rebecca_dsu

I will almost make 6 months post op, and I have a great many things to be thankful for. We all strive to hit numbers on the scale, but it is all the little accomplishments that really make a difference in how we feel and the way we move. I've compiled a list of all the things I have noticed since surgery that have changed for me.
 
1. My blood pressure has dropped 20 points (*note that I have never had high blood pressure)
2. I have dropped 2 shoe sizes
3. I started out doing 15 minutes of cardio and can now do 2 hours non-stop of medium to intense cardio
4. Foot pain is GONE
5. Knee pain is GONE
6. Back pain/sciatica is very rare
7. Migraines have subsided and only come about when I get a massage or have a lot of neck tension
8. I don't need an extension for the airplane
9. I am now considered a regular at the gym
10. I am able to look in the mirror more and for longer periods of time
11. I rarely need to take a nap in the middle of the day
12. I can work a 8 hour shift with no problem...used to work only 4 hours because my back and feet would be killing me
13. pants size went from 28/30 to 20
14. I am seeking out new active things to do instead of avoiding them
15. I don't have any bathroom problems: (this one is quite embarrassing), but I used to have a lot of issues...even wiping my ass where I would be in tears because I couldn't reach! I don't have any of these problems anymore
16. Sex is way better! Being on top is an option now and an enjoyment :0)
17. I get a compliment every day
18. My towels fit completely around me now
19. I am more social
20. I watch less tv
21. I need my husband's help less with everything
22. I am 14 pounds away from being the same weight as my husband!!!
23. I enjoy working out
24. I am comfortable with what and how I eat...I don't obsess anymore
25. I am now trying to motivate others
26. I am so busy living my life that it is hard to get on the computer and post blogs...I'm trying though

I have not loss not ONE pound since the last time I was here :ph34r: Last week I actually GAINED A POUND How?!? I don't even know lol!!
Yet, I look slimmer....how weird is that?!
 
Now in the past, I would've gone off track and use this stall as an excuse to eat my face off. Thanks to my sleeve( praise the Lord), I am able to stay in the game and not over do it!!!
 
STAY STRONG FRIENDS :wub:

Today is one month out since surgery. I am down exactly 30 lbs since the start of the pre-op diet, and 20 lbs since surgery. I was telling my mom that this morning, and feeling a wee bit bummed about “only 20 lbs since surgery” but she pointed out that it is a 5 lb average per week. I thanked her for setting me straight and making me look at it like that. I get so impatient sometimes, but this process will take some time of course. And time is going to pass anyway – I’m awfully glad to be losing as time passes! This morning I shopped in my closet and am wearing a dress I haven’t worn in months. That feels good, and I’ve already gotten a compliment on it.
 
You know, I have lost weight before as an adult-- at one point I even lost like 75 lbs years ago. And I’ve noticed something…. it’s so funny how when people you work with, for example, who don’t know you’re losing weight, they begin to notice something is different but they can’t quite figure out what it is. So funny. I had a moment like that yesterday. I bought a dress two days after surgery; it’s a nice maxi dress that I can wear for a while as I shrink. I have already worn that dress 3 times to work since surgery! But it was yesterday that a male coworker of mine said “Well you’re all dressed up today! You look nice, is it a special occasion?” LOL! I’m changing but they can’t quite put their finger on what exactly is changing….in my experience ,soon I will get the “did you do something different with you hair? Did you get your hair cut?” questions. LOL
 
As far as food goes, I am still technically supposed to be on soft foods. To be honest, I would be scared to eat anything not soft right now. I have no pain of course, but my Morningstar sausage experience a little while back is not something I’d like to repeat. So it is not difficult to stick to the soft things—I gravitate toward them out of fear! LOL. I am eating 2 to 3 protein meals per day – I try for 3 oz but it’s usually just under 2 oz. In between, I’m doing my “green smoothies” with protein powder. It blows my mind that I haven’t had bread in 6 weeks. Or chips or crackers or any of that crap. I’m pretty much carb-free! I can prepare those things for my husband’s meals and it doesn’t even entice me. I do have occasional cravings. If it’s something that’s on my current plan to have (like cheese), I eat it, and I find that literally after 2 bites I’m more than done. The sugar fiend in me is still alive, but when those cravings hit I 1) remind myself that I would probably feel horrible if I ate sugar and 2) when I am at goal, I will allow myself such indulgences occasionally. I KNOW that I could totally eat ice cream right now. But I am just not gonna do it!!!!
 
I am finally getting a reasonable amount of energy back. I am walking 30 minutes almost every day. I need to start strength training. I am beginning to develop a fear of loose skin. Somehow I’m not sure I could bring myself to do plastic surgery – although never say never. Just depends on how bad it is when I’m there I guess. I need to worry about that bridge when I get to it. I bought bio oil and am trying to be really good to my skin. Hope it will return the favor!
I totally have ketosis breath. It’s pretty funny. Love the altoids sugar free mini’s. They also are awesome right after a meal when I still need to wait 30 minutes to drink something.
Monday I see my surgeon for my one month follow up. My incisions are great. I’m certain he will give the all-clear to hit the beach
Onward!

I wrote a pretty long post about my surgery and experience on my blogger blog, which you can find HERE . But for the reader's digest version:
 
Surgery went great with Dr. Aceves and his staff down at Hospital Almater down in Mexicali. The hospital beautiful and clean, the staff super friendly and the language difference wasn't an issue. My "final meal" the night before was a fantastic italian dish of chicken and tortellini with tiramisu for dessert.
 
The day after surgery was the worst and painful with the gas pains and drain site discomfort, but by day 3, I was much better. Day 4 we flew home, and today I have done 3 loads of laundry and put them up, walked 30 minutes on my treadmill, and put up everything from traveling, and feel almost back to "normal"...ha!
 
I didn't reach my 64 oz liquid, 70 grams of protein, but I'm getting closer every day. I did make some "protein infused sugar free jello" and with a dollup of coolwhip, it rocked. I've also had the unjury chicken broth, and diluted gatorade today...both good. I have found my Tiny Tum doesn't really care for the artificial sweetners added to water (like vitamin water zero and the syntrix necture stuff), but hopefully that will change.
 
I even made a big spaghetti dinner for my husband with roasted yellow squash and garlic bread, and didn't even crave it...it was very odd. Like perhaps I wanted a taste, but didn't want it in my stomach if that makes sense. It was the weirdest thing... but I'm thankful!
 
Still happy I made this decision, and I plan to wait until Friday morning to do my first post surgery weigh in.
 
And so...Life begins with Tiny Tum

I wrote a pretty long post about my surgery and experience on my blogger blog, which you can find HERE . But for the reader's digest version:
 
Surgery went great with Dr. Aceves and his staff down at Hospital Almater down in Mexicali. The hospital beautiful and clean, the staff super friendly and the language difference wasn't an issue. My "final meal" the night before was a fantastic italian dish of chicken and tortellini with tiramisu for dessert.
 
The day after surgery was the worst and painful with the gas pains and drain site discomfort, but by day 3, I was much better. Day 4 we flew home, and today I have done 3 loads of laundry and put them up, walked 30 minutes on my treadmill, and put up everything from traveling, and feel almost back to "normal"...ha!
 
