CowgirlJane

You mention that photos of those of us that had plastics in Mexico show that results are obviously not as good but I shouldn't take it personally. Well I disagree - my results are great and it is kind of hard to not take that personally. If I were rich and could afford the nursing care I would have needed on top of the higher cost USA surgeons I would have happily stayed local but saying that my results aren't good because I went to Mexico is frankly untrue and unkind and smack of nationality based judgement on surgeons. And I got great care both there and follow up at home.

Well have a date for Monday with the Republican. .haha...so guess my plastics didn't scare him off yet. My son broke up with his long time girlfriend. I know it's for the best but sad. Taking him to dinner tonight. Sorry you are blue. Damn menopause. Know what I hate the most? Unreliable and sometimes zero production of vaginal fluids. ..makes everything -- horse and bike riding included uncomfortable. I just hate it.

Oh and the really important thing - I am STILL under 150 in spite of dinner out, and post travel swelling in my lower belly. It is so WEIRD, but I think a week of eating a bit more told my body to lose weight. So now, I need to eat less again and keep all those little fat cells guessing..haha. My next mini goal is to get to 145 and kind of stabilize there. I don't care too much about the weight, but i want to get to that lower body fat % of 25% and I think I need to drop a few pounds to make that happen. I was so impressed by Sarsars pix - maybe you have some advice for us? I still cannot figure out why my bodyfat % is in the 28-29% range given that when people see me they always notice that I am quite muscular for a woman. The surgeons tell me I don't have much fat, but clearly I have more that I should to get to 25% which is my goal for 2014.

okay, isn't life funny. I just QUIT looking for someone to date, do stuff with etc. and I seem to have finally met someone that might, just might fit the bill. He actually excites and attracts me AND appears to meet my "criteria" too. I have been seeing Steven more regularly again and he seems more comfortable with "us" right now but we both know it still doesn't meet what I want for 2014. I want someone who is free to travel and do fun stuff... but that doesn't want to necessarily sign up for the lifetime plan. Okay, don't judge me too hard but I am picky. Looks and fitness are important. Interest and ability to travel (ie availability and financial means), high intelligence and verbal skills, being a vibrant and outgoing and energizing kind of person - a really appealing personality type. I have come to find that not many meet that criteria and when they do, I suspect they have their pick of 30 year olds - know what I mean? So, I met someone who fits and I think I have passed his criteria. He is socially very adept, but I did kinda felt like I was being tested/evaluated... haha. Like, I have this feeling I am old enough to look respectable among his social group, young enough looking to still be reasonably appealing and what he really emphasized is that I am conversant and can talk business etc. I have eaten at fine restaurants yada yada. Yeah, I had a feeling I was being screened for how I would fit in with his financial services industry peers. He is really well off, is 61 but really active and fit. Owns a vacation home in Hawaii, is passionate about boating (sold his but charters them regularly), is not retired yet, but basically financially independant. He is a financial advisor/retirement planner and has done really well... slowly transitioning his business so he can retire but bottom line he has financial and time means to do the stuff I want to do. I am not looking for someone to buy stuff for me, so I am not money focused like that, I just want someone that is secure for himself, as it just removes a whole layer of problems in finding a playmate/travelmate. He busted me already on the plastic surgery as he noticed my arm scar on our second meeting. He guessed the weight loss surgery based on the way I was eating combined with the plastics. He is good with all that and told me he admired that I changed my life. We'll see if that translates to a 3rd meeting... one never knows.. but he did reveal that he had cosmetic surgery on his chin/neck wattle which is of course one reason he looks more like 50 or so not 61. After so many years of living with someone who treated me like I am invisible, it is so nice to find someone who actually SEES me (he has this in common with Steven). I think there is potential here and even though the timing isn't ideal, I feel like I need to give it a chance given that he seems to be a somewhat rare find for a middle aged woman like me. anyway, the only thing I don't like about this guy is he is a radical right wing republican which isn't my cup of tea, but since I haven't found perfection and he is the closest I have encountered - I may have to overlook the rants about Al Gore (global warming isn't real) and Obama (who's goal of reforming healthcare is a communist plot kinda thing). I am used to this nonsense in the senior levels of corporate America so it kinda rolls off me even if I don't agree. I btw, am fairly middle of the road but will probably vote for Hilary Clinton if she is on the ticket next time kind of voter. I realize my primary resistance is that I don't want to peel away from my comfortable space with Steven - I feel like I can talk to him about anything and of course have strong feelings for him even though our relationship is very limited. I know that is holding me back so I have decided to tell Steven this is happening and to at least give this a chance - even though it is too early to know if anything will come of it. I really want to spend 2014 having fun, going places and I am so sick of the process of finding someone it feels good to meet someone that sparks a little fire in me AND meets some of these other criteria. I know Steven will be supportive of me because it is what he wants me to find for myself too. It might still be a long shot, but I want a chance, even just for a little while, where I actually have places to wear a LBD and where a $30 bottle of wine is considered a budget choice. Through work, I have had many glimpses of that world but have never really lived it. I don't know why this is something I care about but it is more like enjoying the freedom that MY hard work and career have brought me. I have just never had a mate or even DATE that is in a position to enjoy those things with me. Well, that was a long winded wander through my current thought process. I hate that I sound so superficial because i really am not - but I am practicing raising my standards though since it has not worked so far in life to just accept a guy without "judging" his financial/career situation. I will not make that mistake again.

