pre-op - need to talk - Long
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It's 4:30 am here on the east coast.
One thing leads into the other.
To start off with, I am seeing the smoking cessation lady at the hospital to get off cigarettes. I did well on the Nicotrol Inhaler. Then when I went off of it, I started smoking again. Then I tried cold turkey. I lasted a day and a half. Now, I'm smoking again. I'm going to talk to her about going back on the Nicotrol Inhaler and weening off of it slowly.
Now, that affects my surgery date. My surgery date being pushed back doesn't really upset me any longer. I have to follow a healthy eating plan weather I get the surgery or not. I've been walking 30 min. a day. My front thigh muscles were like jelly to the point that I couldn't raise my legs to put my pants on. In the short time that I've been exercising them, I can now lift my legs to put my pants on and get in and out of a van.
I got a call from my son-in-law, who is like a son to me. I'm kind of angry about my family support system. When I wanted the surgery before, everybody was against it. No matter what I said, they thought it was a ridiculous idea. Now that my ex has gotten it done, and is doing so well, they all want me to get it. I'm feeling pressure from them to have this surgery.
My dilemma is that I don't know if I can quit smoking and stay on my plan at the same time. It's been darn hard trying to do both.
I feel pressure from them now to get this surgery. Because of their input, I can't figure out any more if I want it for me or if I am doing it to keep them happy. The decision has to be mine and mine alone.
Either way, I know that I have to keep on this road of a healthy lifestyle that I've started. It does feel good to feel my muscle tone coming back. It does feel good to be eating properly.
Now, I do want to quit smoking. Not because it's a requirement of the surgery, but because when I was on the NRTs, it felt good not to smoke. However, I don't know if I can stay quit without the Nicotrol Inhaler.
I am so mixed up right now that any input, advice, comments, anything is welcome.
Thanks for reading and your help.