I didn't reach my 64 oz liquid, 70 grams of protein, but I'm getting closer every day. I did make some "protein infused sugar free jello" and with a dollup of coolwhip, it rocked. I've also had the unjury chicken broth, and diluted gatorade today...both good. I have found my Tiny Tum doesn't really care for the artificial sweetners added to water (like vitamin water zero and the syntrix necture stuff), but hopefully that will change.
 
I even made a big spaghetti dinner for my husband with roasted yellow squash and garlic bread, and didn't even crave it...it was very odd. Like perhaps I wanted a taste, but didn't want it in my stomach if that makes sense. It was the weirdest thing... but I'm thankful!
 
Still happy I made this decision, and I plan to wait until Friday morning to do my first post surgery weigh in.
 
And so...Life begins with Tiny Tum

I wrote a pretty long post about my surgery and experience on my blogger blog, which you can find HERE . But for the reader's digest version:
 
Surgery went great with Dr. Aceves and his staff down at Hospital Almater down in Mexicali. The hospital beautiful and clean, the staff super friendly and the language difference wasn't an issue. My "final meal" the night before was a fantastic italian dish of chicken and tortellini with tiramisu for dessert.
 
The day after surgery was the worst and painful with the gas pains and drain site discomfort, but by day 3, I was much better. Day 4 we flew home, and today I have done 3 loads of laundry and put them up, walked 30 minutes on my treadmill, and put up everything from traveling, and feel almost back to "normal"...ha!
 
I didn't reach my 64 oz liquid, 70 grams of protein, but I'm getting closer every day. I did make some "protein infused sugar free jello" and with a dollup of coolwhip, it rocked. I've also had the unjury chicken broth, and diluted gatorade today...both good. I have found my Tiny Tum doesn't really care for the artificial sweetners added to water (like vitamin water zero and the syntrix necture stuff), but hopefully that will change.
 
I even made a big spaghetti dinner for my husband with roasted yellow squash and garlic bread, and didn't even crave it...it was very odd. Like perhaps I wanted a taste, but didn't want it in my stomach if that makes sense. It was the weirdest thing... but I'm thankful!
 
Still happy I made this decision, and I plan to wait until Friday morning to do my first post surgery weigh in.
 
And so...Life begins with Tiny Tum

I wrote a pretty long post about my surgery and experience on my blogger blog, which you can find HERE . But for the reader's digest version:
 
Surgery went great with Dr. Aceves and his staff down at Hospital Almater down in Mexicali. The hospital beautiful and clean, the staff super friendly and the language difference wasn't an issue. My "final meal" the night before was a fantastic italian dish of chicken and tortellini with tiramisu for dessert.
 
The day after surgery was the worst and painful with the gas pains and drain site discomfort, but by day 3, I was much better. Day 4 we flew home, and today I have done 3 loads of laundry and put them up, walked 30 minutes on my treadmill, and put up everything from traveling, and feel almost back to "normal"...ha!
 
I didn't reach my 64 oz liquid, 70 grams of protein, but I'm getting closer every day. I did make some "protein infused sugar free jello" and with a dollup of coolwhip, it rocked. I've also had the unjury chicken broth, and diluted gatorade today...both good. I have found my Tiny Tum doesn't really care for the artificial sweetners added to water (like vitamin water zero and the syntrix necture stuff), but hopefully that will change.
 
I even made a big spaghetti dinner for my husband with roasted yellow squash and garlic bread, and didn't even crave it...it was very odd. Like perhaps I wanted a taste, but didn't want it in my stomach if that makes sense. It was the weirdest thing... but I'm thankful!
 
Still happy I made this decision, and I plan to wait until Friday morning to do my first post surgery weigh in.
 
And so...Life begins with Tiny Tum

I wrote a pretty long post about my surgery and experience on my blogger blog, which you can find HERE . But for the reader's digest version:
 
Surgery went great with Dr. Aceves and his staff down at Hospital Almater down in Mexicali. The hospital beautiful and clean, the staff super friendly and the language difference wasn't an issue. My "final meal" the night before was a fantastic italian dish of chicken and tortellini with tiramisu for dessert.
 
The day after surgery was the worst and painful with the gas pains and drain site discomfort, but by day 3, I was much better. Day 4 we flew home, and today I have done 3 loads of laundry and put them up, walked 30 minutes on my treadmill, and put up everything from traveling, and feel almost back to "normal"...ha!
 
I didn't reach my 64 oz liquid, 70 grams of protein, but I'm getting closer every day. I did make some "protein infused sugar free jello" and with a dollup of coolwhip, it rocked. I've also had the unjury chicken broth, and diluted gatorade today...both good. I have found my Tiny Tum doesn't really care for the artificial sweetners added to water (like vitamin water zero and the syntrix necture stuff), but hopefully that will change.
 
I even made a big spaghetti dinner for my husband with roasted yellow squash and garlic bread, and didn't even crave it...it was very odd. Like perhaps I wanted a taste, but didn't want it in my stomach if that makes sense. It was the weirdest thing... but I'm thankful!
 
Still happy I made this decision, and I plan to wait until Friday morning to do my first post surgery weigh in.
 
And so...Life begins with Tiny Tum

I am 7 days away from an 8 mile hike up to LeConte Lodge in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, 8 days away from hiking 5.5 miles down from that mountain, 9 days away from a 7 day vacation in Hawaii, and 32 days away from being sleeved. It is going to be an exciting month.
 
However, I have really struggled with the "food funeral". I have had binge like behavior for the past couple of weeks, and have basically let my "inner fat girl" have everything she wants, and the result of that...the added weight, the bloat, the heart burn, the sluggish "I just want to be lazy" feelings, etc have taken enough of a toll on me, and I have finally decided that enough is enough. It's time to start preparing my brain for what my body is about to go through.
 
Today I kind of gave the following talk to myself...
 
Dear Food,
 
You have always been there for me. You were there for me when I was alone in the evenings after school, you were there for me when people hurt my feelings, you were there when I was alone, you were there when I was rejected, when I was awarded, when I was celebrated. You were there through the loneliness of my teens when I didn't have any "real" friends..during the long hour and a half drive from my mom's to my dad's house when I started driving alone. You were there through my college years when boys rejected me, when the school work got hard and continued on into the night. You were there in my lonely apartment in my early 20's, and there when I went through the financial crisis which landed me back in my parent's house feeling defeated. You were there when I moved to a new state at 28 with my fiance' and I was stressed about leaving everything I knew and loved behind other than this one man. And you were there when my dad died of a heart attack at 57 (obesity related) one week after that move, and through the months that followed trying to get his estate finalized while living 500 miles away. You were there in the nervousness of my wedding, and of being a new bride. You were there through the stresses of every long day of every tax season, and then when I went out on my own as a bookkeeper. You have been there every evening to help me alleviate stress lately. You have been what I've looked forward to at the end of the day. You have comforted me, you have praised me, you have distracted me, you have brought me pleasure.
 
