PrettyLilButterfly

When I look at this picture, a song comes to mind. (I was almost at my largest, think i was 10-15 larger than this at one point). The song is called reflections Look at me You may think you see Who I really am But you'll never know me Every day It's as if I play a part Now I see If I wear a mask I can fool the world But I cannot fool my heart Who is that girl I see Staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show Who I am inside? This has always been one of my favorite songs..and I guess in so many ways it was MY song for so many years. When I was larger, I didn't feel like that was the true me. Everytime I looked in the mirror its as if the reflection was a stranger. Who is she? And what made it worse is I also hid the fact I gay. I didn't hide that too long, I did come out within a couple of years of realizing who I truly am. Maybe that's what started my journey to self discovery. Would I have had the surgery had I not come out? I spent so many years wondering who the hell I am (well was rather). The day I came out to myself was a wonderful moment. Admitting to myself WHO I AM. Coming out to my family was the second most wonderful moment. Dad took it ok. Mom went through a range of emotions. I wasn't looking for acceptance, however, the freedom of being who i am was beyond words. Now 10 years later, my life has been the best it's ever been. The only and final struggle was the girl in the mirror.. It's been 2 years since my 1st surgery...and I look in the mirror each morning, Smile wide..and giggle "There she is..." There's the person I was supposed to be all this time.. I am so grateful to God for giving me the strength to proceed with my life change. And to my family and friends for being 100% supportive (well minus 1 person, but it is what it is). Each and every day they keep me in check. At first I had issues with some of them sneaking a peek at what I was eating. now however, it's a welcome glance! My favorite person is my co-worker and wonderful friend Granny Cathy. She has been so supportive and such a wonderful friend. I was being bad a few weeks ago and grabbed a kit-kat (sorry those are and always will be my weakness). After I nibbled one piece of it, she looked over, saw it...and took it from me! I almost died laughing. i knew i shouldn't eat it. and she knew i would do it anyway. i love her for that. i know some individuals struggle with this surgery before, during and after...i can't express to them enough how wonderful this life change truly is. I wish I had done this in my 30's, but i'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. just thankful i did it when i did. no regrets....

I've always told my partner I'd survive longer than her in the event of a zombie apocalypse. since we eat less, I think i'd have a better chance at survival. She's shrivel away!! Sorry, random comment..

After my surgery, I suddenly became lactose intolerant. Never have been before. Actually still am. However, the pre-made shakes (my faves are the premiums from Costco/Sams) worked out fine. And yes, please be sure you're getting enough fluids in!! Dehyadration bad!! As for the soups, I did as sirbrewz suggested, I took soups and liquified them. I acutally made a vegetable stew and tossed it in the blender. It sounds odd, but good lord it was delish! I lived on that for a week easily.

Vacations are difficult for me mainly because my partner is an eater. When we plan a trip, she's already planning WHERE we'll eat whereas I'm planning WHAT we'll do. I've learned to either order a-la-cart or just get an appetizer. Being as she is an eater, I usually can eat off her plate. She's had to learn to adjust to not eating at all you can eats while we're on vacation. There was one particular place she HAD to eat since they shut it down here in town. The manager was amazing and allowed me to order a single item. She charged me $1 per item i wanted. It was a mexican buffet, we walked all day, so i got one rolled cheese enchilada. At first I dreaded vacations. My partner said it made her feel stupid to sit there eating a full pate while I nibble 5 bites. This is why I've went ahead and done appetizers. I know I'll be hungry in 2 hours anyway, so I take my leftovers and end up nibbling on them before they go bad. I really do push to find hotels with a refrigerator. Since I'm eating 5-6 mini meals, I snack constantly. I keep my leftovers there so i can heat them up later. The timing of eating is hard too. I guess it's one part of where we need the most family support is when we vacation or dine out. It's working pretty good. I guess my biggest challenge will be in November when we go to Arizona...they have In-n-Out burger there.. Although, they have the 'carb friendly' burger now wrapped in lettuce. It's just me trying to not steal 1 fry. It sounds like you did great with your cruise!!

Curious to how youre feeling sweetie, can you give us an update? I'm 9 months po from band to sleeve..loving every second. few issues now and then but compared to the band it's a God send!!

I was told by my partner I took the easy way out...it hasn't been easy. But it is by far the most rewarding thing that's happened in my life since my children. The postiives far outweigh the negative. Matter of a fact the only "Negatives" I can think of offhand are 1)no more buffets 2) no cruises 3) loose skin... hmm..that's pretty much all I got. But I have positives for those 'negatives'. 1) so what? really? all you can eat? pfft who needs that. And umm now I save TONS of money! 2) eh, ships are over-rated. rather use that money to go somewhere exotic 3) that's why God made girdles And my skin is my badge of honor. and it really isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Considering i'm 100 lbs down, it's hardly noticeable. I could spend all day listing the positives..but it boils down to 1) I love me, inside and out 2) i have prolonged my life Healthwise to be around for my future grandchildren 3) I feel alive for the first time ever. I have no restrictions. I can do what I want without running out of breath or fear of not fitting/being too heavy. I know it's hard to not pay attention to what others tell us..but your'e doing this for YOU for YOUR health..not for theirs.. They don't always understand the struggles we've had in the past.

YAY you!! Congrats!! The waiting pre-op is always the killer! Frustrating, but so worth it!

