Jennifur

Hey everyone reading post and doing different things I am going to be doing a walk I just found out about https://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&eventID=531&participantID=15199 It is something very personal to me and I am poor, so I only obligated myself to $20 donation, the walk is very important to me and I didn't want to be stressed about money. As some or most of you know...I began really gaining weight after Dylan was born.... I can honestly say it was not from him per say, but from severe depression after having him and the stuff I was dealing with Kevin that emotionally drained me. Anyway, I was not up 20lbs and months and months of therapy. After all that therapy my Dr. told me to call one of my best friends I had lost touch with (again you all know why I lost touch) so I did, it was the best thing I could have ever done - After spending all of my free time with this friend, he became a very important part of my life again. One weekend in July, I was having my daughter's birthday party, he was camping all week and was not sure if he would make it back but if he didn't promised to come over the next weekend. Well the week went by and I didn't hear from him or see him (I saw him every morning on my way to work) I was getting worried. A few days later I had a missed call at my house from his brother, I freaked out and called him, his machine was not picking up, I called his brother, no return calls, Finally after being frantic for 2 days, I called a mutual friend who's wife said I knew you didn't know, you would have been there... He had killed himself. I will never forget those words, Everything went numb and i fell to the ground, I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was not real. Needless to say, I blamed myself, he loved me as much as I love Kev and I knew that.. and suddenly I had gained another 50lbs and wouldn't leave my house other than work, I cried for months, even years. It was only about 6 months ago was the first time I could talk without crying. I still go to the cemetary as much as possible and do not have a minute in my life where I do not think about him and understand why he did that.... He had so many people who loved him and would have helped but just would not talk to any of us. So... knowing that, he changed my life in many ways but doing that - and there is not a day that goes by that i don't miss him with all I have, but I know that I would not have met all my violets if I had not gained all that weight. I know that I am a stronger person for dealing with his death on my own, and I know that it is not my fault he took his life - This is after much more therapy. He took his Life in Sept 2004 - I don't want to ever have to experience this again, or have anyone else in my life have to experience it either. So, I just needed to share this with my Violet Sisters - more because it is a big part of why i break down a lot and something I don't share in such detail. Love you all

Hi guys Sorry, I must have missed a post about my kids? they are so cute... anyway... just wanted to stop in, I was so confused because it took me back like 100 pages and i am mental from lack of food. today... gym at 5:30... sb protien bar, 1 serving yogurt 1 chicken tender and going to have some yogurt for dinner 550 cals today, 45g protien. i might take tomorrow off from working out since i am going to be there sat too (ds has his first swim lessons) i'm crazy at the moment

Morning Ladies... quick check in before i run to the gym.... up and dressed just need to dry my hair... Kat - glad you are feeling better Terry - (((((((HUGS))))))) Well, i survived food pron yesterday anyway, i'm only down 3lbs this week... why did it work so much faster when we couldn't eat, i still had more than i am now???? at least it is not another +3... 6 more to go to get to my lowest... how sad is that? well going to work out, taking tomorrow morning off since i have to be there for swim lessons on saturday morning. have a good day every one

TracyK - sliders... small greasy burgers with fried onions and ketcup (now we can have cheese too) ymmmmmmmmm Pamela - ds is excited to do his homework every day right after school with his sister.... so my training for her will pay off. LOL... the reward is good grades and little extra study time, (she earned that) Lunassa, nice to see you i'm off to bed... going to get up and go to the gym again Suzanne - i'm glad my crazy person who motivated me is helping you too.... happy to help... I don't know if the scale went down again today but my butt sure is kicked and i'm not eating like a crazy person, i just had 1 slice 2% cheese and 1/4 cup baked beans... and a protein shke for dinner at 4:30.. had approximately 800 calories today and 50g protein. we will see

Hey everone! Michelle you are too funny Terry - you are in my thoughts So we made it through the first day of school.. of course with an accident because the teacher didn't hear or see him at lunch raise his hand that he had to go. but all in all he loved it and had a great day! dd- - she had a great day at high school... i only had a tear or 2 anyway....i'm going to bring dd to cheer.... and then put ds to bed, he is tired ughhhhhhhhh dd got sliders and cheese fries for dinner and i'm not eating... this crap better pay off... that is all i can say ttyl