But you have also brought me pain. You have brought me "weight", literally. My bones hurt, my body aches, my feet are killing me, my back feels like it's in knots. My heart races these days with the slightest hill or stair case. You have made me depressed which caused me to ponder that death might be better than life when I feel I can't overcome your power. You are holding me back from my passions of the outdoors. I can hardly hike up hills these days without feeling like I'm going to die. My heel pain is just getting worse with every pound you add to my body. I don't feel sexy anymore... You are tearing apart my life and I'm only 32.
 
I thank you for having been there for me, but I think in order to have the best life I can, I'm going to have to part with you, or atleast part of you. God has brought other things into my life to take over the work you were doing all alone. I have a husband who can comfort me and celebrate me. I have friends who can help me to not be lonely and a bible study group to strengthen me when I'm feeling bad. I have a bike, a kayak, hiking boots and a backpack that will keep me entertained. I have a fantastic gym membership and a mini home gym that can keep me distracted from work when need be. I have kitties who can sooth me on lonely days when I need "love" (okay, my husband can do that too if he's not working late)
 
I will be okay with out large quantities of you. Our relationship is changing, and while I'll still partake of you, I need the best you, you have to give.... things that will make me strong and healthy instead of weak and lazy. The sugary things that I let sooth me have to go...perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy a bite or two, but since you've turned me into a sugar addict, that day will be far away when I'm at goal and am finally in control.
 
Here's to change!
 
 
Tomorrow, I will start a low carb, 2 protein shakes a day (I have plenty of sample packets to choose from), and one protein + complex carb + either 1/2 a sweet potato or 1/2 cup cooked quinoa meal a day, food plan. I will get out of this sugar fog, and back into "the light". And I'll flush out the funk with lots of water and green tea. I'm ready to start my new life even though I am 32 days before surgery and am only required to do a 7 day low carb pre-op diet. I'm just ready! With my hike before Hawaii, and lots of hiking/walking planned in Hawaii (and fresh pineapple!!) I can stay on track until my surgery.
 
Wish me luck fellow pre op and post op sleevers! I appreciate you and your stories and questions more than you know!!
 
 
Edit: No need to suggest counseling...I've already been doing it for 5 months and will probably continue after surgery. I wish I could say it's helping with the mental stuff...but I don't see it.

Wow. Talk about a life changing experience on Wednesday! I think I had a full blown panic attack during my discharge. Everything hit me all at once about the finality of this decision and that there is no turning back. I think the pain and nonstop nausea depleted my ability to stay positive and forward-thinking. I am so going to start attending a support group in my area (1st Wed of every month) and seek counseling if necessary to keep this from happening again. I have never felt so terrified in my life! Thank God I had the benefit of a nurse (bariatric program director for my program ) who came by to give me her card during my 1st post op day while,I was still in the throes of yay- I did it! And under the last vestiges of anesthesia. Boy oh boy was she right about the first four days being hell, although it started on day two for me. I was able to connect with her yesterday several times as well as stayed in communication with my sister and mom for extra moral support at that critical time, emotionally for me. My husband was a life saver and had a front row seat for my little melt down. I don't know how I would have coped without this support network the past three days. I am physically doing as well as can be expected and concentrating on following the clear liquid diet up until tomorrow when I start adding the protein shakes. The nurse said I would definitely feel better after that. I trust her opinion since she just had the sleeve done herself about three weeks ago. I can hardly believe she is already back at work!
As much as I hanker for positive posts, I also believe it is good to be as honest as possible about the bumps in the road, too. Now I understand why everyone calls this a journey and I feel in my bones that it is not anywhere near being an easy way out.
So, from now on, I look forward and keep survival and optimum health as my holy grails. RIP recreational/emotional eating; hello food as fuel to nourish my body. Looking forward to exploring new hobbies. Baby steps, baby steps.

"Have you ever thought of yourself as small?" The psychiatrist's nose wrinkled and he appeared puzzled - but, not half as puzzled as I was....I'm sitting here before you - getting clearance for bariatric surgery, the sides of your chair are pushing into my thighs, and you have the nerve to ask me "have I ever thought of myself as small!!" Really?
 
Small is definitely a foreign word to me....and going through with Gastric Sleeve Surgery is like traveling to a far off land - Africa, Vietnam....I'm learning the language, the culture...and I'm trying to learn about myself in that land. Thank God for forums like this, that people like me can become more comfortable and at ease with everything about this surgery.
 
Until now, I've known friends that have gone through it - some successful, some not. And, I had the horrible experience of a coworker that actually died a week after the gastric bypass in 2001. So, you can imagine the feedback I've been receiving from the coworkers, that I still work with, when I tell them what I'm going to do! Not the most positive, to say the least!
 
But, after tons of research, and more research, and being told by two doctors that the need for me to do something is greater than the need to not - I am going to do it!
 
So, here I am - 12 weeks out - my surgery is tentatively scheduled for August 19th. But, I'm anxious - I can't wait - and keep eating and eating - until that date. I need to start it now! Each week, I'm going to do something to modify my diet or change my eating patterns, so - the day after surgery, I won't be in some incredible shock. I want to ease into the surgery....
 
Here's the format:
 
May 27, 2013
12 weeks post op -
Current weight: 320.2
Goal weight: 172
Height: 5'10"
 
My weekly diet modifications:
 
Change from regular coffee to half reg/half decaf
Change from regular bread to light bread
Change from potatoes and rice to cottage cheese
 
My weekly behavioral modifications:
 
Eat dinner minus the television - this means, the TV cannot be turned on and I will focus more on the food that I am eating.
 
Pre surgery tasks -
 
No appointments this week, but I do need to complete the exercises for the psychologist's second visit
 
Ok - so there it is - next week, I'll be hopefully reporting a weight loss - maybe one or two pounds...and I'll tell you what's next........

This is going to be a long one!
 
I would like to start by saying today is Tuesday, May 14th I am 4 days post op and am feeling absolutely WONDERFUL!! Currently as I sit here, I am sipping happily on my Isopure Alpine punch protein drink, have taken all of medicine, vitamins and had a nice cup of decaf orange pekoe tea without incident. If I have any complaint I would say it would be the constant “hunger” I am having… now I say that tongue in cheek because the stomach is a muscle… and the only time we really feel that muscle is when we are a: hungry or b: sick. My feeling is that I am not hungry I am simply feeling my stomach heal itself… so I am totally good with this simple easy side effect.
 
So let’s talk about my journey. I live in Kitchener Waterloo in Ontario Canada, which is located about 2 hours from the border at Niagara Falls. I flew from the Buffalo airport, into El Paso (with a stopover in Atlanta) and arrived at my final destination early afternoon on Thursday May 09, 2013. It was a long day of travel but our driver found us (my sister Melodie came along with me) almost immediately. The drive across the border was uneventful and super-fast.
 
When we arrived at the Star Medica hospital, the driver (with our suitcases in tow) brought us inside and into the lobby. He asked for my passport and went to the admissions desk to advise who I was and have the nurse start the paperwork for my admission. We sat on the comfy furniture in the lobby and chatted for about 10 minutes before I was called to the desk. I was greeted by the hospital’s psychologist/physiatrist - Dr Calderon. He spoke English very well and guided me through all of the admission paperwork. This took about 5 minutes. The nurse then led my sister to my room and I was off for my blood work and chest x-ray – both of which took approximately 5 minutes.
 
