judysbabies

I feel so much better that I am in good company. Thanks for all the encouragement.

Ok....so it has been weeks since I posted. I am now 3 months and a few days out. I have lost a total of 40 pounds....that includes pre-op weight loss as well. I feel like I should have lost more. Most everyone I talk to, looses more in the first three months than I have. I do not weigh everyday. I am exercising. I am eating my protein and drinking my water. My carbs are very few. I use a big piece of lettuce instead of bread for sandwiches of any kind. No sweets. I do eat peanuts (less than 1 ounce) for a crunchy snack 2 - 3 times a week. My caloric intake is under 1000 per day. Make no mistake about it, I love that I have lost what I have. I have some new hand me down clothes that fit. I feel good. A few people have noticed that I am losing. I just expected that I would have dropped at least 15 more pounds by now. That is all the whining I will do today. Enjoy today! Still looking like Shamu

Glad your experience with surgery was easy. Mine was as well. The smell thing tortured me the first two weeks. My brain was starving all the time. I am happy to say that at 5 weeks out, I am able to smell even bacon cooking and I'm okay. The grocery store experience is still hard. I have a large family and must shop accordingly. About half way through the store, I begin to get hungry. By the time I leave, I am ready to pass out. I pick something that I can have as soon as I get in the van. Today was a cheese stick. In the beginning, it was sugar free Popsicles. May each day bring you closer yo your goal. Judy

Oh my gosh. I didn't think about my shoes. I have velcro right now. I'll have to get out the tie shoes and see. Lol

I can cross my legs while sitting. I stood up at church to pray, bowed my head and realized that all I could see was my boobs....no belly sticking out further than my boobs! The steering wheel can be lowered while I drive. I walked 3/4 of a mile today without panting and thinking I was having a heart attack. I make still look like Shamu but I am feeling like Flipper!

I feel great physically. Emotionally, still struggling. I am definitely a food addict. I had no idea. In my mind, I catch myself thinking about food....like all the time. I miss cheese crackers, popcorn at the movies, toast and bacon. I miss sharing a cookie with the grand baby. I miss trips with the kids to Braums ice cream. I long for a Dairy Queen chocolate malt. Furthermore, i crave McDonald's french fries and homemade brownies. I cannot wait to eat a ribeye and baked potato (just a bite). You get the picture. I am in detox with a full, unlocked liquor cabinet in front of me. (Actually the food pantry...) I took the kids to see Monster's University and knew it would be hard, but had no idea how hard. The smell of hot buttered popcorn assaulted me before I even entered the door. It threw me to the floor like a rag doll. I fought it, yelling and screaming. We drew quite a large crowd, that deadly aroma and me. The mouth watering scent drug me across the floor to the concession stand. I fought so hard I left claw marks in the tile. I gathered myself, stood up, smiled at the young woman with her mouth gaping and ordered a LARGE popcorn and 2 large cokes. As she placed the humongous container of butter dripping popcorn on the counter, I grabbed it and slung it at my children before I changed me mind. Whew! My stomach growled the entire movie like I hadn't eaten in weeks. Oh, maybe because I HAVEN'T! I quietly drank my water and watched the movie. I survived! I did it! Last night, I found myself in the emergency room with a friend. I brought my water and some baby food but didn't plan on camping out for hours. I knew I had to have something. I sniffed out the vending machines hoping to find something edible for me. I dreaded the sight of Reese's peanut butter cups, snickers, cinnamon rolls and chips. My mind kept screaming that peanut butter is high in protein and soft, hence the peanut butter cups would be the best choice. It sounded reasonable to me. Once I located the vending machines, I stood frozen in shock. EVERYTHING in the machine was healthy or relatively healthy. Not even a hint of chocolate was to be found. I opted for a 100 calorie breakfast thin thing. I chewed it like it was leather so not to disturb my stomach. I survived. I am still refusing to allow bacon to be cooked in my house. I think I would go into convulsions. There is a no baking anything sweet ban till further notice as well. My 12 year old asked me today, "How much longer are you on this diet?" I just smiled and hugged him. Signing off till next time! Judy

