CowgirlJane

I get alot of messages from people who are preop and fearful because they have so much to lose or because they failed with the band. I also get alot of plastic surgery prospects. All good - love supporting people - but sometimes their emotional states seem pretty fragile.

You feel worried and anxious about some things in your life right now. Your son is depressed and needs help, you are ending important relationships and you are overwhelmed with work too - it really is alot. You know that you are capable of managing your own destiny and WILL get through this. You just need to tackle things one at time, focusing on what's important. #1 Son, #2 Career and #3 Everything else in sequence. Continue to make brave choices that support the life direction that is in your best interest.

i didn't have the same procedures, but did have multiple procedures done at once. My main advice is Protein, rest, and ease back into activity carefully to avoid any seronomas or incision tension. Follow docs orders and don't push too hard just because you feel good one particular day. I found that very hard, to spend so long hunched over (I had the lower body lift) and needing to take small steps (small thigh lift) and to not reach overhead (arm lift..haha). I am glad I was so careful though, I think it paid off. full full recovery from major plastics takes a long time. What I mean by that is you are told that 6-8 weeks and you can return to normal. I think that depends on what your "normal" was but it took longer than that for me to do very high intensity things again like my farmwork or boot camp style workouts and the gym. Just a reality check since we all heal differently. I would also mention that some people get kinda blue after plastics. For me, it was the inactivity that started making me batty. for some others it is unrealistic expectations - like you have MASSIVE improvement and then you can notice what is still not perfect. I lost alot of weight and so I still have some extra skin on the side of my chest (ie sideboobs) and since I knew that would not be fixed by the procedures I chose to have done - I am very satisfied. It is one of those things that others don't even seem to notice, but i do. I am not going to have that fixed as I am better than "good enough" but I think that it is important to expect amazing improvement, but not perfection. Best of luck to you on this exciting journey!

Congrats!!! I will always remember that first "reveal". My dear friend was with me and she actually cried with joy at the transformation. Of course i was hunched over like quasi modo so wasn't feeling too lovely BUT, flat tummy...oooh la la! No more folds of skin tween my thighs. well, and just everything was so much better. I am so happy for you! I had very little pain and hope that is your situation too. My biggest "pain" problem was skin irritation from tape and compression garments.

No, really nothing wrong except for making the blanket statement that Mexico docs have poor results and then not Man-ing up to it when called out. There is a post on the vets forum by someone 5months post op though... an ask the vet type post.

I weighed about 272 when I was banded in March 2001. I never got under 200# and regained after I had to have Fluid removed due to issues with reflux and vomiting all the time. I revised to the sleeve in 2011 and weighed 308. I have since lost 160# and am at a normal BMI weighing around 148-150#.

You do know that is exactly the typical timeframe for a stall... right? http://www.dsfacts.com/weight-loss-stall-or-plateau.html#.UwPAa4WhbjU

Can I suggest you start reading and posting in the veterans forum? Lots of people have found themselves in your shoes a few years out and that group is really geared to the special interests of people at least 1 year post op. I am guessing you know the answer ... go back to basics, but the vets forum can really provide support. Good luck!

May I ask what you mean about "understand you"? The weight loss? Lack of dating experience? Or?

I have a group of online horse friends... all lifelong athletic and trim ladies. They were thrilled for me BUT have zero understanding of the ups and downs and emotional journey. My feelings were hurt until I realized that they had no reason to understand it. They had always been trim. They were like "crap, get over it, nobody cares". Then I just reset expectations. I share my joys and sorrows HERE and basically don't talk to most people in my real life or horse life about it unless they ask me. Even then, I stay reserved about it. Why, because they just don't care. They don't want me to be depressed, they just want me to get on with living life. Being normal size is not something in their world is worth celebrating, know what i mean? I had a long term relationship. I had lost 125# and he hadn't said a word. Not a negative word, not a positive word. Now that hurt and then I realized he didn't care either because we really weren't still in a relationship, i just didn't know it yet. So, I share that so you know it could be worse....

