wreck havoc with us. Why am I crying? Why do I feel depressed? Why am I mean and snapping at the ones I love? I don't like this person that has taken over my emotions.
LISTEN to our sense of accomplishment the first time we walk a mile. It rivals the high of any runner completing their first marathon.
LISTEN to our depression when we realize we can no longer soothe our emotions with food. We now have to learn to feel and deal with these emotions.
LISTEN to our tears as we mourn the loss of that brief but satisfying sensation of gratification we once obtained from the "comfort foods" we can no longer have.
LISTEN to our obsession surrounding the scale, Vitamins, Protein drinks and carb counts, determined not to fail "this time".
LISTEN to our sense of accomplishment as we pass up that calorie laden, high carbohydrate treat, telling ourselves, "My new life is sweeter than any dessert."
LISTEN to our elation as we reach that "century mark" that once seemed so distant, but now is a reality.
LISTEN to our resolve to reach our goals. Moving the weight on the scale down another notch, reaching a new "century" of numbers, wearing the dream outfit and attaining our "goal" weight.
LISTEN to the gratefulness in our hearts as we thank our surgeon for not only their technical skills, but equally important, their understanding and compassion for the morbidly obese. Thank you doctor for the opportunity to rejoin society and live a fulfilling life.
LISTEN to our amazement as we come to the realization that "reaching goal" wasn't the most important thing in life. It was the lessons we learned, the friends we made and the sense of accomplishment we gained along the way.
LISTEN, don't talk, don't give advice, don't judge, just listen. And then, maybe then, you will start to understand the life of a morbidly obese person.

In my first 7 days being sleeved, the top 10 things I have learned :
1) In the world of competitive sleeping, I am a Gold Medalist. I can (& do) nap anytime, anywhere.
2) I am hanging up my stethoscope. My new fulltime job is to "sip, sip, sip". Staying hydrated is hard work.
3) The sounds coming from my new stomach are not lady like.
4) I am no longer a bashful burper.
5) Daytime TV sucks.
6) Not every belly twinge is a potential leak. I am a nurse, so I always look at the worst case health scenarios first. Hard habit to break.
7) Isopure gags me, but is tolerable if made into SF Jello.
8) Old Navy makes super comfy yoga pants, even if I never assume a "Lotus" pose.
9) Clear liquid diets are doable for a few days. My favorite flavor is blue.
and last, but definitely not least, as a wise forum member once advised me:
10) Never trust a shart!

Wow, Fabsfluff......after reading your post, it made me realize that my original post on this thread was insensitive and lacking in compassion. For that, I am truly sorry.
You know what you described (and you are so good at putting those feelings into words) is a fear that I have myself which I keep stuffing down.
Like I said, I'm pre-op. However, I've already been on the thread about plastic surgery.
This is truly an issue w me already.
And, yes, there is discomfort in being fat. But, at least i'm comfortable with it mentally. This is who I am. This is what I am. This is how people know me. This is how I know me.
I'm glad that you brought up this discussion. Now, my head is reeling.lol

A few days ago, I told my oldest daughter that I changed my mind and didn't want the surgery. She really wants me to get it. She said that she is worried about my health. I am 61. No major health problems yet except for edema in the lower extremities. She pointed out how I have to struggle to get out of a chair and into the car.
I did decide to go back to my original decision to have the surgery. Not because of her. I realize that this is a decision that I must make one way or the other for me.
In this life, everybody has an opinion about what is right for everybody else. In the end, I have to make up my own mind about what is best for me.

Welcome, Powderkeg42.

It's very normal to be scared and will be second guessing yourself. Do your research and be prepared to make the best decision possible.....It is worth it in the long run.

Fear is common amongst us all. We are human and afraid of the unknown. I stopped being nervous/scared once I woke up from the anestsia.
Trust all your research in the sleeve and your surgeon selection.
I was sleeved on 8/26/13 and am very happy with the results so far. I'm angry I waited so long.
Good luck!!

