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AvaFern

Gastric Sleeve Patients
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  1. Like
    AvaFern reacted to OutsideMatchInside in Any Post Op MARIJUANA Users?   
    Girl just use search, this thread will turn to hell in
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  2. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from CocoNina in Secret Surgery   
    I kept my surgery semi-secret. After the surgery was over, I told my three best friends. Over 3 years later they are still the only people that know. I took a week of vacation from work, but if I had to use medical leave, all you are required to say is that you are having a medical procedure- they can't push you into knowing what it is. In school, I would have the surgery around a break period, unless you take online classes and don't have to be in an actual classroom regularly. Still though, why you are not there is no one's business and unless you have mandatory attendance, there's really no need to tell them anything. If anyone asks, tell them you had a stomach bug and that's why you were gone. You really only need a week to recover physically. I had surgery on Monday, was working in my hospital bed on Tuesday (which I don't advise- I don't even really remember this day very much) and fully back working in my home office for a 12 hour day by Friday. Basically I sit on my butt all day, but even when I went back to an office job the Monday after surgery, I was fine working the entire day. If you have a job that requires lifting or physical activity, then my experience isn't applicable to you, but a basic desk job and classes, you're good to go in a week.
    I'm glad I kept my surgery a secret. Consciously I know that no one else's opinion should matter, but to me it did and I knew I wasn't thick-skinned enough to always be the girl that was only thin because she had her stomach cut out. There is no reason you should need to keep your surgery a secret and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in having surgery, but people are judgey jerks and I just didn't want to deal with them in my business, which I felt would be inevitable.
    It is entirely possible to keep your surgery a secret, if you choose to do so, and if not, there are also plenty of benefits of telling others as well.
    Good luck!
  3. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from LittleBill in My horrible experience at a restaurant.   
    I can appreciate your irritation, although...a $7 burger isn't really a fancy place to eat. If your total bill for a burger, presumably two non-alcoholic drinks, and a $3 split fee was $17, I feel like they're holding themselves a bit high as a "nice" establishment. Given the way you were treated, I tend to think their behavior supports the point that they aren't the fine dining they seem to consider themselves to be.
    That being said, I haven't ever been charged a split fee because I don't really split things. I eat what I want to, then take it home or let someone else at my table eat it. Margins on actual fine dining are slim, and you aren't being charged a $3 fee to actually cut the burger, just like a corkage fee has nothing to do with the manual act of removing a cork, but rather the right to split a meal or to bring your own bottle of wine, when to do so without any minor fee is really not customary practice. It certainly would have been nice though if they had put somewhere on the menu that the fee existed. At a nice place, I can see economically the purpose of a split fee and most people paying to eat at a nice place, first don't care about the $3 and probably don't notice it on their bill, and second at an actual nice place, there would not have been any attitude from a manager, the fee would have been removed. The difference in my experience between a classy place to eat and a place that likes to think its classy is that there is an understanding that you sometimes lose a few dollars, but you make up for it in customer loyalty. A truly nice establishment handles the customer in a way that leaves them feeling happy...sure they complain about you when you leave and they roll their eyes when you aren't looking, but they are never, ever rude to your face or in front of any other customer. They certainly don't have their family members replying to your Yelp comments- that would make them look incredibly stupid and any person who was accustomed to eating in nice places would absolutely avoid going somewhere that responded that way on social media if only because it clearly demonstrates a total lack of class.
    So...sure, a split fee is normal sometimes, and I understand that you were surprised by it, but I find the behavior of the business to be unacceptable if they are going to cast themselves as being a better than average place to dine. I wouldn't go there after seeing that exchange on social media because it reeks of a scene- something that you will rarely if ever see in a nice place, and certainly not in a way that is exacerbated by management. I'm sorry you were treated poorly, but if it makes you feel better, places like that rarely last very long for all of the reasons I've mentioned above. They will be sad soon enough, lol.
  4. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from veryblessed in Body image and sex   
    @@Dashofpixiedust8
    You and I are close to the same age and we were almost exactly the same age when I was at the point you are at now. I completely understand how you feel, although I actually was somehow oblivious to my excess skin until I decided to get a boob job. I was fat and thin most of my life, so I guess I was used to being a little saggy. To be fair, I've never been super comfortable naked in front of men, but I somewhat messed around with one guy who I was good friends with about 20 pounds from goal, and at the time I don't remember feeling self conscious about my excess skin. In hindsight, I cringe thinking about what I must have looked like, but he has never once commented on it, and while granted he didn't get laid in the deal and we were mostly just drunk and better off friends, and he cared about me as a person first, I don't get the impression that it was a deal breaker.
    Despite this though, like I said, I was clueless about my extra skin until I decided to get my boobs done. Then I looked at about a billion plastic surgery pictures, particularly those of tummy tucks and I was like....oh wow, I could look like that? Well, three surgeries later, the only place where you can still sort of see I was once fat is my thighs because I had a groin incision thigh lift instead of the full thigh surgery. I had NO IDEA I could have tight skin and it has done wonders for the way I feel about myself. Guess what though? I'm still not really comfortable being seen naked. I've only dated one person since I've been at goal and he never once said anything about my surgery scars or anything to indicate he didn't find me attractive naked, but I preferred sex in the dark, or the light was fine as long as I could blindfold him. He played along like a good sport, but in hindsight, I do wonder if even with all of the surgery I've had, if I will ever be able to really feel comfortable naked, or if it's just something that is a byproduct of years of understanding that, while I have a lot of good qualities, being hot naked simply wasn't one of them.