Okay, I did something I normally avoid - tangled with someone on a forum thread. Over in the plastics forum this man named scout has been posting about his plastics stuff - cool. Then he makes a statement that Based on his research (ie photos) that results from Mexico aren't as good. Well, I took issue with that since the way I read it, mine and other "mexican patients" would be part of that research he drew his conclusions on since I have shared photos on that same forum. Not just me, lots of other people too. I probably could have been more diplomatic... however, it got construed as I somehow think he should stop posting and everybody has to defend his right to tell his story. I am like... WTF? Tell your story - why do you need to bash somebody else? I just think if you are gonna dish out those kind of sweeping negative generalizations about choices others have made (as if reading forums is real research anyway) you better be ready for someone to stand up and call "Bull" on it. Anyway, I was pretty much done after I said my peace but he has his little gang that apparently think I am somehow a rabble rouser because I didn't let that remark slide. I can't help but notice that he singled out Mexico in particular when obviously people go many places for plastics. I made that observation which of course he turned into me calling him racist. Actually, I am not sure race has anything to do with it - but it is that whole America is better thing that so many subscribe to? I was told I should start my own thread - I have no interest in bashing someone else's choice so why would I do that? That I should have worded it that "based on my research I chose Mexico". I still say Bull - somebody specifically says that results from Mexican surgeons aren't as good and I just don't think that is based in fact and is a generalization based on a specific nation or country where the surgery is performed. Truth is, there are some pretty bad results out there on the internet and by volume, most are from the USA but of course that is because that is where most of the surgeons are for our purposes. Doesn't mean that USA surgeons deliver substandard results. sheesh Of course, I should have never posted since you never really change anybody's minds anyway. As the saying goes... walls have ears and ears have walls.

I think you should put it out of your mind the best you can. I am sure it bothers you way more than him. I once read that women will never achieve equality till the day they can walk down the street with a big gut and bald head and still think they are hot stuff. Yeah, it's a joke but there is some truth. Confidence and self acceptance, self love ARE sexy. Woohoo BTW!!! BethinPA, on 17 Feb 2014 - 09:21, said: Cant wait to hear..Haha So I made a huge deal out of my excess skin before the nekkid phase. Then he was like....I dunno, women your age,have had kids etc., just look that way. Obviously I had more excess skin than a typical woman but it was clearly a bigger deal in my head than it was in reality. Well, we got to the nekkid phase this weekend, and the extra skin didn't appear to bother him a bit! It was so hard for me to bite my tongue and not ask him if it bothered him, because I didn't want to plant that seed of thought in his mind. So I'm faking it until I make it in the confidence department!

We have reached the point in winter where I just can't take it anymore.... I NEED spring and summer.

Today is the day! Hope all is going great and you have a smooth recovery! That is an amazing estimate for surgical time - under 3 hours! Wow, and cool. Keep us posted. So, i had several procedures at once and the LBL was the grandaddy... take the surgeons advice seriously about slowly returning to activity. It is a big deal surgery but OH SO WORTH IT! It is astounding how much difference it made to my looks even in clothing - and bye bye spanx!!! woo hoo

Well, I am not sure why anyone ever thought you should stop giving updates. I didn't say it and certainly never meant it. I also never called anybody a racist. What I did say is that a statement was made that results from people who get plastics in Mexico aren't as good, based on research and photos seen. I take issue with that remark, as my photos (and many others) who had work done in Mexico have been posted on this very forum so it implies that our results are part of that "research". Drawing a conclusion based on the country (I may have used the word nationality) that the surgery was done is a sweeping generalization that is inaccurate. There are good and bad surgeons everywhere. End results also vary a great deal depending on the patients starting situation and other factors. I am very happy that you have had great results - but so have many others. There are plenty of good reasons to stay "in country" for medical care and there are plenty of good reasons to go outside the country -whether it be Mexico, Costa Rico, Thailand, India...etc. A blanket statement that results from Mexico are "worse" or not as good or whatever is what i took issue with - that's it. That's all. Don't read anymore into it. So, for anyone who thinks I am trying to stop people from talking about plastics - I certainly apologize as that was never my intent and I am not really sure how anybody drew that conclusion. I and many others have shared results too and I always appreciated hearing people's stories as I have learned a great deal that way myself. As I frequently say... carry on!

