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Shelleymb

LAP-BAND Patients
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Blog Entries posted by Shelleymb

  2. Shelleymb

    My List...

    By Shelleymb,

    Of things I want to be able to do on and after my weightloss journey.

    To sky dive (weight limit is 200lbs for my height)
    Be able to comfortably fit in an economy airline seat
    Be able to ride roller coasts with a "no doubt" mind set that I will fit
    Start training for a triatholon
    Be back to my high school jean size of 11 and medium top
    Learn to play violin (not really weightloss related... but whatev, I want to learn)
    Be able to wear high heels longer than 3 hours with out my feet hurting from 270+lbs crushin my tooties
    Not have to try on 20 dresses to find 1 that looks ok to wear
    Be able to walk up the dry-dock stairs at work with out feeling like I'm dying (literally...my leg feel like they're going to fall off and my heart feels like it's going to explode)
    Not having to crop pictures anymore
    No more having to retake pictures 20 times to find one where I don't look huge

     
    I know I'll come up with more....
  3. Shelleymb

    I Feel Better After...

    By Shelleymb,

    Some movies, a facial mask...a face wash...a face steam with peppermint...and then alcohol swabbed onto my face. We shall see if this is the perfect combination treatment or if this will irritate my skin further.
     
    ETA of my gorgeous camera is the 29th... a day after my first appointment. So I am planning on recording my first vlog then! I'm so excited to document everything! Hopefully my skin is cleared up by then :wub:
     
    It's pretty late (for me) so I'm off to bed. Night!
  4. Shelleymb
    I can feel good enough about myself... even when something isn't going well. I was invited to go out with some friends and I went to go shower to get ready and after looking in the mirror and staring at my aweful skin (I just went off my birth control and I have broken out like a teenager) so I made up some fib to get out of going out so that I could do a face mask and wallow in my self pitty. I'm normally a confident girl... but that's normally because I have flawless skin that I can rock with awesome eye make up... that over powers my body size. But not tonight. I don't think I have enough makeup or skill to cover up the mess that is my face. So tv, face mask and a fire for me. Cleaning tomorrow and santa on Sunday.
  5. Shelleymb
    Even though Ty is staying 2 hours away from me, he couldn't have been a better fiance' than today! After I called him with our amazing news about being able to start the process, he went and bought my Christmas present so I could have it early! A brand new Canon camera!! So that I can take photos of my journey and start recording a continuous vlog of everything! I'm soooo happy today! Nothing could bring me down! (Except this sad episode of Catfish ) I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving eve!
  7. Shelleymb

    A New Day Has Come....

    By Shelleymb,

    It's kinda cheesy, but I kinda set myself up for success this morning. I set my alarm so that it would play "A New Day Has Come" By:Celine Dion. I feel like it's just the good juju that I'm going need to undo yesterday.
     
    TODAY is the day that I change health insurances! Then I just have to wait until January. Which is fine since I've already waited 6 months already.
     
    So now I'm off to work. Easy day today. Then just work tomorrow, then Thursday off. So really an easy week.
     