You are thoughtful and insightful, and know how to make good decisions, so think about your options and choose the path that is in YOUR best interest.

Well, I never did find earrings that I thought were spot on for the dress and I did wind up finding a vintage necklace that I liked. the new profile picture is of the dress as I was heading out the door for this party. Anyway I got tons of compliments that it was a beautiful dress that makes you go va-voom and killer shoes. Several of the other ladies wore lower cut dresses and everybody was sleeveless so I felt that the sheer neckline was appropriate and modest enough but the dress still had a bit of sexy to it. It worked and I can visualize wearing it to other events too. thanks everyone for your ideas and thoughts. I hope to be getting out to more plays and all that where I might actually wear it.

In the past you have gotten all fired up after a big motivational event like the Mega meeting, only to quickly lose momentum to make change once daily life takes over. You have shown tremendous focus and committment in many areas of your life and have accomplished so much, now is your time to embrace positive change even further. You have the ability to be a change agent in your company, your family and most importantly to yourself. You can continue building on the excitement and make 2014 an even more productive and satisfying year in all aspects of your life. You can start by committing to 90 days of follow up.

You did a great job summarizing it! Here is the key thing to the exercise; never write the "critical or harsh private voice/coach". Always write just the positive. We are actually trying to retrain the brain neuropathways here! And, if you don't have a negative statement to turn around, that's okay, STILL write a positive one. You may already have a good positive neuropathway established, turn it into a beautiful paved interstate! It must also always be specific, relevant and acknowledges your reality. so no "you're okay, I'm okay" stuff. It is very specific like a real coach would encourage you with out denying the truth of the situation. Imagine how that positve statement would look later if someone read it, would they think "what an effective, compassionate coach" or would you be embarrased? He also mentioned that this method has worked with huge ego people... they practice humility while patting themselves on the back. The speaker said people they interact with start noticing a difference within months - they are still high ego, but get better at showing appreciation to others because they did this daily practice. I am not sure, I may want to write mine by hand. I will try both, but often hand written things just stick to me better. I often use dry erase markers on my bathroom mirror. Words mattter.

Drum roll please... came back from the big meeting - a week of dinners out, lots of snacks and adult beverages at 148.9 What is more astounding is that Friday included eating at Epcot center, flight delays stuck on the tarmac for 2 hours in Houston, buying a boxed dinner of salty chips cheese and pepperoni. I expected to be up 5 just due the salt but instead well within my bounce range. Before going on the trip I visualized maintaining....now I need to visualize detoxing from the carbs.

Coops my dress was just right. Some ladies had more low cut ones etc. so this hit the mark. I did get lots of compliments but here is a funny.... 4 of us were complimenting each others cocktail look and B says to me "I tried on that same dress and it gave me a huge butt" without thinking I said "oh no, does my ass look big?". They assured me I just looked curvy. I have fairly narrow hips so the shape of this dress works for me.

I was banded for 10 years and had the same fears. Look at my signature and profile to see my success! You too can do it. But it is work. I used the lessons from that "failure" to help create my success. I am so glad I took that leap of faith! !!

Thanks ladies it was a fun night. I got a lot of compliments. I was among "friends" and got lots of approving comments. ..especially as the drinks flowed. I left at 1030 not even buzzed ..on best behavior. So I think it is exciting you are getting PT certified but I am very disappointed in my experience. I still have a hurt muscle on my right thigh. ..so only light workouts. No progress toward my 25 percent fat goal...sigh.

