DynamoMini

Kat817 - Yes, I considered that. But I decided to tell her because i would want my sons to tell me. The karmic thing. I will have to cut her off from food talk, band talk, and her trying to "support" me. I already told her this that I don't want to hear anything about food or weight from her, positive or negative (bc she can't tell the difference). I know she loves me but she is nuts about dieting, food, and weight herself. My whole family has or had eating disorders. Now, however, being the principal child, I will just have to find my way through this. Thanks for the support,

O2Bthin - I understand the pain of loss. I really try to enjoy every minute with her, knowing our days are numbered. When a special person dies you do remember all the great stuff between you. In a way it is a healing process. My husband, the love of my life, died in 2000. He was only 52. All the stuff that was problematic when he was alive, vanished after death. Now there isn't a day that passes that I don't remember something special about him. It sounds like your mom was special too. I hurt for your loss. But with the living the force of mom is here and now. In therapy I've been peeling the onion, getting to the core of my dysfunction and mom is the middle. It is like she is inside me, which makes the love I feel phenomenal and the pain I feel all the greater. The impact is visceral. So the idea of "growing up" is nice on paper, not so reality based inside me. The only way I will grow up is by taking charge of my health, and perhaps insulate myself with supportive people until my will is strong and full blown. It might be the same for you. Best wishes,

I know this issue is immature. I know I need to grow up and get over it. I know it in my mind, yet it still affects me and my choices. That is why I aired it. Of course, I love and appreciate my mom. I'm happy she is alive and kicking. It has helped banning her from comments about food, choices, etc. Amazingly, it has freed me up to work on myself and my own headgame. I'm sure the abuse she dishes out was done to her. My sister was buolimic and my brother escaped at the age of 18 and is a veggie. So it isn't my imagination. Mom can be plain mean. Now, I am the principal child with my mom. She moved 20 minutes away from me. I am lucky she is busy going places and doing things. I also know that I can't allow her to interfere with my journey because it blocks my progress and I deserve a healthy life. When she dishes her stuff, I react like I did in my childhood and eat to protect myself. Help! Any ideas how to explain these needs so she will hear them and control her comments?

:help: I am sorry to report that I still have issues with my mother. I wonder if any of you Bandsters out there have similar issues. Mom is: 1) hyper controlling 2) makes comments that are inappropriate and demeaning 3) says things like, "you can't expect me to change. Just tell me to quit it." 4) after being told not to discuss my eating asks, "ok, now WHAT did YOU have for dinner?" innocently smirking I am 57, working with a therapist and struggling. The problem is that I have always been a "good" girl and taken care of my mother. I am also a loving mother. If my sons asked me not to talk about something I would be grateful they told me and respectful not to mention whatever it is. That is how I show love to them. Not my mom. I know that every family has it's crazies, but I was hoping to find a way to insulate myself and not cut her off, but the fat didn't do it, my voice isn't heard by her, so do I say, "stay away?" I'll read any help that is sent my way and share your mother stories here. I need to heal. My weight issues started with really early programming from mom. Any one else in my boat??? :cry

Okay Miss Scarlett, one of my favs too, I think there is a parallel between need for extreme control and just plain meanness. My sister was buolimic, my brother escaped the household at 18, and I was a momma's girl. Making excuses for her inability to really love me like I deserved and actually I acted as the parent. She is still wanting to be the center of everything, control everyone's lives and making comments. I sat down and told her about the surgery, knowing she'd be out of town, now she has changed her reservations and made lots of intrusive comments. I will have to be really clear about my boundaries, and that this is my journey, it isn't about HER. Yes, I do think a mother thread would be good. Hugs to you,

Miss Scarlett - You are doing this yourself! I had to get through that too. This is just the next step, not one to feel guilty about, but really to feel proud of the commitment you've made to your health and well being. Hurrah! I am thinking about starting a thread about mom's - it amazes me the lasting affect of her comments and behaviors has on me. Love to talk with you more about this. I am working to keep her out of my surgery and post op stuff. It is hard because there is so much love there too. I am working on this in therapy.