    Have a great day everyone!
  8. Shelleymb
    I live in the great state of Washington, the state of evergreen trees, Starbucks, Vampires and Native American Werewolves. I also live in a state that rains so much you don't have to refresh your dog's outside waterbowl during the fall/winter/spring. It rained so much last week that some how my chimney got clogged with wet soot. It rained so much last night that my roof couldn't handle life anymore and crapped out and started leaking into my ceiling and about 3 inches away from my 70 flat screen. Chimney sweep came today. Fireplace good. Ty had to come home early from work and grab a friend to tarp the roof. That lasted all of an hour before it got so windy that the cinderblocks that were holding the tarp down started sliding off the roof in a death fall. One of them crashed onto a fish tank that was out side to be cleaned and sold. Not anymore... now there are shards of glass in the grass. While listening to the cinderblocks side across my roof in a sound that can only be compared to a giant sledding down my roof, I ran out to the livingroom with a book and my iPhone to see what it was. I stepped in dog pee because my dumb mutt dogs refuse to go to the bathroom outside because it's wet. So in a fit of rage I slammed down my book which also included my phone. I'm not a weak person... I threw it with some force. And well.... long story short, I broke my phone.I call Ty (who went with his friend to the driving range) and inform him of the cinderblock storm that is rainging around our house.... he tells me it's not a big deal. BAAAAHHHGGGG!! I then was contacted by someone at work to inform me that I will be sent on a tdy trip for a few months. So I go look for my government credit card... can't find it. ANYWHERE. So I call and cancel it and order a new one that will be expidited and be here by tomorrow afternoon. Call work back and tell them.... well that isn't good enough. The trip is emergant and I was to be leaving tomorrow. So now they go to the next person on the list... who might that be? Ty. So now he is leaving tomorrow on MY trip because I am so unorganized I can't handle life. But no worries, work said there is a possibility that I could be going on the trip, just on the 3rd of December. Which is fine. I just can't handle today.... and it's not even 1:30 yet.
  9. Shelleymb
    Found my engagement ring this morning!!!! Right where it was supposed to be.... weird, but so happy that that is over. Scary feeling! So now I going to clean my house, then wait until 4 so that I can see the new Twilight, then go to bed. Then tomorrow I'm going to make my last few calls to figure out this insurance thing and then.... COMMIT! I can feel it! less than 6 months and I KNOW that I'm going to be banded!!
    Now to just start working on changing a few habits to get ahead of the game. Like eating slower and not drinking while eating. those are going to be two hard habits to break. If anyone has any advice on how to start to break these habits go ahead and let me know!
  10. Shelleymb
    I am still doing the research on switching insurance. But I found out that the surgeon and facility that we orginially went to is accepted by the new insurance. It is the most amazing feeling!!
     
    My only problem in life right now?? I miss placed my engagement ring... I need to find that thing!!
  11. Shelleymb
    It's been a while since I blogged anything and I think that is becasue I kinda gave up on the idea of getting banded. I just found out this morning that BCBS covers the surgery! So I will be switching proptly! And Next year re-starting my journey of getting banded, because I have been trying things that keep failing. It feels good again to be hopeful. We shall see. HAve a great day everyone.
  12. Shelleymb
    And it saddens me so. I wish that I could say that things are going the way they should be and that I have been banded, but I haven't and it still looks like I'm going to have to wait a year or more. And that isn't a good thing. I have given up in a sense. I have gained weight and I can't seem to get modivated to do anything about it in the mean time. I need to start working out to slowly start taking off the weight so that I don't reach 300lbs. I just don't know how it got so bad. I wish that my insurance covered the surgery or at least helped out. Ty doesn't seem to care, and that makes me think that he doesn't care if it happens or not, which makes me more depressed about the whole situation. I wish we could find a co-signer to help with the CareCredit but I guess I will just have to wait.
     
    Other news though... which is great news... I'm ENGAGED! Ty proposed to me about a month and a half ago while I was visiting him in San Diego. Super excited. We won't be married though for a few years, because I want to lose weight before hand.
     
    Until next time.
     
    Shel
     
    *I guess I'll have to fake it 'til I make it*
  13. Shelleymb
    Woke up this morning and headed to Seattle with Ty... First we met with the dietitian and learned a lot of stuff. It was nice because we got to do both consults together. After talking to the surgeon, she told us that it would be better if I did the surgery a few months before Ty, and that a few months before leaving for Japan. So I was excited and scared to think that I would be getting the surgery in a month or so. Then we came home to see if we would qualify for CareCredit.... and sadly we don't. So now it looks like we are going to have to wait until I come home from Japan in May of 2013. I'm sad. I don't know if I can wait a year.
  14. Shelleymb
    Today is the last day that I will be sitting at a desk for a while. I'm glad to be going back to the waterfront. I feel like part of the reason why I have gained some weight in the last month is because I stopped being active at work. But don't get me wrong, I don't want to be on the waterfront for the rest of my career. At some point I woulnd't mind a job that is less demanding then what I do on the waterfront. But I'm still young, and I still have some work left in me.
     