I was then led to my room – a modest size with a hospital bed, nightstand, tv and tv stand, closet with two combination safes, a really comfortable couch that can double as a bed for a guest, and a reclining leather chair… and the bathroom was AWESOME! The shower was so big I could have had a party in there if I was so inclined!!
 
After debriefing me on a few things that were to happen that evening (EKG, vitals, etc) and the activities to start the next morning the doctor told me I was allowed to go out and have a final meal of my choosing!! I was super excited having decided to pre-op diet since April 8th!! My sister had opted to stay at the Holiday Inn next door so we decided to go drop her luggage, check out the mall and grab something to eat.
 
There is a Mexican restaurant between the Star Medica and the Holiday Inn that we decided to try out. They serve you warm chips with fresh made picante, and some other wonderful hot sort of dip before you even decide what to order. We had an appetizer that was some sort of cheese fried and covered in a green sauce, and an order of guacamole. By the time our actual entrees arrived we had to send them back because we were so full!! Even with the waste of the entrées our dinner was so cheap we just waved it off. My sister ate at that same restaurant for the remainder of our stay – it is just that good! After a little bit of shopping at the upscale mall across the street, we returned to my room and awaited my EKG.
 
That took about 5 minutes as well, and I was free for the rest of the night. Eating is permitted until 12am, however after a drink of the unsweetened apple juice I hit the sack around 9pm.
 
I woke the next morning just before 6 am (8am my time) and the timing proved perfect as the nurse with the IV came in shortly after. There was some trouble with my IV, but I don’t blame the poor nurse one bit – because there always is with my stupid little veins… but she did manage to get it in after some persistence.
 
Before they wheeled me out of the room on my gurney at around 9:30, Dr. Rodriguez, along with Dr. Calderon and a beautiful woman who was the anesthesiologist, Dr. Solis; all came to speak with me. Dr. Rod asked me if I had any questions, apprehension or doubt… I of course said no… let’s do this thing!!
 
I was brought first into recovery and given a pre-medication to relax before I was moved into the OR. I really don’t know how long that took because the pre-meds made me fall asleep… not a bad way to lead into surgery. I do remember however that Friday was Mother’s Day in Mexico and everyone who encountered me asked me if I was a mother, and gave me a hug and wished me Happy Mother’s Day. These people are so very genuine! I woke me briefly just to scoot from one table to the next in the OR and it was lights out. The next thing I knew I was back in recovery and the nurses were putting a powdered medication under my tongue. In and out for a while until; when someone asked if I felt I was ready to go back to my room – I agreed. I believe I made it back to my own room at approximately 1:30 pm. It took me a bit of time to get out of the anesthetic comfortably, as it felt a little heavier than I was used to; and that made my day a bit difficult.
 
The day was actually a bit harder than I had originally anticipated. I was extremely groggy from the anesthetic and badly wanted to sleep… when I did nod off however, I was too uncomfortable to remain relaxed. I felt extreme pressure and pain in my abdomen – which I do believe was the gas (pumped into my abdomen during surgery)… and of course they want you to walk!! I remember Dr. Rod coming in with an assistant Doctor; Dr. Rafael (Rafa) Vizcarra at some point asking how I was feeling and I told him I felt like CRAP! He laughed and said ok, just walk walk walk and blow on the cornet (this weird little horn thing they ask you to blow into in order to move the gas into your diaphragm) – Ya right!! I tried about three times then told it to get lost and threw it on the window ledge hoping it would jump!! I was also given bottles of water and instructed to rinse my mouth and spit as I needed to keep myself comfortable. Very nice!
 
I started walking at 4pm, managing one round around the hall. I went again at 5, 6:30 and 7:30… by that time I did three rounds. I then asked one of the nurses that came in to see me if I may go to bed, and thankfully she said I could!! I should note during that day, I saw the cleaners come into my room at minimum three times to mop, change garbage and tidy, and that the nurses were in and out with IV meds, and to check my vitals. Communication was never an issue and all treated me with kid gloves and kindness.
 
My sister left around 8pm and I was OUT!! I woke at 12:00am thinking it must be almost morning and shuffled to the bathroom with my IV, and suddenly noticed that I felt MUCH better. The anesthetic was all but worn off and the pain in my abdomen was replaced by a hunger feeling (as noted above). I hoped back into bed and slept quite comfortably until 5:00am.
 
Saturday was, well… boring. Dr. Rod and Dr. Rafi came in again 2x to check on me, tell me what was going to happen that day (barium swallow, and drain removal) and ask if I had any questions. I took a picture with Dr. Rod which is posted in my gallery… and I look absolutely horrible!! I am pale and puffy but whatever, its still worthy of posting. I wish I had taken a picture with Dr. Wonderful because not only was he sweet to me but he was damn cute!! I asked Dr. Rod if I could go shopping – he laughed and said no. My homework for the day was to continue walking, blowing my horn, and eating ice chips to learn about and train my new tummy. I was nervous to start swallowing but I pushed forward and started to learn my limitations for amounts to swallow, how slowly, etc…. slow and careful is key!
 
Dr. Calderon came in again and explained my post op diet and discussed life changes with me. At one point my IV had to come out because, again due to my stupid veins, the one that was being used collapsed. Not at all a painful issue but the nurses had no interest in prodding me with a needle again so the switched me to oral pain meds and an antibiotic shot. I’m good with that!
 
I was really nervous about the barium swallow but in reality it was not all that bad. Distasteful; and because you have to drink it quick you kind of get this “swallowed a brick” feeling for a minute but it didn’t make me want to throw up or anything, which is always a bonus! Once that was done, Dr. Rafi brought me back to my room; left for a short while and returned in about an hour to remove the drain and drop off all of my x-rays. The drain was removed so gently I didn’t even know he had done anything yet! I cannot say enough about this man!! He is so sweet and kind and gentle. He told me I am beautiful inside and out and that he would like me to keep in touch with them during my journey. He gave me a hug and a kiss and wished me luck; and then again even gave my arm a little affectionate squeeze when he finally left. I already miss him!!
 
The rest of the day was spent strolling, looking at the cute babies who were near my room, and relaxing with my novel. The nurses were in and out checking my vitals, making sure I was comfortable, delivering new experimental foods for me to try (Broth, Tea, Apple Juice, and Jello cubes) and at 9pm one delivered a sleeping pill to help me have a good restful sleep before my day of journeying home.
 
At one point another Dr. whose name escapes me as well, brought me in all of my medications with a folder containing instructions for administration as well as a full disclosure for my doctor at home on all procedures completed during surgery; to go with my x-rays.
 
Here’s where it gets kind of silly. I took the sleeping pill, and started to doze, then a nurse came in to check my vitals again – so I just sort of dozed through that. Then, another came in to give me a pain med… I took it, still dozy… and THEN one came in to check the dressings on my drain site. After she told me what she was doing I looked at her and said, “Kipper!” LMAO! WHAT?? She laughed, I laughed… and I slept until 5am.
 