Welcome! Welcome! This will be THE BEST thing you will ever do for yourself. Yes, you will have negative folks, but in reality, their negativity is rooted in concern for you: afraid of what might happen to you, in the worst case scenario. But, WLS has come so far since the early days, and I think the Sleeve is the best option, at least for me: it is less invasive, you are able to eat, you won't have the malabsorption issues that other WLS results in, etc. Both of my sisters and a close freind had Bypass, and it just wasn't for me. They are happy with their choice and I am happy for them. It is smart to do research and watch videos, but try to limit those--they scared me and I almost backed out of the surgery after watching some hair loss and excess skin videos.
Being healthy is the most important motivation for you, I am sure. Yes, it will be a challenge, but you will be so wonderfully surprised how easily you will meet those challenges. You sound prepared, which is one of the most important things to help you during your journey. If you are a woman of faith, being Spiritualy prepared is important, too. If not, finding a group of like minded friends, and this forum, will be an invaluable resource of encouragement to help you prepare. Don't be afraid to ask questions, and do question everything!
You will not regret this, and you will be so glad you made this decision to change your life!!
Best wishes!

Welcome to the forum!!! I'm still in process too....hoping for surgery soon!
This is a great place, lots of information, lots of support and plenty of understanding and shared life experiences!

Hi, I am a pre-op Gastric Sleeve candidate. I started thinking about Bariatric Surgery about 2 years ago. My insurance did not cover the surgery or seeing a nutritionist. Therefore, this year in June we were able to change our medical plan to Kaiser Permanente who offers the surgery. I am a wife, mother and grandmother. I was downsized from my job about 4 years ago. I lost my mom during that time and went into a depression. I picked up weight because of my depression, a surgical procedure and my age, which has been very difficult to loose. I recently started a new training and speaking business. I stand on my feet for hours and because I saw numbers on the scale that I have never seen in my life, it was taking a toll on my body. My back, knees and feet hurt (I feet is a new symptom because of the weight). I am in the second month of the evaluative process that my insurance requires before surgery approval. I am excited and anxious about this new journey. I have told only a few people about what I am doing because the second person I told was very discouraging. Therefore I am very selected about who I tell. I am a part of a private Facebook page called "Sassy Sleevers" and this website was mentioned there. I have been watching a lot of YouTube videos and posts from different places. I am glad there are forums like this because it makes it easier for me to get honest information about this life-changing journey. I look forward to sharing in your success and sharing with you mine as well. Thank you for joining and supporting me as I become sleeved for life!

Smoking and sleeving are quite incompatible. My surgeon, one of the best in the nation, is a tyrant about it. He has dealt with smoking related complications, his only near fatality was smoking related.
I feel your pain. Even now after all these years smoke-free I still get an urge when I smell it when someone is smoking around me. That's when I kick in my logical mind and squash the urge.
It's like having an ex-lover who did you wrong. You find a new love that treats you like a king but when you see the ex you still have feelings. Then you think of their dirty deeds and compare them to what you have now and the feeling passes like so much gas.

I know how your feeling:( it's so much harder than some could imagine. I am smoke free since November 12, 2012! I didn't think I could do it but, now it's almost been a year I feel much better & I feel like I am setting a better example for my 5 y.o., 12 y.o. They hated me smoking:( best of luck to you honey!!!!

My husband was diagnosed wiyh lung cancer 3 weeks ago. He goes into surgery next week. He has a lot of health problems and I hope and pray he makes it. This is the main reason to quit besides the WLS. I smoked for 35 yrs and quit cold turkey 13 yrs ago. It was very hard for quite a long time. You can do this if I did.

My wish for you is that three months post-op, you won't even have a desire to light up again. Believe in yourself and it will happen! Again, best of luck to you in your journey.
Lorie

A few days ago, I told my oldest daughter that I changed my mind and didn't want the surgery. She really wants me to get it. She said that she is worried about my health. I am 61. No major health problems yet except for edema in the lower extremities. She pointed out how I have to struggle to get out of a chair and into the car.
I did decide to go back to my original decision to have the surgery. Not because of her. I realize that this is a decision that I must make one way or the other for me.
In this life, everybody has an opinion about what is right for everybody else. In the end, I have to make up my own mind about what is best for me.

Wow. You look good. Awesome.

I hit Onederland today (199.4) at 7 1/2 weeks out. I'm down 42 pounds overall (14 pre-surgery). I'm so excited about this milestone! I'm playing my first tennis match since surgery tonight & my tennis clothes look so much better . Weight loss has slowed down to a crawl though...I thought I'd be posting this a week ago!

30 lbs since surgery, 55 all together. I have dropped several sizes, but still see myself as "big". Comparison pics like this really help me to see how far I have come!