Couple of things. You have lost a massive amount of weight already. I personally went through emotional rollercoaster at that time and I think it is largely due to all the hormones being released from the fat into your body. Makes you a little more emotional and all that. Also, fat often serves as a protective layer and as it starts to shed, your emotional angst might be surfacing. Be gentle with yourself, but seek help if you are really feeling out of control. Also, I am not sure why you had the idea that food "should" make you sick. All of us can eat anything... we have to make choices. Choices about what and even how much to eat. My saying is "just because you can, doesn't mean you should" - and frankly it applies to alot of things in life. I still work very hard to eat to "absence of hunger, not to the point of being full" Early on, I followed the NUT guidelines very closely. When I hit a long term stall at about 8-9 months out, I realized I needed to go lower carb and change things up exercise wise. I suspect guidance from a good nutritionalist would help you too. Not all of them are good by the way but it is worth trying. Food as an addiction is powerful. I used to think it was "all in my head" but i have learned there is a very significant physical component. when I eat "clean" - ie low carb, avoid sugars, no junky food - amazingly I don't crave junky good. for me personally, I would now say that it is 80-90% physical response to what I eat and maybe 10-20% "in my head" You are in the phase of the journey where you are facing all of that and it isn't always easy - so seek support. I would also say that your post would be even more responded to in the "post op" forum as the vets forum is really geared to people that are a year or more out and the challenges faced there. Hang in there, don't give up - you have made amazing progress already and just need to find your way back on course to protect your losses and to continue making progress toward your goals. You can do this.

I read that article on psychopaths as CEO. Interesting. I decided to look up the Hale text and am happy I scored 5 out of 40 which is a normal non psycho. However I took some other tests and I "May" have symptoms of general personality disorder. What's interesting to me is that when you look up General personality disorder it doesn't appear to be a diagnosis. So I wonder... What I notice is some of the thoughts indicated as problematic are mostly post weight loss....I am more aware. I think in all honesty that childhood trauma has been well managed by me but probably causes some of my internal feelings. Like I think I am more prone to emotional swings...like feeling great and then kinda low very quickly. They don't last long and most of the time I am even/in the middle. People around me don't notice it since the down feelings are usually gone in an hour or less. I think I also have feelings of emptiness sometimes. I get alot of private messages of people asking advice. The one this morning, I don't even know how to answer as she sounds emotionally out of control. It was alot. She also asked a million questions...not about WLS but about losing weight. Actually the right questions....including what are the best and worst things that happened in life as a result of weight loss. Like that is so complicated.....the good is overwhelming but how do I explain that I feel things more intensely and though it is getting better it has been uncomfortable at times. I had a phone call with someone considering plastics and she was emotionally out of control, crying etc. I feel like my mood issues are minor compared to what it seems like some others experience and yet it impacts my life negatively so I want to fix it if I can.

Well FYE I agree with you. I don't thing monetary success equates to a better human. I am not religious but I do think even Jesus had words about this. I am not looking for a guy to fund me, just himself. And I want him to have time to do at least s little stuff like travel. I didn't seek someone at the higher end of financial security but just that he is on the financial security scale is a huge move up for me. Disability for my brother and sister were hard but doable. In the case of my sister the brain aneurysm left here partially brain damaged. The middle age lady who still cares for and rides her horse supposedly has a physical disability but at our age - knees, backs and hips start acting up and many of us suffer chronic pain and still work. To be honest my rant didn't mean to focus on disability-it is just I have more experience with it due to family and others. My view is those programs are needed but we have too much expended and it is not sustainable. Our military situation is an even bigger problem. People who claim to be conservative only care about overspend on. Social programs. Liberals often only complain about military spending and I am saying it's all too much and not sustainable. Take a look at the demographics...the baby boomers retire and their tax revenue contribution will just keep dropping. We just cannot afford it and our legacy is massive debt. Denise I hope you can find a good way to discuss this dominating of your time. Did you resolve the CPAP issue? The scale continues to be kind still under 150 even though went out to eat with my son.