    As such, while I completely understand your concerns, even when you lose excess skin, while I gained a lot of confidence in clothing, I wouldn't say I'm excited to get naked in front of someone, and I don't feel like amongst most women our age and older (and even a little younger), even those who have never been fat, there is total confidence in their appearance. Sometimes you just have to fake it, and the better able you are to appear confident in your own skin, no matter what it happens to look like, the less anyone else is going to recognize it as being something they should care about.
  5. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from jess9395 in How do you view overweight people now that your thin?   
    This is a good question. In the interest of answering honestly, be advised, I'm an a**hole, so don't be offended please.
    As a woman who has nearly killed myself (literally) to reach a point where I am now, I would not date a fat man. Keep in mind, I'm not talking about a guy who is thick, but someone who is actually obese. It has nothing to do with thinking they are not a good person and everything to do with the fact that I did what I needed to do to look the way I do and to be healthy. I work really hard to stay this size and if I am constantly around someone who eats like crap and doesn't have the same activities that I do, first I don't think it would work and second, I feel like I wouldn't be doing myself any favors. Also, here's where the jerk part comes in, frankly I'm not attracted to it. Again, nothing to do with what kind of person they are and everything to do with what interests me. I'm not attracted to really thin guys, super short guys, overly muscular guys (like body builders) and blonde guys (and come on there are some hot blonde guys). A certain body type within a certain range of features is what I am attracted to, and just like anyone else, if the personality that comes attached to that body type is crappy, well that kills it for me too. We can't control what attracts us to other people or what doesn't, and while some people have told me I'm shallow (which may very well be true), I'm honest enough with myself to know that certain things are never going to do it for me.
    Therefore, as it relates to dating, I'm just not into big dudes. As it relates to overweight people in general, I don't really have an opinion. My sister is very large and she is the kindest, most thoughtful, big hearted person I know, and God help anyone if they were mean to her because she is larger. I don't really notice fat and thin people in ordinary life- they're just people, living a life, just like me, and deserve exactly the same amount of kindness, respect, and when necessary, a solid smack down, as exactly everyone else of every size.
  6. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from veryblessed in Body image and sex   
    @@Dashofpixiedust8
    You and I are close to the same age and we were almost exactly the same age when I was at the point you are at now. I completely understand how you feel, although I actually was somehow oblivious to my excess skin until I decided to get a boob job. I was fat and thin most of my life, so I guess I was used to being a little saggy. To be fair, I've never been super comfortable naked in front of men, but I somewhat messed around with one guy who I was good friends with about 20 pounds from goal, and at the time I don't remember feeling self conscious about my excess skin. In hindsight, I cringe thinking about what I must have looked like, but he has never once commented on it, and while granted he didn't get laid in the deal and we were mostly just drunk and better off friends, and he cared about me as a person first, I don't get the impression that it was a deal breaker.
    Despite this though, like I said, I was clueless about my extra skin until I decided to get my boobs done. Then I looked at about a billion plastic surgery pictures, particularly those of tummy tucks and I was like....oh wow, I could look like that? Well, three surgeries later, the only place where you can still sort of see I was once fat is my thighs because I had a groin incision thigh lift instead of the full thigh surgery. I had NO IDEA I could have tight skin and it has done wonders for the way I feel about myself. Guess what though? I'm still not really comfortable being seen naked. I've only dated one person since I've been at goal and he never once said anything about my surgery scars or anything to indicate he didn't find me attractive naked, but I preferred sex in the dark, or the light was fine as long as I could blindfold him. He played along like a good sport, but in hindsight, I do wonder if even with all of the surgery I've had, if I will ever be able to really feel comfortable naked, or if it's just something that is a byproduct of years of understanding that, while I have a lot of good qualities, being hot naked simply wasn't one of them.
    As such, while I completely understand your concerns, even when you lose excess skin, while I gained a lot of confidence in clothing, I wouldn't say I'm excited to get naked in front of someone, and I don't feel like amongst most women our age and older (and even a little younger), even those who have never been fat, there is total confidence in their appearance. Sometimes you just have to fake it, and the better able you are to appear confident in your own skin, no matter what it happens to look like, the less anyone else is going to recognize it as being something they should care about.
  7. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from jess9395 in How do you view overweight people now that your thin?   
    This is a good question. In the interest of answering honestly, be advised, I'm an a**hole, so don't be offended please.