Morning gals quick check in, i'm going for a walk and then Dylan's big 1st day of school... I only had 750 cals yest and worked out for 40 minutes and only lost 1lb WTF? I told my trainer from years ago my story this weekend and told her I was on a mission... she said bring it and she will help me... so I emailed her back last night and told her to give me 2 weeks to get in a routien and i'm calling her on it. That gives me 2 weeks to lose the rest of the 7lbs i'm still up and get in a schedule i know I can deal with. Plus, i have the wedding in 3 weeks, i would like to be down 10lbs in 3 weeks but i'm not going to push it, I'd be happy to be where I was before. I'll try to check in from work, have to get an oil change in the work car this morning and leaving work about 1 ttfn

Kat - nice to have you back Pamela... my dd's name is Alexandra... and to me that's what she is... but her friends call her Alex, (Dylan and I always call her Boo) I let her pick out Dylan's name... middle was going to be Patrick after their dad and well.... they have my last name... anyway, going to bed, been up way too long

I'm at work... working away... I need to get a fill... i can eat anything and right now choose not to... so problem... i'm lonely without my boss and I want to eat... working on 25oz of rasp green tea, and my 2nd rasp lemonade crystal light... I'm trying to flush myself out. I had 1 south beach protein bar 140 cals 10g protein and i'm thinking about having my serving of dannon light yogurt soon.... how frustrating... i can't beleive i let myself go after last month with kev... kind of makes me angry at myself... after all was said and done i gained 10lbs...! (8this am) no one will ever make me gain back all the weight. Ok can you all tell i'm trying to convince myself of that too? ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok back to not eating...

Mmmmmmmmmmmm shrimp and bacon.... better yet... soak in olive oil and pepper, wrap in bacon and cook on the grill (on a cookie sheet or something) scallops are really good that way too

Tracy NOPE... I don't want her showing up more often... trust me there is a lot of bad emotions that come with it I'm honestly a huge basket case and my boss is not in this am so i don't have any distractions. 1 day of stress from her and my hair is falling out in clumps again...going to get some sublingual zinc tonight Well - i'll check back in shortly... can't stay on too long

Morning gals well, i'm up and showered and typing away drinking my coffee at 4:45 am! The gym opens up at 5:30 so i'll leave in 30 minutes do my weights and head to work. Tomorrow is the first day of school so i'll probably do weights tomorrow night. I think this is what I needed - I will win... personally. Terry - can't imagine but I'm glad to see you posted. man... there is not even good news on this hour...

Ok I soooooooo need to vent......... I saw someone this morning whom i hate.... I can't even sugar coat it and I don't feel that way about many people.... wellllllllllllllllll she must have had the bypass surgery because she was tiny and at xmas she was 350 at least! She has bad knees and I know doesn't exercise and if she does can't work hard.... she is lazy! OMG I am now going to be devoted. I was so pissed off I came home and instead of going to bed like i would when I feel depressed i started walking.... 4miles I went... mostly uphill I am on 100% protein shakes tomorrow and that is it, I'm done, I'm going to lose my last 25 lbs and have a tt! The end of the story. I don't care anymore, i will not let her look better than me... Does that explain how much I hate her... and maybe the motivation I need.... but I am motivated and not fucking around... sorry Judy I just did my schedule for the month to make sure I can go to aerobics.... So in my rage, I told Kev off.... called my friend from Friday night.... and i'm going to make dinner for the kids and make an appt with my dr for a fill when I can get in..... anyway.... i wish the gym was open i'd be there... maybe i'll go mow the front yard

Morning gals Terry - i'm so sorry for your loss... love ya morning everyone.....

Morning everyone what a crazy weekend... Friday we went to BJ's and then happy hr which turned into happy night, which turned intom me asking someone to the wedding... ok so i was feeling no pain... but I have known this guy since 7th grade. Nice guy... but has expressed serious interest the last few times I've seen him so... I asked.... he gave me his number... so i called him yesterday to apologize..(I was wasted) and he called me back.... said no big deal... he was feeling pretty good himself... he bought me a drink (which he never buys anyone) said he enjoyed my company and blah blah blah I was still wasted when I woke up at noon yesterday... bad. I am never like that and only had 4 drinks in 6 hours... something not right there. so i had to get up and go to Lowes, we stopped in Friday night to see what they had on clearance for floor tiles, and we got a 5 burner stainless steel gas cook top (Kitchen aid) for $300! It was a $900 Stovetop, floor display marked down to $450 and my mom said lets make a deal and we got it for $300, they told us they do stuff like that all the time! That is the only appliance we need, and I'm going to try to sell my stove for $300 and that will be that! Kat - I hope it is just swelling, you are in my prayers Denise - congrats Haydee - is your trip in October to NY? maybe we can hook up? I'll drive to Ithaca - that is an easy one Anyway.. just finished my coffee, and i'm going to take down the closet wall and carpet... I can't beleive i'm actually doing this! Terry and Tracyk - stay safe... HEY to everyone.... Laura, how are you feeling? baby wise! oh... i could just keep going on....