    Tomorrow is my and Ty's consultations with the nutritionist and the surgeon. I'm so excited!! It feels like everything is happening for real! I called the receptionist and asked if Ty and I could combine our surgeon consult and they said yes, but no to the nutrition consult, which I figured would happen. I wanted separte nutrition consults because we eat so differently.
     
    I can't believe Ty leaves in 4 days! This is going to be the longest TDY trip for either one of us while we have been together. But at least I will be able to go visit him. If it were 6 months in Japan, that is a different story....
     
    I am, however, trying to get a trip to Japan to pay everything off. Ty and I are ok with being apart from eachother for almost a year to get the things we want, but for some reason our families have a problem with us being apart from eachother for so long. I just don't get it. Ty and I both have the opprotunities to travel and earn a lot of money to pay for the things we want in cash and our parents think that it's a bad idea. We don't want credit cards for everythinig. If I didn't think the Care Credit card wouldn't help out in the future after the band (tummy tuck, boob job, emergencies) then I wouldn't even want that, but I can't wait a year for the band!
     
    I have been doing some research on the Fitbit and everyone seems to love it. I really want Ty and I to get ones after we get banded. And the new fancy scale that they have. I wish I could keep myself off the scale that I have at home. I almost want to throw it out. It upsets me more than it makes me happy, and anything else in my life that would do that, I would throw out. Maybe I'll just put it somewhere that is hard to get.
     
    On saturday I am doing my second 5k! It's the foam run. Check out this website to see if one is coming to your hometown, because it looks like so much fun! www.5kfoamfest.com My friends from work are doing it with me. I am, sadly, the fat friend in the group, but they are nice about the fact that I can't run as much as they can. We did the color run about a month ago, and that 5k was a bit more difficult because there weren't any obstacles to break up the running...but it was a lot of fun.
    This is me and my friends doing it. It's kinda long, but there are some pretty funny parts in it. Also, I did the music mix myself with a dj app on my ipad ... it was my first time. 
    Hope everyone has a great rest of the day! I will probably write something tomorrow because I will be so excited!
     
    Shells
  15. Shelleymb
    Oh the weekend. I don’t know why my mentality changes so much from the 5 days that I’m at work to the 2 days that I’m at home. I’ll list the differences that can make or break my health:
    AT work I drink almost 64oz of water a day, at home it probably less than half.
    At work I can keep up with eating healthy, at home I had Jack in the Box

    Actually that’s about it, lol, but that’s still terrible for me. I need to get better at this.
    Last night I had my weekly softball game, and I left so frustrated and so upset with myself I wanted to cry. Ty couldn’t play because his hip has been bothering him so bad, but he came to watch. Every time I got up to bat, I would hit the ball, drop the bat and run like hell for 1st base. And all 4 times as I was right above the base in the air, the 1st baseman would catch the ball and I would be called out. Less than a second away each time. I’m so upset with myself because I keep thinking, “If I was a little less fat I would have been just a little bit faster and I would have beat the ball.” Or “If I was just a little stronger, I would have hit it a little further and I wouldn’t have to run so fast.” It’s frustrating to be held back by my body. Ty told me that each time I hit it was a good play because I advanced players on the bases, I was just sacrificing myself to get more runs… it still sucks. I wanted to at least get to second base. Oh well, after I get banded, game on.
     
    On Friday Ty and I have our consultations with our surgeon and nutritionist, it’s exciting because it’s becoming so real. The appointments on top of our “Lapband Savings” account, I know I’ll make it the next 6 months. I just keep telling myself that most people have to wait and jump through hoops for 6 months all the time, I can do it.
     