    As a woman who has nearly killed myself (literally) to reach a point where I am now, I would not date a fat man. Keep in mind, I'm not talking about a guy who is thick, but someone who is actually obese. It has nothing to do with thinking they are not a good person and everything to do with the fact that I did what I needed to do to look the way I do and to be healthy. I work really hard to stay this size and if I am constantly around someone who eats like crap and doesn't have the same activities that I do, first I don't think it would work and second, I feel like I wouldn't be doing myself any favors. Also, here's where the jerk part comes in, frankly I'm not attracted to it. Again, nothing to do with what kind of person they are and everything to do with what interests me. I'm not attracted to really thin guys, super short guys, overly muscular guys (like body builders) and blonde guys (and come on there are some hot blonde guys). A certain body type within a certain range of features is what I am attracted to, and just like anyone else, if the personality that comes attached to that body type is crappy, well that kills it for me too. We can't control what attracts us to other people or what doesn't, and while some people have told me I'm shallow (which may very well be true), I'm honest enough with myself to know that certain things are never going to do it for me.
    Therefore, as it relates to dating, I'm just not into big dudes. As it relates to overweight people in general, I don't really have an opinion. My sister is very large and she is the kindest, most thoughtful, big hearted person I know, and God help anyone if they were mean to her because she is larger. I don't really notice fat and thin people in ordinary life- they're just people, living a life, just like me, and deserve exactly the same amount of kindness, respect, and when necessary, a solid smack down, as exactly everyone else of every size.
  8. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from veryblessed in Body image and sex   
    @@Dashofpixiedust8
    You and I are close to the same age and we were almost exactly the same age when I was at the point you are at now. I completely understand how you feel, although I actually was somehow oblivious to my excess skin until I decided to get a boob job. I was fat and thin most of my life, so I guess I was used to being a little saggy. To be fair, I've never been super comfortable naked in front of men, but I somewhat messed around with one guy who I was good friends with about 20 pounds from goal, and at the time I don't remember feeling self conscious about my excess skin. In hindsight, I cringe thinking about what I must have looked like, but he has never once commented on it, and while granted he didn't get laid in the deal and we were mostly just drunk and better off friends, and he cared about me as a person first, I don't get the impression that it was a deal breaker.
    Despite this though, like I said, I was clueless about my extra skin until I decided to get my boobs done. Then I looked at about a billion plastic surgery pictures, particularly those of tummy tucks and I was like....oh wow, I could look like that? Well, three surgeries later, the only place where you can still sort of see I was once fat is my thighs because I had a groin incision thigh lift instead of the full thigh surgery. I had NO IDEA I could have tight skin and it has done wonders for the way I feel about myself. Guess what though? I'm still not really comfortable being seen naked. I've only dated one person since I've been at goal and he never once said anything about my surgery scars or anything to indicate he didn't find me attractive naked, but I preferred sex in the dark, or the light was fine as long as I could blindfold him. He played along like a good sport, but in hindsight, I do wonder if even with all of the surgery I've had, if I will ever be able to really feel comfortable naked, or if it's just something that is a byproduct of years of understanding that, while I have a lot of good qualities, being hot naked simply wasn't one of them.
    As such, while I completely understand your concerns, even when you lose excess skin, while I gained a lot of confidence in clothing, I wouldn't say I'm excited to get naked in front of someone, and I don't feel like amongst most women our age and older (and even a little younger), even those who have never been fat, there is total confidence in their appearance. Sometimes you just have to fake it, and the better able you are to appear confident in your own skin, no matter what it happens to look like, the less anyone else is going to recognize it as being something they should care about.
  9. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Bariatric_Bob in Help! Does anyone have excessive burping?   
    I remember making a post like this after surgery...I was Burpy McBurpin and I distinctly remember that it lasted for at least 2 years, because I remember accidentally burping when we were eating when I had moved into a new condo. It was SO freaking annoying because when you eat alone, you tend to just burp (at least I did), so when you're around people and you're regularly burping, sometimes you forget and yeah, not exactly Ms. or Mr. Manners. I am now about 40 months post-op, and while I don't know when the burping stopped, I know that I learned how to "burp on the inside", which is probably why I don't notice it anymore. Lol, burping with your mouth shut accomplishes the same objective without seeming like no one taught you table manners and once you're consciously aware of doing it everytime, you don't tend to notice it much anymore. As I'm writing this, I realize I actually just burped on the inside, but I don't think that burping at this point is an issue for me. It's worst the first few months, and it lasted for me, but not to my knowledge most other people, for at least 2 years, but it was most excessively annoying right after surgery.
  10. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from veryblessed in Body image and sex   
    @@Dashofpixiedust8
    You and I are close to the same age and we were almost exactly the same age when I was at the point you are at now. I completely understand how you feel, although I actually was somehow oblivious to my excess skin until I decided to get a boob job. I was fat and thin most of my life, so I guess I was used to being a little saggy. To be fair, I've never been super comfortable naked in front of men, but I somewhat messed around with one guy who I was good friends with about 20 pounds from goal, and at the time I don't remember feeling self conscious about my excess skin. In hindsight, I cringe thinking about what I must have looked like, but he has never once commented on it, and while granted he didn't get laid in the deal and we were mostly just drunk and better off friends, and he cared about me as a person first, I don't get the impression that it was a deal breaker.
