Pookeyism

About the rest of your post:

I made a decision not to tell my Mom (Mum, lol) and I don't regret it. But mine is a bad ending anyway - my Mom passed away a week after my surgery. Had I told her I know I would have spent the rest of my life wondering if I had worried her to death. She was 58 and it was totally unexpected.

...I kind of have a good hold on that but the actual removal of stomach; the pain of recovery;...

Even if you do don't be harsh on yourself if it slips a little. It is ok to freak out. It is OK to look at your stomach and cry. It is OK to have moments that take your breath away when you realize you will not interact with food the same again, and that you will not interact with people and food the same again. This will decrease for most us of as we concentrate on fixing our demons, and slowly realizing the change is not crazy-drastic.

People do not tend to remember the bad as much as they do the good. It is a good-ol scientific fact. It is one of the reasons why they offer medication sometimes to people with photographic memories - if we remebered all the bad, it would overwhelm. Imagine remembering every bellyache, every cut finger, toothache - every off word or deed!!! So we forget, and we remember good AND we all work at a subconcious level to actually make things less than they were - even if we can remember the importance of the event...What I aim to get at there is you will eventually - and not too far off, if you step up and deal with your issues (we all have them) you will look back and the crazy monumental feelings will still have importance and depth - but will be "normal" for you. The change will feel lessened, and eventually you will recall but not feel very connected to the old you. My best example may not be for everyone but I have been with my Hubby since 1999. It seems he has always been there - so has the farm and his family - even when I have had a chance to be with friends that are pre-hubby I feel as if he is in there somewhere. You will feel that way about you new life, new healthy choices, exercize and hopefully an active lifestyle.

I was self pay, and I walked into the doctor's office with an offer of cash across the board - which made it crazy easy to get the surgery - and I really suprised them that I still wanted the names of the nut, the counselor, etc - although I had been going to a nut for my diabetes, a counselor abotu 3x a year for diet and "burn-out" on the diabetic lifestyle, etc.

I urge you to get a support system going as soon as you can - please. If you cannot find one take the initiative and create one. I would hope that with it being as common as it is you could reach out to many needful people.

You really spiked my curiosity about the pain management. But if it were very verily shhhh I guess you wouldn't mention it in the first place...like govermental? M16, M15??? GCHQ? DIS?

Lol - don't get the conspiracy nerd in me going. There are very good ways to self-manage pain. I learned a few myself after a really bad incident, and more when I took them with a friend dying of cancer. They helped physical pain - but also emotional pain.

Lol - not saying that you should do anything illegal but if you were in California and you could use weed, I definately would not smoke it - I would (theoretically) get a vaporisor, or put it in cholocate milk made of half and half. THC (i learned about this in California :/ ) is most potent in a fatty mixture - else u loose most of it.

But it is a drug, legal, illegal, whatever - and yo should really be aware of how it would affect you - especially related to your mental health and any, any, any meds you are already on.

Mo codine in the UK? I never needed to know that, but that is scary! What do they do for people with pneumonia and such, if morphine and codine are banned?

SEE - I knew there was a reason I don't go abroad anymore!

Try tums sugar free antacids when you get hungry (on a little water) it will help.

I think it will help...sorry, at work and distracted...

Bartering is inefficient, It uses too much human capital.

LOL studying Economics right now!

PS - You can still do that provided the other person agrees.

Exceptionally well said! Amen!

Yup, people go "what do you mean they remove a part of your stomach?"

Your friends are probably in a situation where they are dealing with alot of it too. It might be that you are hearing the same thing over and over, but it is different people. I doubt all of your friends are present to hear every conversation.

It must be frustrating. My Mom passed away just after my surgery, and I went home and had to tell a few more people than I had intended to immediately, and I got alot of questions, even in that situation. Not by the people who didn't know my Mom well, and not by people just being crude - but people who wanted to reassure themselves I was OK.

Many of us have already been the caregivers of the groups we find ourselves in. We are often the peacekeepers, the 'git er done's, the motivators, the picture takers, the event planners, the logistics, etc...Now we are admitting to ourselves we are not OK, we have flaws - big ones - and this can make our friends really lost and scared.

But, yes, frustrating as all heck.

I self-paid. What is a program fee? What does it do/cover?

