Lyra

I wished I lived near you (and had already had the surgery) as my goal is to do Tough Mudder one year after my surgery. It looks like so much fun and like the experience of a lifetime! Good luck with your training and keep us posted, as I would be interested in knowing what you think of it!

My funeral-to-be is going to have to involve chinese food (dumplings! stir fry! spring rolls!) and peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. Frankly, anything peanut butter and chocolate makes me go "Yes, please, I'll have another". Yet at the same time I'm okay with it. Just think about how much nicer it'll be in the summer heat without the extra poundage!

Time seems to be just meandering along, and in some cases, I think the clock is being moved backwards. I just started on this journey a few months ago and I have my first required class on Wednesday, then psych and nutrition on 2/15, then a support group 3/8, followed by my pre-op class. The most probable month of surgery is in April and I'm already stressed out trying to figure out HOW I'm going to schedule this around work. I'm a cake decorator so I can't be out of work on Easter, and the only other decorator is going on vacation 4/21. So unless the surgeon can do the operation around 4/9 then I might have to wait until MAY to be able to take the 2 weeks he wants off of work. Yes, I know I'm whining and that I should be happy I'm making forward momentum in this and that it's not like I'm not BUSY otherwise....but I'm just frustrated. I also know that I'm putting the cart before the horse and that everything will work out...but I'm just frustrated! It's funny in that I'm pouting about this and feeling so frustrated that I'm almost laughing at MYSELF in how ridiculous I am being. *sigh* As I said before I have a rather long "To Do" list before I have the surgery. Goals that I want to meet before it happens: I'm going to do a 5K Mud Run/Walk with my bff before I have VSG, yoga training, weight lifting, wedding cakes, plan a wedding shower (not mine), etc so it's not like I'm bored. Perhaps I should use this opportunity to work on my patience...read a few books...work on my patience... Did anybody else have Hurry-the-hell-up-gitis that I'm experiencing? What was your way of dealing with it?

I've just started jumping through the hoops. I've done the blood work already, I have my "welcome this is what you need to do" class on the 8th, the wellness/nutrition and psycho exam on the 15th, and hopefully will be able to do the required support groups in the beginning of March along with the pre-op class for surgery in April. I didn't know that you could take dreads apart, I always thought they had to be cut off. I have to admit I love my new short hair! My hair is curly/wavy and when it was so long it got caught in everything, hopelessly tangled, or it would stand up a la Bride of Frankenstein!

Mmm...a spicy chicken chick-fil-a sandwhich would be amazing as well!

I just felt like I read parts of MY life story as well! I was skinny as a child, but at puberty the weight just seemed to go up..and up...and up. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time, and have often felt invisible. To combat this I developed the 'big girl' personality. Funny, sarcastic, witty, etc. Apparently I use it so well that my closest friends didn't even realize how much I hate this body that I'm trapped in. When I found out about the sleeve I almsot started crying from relief. I'm hopefully getting sleeved in April and I imagine my emotions will go through the same roller coaster ride as yours are. All I can say is that you're not crazy and you have a right to feel how you feel. Repressing those emotions would be bad in the long run, but maybe you can channel it into volunteering, running, a new hobby, etc. All of those things can make you feel better about yourself and help steady your emotions. If there are any support groups in your area for post-sleevers, then maybe you can try and go to those. If nothing else, you'll know that you're not alone in how you feel. Good luck and keep us posted!

Mater, thanks for the protein snow cone idea, it sounds yummy! I especially love the chocolate shakes (yeah, chocolate!), but I think I'm going to experiment with the strawberry ones too. As for fast food, I'm definitely not going to be eating that crap anymore. I spent the whole night feeling disgusting. It was beautiful outside and all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch. What a waste. Good luck with getting your sleeve! I'm looking at about April for mine (crosses fingers) and I can't wait!