    Despite this though, like I said, I was clueless about my extra skin until I decided to get my boobs done. Then I looked at about a billion plastic surgery pictures, particularly those of tummy tucks and I was like....oh wow, I could look like that? Well, three surgeries later, the only place where you can still sort of see I was once fat is my thighs because I had a groin incision thigh lift instead of the full thigh surgery. I had NO IDEA I could have tight skin and it has done wonders for the way I feel about myself. Guess what though? I'm still not really comfortable being seen naked. I've only dated one person since I've been at goal and he never once said anything about my surgery scars or anything to indicate he didn't find me attractive naked, but I preferred sex in the dark, or the light was fine as long as I could blindfold him. He played along like a good sport, but in hindsight, I do wonder if even with all of the surgery I've had, if I will ever be able to really feel comfortable naked, or if it's just something that is a byproduct of years of understanding that, while I have a lot of good qualities, being hot naked simply wasn't one of them.
    As such, while I completely understand your concerns, even when you lose excess skin, while I gained a lot of confidence in clothing, I wouldn't say I'm excited to get naked in front of someone, and I don't feel like amongst most women our age and older (and even a little younger), even those who have never been fat, there is total confidence in their appearance. Sometimes you just have to fake it, and the better able you are to appear confident in your own skin, no matter what it happens to look like, the less anyone else is going to recognize it as being something they should care about.
  11. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Bariatric_Bob in Help! Does anyone have excessive burping?   
    I remember making a post like this after surgery...I was Burpy McBurpin and I distinctly remember that it lasted for at least 2 years, because I remember accidentally burping when we were eating when I had moved into a new condo. It was SO freaking annoying because when you eat alone, you tend to just burp (at least I did), so when you're around people and you're regularly burping, sometimes you forget and yeah, not exactly Ms. or Mr. Manners. I am now about 40 months post-op, and while I don't know when the burping stopped, I know that I learned how to "burp on the inside", which is probably why I don't notice it anymore. Lol, burping with your mouth shut accomplishes the same objective without seeming like no one taught you table manners and once you're consciously aware of doing it everytime, you don't tend to notice it much anymore. As I'm writing this, I realize I actually just burped on the inside, but I don't think that burping at this point is an issue for me. It's worst the first few months, and it lasted for me, but not to my knowledge most other people, for at least 2 years, but it was most excessively annoying right after surgery.
  12. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from CocoNina in Secret Surgery   
    I kept my surgery semi-secret. After the surgery was over, I told my three best friends. Over 3 years later they are still the only people that know. I took a week of vacation from work, but if I had to use medical leave, all you are required to say is that you are having a medical procedure- they can't push you into knowing what it is. In school, I would have the surgery around a break period, unless you take online classes and don't have to be in an actual classroom regularly. Still though, why you are not there is no one's business and unless you have mandatory attendance, there's really no need to tell them anything. If anyone asks, tell them you had a stomach bug and that's why you were gone. You really only need a week to recover physically. I had surgery on Monday, was working in my hospital bed on Tuesday (which I don't advise- I don't even really remember this day very much) and fully back working in my home office for a 12 hour day by Friday. Basically I sit on my butt all day, but even when I went back to an office job the Monday after surgery, I was fine working the entire day. If you have a job that requires lifting or physical activity, then my experience isn't applicable to you, but a basic desk job and classes, you're good to go in a week.
    I'm glad I kept my surgery a secret. Consciously I know that no one else's opinion should matter, but to me it did and I knew I wasn't thick-skinned enough to always be the girl that was only thin because she had her stomach cut out. There is no reason you should need to keep your surgery a secret and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in having surgery, but people are judgey jerks and I just didn't want to deal with them in my business, which I felt would be inevitable.
    It is entirely possible to keep your surgery a secret, if you choose to do so, and if not, there are also plenty of benefits of telling others as well.
    Good luck!
  13. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from veryblessed in Body image and sex   
    @@Dashofpixiedust8
    You and I are close to the same age and we were almost exactly the same age when I was at the point you are at now. I completely understand how you feel, although I actually was somehow oblivious to my excess skin until I decided to get a boob job. I was fat and thin most of my life, so I guess I was used to being a little saggy. To be fair, I've never been super comfortable naked in front of men, but I somewhat messed around with one guy who I was good friends with about 20 pounds from goal, and at the time I don't remember feeling self conscious about my excess skin. In hindsight, I cringe thinking about what I must have looked like, but he has never once commented on it, and while granted he didn't get laid in the deal and we were mostly just drunk and better off friends, and he cared about me as a person first, I don't get the impression that it was a deal breaker.
    Despite this though, like I said, I was clueless about my extra skin until I decided to get my boobs done. Then I looked at about a billion plastic surgery pictures, particularly those of tummy tucks and I was like....oh wow, I could look like that? Well, three surgeries later, the only place where you can still sort of see I was once fat is my thighs because I had a groin incision thigh lift instead of the full thigh surgery. I had NO IDEA I could have tight skin and it has done wonders for the way I feel about myself. Guess what though? I'm still not really comfortable being seen naked. I've only dated one person since I've been at goal and he never once said anything about my surgery scars or anything to indicate he didn't find me attractive naked, but I preferred sex in the dark, or the light was fine as long as I could blindfold him. He played along like a good sport, but in hindsight, I do wonder if even with all of the surgery I've had, if I will ever be able to really feel comfortable naked, or if it's just something that is a byproduct of years of understanding that, while I have a lot of good qualities, being hot naked simply wasn't one of them.