The next morning our driver arrived at 8:30 am, having arranged being early so he could take us shopping; and we were on our way. Crossing the border took about an hour this time – there were huge lines and once the US border guard heard that I had drugs on me they pulled us over and “released the hounds!” Literally! We were made to wait outside the vehicle and two dogs ran around wildly sniffing at everything! That was exciting! We stopped at an El Paso flea market with lots of lovely Mexican folk art for about an hour and the driver stayed by our side the whole time. When we got to the airport he asked for $20 US for his extra time – we gave him $50.00.
 
And that was that. Long day of travel home… feeling pretty good all the way. No issues on the flight with gas pain or discomfort of any kind, and here I am working from home, for the second day – having taken care of laundry, dishes, tidying, walking on my treadmill (‘cause its freezing here – what the hell!) etc etc., no issues. Seriously, no issues. I can hardly believe it. I will return to my office tomorrow morning!
 
If I can summarize my experience I can honestly say that the cleanliness, attention and care I received at Star Medica has made the hospitals in my city look like the 3rd world. Not once did I feel frightened or uninformed. I saw my surgeon and his team every day, often more than once. I was made to feel like the most important person in that hospital. I would recommend this Doctor, and this facility without hesitation and will return to personally thank them when I reach my goal. If I can pursuade them, I will take them for dinner!

Ahh, progress. We have a new supermarket in my neighborhood. It is beautiful, brightly lit, with almost anything you could want, from artisan bread to flat screen TVs.
 
And as with all businesses, they are doing everything they can to make the shopping experience as awesome as possible.
 
But they may have jumped the shark on this one:
 
There is automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh and pretty. Just before it goes on, you hear distant thunder and smell fresh rain.
 
When you pass the fruits, you smell fresh cut apples and peaches.
 
When you pass the vegetables, you smell hot buttered corn on the cob.
 
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
 
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and sausages.
 
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
 
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
 
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

I am almost at my one year mark. I really can not believe how much I have accomplished!! I am so much stronger, wiser and in control. Not only with my eating but with my life as a whole. My confidence is through the roof, my whole outlook on life and the way I approach life is different. Who knew taking control over my eating, would not only improve my health, but my life?!
 
I wish a year form now, this feeling stays the same. I wish all the good habits that I have picked up during this first year, will stay with me forever.

And so begins the FIRST day of my 2 week Liver Shrinking Diet. It involves 2 protein shakes per day, 1 “lean & green” meal (for me it will be my dinners) and 2 “protein snacks” which can be a protein bar or 2 eggs or cottage cheese or poke, etc. Sugarfree jello is unlimited. Yay. LOL.
 
Not gonna lie, last night, being the last night of old food habits, I had a cheeseburger, ......and there was a late evening trip to Baskin Robbins. HOWEVER, I have actually been pretty in control with this looming on the horizon. My husband (fit & athletic all his life, god bless him) said “Gosh I guess if it was me I’d totally pig out so that I wouldn’t WANT junk food for a while” While I understand that he is alluding to a form of aversion therapy, that clearly is not the answer in the case of a food addict – otherwise I wouldn’t be so overweight. Yes I have totally pigged out at times in my life and guesswhat? It has never made me not want to eat again. But he meant well, and I’d venture to guess that the fact that I didn’t take him up on his offer to let me binge til I puked may have impressed him a bit
 
SO. ….To be honest, it’s early yet, but I’m not panicking about the aspects of this 2 weeks diet. I’m actually quite stoked to be starting the process! From past experience, I know that the Carb Crazies may set in round day 3 or 4. And that is also when my nose will become acutely attuned to smelling ANY bread or crackers within a mile radius. But, I shall overcome! And, a wise vet on VST has said - - when in doubt, drink water. I’m going to be very well hydrated. Also practicing the no water til 30 min after I eat. I had to spit some water out a little while ago because I took a sip without thinking. Glad I'm in my office where no one can see me
 
Really what hit me between the eyes this morning was that today signifies that in 2 weeks, I will be at the medical center being prepped for surgery. That is kinda unbelievable. That is exciting! That is coming up SO fast!!!
 
I’m ready! Or rather, I will be by then!
 
ONWARD!

I am 7 days away from an 8 mile hike up to LeConte Lodge in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, 8 days away from hiking 5.5 miles down from that mountain, 9 days away from a 7 day vacation in Hawaii, and 32 days away from being sleeved. It is going to be an exciting month.
 
However, I have really struggled with the "food funeral". I have had binge like behavior for the past couple of weeks, and have basically let my "inner fat girl" have everything she wants, and the result of that...the added weight, the bloat, the heart burn, the sluggish "I just want to be lazy" feelings, etc have taken enough of a toll on me, and I have finally decided that enough is enough. It's time to start preparing my brain for what my body is about to go through.
 
Today I kind of gave the following talk to myself...
 
Dear Food,
 
You have always been there for me. You were there for me when I was alone in the evenings after school, you were there for me when people hurt my feelings, you were there when I was alone, you were there when I was rejected, when I was awarded, when I was celebrated. You were there through the loneliness of my teens when I didn't have any "real" friends..during the long hour and a half drive from my mom's to my dad's house when I started driving alone. You were there through my college years when boys rejected me, when the school work got hard and continued on into the night. You were there in my lonely apartment in my early 20's, and there when I went through the financial crisis which landed me back in my parent's house feeling defeated. You were there when I moved to a new state at 28 with my fiance' and I was stressed about leaving everything I knew and loved behind other than this one man. And you were there when my dad died of a heart attack at 57 (obesity related) one week after that move, and through the months that followed trying to get his estate finalized while living 500 miles away. You were there in the nervousness of my wedding, and of being a new bride. You were there through the stresses of every long day of every tax season, and then when I went out on my own as a bookkeeper. You have been there every evening to help me alleviate stress lately. You have been what I've looked forward to at the end of the day. You have comforted me, you have praised me, you have distracted me, you have brought me pleasure.
 
But you have also brought me pain. You have brought me "weight", literally. My bones hurt, my body aches, my feet are killing me, my back feels like it's in knots. My heart races these days with the slightest hill or stair case. You have made me depressed which caused me to ponder that death might be better than life when I feel I can't overcome your power. You are holding me back from my passions of the outdoors. I can hardly hike up hills these days without feeling like I'm going to die. My heel pain is just getting worse with every pound you add to my body. I don't feel sexy anymore... You are tearing apart my life and I'm only 32.
 
I thank you for having been there for me, but I think in order to have the best life I can, I'm going to have to part with you, or atleast part of you. God has brought other things into my life to take over the work you were doing all alone. I have a husband who can comfort me and celebrate me. I have friends who can help me to not be lonely and a bible study group to strengthen me when I'm feeling bad. I have a bike, a kayak, hiking boots and a backpack that will keep me entertained. I have a fantastic gym membership and a mini home gym that can keep me distracted from work when need be. I have kitties who can sooth me on lonely days when I need "love" (okay, my husband can do that too if he's not working late)
 
I will be okay with out large quantities of you. Our relationship is changing, and while I'll still partake of you, I need the best you, you have to give.... things that will make me strong and healthy instead of weak and lazy. The sugary things that I let sooth me have to go...perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy a bite or two, but since you've turned me into a sugar addict, that day will be far away when I'm at goal and am finally in control.
 