I encourage EVERYONE to read! This was an beautiful insight into a profound NSV - not all NSV are celebrated by the person losing the weight.

I have not yet been able to have children. Perhaps one day I still have a chance to take my child to baseball, too.

Susie,

Thank you for sharing what has obviously been a very trying time in your life.

The pics will come in handy as we see you fly by 44 lbs, and on your way to onderland.

We are here for you in the beginning, and we will fret through every worry, and we will cry (well, I often do) when we see your after photos.

God bless your persistent, brave soul.

Yes. It's overwhelming. You will be OK. Good luck.

Super scary! You could have easily sucked that down your wind pipe! Glad you were OK!

I have a good boss but I have been in a position with another boss that told me I couldn't have a "smoke break" (i wanted the same 5 minutes people were getting to smoke to walk a quick pace around the building) because I didn't smoke. I took it to HR and won. He tried to have me let go for "performance" after that - after I got a 8 on a review scale of 8. Nope and I pushed it to the point they went through the people he let go or recommended be let go and he was demoted two months later.

Good for you but challenge your negative ding. Did she give you any negative review this year? Gather copies of any kudos from clients, co-workers, her, etc. Start with your lead and tell him, in an email you are going to raise a complaint that you feel you were discriminated agiainst due to your health issue. You mentioned a co worker that was let go due to illness - did she really warrant letting go? Perhaps this should go all the way to HR asap!

Major kuddos on a well-played first day back! Overall it sounds like you kicked butt!

Good luck Sweetie.

Absolutely one of the best blog posts! Thank you for sharing with us - the pics of you able to goof off in the rain are awesome!

This one has been one that I can't help to sing along to lately...

I was hit while I was cycling in 2007, but I was already overweight - I had gained almost 80 lbs in a year about 5 years before that and a 1400 calorie a day diet(just couldn't do less I would get so hungry and disoriented) and exercize wouldn't make it budge - just fluxuate a little.

So I get hit and I am in emergency surgery and the surgeon diagnosed me as diabetic. He guesses I was misdiagnosed for 5 years or so, and while I was overweight before, once I developed atypical diabetes it helped my weight spiral and my hunger increase.

Thats a long story wrapped up tight - but sorry about the bike accident - no one but other cyclists seem to give us any attention on the road. GRRRRR!

Are you sure you were sleeved? JK! It is good to hear you grabbed that ball and ran!

It was a challenge but worth it! The smaller your liver the better off you will be.

I don't know if I would go back to liquid/puree for weeks, maybe Diva's boot camp?

hmmm...maybe strap the kiddo into a kiddie backpack and use him as extra weight when you take a walk? lol

Spend the time losing what you can, learning about the major issues like head hunger and totaly avoid spenging much money on foods and protien drinks pre op, lol!

You have my most heartfelt wishes and ample prayers. May you choose the path that is correct for you.

Awesome - I am doing a zombie 5k in December! It sounds a ways off but I have to lose more weight before I can run with my knee.

People can do things without meaning to, but when someone brings you cupcakes knowing what they do, then yes you have to ask some questions - it sounds very passive aggressive to me.

The main thing is to be assertive - I recently had an aquaintance throw away a dozen cupcakes her hubby brought in and he said "why did you do that?!" and she said "because I told you I would". he had bringing "treats" in for himself - not the two or three cupcakes he would have ate, and not putting them somewhere she would not need to come across - but a dozen or more, and on the counter near her foods. So she stepped up and threw them out - opened the box and dumped them into the trash.

We can't compromise on ourselves, and we cannot allow others to do so either. Nope. Nada. shhhh. don't argue.

Good luck.

I think we have arrived upon the point that people are being "milled" through this surgery. So many people are doing minimal requested from insurance or is not asked to do much of anything if they self pay. The first doc I originally chose "encouraged" a list of things to do but did not enforce it if it wasn't required through insurance.

This is more of a problem than it sounds - the people who come into it unprepared and loose then gain it back contribute to long term studies too - so it makes the surgery look much less successful long term than it can really be.

The same people get on here and go "I did this and was ok" or "I eat this and (fill in overinflated positive result)" etc, and people read it and go "they did it" and again etc...it goes on and on.

Grrrrrr!