    As such, while I completely understand your concerns, even when you lose excess skin, while I gained a lot of confidence in clothing, I wouldn't say I'm excited to get naked in front of someone, and I don't feel like amongst most women our age and older (and even a little younger), even those who have never been fat, there is total confidence in their appearance. Sometimes you just have to fake it, and the better able you are to appear confident in your own skin, no matter what it happens to look like, the less anyone else is going to recognize it as being something they should care about.
  14. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from jess9395 in How do you view overweight people now that your thin?   
    This is a good question. In the interest of answering honestly, be advised, I'm an a**hole, so don't be offended please.
    As a woman who has nearly killed myself (literally) to reach a point where I am now, I would not date a fat man. Keep in mind, I'm not talking about a guy who is thick, but someone who is actually obese. It has nothing to do with thinking they are not a good person and everything to do with the fact that I did what I needed to do to look the way I do and to be healthy. I work really hard to stay this size and if I am constantly around someone who eats like crap and doesn't have the same activities that I do, first I don't think it would work and second, I feel like I wouldn't be doing myself any favors. Also, here's where the jerk part comes in, frankly I'm not attracted to it. Again, nothing to do with what kind of person they are and everything to do with what interests me. I'm not attracted to really thin guys, super short guys, overly muscular guys (like body builders) and blonde guys (and come on there are some hot blonde guys). A certain body type within a certain range of features is what I am attracted to, and just like anyone else, if the personality that comes attached to that body type is crappy, well that kills it for me too. We can't control what attracts us to other people or what doesn't, and while some people have told me I'm shallow (which may very well be true), I'm honest enough with myself to know that certain things are never going to do it for me.
    Therefore, as it relates to dating, I'm just not into big dudes. As it relates to overweight people in general, I don't really have an opinion. My sister is very large and she is the kindest, most thoughtful, big hearted person I know, and God help anyone if they were mean to her because she is larger. I don't really notice fat and thin people in ordinary life- they're just people, living a life, just like me, and deserve exactly the same amount of kindness, respect, and when necessary, a solid smack down, as exactly everyone else of every size.
  15. Like
    AvaFern reacted to OKCPirate in My horrible experience at a restaurant.   
    @@LittleBill I totally agree. I had a horrible experience at a restaurant in OKC which I found out was part of a local management group. I did a check of Quicken account and I documented that I spent over $5K at their establishments in the last year (hey, I was single and date a great deal). I let them know how mad I was, never heard a response, so I organized a boycott ("let's avoid this place during Lent" - it was an issue with me showing a date a vaping device, and the waiter went ballistic). The company is publically traded, so when I noticed his companies 20% drop in revenue during the boycott, I reminded him, "it is amazing what a pissed customer can do." He actually called me, asked what he could do, I told him to have a talk with a friend of mine who was one of the best customer service people I know. End result, he ended up hiring her to train his wait staff and I feel safe going back to his restaurants. I turned down all of their offers for gift cards etc. I just wanted to be treated fairly.
  16. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from LittleBill in My horrible experience at a restaurant.   
    I can appreciate your irritation, although...a $7 burger isn't really a fancy place to eat. If your total bill for a burger, presumably two non-alcoholic drinks, and a $3 split fee was $17, I feel like they're holding themselves a bit high as a "nice" establishment. Given the way you were treated, I tend to think their behavior supports the point that they aren't the fine dining they seem to consider themselves to be.
    That being said, I haven't ever been charged a split fee because I don't really split things. I eat what I want to, then take it home or let someone else at my table eat it. Margins on actual fine dining are slim, and you aren't being charged a $3 fee to actually cut the burger, just like a corkage fee has nothing to do with the manual act of removing a cork, but rather the right to split a meal or to bring your own bottle of wine, when to do so without any minor fee is really not customary practice. It certainly would have been nice though if they had put somewhere on the menu that the fee existed. At a nice place, I can see economically the purpose of a split fee and most people paying to eat at a nice place, first don't care about the $3 and probably don't notice it on their bill, and second at an actual nice place, there would not have been any attitude from a manager, the fee would have been removed. The difference in my experience between a classy place to eat and a place that likes to think its classy is that there is an understanding that you sometimes lose a few dollars, but you make up for it in customer loyalty. A truly nice establishment handles the customer in a way that leaves them feeling happy...sure they complain about you when you leave and they roll their eyes when you aren't looking, but they are never, ever rude to your face or in front of any other customer. They certainly don't have their family members replying to your Yelp comments- that would make them look incredibly stupid and any person who was accustomed to eating in nice places would absolutely avoid going somewhere that responded that way on social media if only because it clearly demonstrates a total lack of class.
    So...sure, a split fee is normal sometimes, and I understand that you were surprised by it, but I find the behavior of the business to be unacceptable if they are going to cast themselves as being a better than average place to dine. I wouldn't go there after seeing that exchange on social media because it reeks of a scene- something that you will rarely if ever see in a nice place, and certainly not in a way that is exacerbated by management. I'm sorry you were treated poorly, but if it makes you feel better, places like that rarely last very long for all of the reasons I've mentioned above. They will be sad soon enough, lol.
  17. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from LittleBill in My horrible experience at a restaurant.   