Warning - political rant so don't read if this stresses you out! Actually, I think David is the worst kind - you know how ex-smokers are just insufferable about tolerating smokers? Well, David was raised by a very dicey family. His mother was married SIX times. He left home at about age 13, had dyslexia, learning disabilities etc and is one of those "self made" types. So, that type tends to really disrespect anybody that didn't have that success. My story isn't as bad, but I was raised dirt poor too. My parents contributed $500 to my college education which to them was a HUGE sum. The rest was on me. It is very hard for me to understand people who mooch/live off the system as I have always worked, always. Even as a little kid, I pulled weeds, picked berries and babysat for money. Starting about age 7-8 we were expected to buy our own clothes and personal items - that was not funded by family income so we had to work if we wanted to show up at school with decent (KMart) clothes. It is very hard for me to accept men who mooch/live off women and I have had two of them now. My EX husband liked it, my EX sig other (the one I just parted with) HATED it but could not seem to change it even after more than a decade. This is a sore point for me, obviously. I am basically liberal but i have a very hard time with the idea that just occuppying space entitles every tom dick and harry to be supported by the taxpayer. We are reaching the point where too many people collect some kind of assistance - it will break our economic well being if we continue on this trajectory. I personally know of two women who had no work history and when there husbands died in middle age went on disability. WHAT? As far as i am concerned, anyone who can own, care for and ride horses is not disabled enough to collect benefits. I DO care about people and really don't want anyone to suffer but people need to take responsibility for their own financial lives too. I have a couple of siblings who are on disability - one of them following multiple brain aneuresms and the other developed the brittle diabetes and lost his business due to the illness. I think he could probably work at least some now that his diabetes is under control, but the way the system is set up that would be a disaster for him - he needs to be considered disabled in order to get proper health care. He needs to stay on it or he will die if his care returns to the same old crappy care he was getting before he qualified for disability. Our family also supports both of them financially as well. Anyway, I didn't mean to rant but even though i am more liberal than not, even I agree that some of this just isn't sustainable. Also, do NOT take my comments as being a slam on any individual that needs disability it is just an example of the larger problem - we need more people who work and contribute and fewer that take. I am all for supporting retraining and think that is a great investment - helping people get a new start helps us all. But, if you want me to really get started on a rant... lets talk about the military industrial complex. I am so sick of how much money we spend on security, war, weapons etc. (not to mention the human cost, but i won't eve go there). Even most of our "foreign aid" is actually at least indirectly military/defense related. It is simply all too much and not sustainable, in my opinion. So, this is going to be a tough topic with David because i respect different opinions, I actually agree with SOME of the conservative points of view but i cannot deal with the mean spirited based, science denying "Rush Limbaugh" or "Beck" or stupid "Michelle Chapman/Sarah Palin" style hate based conservatism that runs rampant. It might be a deal killer for me at some point, but I have decided I need to at least give it a chance because I think this is the closest I have found to a relationship that will please me in 2014. Remember, in upper levels of corporate america - these guys pretty much fall in the mean conservatism camp so I have plenty of practice ignoring it.