Here's to change!
 
 
Tomorrow, I will start a low carb, 2 protein shakes a day (I have plenty of sample packets to choose from), and one protein + complex carb + either 1/2 a sweet potato or 1/2 cup cooked quinoa meal a day, food plan. I will get out of this sugar fog, and back into "the light". And I'll flush out the funk with lots of water and green tea. I'm ready to start my new life even though I am 32 days before surgery and am only required to do a 7 day low carb pre-op diet. I'm just ready! With my hike before Hawaii, and lots of hiking/walking planned in Hawaii (and fresh pineapple!!) I can stay on track until my surgery.
 
Wish me luck fellow pre op and post op sleevers! I appreciate you and your stories and questions more than you know!!
 
 
Edit: No need to suggest counseling...I've already been doing it for 5 months and will probably continue after surgery. I wish I could say it's helping with the mental stuff...but I don't see it.

I am 7 days away from an 8 mile hike up to LeConte Lodge in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, 8 days away from hiking 5.5 miles down from that mountain, 9 days away from a 7 day vacation in Hawaii, and 32 days away from being sleeved. It is going to be an exciting month.
 
However, I have really struggled with the "food funeral". I have had binge like behavior for the past couple of weeks, and have basically let my "inner fat girl" have everything she wants, and the result of that...the added weight, the bloat, the heart burn, the sluggish "I just want to be lazy" feelings, etc have taken enough of a toll on me, and I have finally decided that enough is enough. It's time to start preparing my brain for what my body is about to go through.
 
Today I kind of gave the following talk to myself...
 
Dear Food,
 
You have always been there for me. You were there for me when I was alone in the evenings after school, you were there for me when people hurt my feelings, you were there when I was alone, you were there when I was rejected, when I was awarded, when I was celebrated. You were there through the loneliness of my teens when I didn't have any "real" friends..during the long hour and a half drive from my mom's to my dad's house when I started driving alone. You were there through my college years when boys rejected me, when the school work got hard and continued on into the night. You were there in my lonely apartment in my early 20's, and there when I went through the financial crisis which landed me back in my parent's house feeling defeated. You were there when I moved to a new state at 28 with my fiance' and I was stressed about leaving everything I knew and loved behind other than this one man. And you were there when my dad died of a heart attack at 57 (obesity related) one week after that move, and through the months that followed trying to get his estate finalized while living 500 miles away. You were there in the nervousness of my wedding, and of being a new bride. You were there through the stresses of every long day of every tax season, and then when I went out on my own as a bookkeeper. You have been there every evening to help me alleviate stress lately. You have been what I've looked forward to at the end of the day. You have comforted me, you have praised me, you have distracted me, you have brought me pleasure.
 
But you have also brought me pain. You have brought me "weight", literally. My bones hurt, my body aches, my feet are killing me, my back feels like it's in knots. My heart races these days with the slightest hill or stair case. You have made me depressed which caused me to ponder that death might be better than life when I feel I can't overcome your power. You are holding me back from my passions of the outdoors. I can hardly hike up hills these days without feeling like I'm going to die. My heel pain is just getting worse with every pound you add to my body. I don't feel sexy anymore... You are tearing apart my life and I'm only 32.
 
I thank you for having been there for me, but I think in order to have the best life I can, I'm going to have to part with you, or atleast part of you. God has brought other things into my life to take over the work you were doing all alone. I have a husband who can comfort me and celebrate me. I have friends who can help me to not be lonely and a bible study group to strengthen me when I'm feeling bad. I have a bike, a kayak, hiking boots and a backpack that will keep me entertained. I have a fantastic gym membership and a mini home gym that can keep me distracted from work when need be. I have kitties who can sooth me on lonely days when I need "love" (okay, my husband can do that too if he's not working late)
 
I will be okay with out large quantities of you. Our relationship is changing, and while I'll still partake of you, I need the best you, you have to give.... things that will make me strong and healthy instead of weak and lazy. The sugary things that I let sooth me have to go...perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy a bite or two, but since you've turned me into a sugar addict, that day will be far away when I'm at goal and am finally in control.
 
Here's to change!
 
 
Tomorrow, I will start a low carb, 2 protein shakes a day (I have plenty of sample packets to choose from), and one protein + complex carb + either 1/2 a sweet potato or 1/2 cup cooked quinoa meal a day, food plan. I will get out of this sugar fog, and back into "the light". And I'll flush out the funk with lots of water and green tea. I'm ready to start my new life even though I am 32 days before surgery and am only required to do a 7 day low carb pre-op diet. I'm just ready! With my hike before Hawaii, and lots of hiking/walking planned in Hawaii (and fresh pineapple!!) I can stay on track until my surgery.
 
Wish me luck fellow pre op and post op sleevers! I appreciate you and your stories and questions more than you know!!
 
 
Edit: No need to suggest counseling...I've already been doing it for 5 months and will probably continue after surgery. I wish I could say it's helping with the mental stuff...but I don't see it.

I am 7 days away from an 8 mile hike up to LeConte Lodge in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, 8 days away from hiking 5.5 miles down from that mountain, 9 days away from a 7 day vacation in Hawaii, and 32 days away from being sleeved. It is going to be an exciting month.
 
However, I have really struggled with the "food funeral". I have had binge like behavior for the past couple of weeks, and have basically let my "inner fat girl" have everything she wants, and the result of that...the added weight, the bloat, the heart burn, the sluggish "I just want to be lazy" feelings, etc have taken enough of a toll on me, and I have finally decided that enough is enough. It's time to start preparing my brain for what my body is about to go through.
 
Today I kind of gave the following talk to myself...
 
Dear Food,
 
You have always been there for me. You were there for me when I was alone in the evenings after school, you were there for me when people hurt my feelings, you were there when I was alone, you were there when I was rejected, when I was awarded, when I was celebrated. You were there through the loneliness of my teens when I didn't have any "real" friends..during the long hour and a half drive from my mom's to my dad's house when I started driving alone. You were there through my college years when boys rejected me, when the school work got hard and continued on into the night. You were there in my lonely apartment in my early 20's, and there when I went through the financial crisis which landed me back in my parent's house feeling defeated. You were there when I moved to a new state at 28 with my fiance' and I was stressed about leaving everything I knew and loved behind other than this one man. And you were there when my dad died of a heart attack at 57 (obesity related) one week after that move, and through the months that followed trying to get his estate finalized while living 500 miles away. You were there in the nervousness of my wedding, and of being a new bride. You were there through the stresses of every long day of every tax season, and then when I went out on my own as a bookkeeper. You have been there every evening to help me alleviate stress lately. You have been what I've looked forward to at the end of the day. You have comforted me, you have praised me, you have distracted me, you have brought me pleasure.
 
But you have also brought me pain. You have brought me "weight", literally. My bones hurt, my body aches, my feet are killing me, my back feels like it's in knots. My heart races these days with the slightest hill or stair case. You have made me depressed which caused me to ponder that death might be better than life when I feel I can't overcome your power. You are holding me back from my passions of the outdoors. I can hardly hike up hills these days without feeling like I'm going to die. My heel pain is just getting worse with every pound you add to my body. I don't feel sexy anymore... You are tearing apart my life and I'm only 32.
 