So for the past few months I've been making pretty good food choices as I figured that since I was going forward with this surgery I should start changing my eating habits sooner rather than later. I do protein shakes (I actually rather like them!), and a veggie/fruit/nut/dairy smoothie thats delicious and healthy. My body feels like it's running better and I have more energy since I've started actually acknowledging a need for a more healthy and varied diet. As I said above, I've been pretty good the last few months, but today I decided, "What the hell" and answered my craving for a Burger King Whopper Junior and fries. Plus soda, which I almost never drink. I figured having one fast food meal every now and then is no biggie, right? WRONG! My insides feel like they want to be outside and I dont think my gallbladder will ever forgive me. Uck. I also feel just plain ol' yuckie. So with my intestinal discomfort, why am I kinda happy, you ask? Because whilst I was consuming calorie and fat ladden foods I realized that it just didn't taste as good as it used to. It tasted...well...fatty and super processed. Fake. One shaky step up from fillet a la cardboard. Frankly it disgusted me and I have absolutely NO desire to eat that crap again. Healthy, tasty, natural foods are addictive and your taste buds do change over time. My revelation was kinda surprising and very welcome! Not bad for a pre-sleever, huh?

"I'm not breaking up with you, because I still need you to live" Hahaha! I was drinking tea when I read that and almost had an accident! Very funny!

Thanks ya'll! I will definitely post some pictures over the week (I just moved recently and still have to unearth the camera as the one on my phone sucks). I do enjoy being spontaneous about some things. I'm just so happy right now in my new town, my new job and in turning my life into what I want it to be instead of just dreaming about what it could be. Life is filled with so many possibilities and I can't wait to be able to experience them!

This isn't specifically VSG related, but in honor of deciding to do this life changing procedure I cut my hair. I've had long (down to the bottom of my shoulder blades) hair for years and I told the stylist to cut it off. Yeah, I told her to Cut. My. Hair. Off. I didn't think I would panic, but when she started snipping it off my heart started to pound like crazy! The women out there totally know where I'm coming from on this! Everyone always said how pretty my hair was, and I think I grew it long because subconsciously I thought it would take the focus away from my weight. It's kinda weird how crazy our minds can get. So now my hair is a little bit longer than my chin and curly as all get out! When it was long the weight just made it very wavy, but now I have shirley temple-style curls. Who would have thought? Another upside is that the cut also makes me look a little older. Granted, it is nice to be told that I look like I'm in college (I turn 30 this year), but after awhile it gets irritating having to constantly prove how old I am. Even though I'm still in shock that I did this, I also feel strangely free. Did anybody else do soemthing life affirming, celebratory, or crazy before your surgery? ~Lyra

You're gonna rock that sleeve! Keep us posted on how you're doing, and try not to stress too much before the surgery!

Yeah, for me it was always "smile smile smile" when shopping with my friends and then later I always wanted to cry because I wanted to buy cute, trendy clothes too. I never really told my best friend that I felt that way until I told her that I was going to get this surgery. Luckly all my friends have been supportive and they all helped me come up with an amazing "Lyra gets a 'cookie' " rewards list. Except the 'cookie' are things like horseback riding, skiing, zip lining, ballroom dance lessons, kyaking etc that we're all going to do together!

Yeah, I like Torrid and also Dots (I've never heard of that online store, but I'm gonna go check it out, thanks!). I just wish I could go into Kohls or any other department store and find the same shirts that are in the 'normal' area also in plus sizes. My thin friends always want me to go shopping with them because of my 'sense of style' but it would be nice to be the person who could wear those clothes!

Yeah, why is it that designers think that just because a girl is bigger, that all she wants to wear are button down shirts with either stripes (I hate stripes), the side breast pocket (yuck), or only come in muted solid colors. Why don't they make the same clothes they make for thin girls but only in a bigger size?

Awesome idea! - buying knee high boots without expansion panels - buying pretty bras/panties - being able to wear my hair up without wondering if my face looks too fat - horseback riding - wearing clothes that show my fun, funky side rather than just whatever fits. - DATING and no longer only being the 'funny fat girl'.

Well, my surgeon hasn't required me to get the endoscopy test, but I do know that the psych eval is a pretty common exam. They basically want to make sure that you're psychologically sound and have a firm grasp on what it means to go through with this surgery as it's a life changing (and diet changing!) operation. Not all surgeons require the same tests for everyone as my father (who just had the surgery) had to have a sleep test, EKG, chest xray, etc while I only had to get blood work as I'm younger with less health problems. Hope that helped! ~Lyra