Good morning.... Day six found me feeling fine physically. I drove. I grocery shopped. I took the kids to McDonald's. Being in the kitchen is hard for me. I have children that must be fed. While preparing plates of burgers and chips for my two youngest kids, I dropped a chip on the counter. I reflectively reached down and popped it in my mouth. Of course I immediately spit it out. However, the incident left me wondering..... This morning I woke with an epiphany! What I am going through each day post-surgery is the major reason that patients must go through "training" for surgery. All of the nutrition training was to help with the actual - in your face - reality that I cannot, under any condition, pop chips or anything else in my mouth without thinking. Nutrition training was to help train my mind to tune out the billions of food commercials as I watch TV during my recovery. Nutrition training was giving me a foundation or a home base to turn to when I feel that I must have something to eat or I will die. Nutrition training was to give me something to think about and cling to when my mind is going crazy and I panic because today's stress cannot be fixed by food. Had I not had the time before surgery hearing about and thinking about what I must do after surgery, I would be a big fat failure. I would have been one of the people who cheats themselves by eating what shouldn't be eaten and stretched my stomach right back out to hold my dear and faithful friend, Food. I am not one of those and refuse to succumb to the overwhelming temptation to do so. I will hold on to my goal and let my goal be my friend. (My goal is to be healthy and active.) I will survive. I am woman. Hear me roar! (You have to be over 50 to get this.)

My mental hunger is around as well as my physical hunger. There is a difference. Lol I am definitely not getting all my protein in today but my stomach feels better. I am going to start tomorrow hunting for a different shake or drink....maybe with a little less protein to see if that will help. It is hard to "try" anything new as they come in gallon containers or by the six pack.

I really intended to get on line everyday and post.....I didn't. Day 1 - surgery day - went well. Nausea was my enemy but not pain. I slept most of the time. When the came to take my vitals, I would get out of bed, with no problem, and walk down the hall and back. I also tried to pee every time but it was the next morning before that worked. Day 2 - Up early for barium swallow....yuck! No vomiting or pain with that and I passed. Later during the morning, I did throw up the bile stuff I had to drink. I was sore but still not in serious pain. I had no problem swallowing. I slept all I could. Day 3 - IV out and ready to go home. Nice warm shower was wonderful. Nausea gone. We drove 8 long hours home. It is a 5 hour trip but we took the not-so-scenic route.....and not on purpose. My sister got on I35 going south to the border instead of north to home. It took an hour and a half before she realized it. I was mostly snoozing. We made it home at 9:30 p.m. to my own bed. Ahhhh Day 4 - Pretty sore after riding so far but no pain meds needed. Seriously, I was not even in the pain of a bee sting. I got in the floor with my grandson and helped build a tower with blocks. The protein drink I have been drinking for a couple of weeks now makes my stomach cramp. I am using another one I had here that I do not like. Oh well. I had trouble with diarrhea all day. Not fun. Day 5 - Today - I am really battling cramping and diarrhea today. Still have soreness but no pain from surgery. My body says I can do whatever I want but my brain says I better not. I have been outside on the deck watching the kittens play and I've watched way more TV than I want. I am bordering stir crazy. I am now literately sipping protein drink followed by a swallow of water every few minutes in hopes of winning the battle of diarrhea. The one thing I am shocked about: I am starving! My stomach is growling, even in the night. It didn't do that last week when I was on just protein drinks. Oh my gosh! I will prevail but geeze Louise! I will report in tomorrow.

I am in San Antonio for my long awaited day of surgery. Yesterday was spent meeting with my doctor, my advocate, Count Dracula and shopping. My sister is with me and we walked all through the Mexican Market. I bought me two things for after the surgery but I was scared to buy anything too small for fear I would never get there. We stopped at the best Mexican food place and starred at the menu as you can see in the picture. I said good-bye for now. This morning I am ready for the next chapter in my life. I will officially be a cheap date. My surgery is scheduled for 1:30 this afternoon. The doctor says I will NOT have any tubes (Ng tube or catheter) when I come out. My job will be to sip and walk. That makes me very happy. I love you all and will check in soon. Judy

As my surgery approaches, I am thinking more about the future without fat restrictions. I look forward to...... Sitting in church and being able to cross my legs Getting into the floor and getting back up without crawling to the couch Leaving the steering wheel down when I get out of the car Leaning over and picking something up without cutting off my oxygen supply shopping in a regular store Getting on the scale at the doctor and not turning my head Walking more than a block without panting Having more energy Less medication Getting up in a crowded room and not worrying about being able to squeeze between chairs or people Cutting my toenails while breathing How about you, my friends?

I got the call that I have been waiting on. My insurance has given their blessings for me to have sleeve surgery!!! I'm so excited! I just can't hide it! On June 11, 2013, I will begin a new and exciting chapter in my life. Good bye Big Mama. Hello healthy mama.

I want each of you to know that you are my heroes. The more I read about each of you, the more I admire you. My prayer for you all this week is for courage, self confidence, energy, hope, and love. Where ever you are on your journey, I applaud you. Pat yourself on the back. You are a great person. As you look in the mirror each day this week, say out loud, "I am someone's hero." Whether you take one step at a time or many steps at once, you will get there. Looking back is only for learning, not dwelling on. Judy

Way to go!

There is hope for me yet! Thanks so much everyone. Me