I thank you for having been there for me, but I think in order to have the best life I can, I'm going to have to part with you, or atleast part of you. God has brought other things into my life to take over the work you were doing all alone. I have a husband who can comfort me and celebrate me. I have friends who can help me to not be lonely and a bible study group to strengthen me when I'm feeling bad. I have a bike, a kayak, hiking boots and a backpack that will keep me entertained. I have a fantastic gym membership and a mini home gym that can keep me distracted from work when need be. I have kitties who can sooth me on lonely days when I need "love" (okay, my husband can do that too if he's not working late)
 
I will be okay with out large quantities of you. Our relationship is changing, and while I'll still partake of you, I need the best you, you have to give.... things that will make me strong and healthy instead of weak and lazy. The sugary things that I let sooth me have to go...perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy a bite or two, but since you've turned me into a sugar addict, that day will be far away when I'm at goal and am finally in control.
 
Here's to change!
 
 
Tomorrow, I will start a low carb, 2 protein shakes a day (I have plenty of sample packets to choose from), and one protein + complex carb + either 1/2 a sweet potato or 1/2 cup cooked quinoa meal a day, food plan. I will get out of this sugar fog, and back into "the light". And I'll flush out the funk with lots of water and green tea. I'm ready to start my new life even though I am 32 days before surgery and am only required to do a 7 day low carb pre-op diet. I'm just ready! With my hike before Hawaii, and lots of hiking/walking planned in Hawaii (and fresh pineapple!!) I can stay on track until my surgery.
 
Wish me luck fellow pre op and post op sleevers! I appreciate you and your stories and questions more than you know!!
 
 
Edit: No need to suggest counseling...I've already been doing it for 5 months and will probably continue after surgery. I wish I could say it's helping with the mental stuff...but I don't see it.

I am 7 days away from an 8 mile hike up to LeConte Lodge in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, 8 days away from hiking 5.5 miles down from that mountain, 9 days away from a 7 day vacation in Hawaii, and 32 days away from being sleeved. It is going to be an exciting month.
 
However, I have really struggled with the "food funeral". I have had binge like behavior for the past couple of weeks, and have basically let my "inner fat girl" have everything she wants, and the result of that...the added weight, the bloat, the heart burn, the sluggish "I just want to be lazy" feelings, etc have taken enough of a toll on me, and I have finally decided that enough is enough. It's time to start preparing my brain for what my body is about to go through.
 
Today I kind of gave the following talk to myself...
 
Dear Food,
 
You have always been there for me. You were there for me when I was alone in the evenings after school, you were there for me when people hurt my feelings, you were there when I was alone, you were there when I was rejected, when I was awarded, when I was celebrated. You were there through the loneliness of my teens when I didn't have any "real" friends..during the long hour and a half drive from my mom's to my dad's house when I started driving alone. You were there through my college years when boys rejected me, when the school work got hard and continued on into the night. You were there in my lonely apartment in my early 20's, and there when I went through the financial crisis which landed me back in my parent's house feeling defeated. You were there when I moved to a new state at 28 with my fiance' and I was stressed about leaving everything I knew and loved behind other than this one man. And you were there when my dad died of a heart attack at 57 (obesity related) one week after that move, and through the months that followed trying to get his estate finalized while living 500 miles away. You were there in the nervousness of my wedding, and of being a new bride. You were there through the stresses of every long day of every tax season, and then when I went out on my own as a bookkeeper. You have been there every evening to help me alleviate stress lately. You have been what I've looked forward to at the end of the day. You have comforted me, you have praised me, you have distracted me, you have brought me pleasure.
 
But you have also brought me pain. You have brought me "weight", literally. My bones hurt, my body aches, my feet are killing me, my back feels like it's in knots. My heart races these days with the slightest hill or stair case. You have made me depressed which caused me to ponder that death might be better than life when I feel I can't overcome your power. You are holding me back from my passions of the outdoors. I can hardly hike up hills these days without feeling like I'm going to die. My heel pain is just getting worse with every pound you add to my body. I don't feel sexy anymore... You are tearing apart my life and I'm only 32.
 
I thank you for having been there for me, but I think in order to have the best life I can, I'm going to have to part with you, or atleast part of you. God has brought other things into my life to take over the work you were doing all alone. I have a husband who can comfort me and celebrate me. I have friends who can help me to not be lonely and a bible study group to strengthen me when I'm feeling bad. I have a bike, a kayak, hiking boots and a backpack that will keep me entertained. I have a fantastic gym membership and a mini home gym that can keep me distracted from work when need be. I have kitties who can sooth me on lonely days when I need "love" (okay, my husband can do that too if he's not working late)
 
I will be okay with out large quantities of you. Our relationship is changing, and while I'll still partake of you, I need the best you, you have to give.... things that will make me strong and healthy instead of weak and lazy. The sugary things that I let sooth me have to go...perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy a bite or two, but since you've turned me into a sugar addict, that day will be far away when I'm at goal and am finally in control.
 
Here's to change!
 
 
Tomorrow, I will start a low carb, 2 protein shakes a day (I have plenty of sample packets to choose from), and one protein + complex carb + either 1/2 a sweet potato or 1/2 cup cooked quinoa meal a day, food plan. I will get out of this sugar fog, and back into "the light". And I'll flush out the funk with lots of water and green tea. I'm ready to start my new life even though I am 32 days before surgery and am only required to do a 7 day low carb pre-op diet. I'm just ready! With my hike before Hawaii, and lots of hiking/walking planned in Hawaii (and fresh pineapple!!) I can stay on track until my surgery.
 
Wish me luck fellow pre op and post op sleevers! I appreciate you and your stories and questions more than you know!!
 
 
Edit: No need to suggest counseling...I've already been doing it for 5 months and will probably continue after surgery. I wish I could say it's helping with the mental stuff...but I don't see it.

I am 7 days away from an 8 mile hike up to LeConte Lodge in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, 8 days away from hiking 5.5 miles down from that mountain, 9 days away from a 7 day vacation in Hawaii, and 32 days away from being sleeved. It is going to be an exciting month.
 
However, I have really struggled with the "food funeral". I have had binge like behavior for the past couple of weeks, and have basically let my "inner fat girl" have everything she wants, and the result of that...the added weight, the bloat, the heart burn, the sluggish "I just want to be lazy" feelings, etc have taken enough of a toll on me, and I have finally decided that enough is enough. It's time to start preparing my brain for what my body is about to go through.
 
Today I kind of gave the following talk to myself...
 