    Well I hope we all have a great week!
     
    Shells
  16. Shelleymb
    So AGRAVATED right now!!
     
    I can’t stand the shop that I work for! (In the shipyard we are broken up by specific trades <shops> and we all have our own General Forman and Superintendants for each shop) well, my shop thinks it’s ok to treat everyone unfairly and it makes me want to quit. I would have quit years ago if I didn’t make so much money, but alas, here I am almost 7 years into my career working for a moronic upper management with a dilapidated system to attempting to keep order in a sea of sh*t. Each year we are “graded” on our performance, which has always been a screwed up system to begin with, and the higher you score, the larger your bonus will be. Well last year they came out with a new rule that you couldn’t grade your workers to high, and then there was a set limit on how many Significant Strengths you could give a worker, well some supervisors follow this rule and some don’t. I just found out that a co-worker of mine was graded 12 S.S. when I was only given 2. I was only given 2 because the limit for our shop is 5 and when I had my evaluation done with was with a supervisor I had only worked for for a month. I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with him giving me my evaluation due to me only being on his crew for a month and I asked him to please contact my previous supervisor for more information on my work ethic. He said that he would call my General Forman, because he felt the same way. (My last supervisor at the time was while I was in Japan at the beginning of the year) My G.F. told my supervisor at the time, that it would be to hard for him to contact my pervious supervisor because he was still in Japan and that I would just have to deal with it.
     
    LONG STORY SHORT.... I ATE A FREAKING DONUT BECAUSE I HATE WHERE I WORK. And you know what? It tasted like heaven dipped in baby angel tears. I almost want another.
  17. Shelleymb
    I can't wait for the day when the guys that I work with stop seeing me as "just one of the guys" and sees me as a girl. Fridays, in the shipyard, are normally known as "Fat Fridays" where someone brings in something special to eat. Today it was scones... so yummy.And as I was walking towards the box to get on, one of my idiot co-workers said, "Whoa now! Don't knock me over trying to get one!" I pretty much wanted to put the scone back. Awesome a** hole, that's just what I wanted to hear in the morning, that you think I want the scone bad enough to knock you over to get to the box that is filled with them, Of course my whole crew laughed, as did I (because isn't that what we do? conform into the funny fat friend?) I laughed it off and went on my way, but it hurts, Why would you say that to an overweight girl? This happens a lot to me with where I work, we become so much like family that sometimes the morons that I work with think it's ok to say hurtful things... I'm a lady god damn it! Treat me as such. LoL.
     
    Well I hope everyone has a great weekend, I'm going to try. I don't get to work overtime to put money in the bank because I have to go to my friend's son's 1st birthday party. What do you do at a one year old's birthday party? Especially since I don't have a kid to bring to it? I just don't get it... I feel like all we are really celebrating is that my friend didn't kill her kid in the first year. It's not like her child is going to understand what is going on. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love that baby with everything that I have, but still... I feel like if he can't say birfday... I shouldn't have to attend. ( I really hope this mentality goes away before I have a kid of my own). I just feel like it is like celebrating a kid "graduating" from the 6th grade... "Congratulations! You did what is expected of every other kid in America! Now on to another grade for you." I guess I was just brought up differently, My high school graduation present was luggage... so that I could move out. My friend got a car. I had a 3.9 GPA and she barely passed.... I just don't understand people sometimes. My kid is going to get a high five and a microwave. And the same speech (with a slight variation), "Congratulations! You did what is expected of every other kid in America! Now get out of my house you bum." <------I've rambled.
     
    Have a great Friday night folks!
     
    ~Shells
  18. Shelleymb
    I've lost 4 pounds in 2 days by not eating any carbs through out the day until dinner. It made me so happy to see the numbers on the scale go down this morning, I can keep this up! Short little blip today. Hope everyone is having a great day.
     