So today was my first doctor's appointment with Dr. W and he was fantastic! I felt very comfortable and he answered all of my questions without making me feel like I was just another faceless paycheck. His staff are also a bunch of supremely competent and amazing nurses who went to the extra mile to help me schedule some other appointments. Overall, it was amazing and I wouldn't be so stressed except for one thing...my insurance does not cover gastric surgery. At all. Zip, zilch, nada. So unless the doctors and hospitals go back to accepting chickens as a payment method myself and my family (who rock!) are going to have to come up with the money before I 'go under the knife'. That part definitely creates a ball of stress in my stomach, along with an unhealthy amount of guilt. The fact that my folks are willing to scrimp and save along with me for this makes me feel so unworthy. My mom almost brought me to tears saying that this was important for her, because it is important to me and that she would do what she could to help me pay for this. She keeps reminding me that 'where there is a will there is a way' but golly, I sure do wish that the way was a lot easier! Adios, ya'll and if anybody knows how much a kidney goes for on the black market, let me know! (joke) ~Lyra

Awesome! That must have felt amazing! Congratulations and here's to hoping that all of your future NSVs are just as rockin'!

First off, congrats on your surgery and weight loss! I wouldn't feel bad about not telling your coworkers. Some people are judgemental and by only telling those you trust to support you it allowed you to go into the surgery calm and in a great frame of mind. If your coworkers say something about how you've been losing weight since you had your 'female surgery' (and if you are not ready/decide not to say anything to them about your VSG) you can always just say that it corrected a hormone problem and now without it you are losing weight.

I'm looking forward to ziplining, rock climbing, being able to actually FIND and FIT in knee length boots. Leather ones without the 'expansion panel' in the back. I want to go to the state fair and ride any ride that I want without having to get off because I don't fit. I want pretty clothes, and to have a guy look at me and find me attractive. I want to find myself attractive. I want to go dancing and to be able to wear my hair up without worrying that it will show how chubby my face is. I would also like to be able to see my cheek and collar bones.

Thanks, it made me laugh when I stumbled across it!

So my first VSG blog entry, how exciting! A chronicle of the minutiae of a pre-sleevers journey towards a new life...and oh how I want that new life. To excuse a bad pun, I want it so much that I can practically taste it. I figured even if I'm only talking to myself and sending these blogs out into the ether, then at least I can get how I feel on this journey down on paper. It may be interesting to look at a year from now and actually know what I felt and how I changed without the rose tinted glasses that time often gives our recollections. Or perhaps at the end of this journey, when I've met all my goals I will ceremoniously hit 'Delete'. *grin*. Right now I'm a 29 years old woman, 5'5" ant 270 lbs, no kids, no SO, but with a ton of friends and a close family who are being (for the most part) very supportive. I do have a rather crazy cat, but I personally think she would be horrified at a reduction in cushy lap space. My deepest desires are to run marathons, complete Tough Mudders, join canine Search and Rescue, become a published writer, and to get married and have kids. I don't know about the other ladies out there, but I'm damned sick and tired of being "the girl with the hilarious personality" with the unspoken "too bad she's fat" tacked on the end. There is more to me than my weight and I finally reached the breaking point where I could give up and accept that my dreams would forever only be dreams...or I could take the bull by the horns, pull up my big-girl panties and figure out how to become a woman that can forge her own path. To that end I left a job that made me miserable, moved to a different state and now have a job and friends that make me smile and actually dance at work. As my dad found his courage to go through a surgery he was terrified of, I in turn found mine to take the next step. To that end, my first bariatric doctor's appointment is Tuesday and I can't wait. I've been working hard at proper nutrition, weight lifting, yoga, and running to get my body in the best shape possible to tolerate surgery and to kick tail once I'm through it. I'm reading books to figure out why I eat what I do and how emotions dictate my eating. I'm calling it the three-pronged attack so that I am ready emotionally, mentally, and physically for what is to come. Life is good, and with better health it can only get better! Feeling Five by Five! ~Lyra "Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels. " ~Faith Whittlesey

Good luck, and thats a cute name! When I get mine I'm gonna call it "The Sheriff" and plan to make plenty of jokes that "The new Sheriff is in town". *grin*

Maybe she isn't willing to give up her comfort food, or doesn't want to leave her 'safe' place. Maybe she has other things going on in her life that make her miserable so that food is a comfort she is not willing to give up. Being overweight is a known quantity, perhaps she is not ready to take the next step into a healthy lifestyle. Personally, once I get sleeved I'm going to work my tail off until I am not only healthy, but can have an active and adventurous life...and not feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines, watching everyone else have fun.