I am new to phone app so not sure how to rotate photo.

[ATTACH]41429[/ATTACH] Me in my cocktail dress. Not enough time to do hair up do.

Still in Orlando...short message. Today I talked to someone who lost 100#. I admitted how much I had lost AND my age. Skinny mini girl in the group of us talking says "you have been so tiny the whole time I have know you and I can't believe you are 49!!!" Me..not tiny...and I told her I love her for thinking I look younger..Haha. you know that compliment meant way more than the interested guys...though I picked up a tall dark and handsome stalker this week (totally my type)... too bad he lives somewhere in the Midwest..teehee. Good week, embrace the compliments!!!

We are all answering your question but just consider that maybe we have experience with the process and are trying to share that. I have a friend on this forum that is a couple of years post op and is still quite a ways from goal but still working on it. I have other friends who were very slow losers and took them quite a bit longer to reach goal. It would be sad for you to set a date and be disappointed that even though you'd lost alot you were not yet at your ideal, (but maybe he is???). I followed instructions,I worked out and yet my losses still weren't as fast as some yet faster than many. I am sorry but I have read these forums long enough to know that not everyone is amazed in 3 months. I am not sure if you can see my signature but I have been at goal for a year and am over 2 years post op. What does your surgeon or NUT say to expect? Mine had a formula with sort of a range of where most of their patients fell after 3,6,9,12 months in terms of excess weight loss percentages.

I think this is a really bad idea to timebox yourself...sorry but partial stomach removal is a lifetime committment. If you have a small amount to lose you will get to goal faster. Men lose WAY faster than women. Individual results vary enormously. I lost 150# over 14 months.

I count total carbs... I got that advice from both a NUT and a doctor.

I think that if I don't stay FOCUSED I will regain. Obsessive is when you are miserable, are emotionally unhappy and torturing yourself. I am happy that i am sucessful. I compare myself to a work colleague who is training for a triathalon. Focused. I am in a marathon for the rest of my life - to keep my weight under control at a healthy weight. It isn't obsessive, it is necessary.

Wtf? I lost 160#, did not happen overnight. Speed of loss is not the key, maintenance IS!

Okay, I can't type up an entire key note speech...haha... so this is the abbreviated version. Jim Loehr is a world renowned "performance coach" - athletes, executives etc etc. He said a few things that really apply to US - the formerly obese. He talked alot about how human speech is the thing that has allowed us to conceptualize ideas - words matter and words influence our neuropathways and can either help or hurt us in this journey through life. Basic idea is you have an inner voice that says things to yourself like "I can do it!" or "I suck" or whatever. That inner voice is coached by something he calls your private voice. That voice says things like "You always screw up". The key is that the private voice refers to you as "you". That private voice is established in most of us starting around age 6... and is built up over time by the people that influence you. Most often it is parents, perhaps a coach, a grandparent, aunt/uncle etc. If that person used harsh language, your private voice becomes what he calls your internal "terrorist" wracking havoc on your emotional life. Many top performers had a harsh or perfectionist parent, coach or other key person that implanted that "you are a loser" tone. They have hard evidence based research that shows that emotional, mental abuse - including a parent that was a screamer - is actually harder to overcome than physical abuse for a child. Parents usually don't mean to be abusive, they are just repeating what they heard... and what their private voice says to them all the time. I grew up in a household with extreme emotional and verbal abuse. You could not walk across the room without dad telling something horrible and negative - I was fat, ugly, stupid, lazy whatever. He treated all of us that way. I can remember him sitting watching me handwash dishes when I was a little kid... so little I had to stand on stool to reach the sink and him just berating me over not doing it right. It was like being parented by a spoiled brat 2 year old. No freaking wonder I sometimes feel negativity even though I am basically a positive person. So he asked those of us that are parents how we would feel about words, and even tone we used, we said to our kids in a moment of anger - was it good coaching or would you die of embarrassment if those words were shown on the jumbo-tron TV in front of everyone? Anyway, there is a way to fix this. Keep a journal for 90 days. All that is in this journal is POSITIVE coaching. That doesn't mean denying the truth or being all candy and kisses... for example. If an athlethe cannot perfect a forehand in tennis. Positive coaching might be "that forehand needs more work, but you can do it and i know you are willing to do the work to acheive it" or something like that. Negative coaching would be "you suck and are you EVER gonna get that right?" This journal should be filled with words that it wouldn't embarrass you if someone found it and read it. It should face the facts (ie no sugar coating) but be filled with words of love and encouragement not words of disdain and shame. Frankly, I hear alot of shame talk around these forums... even among vets. WORDS MATTER - they change your neuropathways. When you can start to change the words of your private voice - the words of your "coach" then organically your inner voice changes. When that inner voice changes you start saying things like "I can do this, I will do this" rather than "I am such a screw up" So, this journal is the private voice - so it is "you statements". The comments should be dated. They should be relevant and meaningful. So stuff like "you are a good person" while nice, isn't really the point. It needs to be about something real in your life. So, every morning you committ to writing down something that is a relevant, honest, and meaningful coaching to yourself that you wouldn't be embarrassed for others to read should they find it. Try it for 90 days and see if you don't start having breakthroughs. I was listening to this talk... and my private voice actually said "you always get excited about hearing this kind of thing, but then you NEVER follow through so what use is it? It's just a waste on you" I thought...holy crap, I just said that to myself, right now? While he was talking about it? I thought for myself my first journal entry might be something like "in the past, you have heard motivational speakers who excited you, but you didn't always take advantage of what you learned. You have the discipline to do this journaling and overcome the negativity. You can do this and it will make your life even better" Can you imagine how you might change your body image? How you might change your self love and acceptance if you didn't have an asshole for a coach but instead somebody who was caring and supportive while still holding you accountable? "You've done such a good job losing 1XX pounds, you should be so proud of yourself. You can and will continue to make good choices more and more of the time and you can meet your fitness goals" Isn't that alot better than "You lost 1xx but still look like crap - what the hell is wrong with you!?!"?