Morning gals, i'll catch up later, running late... i hate pms week, never even close to on time Hugs to you all

Kat thanks... I am angry and not hiding it.... I need to stop eating ... oh wait... finally got my period this afternoon and I can't even drink water... i don't know what's up with that... I can eat like no tomorrow when i'm super PMS and then i get it and swell up and can't breathe. I don't know how to get back on track.... i'll figure it out. working this weekend, getting the carpet up where i'm going to tile and take down the closet wall.... i'm getting excited about the kitchen...8-10 weeks for the cabinets but it will take me that long to get the place ready so that is good.... oh well, off to high school orientation night... yipee

Morning gals Terry - I know I have but it is honestly different this time....I have never not liked him through all the bs and I'm starting to feel that way... angry and bitter.... but instead of crawling in a hole... i'm actually doing things...I didn't last night because I need good light to do my final skim coat... oh wait i sanded so i did something. This is all good... trust me Now if I would just get my stupid period so I Can stop feeling like I can't find anything to make me happy... Laura - yes, I don't remember where he lives there, I have it someplace but yes he does... so he has been a great pen pal. have a great day everyone... have to pick the owner of the company up at the train station this morning.... fun.... have high school orientation tonight so i'll be in and out later.

why? why is it that you meet someone who might possibly just sweep you off your feet and they are so far away you know that this point in your life it would never work? who you all ask? Army guy I met in in TX, remember the first night i was there by myself and then took me to breakfast in the morning. I sit here ... why tonight I don't know... but I got an email... and he is just so sweet, interested in what i'm doing and where i'm going...and tells about him too. It is so nice to have someone who gives 2 shits about me. If for some reason we don't meet up before June, I might have to bail on you guys friday during the day to go have lunch. He is about 1 1/2 HR away from the resort... just so sad it is not just a little later in time... but who knows....where friendship and long distance can lead. Just had to share..... because you all know how down in the dumps i am about Kev i .... which is really bad but I still talk to him and he doesn't even care how much he hurt me.... or maybe he doesn but doesn't know how to deal and ignores it... but either way i am really starting to be very pissed off at him... just a matter of time anyway.... thanks for listening!

Hi guys what a day huh? Laura - speechless about your sister... she does really know where babies come from? Judy - i'm sorry, but you know if you get Ethan... there i a reason... Pam - I am working, no time off for me, working all ay and home working on the house. I have 2 weeks to get closet down, floor laid and the rails off my stairs.. maybe motivation for me to do something i'm up to 209 too... that is only 6lbs and i'm pms but holy crap i feel like a size 24 again

Morning everyone i am going to try again today.... got all the holes in my living room just about finished, sanded last night and now just need to skim my final coat of mud and ready to prime and paint (mom is going to do that part.... but first i'm going to do the spots where the kids jump onto the chair in the other room and slammed into the wall.... going to tile the floor in the laundry room this weekend and ready to start on the kitchen have a good day Tracy, Macy was cute, i couldn't open the other pictures... i hope she is having fun i can't wait first day of school ever for dylan next wed. OMG - i'm listening to the news... 2 little children dead sitting in the car in the driveway... how sad... you don't know your baby is gone for 3 hrs..? 5 mins and i'm freaking!

hi girls just a quick check in.... sounds like everyone is having a tough time i'm off to self destruct ... pms... pulled pork nachos for dinner... want some of the eddy's apple pie ice cream i just bought.... pumpkin pie is out now too.... my 2 down falls later

Morning gals Laura - that is horrible Mac N Cheese.... can't help you there but i make great creamed spinche using low fat sour cream and parm cheese. I'm off to get ready for work, cleaned out ds's playroom yesterday... 5 hours... my allergies are a mess but i filled up both of my trash cans for the week. Also patched some spots that i've been putting off forever... all this to get ready to start working on my kitchen. I want to get my little things done so when i'm doing the kitchen, mom is going to paint the living room Hope you all have a good day... i wonder hom many

Suzanne - I got it oh this is a mom and pop homemade soft icecream.... mmmmmmmmmmmmm ice cream LOL

OMG we are watching some food channel thing... Jersey Freeze... makes soft serve only ... flavor upon flavor... good thing we don't have one here

I don't know if it is allowed but i do it all the time