    ~Shels
  19. Shelleymb
    After a depressing day yesterday, I woke up this morning feeling a lot better. I think my exact words in the car to Ty were, “Today is so much better than yesterday. The sun is out, the birds are chirping, and my pants fit.” I feel a lot better about myself when I’m not worrying so much about what I look like.
    I’ve also decided to do something about it while I wait to be banded…
     
    At first, I thought about no carbs. I remember doing the south beach diet and I lost weight doing it… but I also remember gaining the weight back when I couldn’t handle the cravings anymore. So then I got the brilliant idea of no carbs (bread, pasta, rice, potatoes) at work. Now this is something that I can do. So for the last two days I only eat fruits, veggies, meat, and cheese at work, with A LOT of water. And then eat a normal dinner. I need baby steps to change, which I think we all do. So this is how I’m going to take off (hopefully) a few pounds in the waiting.
     
    Other than that, not much happened today. Going to the bank today with Ty to open a joint account so that we can both have allotments come out of our check to save for the surgery.
     
    (before anyone tries to tell me not to get a joint account with a boyfriend, I promise you, as you continue to read about me through the years **if you stay with me that long** that we will be married. I’m very smart with my money and assets, and I wouldn’t do something like this if I didn’t trust them 300%)
     
    Have a great evening everyone!!
  20. Shelleymb

    I Feel Bi-Polar

    By Shelleymb,

    Today started out
    Oh Tuesdays
    Last night even after trying on jeans
     
    Bleck! I can’t even start a post! When I was in college in 2004, I took a creative writing class and the instructor would give us 10 minutes to close your eyes and type (for those who can do that, which is probably 80% of the population in this day and age) but she would tell you not to delete anything, just type. After the 10 minutes, go back and copy and paste the parts of whatever you just wrote into a story. I guess I never fell out of that habit, for I LOVE to write. I hope to have a few books published before I die.
     
    Last night, before I went to attempt jean shopping, I went to Lane Bryant to try on a swim suit that I ordered off line just to make sure that it was going to fit and actually make me look decent enough to wear it in public. I tried it on and fell in love with it and now I’m so excited to get it in the mail. I went home and told Ty that I was so happy, that I found a suit that looks good on me and that we would have so much fun in San Diego. I felt good about myself, which is something I haven’t felt in a while.
     
    Well, then it came to be bed time, I started a load of laundry because right now I only have 1 pair of jeans that I wear to work that fit me. I forgot to get up early and put them in the dryer with enough time for them to be dry for work…. Well now I don’t have any pants! So I tear apart my room looking for the only other pair that actually fit me and they have been eaten by a monster or something. Just my luck. I find a pair that I know are too small, but are the only ones that I’m going to be able to button.
     
    THEY ARE TIGHT. I have to use a hair tie to make an expansion so that I can make it through the day… I debate calling in, then I remember that I need to save leave to go to San Diego to visit Ty… I walk out of the bathroom and continue on with gathering my things for work, and Ty says, “See you found them!” I had to shut him down quickly and inform him that these jeans are too small. He asks for a hug and I tell him I don’t want to give him a hug because I feel terrible. So he hugs me and tells me that I look fine, and I had to tell him about the hair tie. THEN HE LAUGHED!! Boys are dumb. I almost burst into tears. I had to tell him it isn’t funny, and then the apologized, which I believe, but still.
     
    So now I’m at work… I started the morning off feeling sorry for myself. Then it was iPod time…Music is my everything. I grew up with music in my house all the time. After listening to a few songs, I was in a bit of a better mood and I realized I put myself in this mess; I’m on the right path to taking myself out.
     
    This is my time.
  21. Shelleymb
    Im sitting in the dressing room at Macy's feeling defeated. All I needed was a pair of jeans for work.... I wear yoga pants at home because I'm so fat, but I work on a shipyard and I have tO wear jeans.
     