Ok, pre plastics I would about have a heart attack - NEVER EVER EVER look down when doing planks or pushups. I was embarrassed to even be in a gym class knowing others could see it. Just don't look since all that hanging skin looked a bit like a cows udder unless I had on industrial strength shapewear. In more intimate settings...OMG, certain positions were simply unimaginable due to that belly skin. My lover actually once moved my belly skin - I almost passed out I was mortified. Now, my tummy is flat whether i be on my back, in a plank or whatever.... It was no picnic but i am so glad I had it done. People who haven't seen me since pre plastics think i have lost alot more weight but really it is just the skin. I just look toned - all that working out finally shows through. One thing that helped me in deciding on plastics was to talk to people on the phone about it. I think it is easier to really dig into the dialog and questions that way... so anybody who is thinking about it, I have thoughts to share. I consulted with several local surgeons before going to Dr Sauceda and feel i have a reasonable handle on the trade offs (not talking money here - talking results and the patient experience). So if any of you are really thinking about it, I would definately be up for a phone chat - no matter what surgeon you choose I think there is a lot to know. Sweetpee on here is one of the few people that really tell the whole story about recovery, I feel that most gloss over just how long it takes. Today, my tummy swelled. It was not enough anybody could see it, but i can feel it and needed to put compression back on to feel good. My surgery was 4 months ago and I didn't have complications!!! This is considered normal, but you never hear people really talking about it that way. It was still totally worth it, but i think people should be better informed is all.

I don't obsess on the scale(occasionally get annoyed..Haha). The number is not an emotion it is a fact. Yes it varies daily but weighing most days keeps a tiny weight bounce from becoming 10,, 20 or 100. If someone is obsessive they should not do it. I dont journal food and I think most successful vets do. I don't because decades of journaling was part of my failure pattern. It was like jumping off a bridge to follow my NUT advice to listen to my body. She was right though..I intuitively eat pretty well without stressing on it and it works for me. I got a huge compliment from a senior executive at my company. Hadn't seen her in a year...she looked me in the eye and congratulated me on maintaining! It meant alot to me, including her observation that I not only avoided regain, I am trimmer then a year ago.

I heard a keynote speech today that floored. It was about business but applies to US ladies. I will share more and ask if any of you would try a 90 day challenge with me.....more to follow. M2g, I will not be with Steven long term...would be a disaster so I am enjoying and more importantly learning from the NOW. I was surprised it was mutual is all. I left out/deleted some of my post as TMI but he told me he could see my ab muscles and and fitness (I didn't ask but sometimes he reads my mind). I have decided that I have been given a gift to know someone who sees me and is honest with me (about the bad too) and is bold enough to say it. The gift is to see myself through kinder eyes then my own- honest but kind. This relates to paragraph one...changing our inner voices. More on that later.....

I need to weigh daily (or nearly) because that was a critical factor in past failure. .. Queen of DeNile!