DeLarla

Everyone thank Bubbame for sending a box of clothes for the exchange! I didn't have time to go through anything, but they appear small, very nice, and the box smells Heavenly!

Vine, we'll have to take the remote control away from Terri! HEY EVERYONE, don't forget about free Harley rides! If you want a fun ride with either me or Chris, make sure to bring some jeans and sturdy shoes. Attire for Buca isn't formal. I'll probably be in jeans and sandals. Attire for the Bash is bathing suits, shorts & sweats. I have a really cute size 20-26 bathing suit dress that I can loan to someone for the day. I'll probably be in a one-piece suit with sweat shorts and barefoot or slippers.

Wow, wow, and wow. Did I say WOW? Megan, if can make it, YOUR house key is under the rock and the Jimmy keys are hanging on the hook. I'm a hop from the airport and beds will have clean sheets! Did I mention me and you cruising the Strip on my Harley? Girls, don't forget about the Harley rides! Chris will want to take you up to Mountain Springs or down the Strip. Bring some jeans and sturdy shoes!

Terri, my late mother-in-law rode a scooter. One night we were at a casino and I saw this cute guy flying through the casino way too fast, then I noticed it was my husband riding Mamma's scooty. Boy was that funny. They're fun to ride. Now he has 3 bulging discs so we joke about trading in his Harley for a scooter that we'll paint with flames and add some chrome and a racing flag. My 50 pound Pitbull will probably try to jump in your lap and go for a ride. Sorry in advance! I called the local Red Cross who gave me the headquarters in DC. Once I have the stuff boxed up, I'll arrange for shipping. Or I can ship directly to the warehouse of my corporate office. Lots of gals there are doing joint efforts to help out, so they might be able to distribute them directly. Thanks for thinking of the kids.

"Sometimes bein' a bitch is all a woman's got left to hold onta." Kathy Bates as Delores Clayborn

Looks like you're not so alone afterall! Love, your weirdo friend.

Wow, that's a very realistic dream. Lots of people are turned down for being 11 pounds shy of morbid-obesity. Women shove rolls of quarters in their pockets just to get the surgery!

"Wow, I've never met a woman who demanded the respect due a man." Holy mud, Vine... if you only knew how much trouble I get into because my husband tells me to stop acting like a man! I'm very girly and don't like boy stuff at all, yuck (except my motorcycle, which hubby keeps clean and running.) But as far as attitude, don't NO man get in my way. I recently had an enormous fight with the head of the Welding School at the Local 525 Union, a friend of hubby's. When Bob says "jump" the entire union jumps to command, and his wife obeys every word. I told him to F-off and he went ballistic. Everyone thought he was going to kill me because "nobody talks to Mr. N. that way!" Bullship, I do! He told me I had to respect him at three different levels, first cause he's a man, second cause he's older, but most important is because he killed in the war to protect MY country. I told him to F-off and said I'd have done the same thing for my country if I was called to war. I told him he has to earn respect from me if he wants any. I honestly thought he was going to end up in jail after beating the crap out of me, but a couple days later he asked me to lunch. He told me I struck nerves that nobody has touched before. He had never met a woman that had so much "man" in her. The severe hatred he had for me eventually earned me a great amount of respect, and now we have a very tight bond and a very special friendship. He's hard as nails and gets out of line too often, but I'm always there to slap him down to Earth, and he's always there to tell me that even though men hate me for acting that way, that he admires me because he's never met a woman that could take down any man. I'm not saying I could protect myself against any guy, all I'm saying is that I'll go down kicking, screaming and scratching before any man gets the better of me. Vine, this comes from our being forced into independence at an early age. We didn't have anyone to protect us or raise us, so we ended up as fighters. Woof.

Megan, Michelle deserves the thanks - she's the one that figured out your number for me I'm waiting for a response from Megan to see how much her plane ticket will be. She's got free room and board at my place, and the SKINNY LITTLE B*#@% certainly can't eat much. GEEZE, Megan, look at your boney face! Estela, maybe you can start the Pity Party thread this year! Last year a bunch of people that couldn't make it stayed on-line during Saturday's party. We all took turns coming to my computer and posting updates. We'll post pictures almost instantly so those of you that aren't here can really be here!