    I can appreciate your irritation, although...a $7 burger isn't really a fancy place to eat. If your total bill for a burger, presumably two non-alcoholic drinks, and a $3 split fee was $17, I feel like they're holding themselves a bit high as a "nice" establishment. Given the way you were treated, I tend to think their behavior supports the point that they aren't the fine dining they seem to consider themselves to be.
    That being said, I haven't ever been charged a split fee because I don't really split things. I eat what I want to, then take it home or let someone else at my table eat it. Margins on actual fine dining are slim, and you aren't being charged a $3 fee to actually cut the burger, just like a corkage fee has nothing to do with the manual act of removing a cork, but rather the right to split a meal or to bring your own bottle of wine, when to do so without any minor fee is really not customary practice. It certainly would have been nice though if they had put somewhere on the menu that the fee existed. At a nice place, I can see economically the purpose of a split fee and most people paying to eat at a nice place, first don't care about the $3 and probably don't notice it on their bill, and second at an actual nice place, there would not have been any attitude from a manager, the fee would have been removed. The difference in my experience between a classy place to eat and a place that likes to think its classy is that there is an understanding that you sometimes lose a few dollars, but you make up for it in customer loyalty. A truly nice establishment handles the customer in a way that leaves them feeling happy...sure they complain about you when you leave and they roll their eyes when you aren't looking, but they are never, ever rude to your face or in front of any other customer. They certainly don't have their family members replying to your Yelp comments- that would make them look incredibly stupid and any person who was accustomed to eating in nice places would absolutely avoid going somewhere that responded that way on social media if only because it clearly demonstrates a total lack of class.
    So...sure, a split fee is normal sometimes, and I understand that you were surprised by it, but I find the behavior of the business to be unacceptable if they are going to cast themselves as being a better than average place to dine. I wouldn't go there after seeing that exchange on social media because it reeks of a scene- something that you will rarely if ever see in a nice place, and certainly not in a way that is exacerbated by management. I'm sorry you were treated poorly, but if it makes you feel better, places like that rarely last very long for all of the reasons I've mentioned above. They will be sad soon enough, lol.
  18. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from LittleBill in My horrible experience at a restaurant.   
    I can appreciate your irritation, although...a $7 burger isn't really a fancy place to eat. If your total bill for a burger, presumably two non-alcoholic drinks, and a $3 split fee was $17, I feel like they're holding themselves a bit high as a "nice" establishment. Given the way you were treated, I tend to think their behavior supports the point that they aren't the fine dining they seem to consider themselves to be.
    That being said, I haven't ever been charged a split fee because I don't really split things. I eat what I want to, then take it home or let someone else at my table eat it. Margins on actual fine dining are slim, and you aren't being charged a $3 fee to actually cut the burger, just like a corkage fee has nothing to do with the manual act of removing a cork, but rather the right to split a meal or to bring your own bottle of wine, when to do so without any minor fee is really not customary practice. It certainly would have been nice though if they had put somewhere on the menu that the fee existed. At a nice place, I can see economically the purpose of a split fee and most people paying to eat at a nice place, first don't care about the $3 and probably don't notice it on their bill, and second at an actual nice place, there would not have been any attitude from a manager, the fee would have been removed. The difference in my experience between a classy place to eat and a place that likes to think its classy is that there is an understanding that you sometimes lose a few dollars, but you make up for it in customer loyalty. A truly nice establishment handles the customer in a way that leaves them feeling happy...sure they complain about you when you leave and they roll their eyes when you aren't looking, but they are never, ever rude to your face or in front of any other customer. They certainly don't have their family members replying to your Yelp comments- that would make them look incredibly stupid and any person who was accustomed to eating in nice places would absolutely avoid going somewhere that responded that way on social media if only because it clearly demonstrates a total lack of class.
    So...sure, a split fee is normal sometimes, and I understand that you were surprised by it, but I find the behavior of the business to be unacceptable if they are going to cast themselves as being a better than average place to dine. I wouldn't go there after seeing that exchange on social media because it reeks of a scene- something that you will rarely if ever see in a nice place, and certainly not in a way that is exacerbated by management. I'm sorry you were treated poorly, but if it makes you feel better, places like that rarely last very long for all of the reasons I've mentioned above. They will be sad soon enough, lol.
  19. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from LittleBill in My horrible experience at a restaurant.   
    I can appreciate your irritation, although...a $7 burger isn't really a fancy place to eat. If your total bill for a burger, presumably two non-alcoholic drinks, and a $3 split fee was $17, I feel like they're holding themselves a bit high as a "nice" establishment. Given the way you were treated, I tend to think their behavior supports the point that they aren't the fine dining they seem to consider themselves to be.
    That being said, I haven't ever been charged a split fee because I don't really split things. I eat what I want to, then take it home or let someone else at my table eat it. Margins on actual fine dining are slim, and you aren't being charged a $3 fee to actually cut the burger, just like a corkage fee has nothing to do with the manual act of removing a cork, but rather the right to split a meal or to bring your own bottle of wine, when to do so without any minor fee is really not customary practice. It certainly would have been nice though if they had put somewhere on the menu that the fee existed. At a nice place, I can see economically the purpose of a split fee and most people paying to eat at a nice place, first don't care about the $3 and probably don't notice it on their bill, and second at an actual nice place, there would not have been any attitude from a manager, the fee would have been removed. The difference in my experience between a classy place to eat and a place that likes to think its classy is that there is an understanding that you sometimes lose a few dollars, but you make up for it in customer loyalty. A truly nice establishment handles the customer in a way that leaves them feeling happy...sure they complain about you when you leave and they roll their eyes when you aren't looking, but they are never, ever rude to your face or in front of any other customer. They certainly don't have their family members replying to your Yelp comments- that would make them look incredibly stupid and any person who was accustomed to eating in nice places would absolutely avoid going somewhere that responded that way on social media if only because it clearly demonstrates a total lack of class.