Dear Food,
 
You have always been there for me. You were there for me when I was alone in the evenings after school, you were there for me when people hurt my feelings, you were there when I was alone, you were there when I was rejected, when I was awarded, when I was celebrated. You were there through the loneliness of my teens when I didn't have any "real" friends..during the long hour and a half drive from my mom's to my dad's house when I started driving alone. You were there through my college years when boys rejected me, when the school work got hard and continued on into the night. You were there in my lonely apartment in my early 20's, and there when I went through the financial crisis which landed me back in my parent's house feeling defeated. You were there when I moved to a new state at 28 with my fiance' and I was stressed about leaving everything I knew and loved behind other than this one man. And you were there when my dad died of a heart attack at 57 (obesity related) one week after that move, and through the months that followed trying to get his estate finalized while living 500 miles away. You were there in the nervousness of my wedding, and of being a new bride. You were there through the stresses of every long day of every tax season, and then when I went out on my own as a bookkeeper. You have been there every evening to help me alleviate stress lately. You have been what I've looked forward to at the end of the day. You have comforted me, you have praised me, you have distracted me, you have brought me pleasure.
 
But you have also brought me pain. You have brought me "weight", literally. My bones hurt, my body aches, my feet are killing me, my back feels like it's in knots. My heart races these days with the slightest hill or stair case. You have made me depressed which caused me to ponder that death might be better than life when I feel I can't overcome your power. You are holding me back from my passions of the outdoors. I can hardly hike up hills these days without feeling like I'm going to die. My heel pain is just getting worse with every pound you add to my body. I don't feel sexy anymore... You are tearing apart my life and I'm only 32.
 
I thank you for having been there for me, but I think in order to have the best life I can, I'm going to have to part with you, or atleast part of you. God has brought other things into my life to take over the work you were doing all alone. I have a husband who can comfort me and celebrate me. I have friends who can help me to not be lonely and a bible study group to strengthen me when I'm feeling bad. I have a bike, a kayak, hiking boots and a backpack that will keep me entertained. I have a fantastic gym membership and a mini home gym that can keep me distracted from work when need be. I have kitties who can sooth me on lonely days when I need "love" (okay, my husband can do that too if he's not working late)
 
I will be okay with out large quantities of you. Our relationship is changing, and while I'll still partake of you, I need the best you, you have to give.... things that will make me strong and healthy instead of weak and lazy. The sugary things that I let sooth me have to go...perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy a bite or two, but since you've turned me into a sugar addict, that day will be far away when I'm at goal and am finally in control.
 
Here's to change!
 
 
Tomorrow, I will start a low carb, 2 protein shakes a day (I have plenty of sample packets to choose from), and one protein + complex carb + either 1/2 a sweet potato or 1/2 cup cooked quinoa meal a day, food plan. I will get out of this sugar fog, and back into "the light". And I'll flush out the funk with lots of water and green tea. I'm ready to start my new life even though I am 32 days before surgery and am only required to do a 7 day low carb pre-op diet. I'm just ready! With my hike before Hawaii, and lots of hiking/walking planned in Hawaii (and fresh pineapple!!) I can stay on track until my surgery.
 
Wish me luck fellow pre op and post op sleevers! I appreciate you and your stories and questions more than you know!!
 
 
Edit: No need to suggest counseling...I've already been doing it for 5 months and will probably continue after surgery. I wish I could say it's helping with the mental stuff...but I don't see it.

I was really struggling with the dissapointment yet again, i just sat and poured my heart out to the lord, and said i give up, i cant do this anymore, you take it lord, and then just got on with living. 2 days ago i got a phone call to say that they knew how upset i was and they have juggled everything around and i have a new earlier date, sun19th may, first thing, i also found out that my old scales were saying i was a stone lighter that what i thought, normally they would cancell due to this, but they are overlooking the weight gain,God knew that and has worked this for my good, totally in awe of God and so gratefull, now i start my liver shrinking diet again on sat and cant wait to start, knowing that its going to happen this time, xx

Today was my last time to eat my beloved coconut shrimp at Red Lobster. It was incredibly delicious. I ate every bite of my baked potato and three garlic/cheese biscuits. I felt no guilt. I am satisfied and stepping forward.
 
I have already said good-bye to Tony Roma's ribs and onion loaf last week in San Antonio.
 
Three weeks ago, I ate at my favorite Chinese buffet for the last time.
 
There are others that I will still be able to nibble on after surgery but these three will be no-no's.
 
For me, these are big steps toward a new me.
 
Judy

Subtitle: I'm no longer obese! I'm no longer obese!
I never in my life thought I'd be so happy to utter these words! I weighed in this morning at 227.0. That calculates to a BMI of 29.9, and I'm no longer considered obese! I was 227.6 yesterday, so I knew it would be a matter of days.
In less than 8 short weeks, I've moved from obese to overweight, have cut my blood pressure medication dosage in half, and stopped taking my prescription Prilosec. Next goals: I'm 3 lbs away from losing 50, getting off my BP med completely, and getting off my CPAP machine (AKA the medieval torture device). Another (perhaps less realistic) goal is to lose 7 lbs by May 13. May 13 is my 13th wedding anniversary, and I'd love to get down to the same weight I was then (220). It will be hard, because my weight loss has slowed this past week or so, but I know it's possible.

It has been a ruff couple of weeks. I'm taking this food funeral thing a bit too far, and I've felt like crap and been depressed because of it. I know that the way I feel is because I'm eating the wrong things, not exercising like normal, and the scale is going up.
 
I'm not sure if others out there are sugar addicts as well (meaning one of something is never enough, and you feel like a junkie when you haven't had sugar...but as soon as you do you are "all good" and can think straight again)....but I am so ready for this surgery. I'm ready for the pain and misery with having to deal with my food addiction in the weeks that follow, and that will be my "come clean" time. When I make it past about 7 days sugar free, I feel "normal" again...happy. But these days I can't seem to make it a day. (And I've been in counseling for 5 months now with no avail.....)
 
Being that weak and lacking in self control feel so humiliating...but it's truth. I had planned to lose 10 lbs before going to Hawaii in a few weeks, but I feel so powerless right now, that I don't know if I can. I need to get back to "clean eating" even if just for the next two weeks to detox my digestive system (and brain). So starting tomorrow I'm going to.
 
I hate the way sugar makes me feel. I seriously need this "intervention"....come on June 7th!!!

I had my sleeve done on March 30, 2013. This is my story so far… even though I feel like I am eating like a bird, my weight loss has come to a halt! I am upping the exercise a bit to see if that helps. The lack of weight loss is frustrating, however, I am fitting into smaller clothes! It is the best decision I have ever made regarding my health. At first I felt very sad - I missed chewing - doesn't that sound weird? But then after a few weeks I was allowed to have soft foods and the desire to chew up some meat was fulfilled! Now I find that I don't even really enjoy food - it is a chore to figure out what I want to eat. I make sure I get my protein drink in each day and a V8 along with the vitamins and calcium citrate; the rest is just filler. Nothing tastes as good as it used to before the surgery. If this keeps up, it will be a breeze to lose more and keep it off for life!
Food was my best friend that I turned to whenever I needed to calm myself, soothe my mind, celebrate an occasion, and so on. The surgery has severed this relationship - it's been like losing a friend that I depended on for moral support. But now I realize that food was not my friend – it was a crutch that was bringing me down – not holding me up. I am learning new ways to cope with life – it is wonderful. I think anyone who has struggled with weight should consider this surgery. The recovery is painless and the scars are minimal. I can’t wait to uncover the thin person that is inside this chubby body – what a treat that will be! Good luck to all!!