Vine, I think you're talking about the famous Rabbit Pearl! It was voted the Number One toy by Glamour and Cosmo, but it got super famous in an episode of Sex and the City. Charlotte bought one and didn't leave the house for weeks (I haven't seen the episode, but I want to.) Yes, I carry the famous Rabbit Pearl, but I don't want to embarrass anyone! My lingerie and goodies are always on a very tasteful display in my den, but anything that MOVES is zipped up, locked up and stored! If anyone wants a private demo, just yank me by the ear and drag me to a private room. Once again, if ANYONE has a problem with the lingerie and lotions that are on display in my den, let me know now and I'll re-arrange things. Please don't be afraid to ask. The Bash came first. If I had a bigger house, I wouldn't even have mentioned Slumber Parties till after you all left, but it's getting squishy around here! The bags of clothes for the exchange are shoved behind doors, in my closet and even in the bathroom! To give you an idea of how serious I'm taking my new new business, I bought five of those big storage bins (like giant Tupperware) but they filled up too quick so I went back and bought three more. Then another, then two more. I'm up to 10-12 bins packed with inventory. I'm getting really creative with storage space!

KATRINA RELIEF Last week I went to New Orleans for the first time because my new Slumber Parties sisterhood is centralized in Louisiana. The sky was thick, hot and shattered with lightening last week - you could tell something horrible was brewing. Chris and I made it home safe, but lots of girls got trapped in the airport with no electricity for four hours and missed their flights because of a flash monsoon. That monsoon scared the daylights out of them, but it was nothing compared to this week. The timing is strange - the fun, feathered Mardi Gras masks I bought are sitting by the TV as the news flashes death and destruction. I'm so very, very sad and very lucky at the same time. I suddenly have a profound connection to New Orleans, and if my training was one week later, all 500 of us girls in training would be trapped there right now. Some of you know I just bought my own business called Slumber Parties by Lisa B. Slumber Parties was founded by Kim Brecheen, and it's all about women! About half the distributors work part time, but half the full time WOMEN earn about $212 an hour, all because Kim had a dream to promote women. I had never been to a Slumber Party, yet I invested a hefty sum in the business because I was simply blown away by Kim's background and the reputation and success of her business. Even though Kim has 6000 distributors nationwide, she treats each one of us like a sister and individually makes each of us feel special, independent, and empowered. Her generosity is remarkable - even though her warehouse (an hour away from New Orleans) wasn't affected, she closed the doors so her employees could stay home with their loved ones, and then she opened up her own home and packed in people that needed shelter. I wish I had the resorces to be half as generous... but WE DO! I just saw a plus-size woman crying on TV after swimming down her street. She survived because people pulled her out of the Water and gave her the (plus size) clothes she was wearing. So after the clothing exchange, I'm sure Opportunity Village won't mind if we send the extras to victims of Katrina. I will pay for boxes, tape and shipping. I'll personally do the research to find out where to send all the badly needed clothes and toiletries. If you want to contribute to Victims of Katrina, bring to the Bash clothing and toiletries. Not just plus size, but kids, mens - whatever you can contribute. The return labels will come from Lapband Buddies around the Country (or something from all of us.) I don't want to hire a moving van, but even if it's just enough clothes, soap, toothpaste and shampoo for one or two families... Maybe we can all pack the boxes together at the Bash? Wait...this just gave me a great idea. Maybe every year we can do something similar as a joint effort to a charity that needs us? Now back to our regularly scheduled Bash! Comments, ideas, suggestions?

Plane Caramel or Peanut Butter

Jodie, you made it! Congrads girly!

I wish I had time to respond, but I'm swamped. I just wanted to wish you a quick "good luck" before you go. I hope you do well.

Saturday menu: 30 Item salad Bar (I've never attempted this feat so don't get mad if there's only 27.) Poo-poo platter food: Buffalo Meatballs (I found this recipe here at LBT - sounds good!) Pork Sausage Eggrolls Crab Rangoons Rumaki DeLarla's Famous Ice Tea (potentially toxic) La Madam is bringing some fabulous berry/cream cheese delight dip.