    So...sure, a split fee is normal sometimes, and I understand that you were surprised by it, but I find the behavior of the business to be unacceptable if they are going to cast themselves as being a better than average place to dine. I wouldn't go there after seeing that exchange on social media because it reeks of a scene- something that you will rarely if ever see in a nice place, and certainly not in a way that is exacerbated by management. I'm sorry you were treated poorly, but if it makes you feel better, places like that rarely last very long for all of the reasons I've mentioned above. They will be sad soon enough, lol.
  20. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Djmohr in HELP! Freaking out - need honest feedback   
    I didn't have terrible gas pain. In the hospital they keep you highly drugged, so you really don't feel much, and while I didn't use the liquid narcotics at home, they give you drugs to take home too. I brought with me a heating pad which I kept under my shoulders, and I brought with me the meltable gas-x tabs. The hospital didn't have any and largely didn't much care when I asked for them, so I was glad I had the gas-x with me. I used the strips that melt, so you're not actually taking the pill version, which is a no-no. The gas pain usually refers to your shoulder area, so although in reality the heating pad scientifically isn't doing much for the pain, it made me feel better so I didn't care that it shouldn't actually work, lol. Overall, my gas pain was minimal- I was too busy being sick from the narcotics. I had them stopped at around 24 hours post-op, then I felt less awful, and I was fine with liquid Advil.
  21. Like
    AvaFern reacted to CStoned in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    You doing too much woman! Throw away that junk
    Kick back & under-achieve just a lil bit. I don't have multiple degrees but I makes SURE I take a moment to under-achieve for abt 30 mins every day & look how damn happy I am girl!
    - seeeeee???
  22. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from LipstickLady in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    @@Heather I
    Thank-you for asking! We still aren't at a point where we can review the final exams, but all of my other grades were high, so I am not getting kicked out of law school! I might end up on academic probation if that F stands, lol, but when my last 3 grades finally posted I was well over the academic dismissal GPA, thank God. I have no idea what happened, and I spent most of Christmas freaking out about it, since they oh-so-kindly didn't post our last grade until the 27th, but in the end, the other grades balanced out the bad one. Fortunately, merit scholarships are apparently reviewed annually, so if I do ok next semester, I should be ok there too. I'm still hopeful the F is a mistake, but they are really careful with grades so I think that is being too optimistic.
    Hope you had a nice holiday!
  23. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from sill21 in Should I be upset?   
    I can appreciate how annoying it is to have people eating in front of you when you're on a liquid diet, but for the rest of your life people are going to be eating in front of you and if you want to be successful, you will eventually have to be able to be ok being around what others eat without having it yourself. Only my three best friends know I had surgery 3+ years ago, but I have never asked them to modify what they eat so I don't have to be around foods that might mess up my diet. My one friend routinely does Paleo and another can't have gluten, but they never ask me to change how I eat because of what they can and cannot have. Although it's hard to imagine, soon enough you really won't even want that pizza. I didn't eat very well over the holidays, but I can say that I have no real urge to eat junk food the vast majority of the year and someone else eating pizza, Pasta, or cake in front of me, doesn't even cross my mind as being tempting to me anymore.
    Right now, it's annoying, but in the future it will continue to happen, so you do eventually just not really notice it anymore.
  24. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from CStoned in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    I just bought all of this, in one trip, at a gas station, and I planned to eat every bit of it.

    So, I did everything right. I've worked 60-80-120 plus hour work weeks for over a decade, and before that, slightly less, as I was still a child. I have two successful businesses, multiple degrees, and this fall I got a full scholarship to law school. Ever since I was a kid, all I wanted to do was go to law school, but since I've been entirely on my own since I was 18, clearly that was never happening. I spent almost all of my 20's working super hard and yo-yo dieting, until I was so fat I had to have 80% of my stomach cut out. I then spent 18 months getting to goal weight, spent a year going through plastics surgery, and then finally, I felt like maybe I could really go after a dream for once. Since all I did was work, I didn't get to have a husband or kids, but hey no big deal, I was smart, I could do other things. So, I applied to law school, did decent on my LSATs, and got a full scholarship. I was so happy.