    You know the moment when you pull the jeans up to your knees and you instantly know they aren't going to fit? Or when you finally find a pair that you can pull up the whole way and manage to button up and you're working wIth muffin top, camel toe, or they are so wide in the leg you can't see your feet? I pretty much hate myself right now. I hate buying jeans based on how long it will take me to tailor them to my body. Good thing I'm a good seamstress I guess.
     
    The next six months can't fly by fast enough.
  22. Shelleymb
    I need something to do while waiting for surgery... I keep gaining!! I just don't know what to do anymore. Any time I get dressed or eat or something, I feel like bursting into tears. Ty told me today he has lost 5 pounds since he stop drinking diet soda.... I NEVER DRINK SODA!! It isn't fair!! I'm over this!
     
    I hope everyone has a good week.
     
    ~Shells
  23. Shelleymb
    This was how it was all planned out:
    June 29th--Ty and I go in for our dietion appointment and surgeon consultation
    July 2nd--Ty leaves for San Diego for almost 6 months
    All the time in between would be us saving to put as much down on our surgeries as possible
    December 14th--Ty comes home and we see the surgeon again to start our Pre-Op diets
    December 26ish--We get banded...
     
    Well all of that has a huge chance of changing, Ty might have to stay in San Diego until February. He then told me if that was the case, I might as well go to Japan for 6 months starting in November, and have the surgery when I get home. That way we won't have to finance anything, we would have saved enough for both surgeries.
     
    As much as I like the idea of not having to finance anything, I hate the idea of having to wait a year to get banded. I'm having a hard enough time waiting 6 months, let alone a whole year. Ty doesn't understand. He just keeps saying, "What's another year?"
     
    1 Year =
    Me hating what I look like for another year
    Not being able to do all the activities that I want for another year
    Feeling terrible about myself for another year
    Not fitting in my clothes for another year
    Running the risk of gaining more wait for another year
    Giving up on everything and not wanting to be banded in a year
    Depression.

     
    This whole situation is depressing to me. So now I don't know what to do. Should I cancel the appointment that we have on the 29th of this month and wait the year or keep the appointment and hope he doesn't get extended. All of this makes me sick to my stomach. Any advice or encouragement would be appreciated.
  24. Shelleymb
    Got the information back about our insurances... and it's a no go. I think I would be more upset if we hadn't already planned on self paying before calling the insurance company again. Our insurance complany only covers Gastric Bypass and inhouse only. Which figures, because it's Group Health. So that's the bad news, the good new/great news is that now that we know we are self paying, I havemade our appointments for consults!! June 29th it's go time!! I'm a little bummed Ty and I are going to be laying down 30,000 dollars, but I couldn't think of a better reason!
     
    Ty is more on board than ever, he has already given up soda, he is on 4 days, no soda. I'm so proud of him. Even though he only drinks diet, but still, a huge step in the right direction.
     
    I'm not sure how to bring up the subject to my friend from yesterday, we were drinking and now I'm not sure how to talk about it again. Maybe wait until she asks how it is going. Maybe after my appointment.
     
    I'm just happy because it feels more real now. Now it's time to buckle down, save our monies, and follow through with everything. Sorry this is so short, just had to share the news.
     
    Until next time.
    ~Shells
  25. Shelleymb

    The Drink

    By Shelleymb,

    I don't drink often... (not since Japan) but Ty does. Last night we both got pretty drunk, and this morning I had proof of the night in the feeling of my body. IT HURT. But now I'm wonder how one drinks with Lap Band. I know that I can give up alcohol... I think, but I know Ty will have a harder time. We like to go out with our friends, but how does it work with the band?
    Just some thoughts that I'm having. I'm pretty tired today, after work a 10 hour shift of overtime, and now I am sitting on my couch watching Pride and Prejudice and getting ready for bed. We have an early morning, our company golf tournement, Ty is a very good golfer, I wish he would go golfing more often.
     
    I hope everyone is having a great weekend. Any answers on the alcohol question would be awesome.

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