Northernsun - I am amazed that you have dropped 94 pounds in a year. Wow! The menopause thing has been part of my life since a hysterectomy at age 45. I was on HPT for awhile so the whole thing wasn't an issue. Now I am totally off the hormones because I had cancer surgery three years ago. Recently I have been using a vaginal cream for dryness, oh will it ever end, but the flashes are pretty gone. Exercise and good nutrition seem to help. I hope my banding on April 16th, just supports the positive changes I've already made. Sweet alternatives like SF popsicles, fudgicles, or gum help some. My mom sets me off to need sugar and carbs, I think post banding I will just allow myself to cry. Emotional release is better than self destructive behavior. I will be learning right along side of you. Best wishes, Michelle

Congratulation! You are now an official banster! You give me so much hope for my future surgery on April 16th. I want to be up and at 'em asap. I am starting my preop diet on April 5th. It is just high in proteins and low on carbs with protein drinks added to up my protein levels for healing.

Ok -listen to puddin, Becky, she's your age and knows men of your vintage, But if you go slowly and carefully I don't see the problem with someone loving you. How can you really know, unless it is over time and experience? I got kinda tingly for you. Take it slow to be sure that what is there is REAL and not what either of you IMAGINE it without substance. Hugs and good luck,

fabuless - I loved your entry. You could have been me at 28. Now I'm double your age and still stuck in the same mind set. Wow! Working the head stuff is so important or we'll gain again to be anonimous, hidden. I am so impressed with your progress. Do you like this guy? Don't just like him because he "loves" you, don't settle, but isn't it wonderful to be the recipient of his affection? Good luck with sorting this out and other stressors on your journey, Becky. let us know how it turns out. Smiles, Michelle

I gotta remember the two years idea, when I am such an instant gratification person. But if we lose 2 pounds a week that is 100 in a year. I remember a time I did Optifast and four months into the liquid fast of 450 cal. per day, I didn't lose any weight for THREE weeks. Inches, but not weight. The next week i dropped 7 pounds, so I have gotta remember STAY THE COURSE and the weight will come off. Better yet, I can't wait to see the health issues resolve themselves.

It gets right at the addiction piece of obesity. I do great on proteins and fruits and veggies, then I eat carbs and whammy - I go into this intensely crazy eating pattern. I can't get enough carbs. I guess my job is to accept that this is my truth. WW doesn't really work for me because there are too many carbs. I do better with protein shakes or smoothies, protein, fruit (apples or berries), and veggies. The craving lets me go and I can think more "normally" about food without obsessing. So my truth sucks, but then it doesn't FEEL good to be out of control either. So I hope as I "grow up" and accept my journey I will do better and the band will hopefully support me doing that. You know this website has been a powerful ally. Never have I been this honest with others, as well as myself. I understand when people say they are addicted to the websites. I read postings and see myself in everyone else. I love you guys!

From what I've been reading, I think every body is different in how much they can eat, digest, and still lose weight. I have to remember that I might not lose as fast as a 20 year old, but then maybe I will. I am trying to adjust my mind to healthy living, great lifestyle, and lots of chewing.... my surgery is April 16th so I am trying to mentally prepare. I think I may do liquids for a bit, but I won't give up my filet mignon, even at smaller portions, that's after the healing process.

Kyethra - At 23 you seem to have figured out some really important self-care issues. I, too, keep the positive people around me, altho' sometimes even they faulter, then it is my job to be a positive responder for them. I sometimes have to figure out what is my stuff and what is their's. Have you figured out what made you eat to comfort yourself? Maybe because I'm more than twice your age I've spent half my life trying to figure out the past. Not a very constructive way to confront an addiction. I think positive actions are a much better way to go. Best wishes on your surgery and let us know how you are. My surgery is April 16th.

Cblancha9 - Good for you. I am amazed that at my age it seems to take more time, not less, to take care of myself. You can do it. My surgery date is April 16th. I'm both nervous and excited.