    Then I got to spend the last 4 months getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night, because oh right, one does not get to work 80 hour weeks, when 40 of the hours that used to be available for work are now forced to be spent in a law school building because your classes are scheduled just far apart that you can't go home and you get to sit in the library and work. Also, thanks to traffic, and my fantastic forced 1L schedule I get to sit in traffic an hour to 90 minutes a day both ways. But hey, when you've got dreams, you can handle going to bed at 3am and getting up at 5:30am, you can sit in classes and try to learn what everyone else gets to spend literally their entire day learning, and then you can go home, work your ass off for 12 hours so that you can still pay your mortgage, because right, you're not a child, and you don't have a spouse, so the only person paying your bills is you. The only person you ever get to count on is you. And so, while everyone in law school full time has literally the only job of learning this crap, and no one even has a part time job, which,...not joking, there is an American Bar Association rule that you can't work more than 20 hours a week, and if they find out they start deducting your grades until you're at part-time, starting of course with your highest grade. Class elitism much? We wonder why there is such a huge class separation in our country and then we see the fact that law school, all law schools in the country ban their students from working. HOW IS THAT LEGAL?! So, back to the "all about me" story. I'm also working on an MBA, which isn't terribly difficult since I have other graduate degrees, but when your law school will actually kick you out if you work more than 20 hours a week, you can't say..."oh I'm sorry, I had to work more hours than most of you idiots are even awake this week" when you don't do great.
    But I didn't do badly...I got A's and B's on all my midterms, without studying, because I'm supposed to be smart right? I booked the property midterm, and I thought I was golden. Well, 2 of my final 5 grades just posted and I got a f****ing F in my contracts class. AN F. Never in my entire life have I gotten an F. I've been first in almost every class I've been in for almost a decade. I thought I knew contracts...clearly I did so freaking horribly that I got an F. The fact that a girl with accomodations, who gets 4.5 hours to take a 3 hour test got an A, oh well hey cool, the law allows her to cheat. Several others have the same accomodations, which when law schools have mandatory curves, their high grades, knock down my grades. I resent the hell out of that, it is absolute bullshit, and the more I think about it, the madder I get. I have the exact same diagnosis that she has, but I decided that I was going to pass law school without cheating...clearly that worked out well for me. I got an F, in a 1L doctrinal class, which not only tanks my GPA for the entirety of law school, but now I need to re-take the class, which is the absolute best case scenario, or if my other grades suck, then I fail out of law school, not to mention the fact that my school is $45K a year and if I don't have a 2.0 GPA it's revoked. My other grade was an A-, which doesn't even balance out my F. I have 3 more grades to post, and if I don't have at least a B or C in all of them, I just failed out of law school. I will be the absolute laughingstock of the world. I have had more career success than almost everyone I know, and yet, I possibly just flunked out of law school because I can either pay my bills and suck at school, or I can be homeless and have the time everyone else does to do well. I don't get to rely on anyone else...it is ALWAYS on me and for the first time in a very long time, I have possibly failed at life and because I am feeling narcisistic at the moment, I am absolutely convinced that everyone is going to be highly amused that I failed. Oh, how far it is too fall. Man, I'm whiny.
    So...I will leave out the pharmaceuticals I first enjoyed, but I then walked to the gas station and bought $25 worth of stuff that will make me feel better. Peanut Butter cups, ice cream, chocolate shake, twix, butterfinger....all the things that used to make it so much less hurtful that I was a worthless loser. So far I ate the ice cream sandwich and I already feel like puking. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to bed, wake up, and throw all of that stuff out.
    I suppose the lesson here is that 3 years ago, I would have eaten every bit of that while crying myself to sleep, and yet 3 years ago I would never have even been in law school because I wouldn't have thought the fat girl had any business being anywhere other than on a treadmill. Now, I want to barf up my ice cream sandwich because apparently milk, chocolate, and Cookies are still on the list of things that make me sick, and even while buying all that crap, there wasn't the same old, feeling, like I was bringing my chocolate-food-friends home for dinner. The more I write, the more I have no desire to go eat anything else. Also, much as I tend to take the side of people who fall off the wagon, because I have my fair share of Starbucks mini scones and sometimes a few bites of sweets (and I thumb my nose at a lot of the rules), around Christmas is really the only time I eat sugary baked stuff because it makes me gain weight quickly, and makes me insanely sick. The last two Christmases I've had almost none of the sweets I'm allowed, and I haven't really missed them. Maybe that's a good indicator for anyone who is considering surgery...you really do stop using food as a crutch, as a friend, as an old reliable companion, even if sometimes you go spend $25 at a gas station in the middle of the night on all kinds of crap that you're probably not going to eat.
    So, since I need to retain my calm, cool, reserved, never worried about anything reputation with my friends, you all get subjected to the hot mess I am right now.
    I think I'm going to go drink Scotch. Or Tequila. Or both.
    For the record though, this is why I try not to judge the bad decisions of others...I make all too many supremely crap choices myself.
  25. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from LipstickLady in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    @@Heather I
    Thank-you for asking! We still aren't at a point where we can review the final exams, but all of my other grades were high, so I am not getting kicked out of law school! I might end up on academic probation if that F stands, lol, but when my last 3 grades finally posted I was well over the academic dismissal GPA, thank God. I have no idea what happened, and I spent most of Christmas freaking out about it, since they oh-so-kindly didn't post our last grade until the 27th, but in the end, the other grades balanced out the bad one. Fortunately, merit scholarships are apparently reviewed annually, so if I do ok next semester, I should be ok there too. I'm still hopeful the F is a mistake, but they are really careful with grades so I think that is being too optimistic.
    Hope you had a nice holiday!
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