Da Shoes! the night of the awards banquet I was walking with my boss down to dinner and one of the men I work with catches up to me and says "I had to run to catch you girl, you can rock those heels". I loved it. I watched a u tube done by a pro runway model to learn how to walk in high heels and the key is to just own it. Tentative short steps don't work. We had to catch shuttle busses from our hotel over to the other hotel where the big closing dance party was held. I wound up being on my feet for hours - I should have sat down more - but it did make it easy to leave the party at 10:30 as my feet did start hurting. If I had sat down instead of stood/walked for hours and hours I could have worn those shoes all night. 1030 was a good time to leave. Remember this event had no "spouses" so was at least 85% men. The booze was flowing and the mood started to become very alcohol induced festive about that time - like I could sense the change in the vibe. I was chatting with a couple of guys I used to work with - one of them was my employee 10 years ago. It kept me "safe" and I didn't get hit on over and over like I did last year. I am finally figuring out how normal women deal with these social situations. I did pick up a really cool guy "stalker" but that was earlier in the week. LOL. I really liked him but of course no work with pleasure and he lives in like Kansas. My boss noticed him too as he came and chatted me whenever the opportunity presented and managed to get my phone number too - but again, he is in Kansas so no real problem. I do own a pair of Guess booties that I still don't feel comfy walking in - fear of falling. They aren't that much taller and they are fairly comfy but there is something about the foot angle that is just hard. I suspect that is why i like them - the steep angle makes my huge feet look better...haha. I have another pair of bootie/shooties that I bought before I even knew what a shootie was - more than a year ago. They are a black and white floral pattern with sheer black panels on part. They are pretty wearable but to my eyes a little more cutting edge looking than a girl from the country wears around here. Nobody would look twice in NYC etc but around here, they look weird. I only wear them occasionally but Steven is crazy about them because they have a sheer portion which turns out to be the thing that gets his interest. Speaking of Steven, it is his birthday today - turning 66! I am forbidden to celebrate it in anyway which is probably one reason he blew me off again and hasn't called. I am thinking about dropping something small off at his house - can't decide since he asked me to not do anything. I imagine he isn't thrilled - I know that turning 50 later this year is kinda of a yikes thing for me. Anyway, I am not telling him today about my decision due to the birthday, but soon.

You guys are doing great - i think really getting the hang of it. Just to be clear, it is okay to talk about the problem if you WANT. Just avoid writing the negative coach. A positive coach can still openly discuss the issue or problem. You have taken on alot living alone and don't always feel competent or capable of keeping up. Trust that you can do it, you are successful at whatever you set your mind to. you can keep a good balance in your life while maintaining your farm. You have many options but know that whatever you choose, you are capable of creating a good life and maintaining your living situation the way you like - in fact it will be even easier without a roommate.

Denise that would drive me insane... The 24/7. This is what's so hard about taking a risk with a new man ... only to discover he wants that or is a right winger...haha. Really if the guy i met starts gay bashing I won't be able to handle that. I met David via Match. I deactivated my dating profiles back when I got disgusted with the process but match is paid through March. I never found anyone decent on match so I just ignored the emails until one came from David. I liked his profile, he wanted to talk rather than email constantly and he just charmed me so I thought what the heck, let's meet. That was before my trip - we had a nice time but again low expectations. Since then he has been checking in and the reason I took that photo before the party was his request. He has an engaging personality and is very attentive but in short non smothering bursts so far so good. We'll see how today goes. It's pouring rain. Ah the age thing...yeah I know. I found another post 60 guy who looks better than most 50 year olds. ED was never an issue with Steven so I hope that holds true with David. Seems like something that is not asked about before the physical step though. ..so take chances? Like I said, staying with Steven is more comfortable but I decided after the super bowl weekend th a t I am ready to give up the best sex and best confidante in exchange for a reliable person who wants someone close and who can do the things I want like travel and stuff. Steven feels very close to me but he can only partially translate that to actions and deeds and that will never change. He is still supposed to fix my truck tailgate and I think he will as just a friend. We have been good for each other and no regrets I just can't let this "chance" go by without at least getting to know David. Florinda those were the shoes i bought for my date night outfit but i didn't like them with the skinny jeans. They were perfect with the dress though. I will dig up a photo. I have been curious what you specifically do there, can you share that info? Don't feel fat. It happens to me sometimes and then I remind myself that it is a mental space it's not fat. Why does merena mess things up?

A heartfelt response is always appreciated...and I read the post the first time so re posting it didn't make it any less insulting. And my pix and story are well documented on this very forum so saying based on the photos you've seen results from Mexico aren't as good is a slam. But whatever. I did save money going abroad but my main reason was better nursing care and being able to have more procedures at once - two factors that were important to me personally. Lots of reasons for choosing a surgeon and I most clearly understand the pros and cons of in country vs abroad but it is a generalization about a specific nationality to say that results from Mexico aren't as good. It simply isn't true.

I am feeling really positive. I came back from a week at a business event that involved lots of food drinks and dinners out....and salty food on the plane too. But returned at 148 so confidence is good right now!!!

Oh and I had 5.5 pounds of skin removed and it totally transformed my shape and appearance of my body in a very positive way.