Big Fat Band Hug From Vegas!

Advice for Packing and Traveling Many moons ago I was on a river-rafting trip. We were floating down the American River in one of those peaceful, inspiring moments as our wise guide told us stories and shared his wisdom. One thing he said stuck like glue, and it's gotten me through every trip since. Always unpack 1/2 of what you packed. Then bring twice as much money. I can't always bring the extra money, but unpacking half the crap was the best traveling advice ever given. Don't try to impress us. I'll shower and shave for you gals, run the blow dryer through my new fab doo, a little foundation and lips. Casual. Think CASUAL! No worries. Be comfy. Geeze, ya know what we SHOULD have done? A pajama party! It's not too late! I know I'll be barefoot - that's a given.

Trish, please UNPACK your suitcase. I am being suffocated by all these Hefty bags stuffed in my closet with clothes that are waiting to jump in your empty suitcases! Vine, I have social anxiety disorder, which is why I drink. I completely know how you feel. Last week I attended training in Louisiana, and I was horrified of meeting all those people head-on, so I had drinks on the plane. Talk about chickenshi%. Just like last year's bash, I'll prolly have "DeLarla's Famous Ice Tea" running through my veins before you even get here. Vine, this isn't your run-of-the-mill gathering. It's a group of very special people. We all got banded for the same reason, so we all understand fears, ugly secrets, fraud, etc. We are all really special because we've had to work so much harder to prove to the world that we can keep up. Would it help to ease your nerves if I showed up in a tu-tu and coconut bra?

Oh my gosh, Vine. I feel like I'm a complete alien from the rest of the world. I could have written this: "I realize that I have always felt like that, no matter what age I was. In the 5th grade all the girls were ga-ga about Donny Osmond and it was all I could to do keep from calling them idiots. (like Donny Osmond or David Cassidy was going to come to our little school and sweep them off their feet..." I've always felt that way but I attributed it towards the fact that I started my period when I was 17, so I figured maybe my hormones didn't kick in like theirs did, which is why I never understood why all the girls had crushes on guys they had no chance with. I don't even know how to respond to this, but I'm so very, very much in the same boat as you, I just fake it better. I'm too tall, too fat, size 11 feet, paranoid-schitzophrenic mother and asshole alcoholic father (who I didn't meet till I was 18.) I've got frizzy hair, I'm 100% Polish, never went to prom or had dates, abusive childhood. I'm the biggest girl I know (taking into consideration feet, bone structure, height and weight) and I've never been able to buy a pair of shoes in a normal store or clothes either. It's been a hard, hard life, which is why it's so important for me to add color and enthusiasm. I don't have time for blah anything! Don't worry about what others think, there are more of us aliens around than you know. Don't worry, we'll have some fun next weekend and you'll see that you fit in just perfect in this group.

Sorry to pooh-pooh on the parade, but they have to give them for free cause nobody will buy them! They are the grossest thing I ever tried. When I got banded I bought one of every protein-type-nutritional bar on the market, and the Lemon Luna was the only one I threw away, and I'll eat almost anything. But I like all these freebie tips! I hate shopping, so I have fun seeing what you found out there.

Audrey, high-five from across the universe! Congrads to you.

If Vine isn't going, I'm not going. Girl, do you want to spoil the whole party? Now go dust off the suitcase. P.S. I'll show you my fraud if you show me yours!

I love avatars cause they make us look so tiny!

Glad you're not in that mess, Paula. I feel so sorry for all those people seeking shelter at the Super Dome in those hard uncomfy chairs with no air conditioning. Must be awful. Today I was supposed to make reservations for my next convention, but my corporate office in Baton Rouge (an hour from the storm) is dead. No phones, no e-mail, and their website is even down. I've been checking MSN but the update is 2 hours old. Has the storm passed yet?

I'm having a consult for arms, belly, chin & thighs. There are 2 guys in Vegas that both do amazing work. One doc is in my office complex and I've been doing free notary service to him for years, so he said he'd work out a great discount, but I'm curious what everyone's paying? As far as scars, I'd rather have scars than flab flapping in the wind any more!