Green - I am the same age as you and am happy to hear of your swift recovery. Thanks for the list of must have items. My surgery is April 16th, I keep writing it so I will not back out, although at this point it will be like my hysterectomy - a happy surgery - something I really want. Thanks,

Debbie - Wow! They really did a number on your gut when you got the surgery. I am hoping to recover more quickly and get back into my exercise routine. I think I'd eat dog food for a while, just to heal quickly, but then after six weeks I crave crunch. I heard that celery and asparagus are difficult, but oh well, some people are mourning popcorn. We all know it isn't about the food, but how we choose to cope with life. I know I am preaching to the choir, and ME here. I am so glad the pain in your knees has lessened. I am currently really doing the icing, pain killer route and just know that my surgery and subsequent weight loss will help. Best wishes, Michelle

Belle75067 - Dieta, I think body image is a very difficult issue. It has psychological, physical and emotional overlays. I know that when I lose weight I have a difficult time picking out clothes that fit. I also go to the Big Sizes first, put them on, then see I am swimming in fabric. When I put on a smaller size that is snug to my body I feel exposed and uncomfortable. i am hoping this time to work through the body image stuff. I am not sure how, but exercise and working with a trainer in front of a mirror I think is helping. I love the me inside and hope to match it with the me outside. If that makes any sense. Best wishes on your journey - I think this is an important thread to keep writing to.

Hi Scarlett! Welcome. I think this is a great "over 50" thread for me. I agree. My knees aren't working well and the extra 100 pound "backpack" has gotta go. I am having surgery April 16th, so you'll have to let me know how yours goes. I am worried about the healing process, but the weight has to go. Good luck!

Conniesueb - Hi, thanks for the support. I live in Greenwood Village, south of Denver near the Tech Center. I am going to Dr. Kirshenbaum. He's a great surgeon with a supportive program (nutritionist and psychologist for monthly group support). A lot of his patients come in from other places because he has worked a special fee for those that insurance won't cover. I am one of those - BC/BS in Colorado isn't covering any WLS. If I were a lawyer I'd take them on, but I have enough battles of my own. So I will suck it up and pay. I'm worth it. Do many of you in Pueblo have a band? Are you using the web for support? You are doing really well, Connie. Congratulations! I am anxious to get going. I just had my visit with the nutritionist and am planning to get everything ready for pre-op and post-op proteins etc. Be well and my regular email is mich1550@aol.com if you'd like to write to me directly.

I also think that we are an exclusive club. We, over 50, think enough of ourselves and our lives to invest in our healthy future. Good for us!

Dxeln - I had some of the same thoughts, like why couldn't i do this myself, but come to think of it, the band is doing it by myself, too. It is just another step on the road to recovery from obesity. Best wishes,

I marvel at the self-confidence that many of you seem to have. That issue is my downfall. I have always tried too hard to be lovable, when I am naturally easy to love. My boundaries were crap - after lots of therapy and life experience I am of the mind that no one is worth giving up on my self worth to get them to love me. Either it is there or it isn't. I am not inviting or seeking relationships at the moment, I want to lose the weight, adjust to the new body and healthy lifestyle and then if someone wants to share life with me I might let them get close. At this point I am loving myself enough and am not looking for outside confirmation to be worthy. Man, it's taken me years and many pounds to get here. Smiles to all of you. Loving who I am at this moment is the most paradoxical thought to me. But that's where I am at.

I am having surgery this April 16th and I am 57. I am tired of losing the same weight over and over again. The band will help me not regain the weight in a moment of weakness. My doc is very supportive and has wanted me to do this for a year. I have tried so many other diets, yes they work, but I get "distracted" and binge eat once I have broken my perfect record. I think this will work and I like that I am not rerouting anything. I worry somewhat about the healing process, but then considering the diabetes, high blood pressure and somewhat high cholesterol, healing should be the least of my worries. I have asked many about my age and everyone seems to think banding is a great idea with the right attitude and willingness to change eating patterns. This is a great thread. It is good to hear about others in the middle years. Smiles and I hope to be 100 pounds down in a year and a half. I think that will be enough time. If I don't make it, some off is so much better. I am sooooooooooo ready to take this extra backpack I've been carrying around off for good.

I am not banded yet, but have been working out for a year and a half. I try to do cardio (elliptical or treadmill) for 40 minutes now five days a week and work with weights two days. I hardly ever do all that, but mostly always get in four days a week and two half hour sessions with a trainer. I love it when I LEAVE the gym. I look longingly at those who are completed as I walk in, but I have to say that it really gets better, I am loggy when I don't work out. The discipline helps me psychologically and with my eating. I am happy that I have a layer of muscle going into the banding surgery that will help my body adjust to a lighter weight and look better. It really is worth it. Even if I never lost an ounce, working out isn't something that I will ever give up. I started out at three minutes on the elliptical and my heart rate was way up there. This is a place to map progress too.