I'm reading post after post in regards to whom people have told. And it seems very few are telling people outside of their 'cirle'. Me, I've told the world. If someone at work asks, I tell them. My job knew the second i started contemplating the surgery. I think part of my decision to tell everyone was I work for the company/hospital who does the surgery. i was the first one at my insurance company to get lapband. and now i am the first one to get the revision. i actually considered trying to get a job at the bariatric clinic. everyone at work has been so amazingly supportive. two of my close friends at work have gotten surgeries too. i feel like i've inspired others to follow suit, or to at least go to a clnic. i've sort of become the poster child for the surgery. matter of a fact, i may soon literally be the post child. marketing has asked if i'd be willing to be part of our 'my story' campaign. I have already put a testimonial on the website. they want to do a photo shoot (WHAT?? WHO? ME?? really? YIKES, YAY) most of the posters i would be on are within the insurance company and the hospitals. there's a very slight (NO WAY! YIKES) possibility i may be on a billboard. see here in new mexico, not very many doctors offer the surgery. matter of a fact, it appears to just be our hospital here in albuquerque and one in santa fe. so it's a huge deal to have success stories and advertisement when a huge part of your advertising is 'only hospital in alb to offer wls'. i don't know if all this will come to light, but i'm willing to do what it takes to inspire others. or to be there for anyone who has questions. granted, one of my best friends is the manager of the clinic now, so i doubt she'll let it go. she'll make sure my mug shot is out there! haha..

Height = 5'3" Highest weight = 250 Surgery weight = 217 (thanks to preop liquid diet, lost 22 lbs) Surgery date = Lapband -9/26/2011 Sleeve Revision - 12/26/2012 (was 171 going into this surgery) Today's weight = 137 (down 102 lbs) Goal 139 - Met in June 2013.

So I did it. I am minus about 5 lbs of ... HAIR!! I could feel the weight coming off.. I was slightly freaked out, but knew it was something I've always wanted to do. My G/F was not too happy. But she'll get over it. It usually takes me 2-3 days to 'own' my new hairstyles. So by monday, I'll be rocking my do like nobody's business Im proud of myself for taking this leap. It may not seem like much to others, but is a world to me. It's like wearing that sexy dress for the frist time, or being able to wear knee high boots because you can get them over your calf. Or in my case, it feels like being naked in a crowd for the first time. I feel so...exposed. But not necessarily in a bad way. It's forcing me to hold my head up and to strut my stuff.. Look at world, I'm on the loose!! HAHA

NICE!! i remember that feeling.. i felt..more human..so to speak. i hate the charts and their ratings "Obese" "mobridly Obese" UGH! Nasty nasty words!!

Marvelous darling!! Simply marvelous!! keep on trucking!!

Congrats on your wonderful success and fromb being ONLY 5 LBS From your goal!!! WOOHOO!!

Too bad you couldn't have just drove into Santa Fe or ALB!! I've always wondered how Del Sol is. Everything going good so far?

That would be fabulous I see you got your surgery at Lovelace as well. I had Dr. Tyner (he was only there a short time due to the abq health partners 'divorce'.). He was amazing. Though I do hear great things about Sanchez.

I was what I call a closet eater. I would eat very little in front of people..but once they weren't looking, oh man. I would start nibbling. I wouldn't consume mass amounts, it was just the fact I would eat a second meal when no one was around. I'm blessed I have that under control now. I am able to eat 6 mini meals and that keeps my happy. And since it's only 5 bites a meal, I dont worry about it. i've lost what I wanted to and have maintained where I'm at for about 2 months now.

Loose clothes are a must! I couldn't fit into anything. My mom had to run to walmart for sweats!! I also packed a kindle to read. you don't sleep much when you're in there!

take it as a blessing in disguise! It's your time to get your new life started. It'll be great! no worries darling

Looking fabulous darling!!

I probably shouldn't be typing today. Yesterday was just an all around horrible day. I had it out with a co-worker. I really do try to bite my tongue and keep peace...but oh lord she just hit the wrong button. So we've agreed to just not speak to each other. I was going to ask my director to move my cubicle elsewhere (so very tired of the drama in this dept). However, I don't want to add to the drama and stress him out. So I just keep my headphones on and play my music all day while I work. Today I feel the need for 'angry' music. So worked sucked. Get home last night. I'm chilling with my kids then my g/f gets home...and...well.. of course she starts. Yells at my daughter because she left her bedroom light on (YES i agree, let's not waist energy, i'm big on that too) She then tells her to stay in her room the remainder of the night and takes her phone away. I realize my kids have been told more than once not to leave lights, but really? Then my g/f looks at the living room table and asks me "you couldn't clean it off?". Now keep in mind, I'm a super cleaning freak now. I keep that table SPOTLESS. However SOMEONE (who was not me) was in a rampage Sunday looking for one of her bills and a gift cert. Of course she had to take every document we had put away out to look for these papers. So...was I going to clean up her tantrum mess? OH HELL NO.. Then she looks over at the kitchen table and notices HER waffle from Saturday morning still there. And of course she asks why it's still there and why I didn't clear up her plate after breakfast when I cleared mine. I kindly reminded her she is an adult and can clear her own plate. I reminded her how she got up after breakfast and sat her @ss down on the couch. The 'rule' is who ever cooks, the other cleans..yet when I do cook (which isn't often, I hate cooking, always have) she NEVER cleans up after. Matter of a fact, she usually has the kids do it. I started to eplain to her she needs to help out more around the house. She went on and on about how she pays the bills and cooks.. Of course this didn't go over well with me since i pay MORE THAN HALF the mortgage (since my kids take up the 2 spare bedrooms) and how I pay MORE THAN HALF Of the utilities...we won't even go into how I buy all the toiletries (which is MY fault since I will only use Tide). So we begin yelling at each other...and I finally screamed out "since this is YOUR house and YOU pay all the bills, I'll just move out and get my own place". Yeah, that didn't go over well. She accused me of being a child and wanting to run out rather than deal with the relationship like an adult. I told her i'm tired of the nitpicking and the fighting. We basically yelled another 30 minutes then we both shut up and aren't talking to each other. This is the part where I was proud of myself. Rather than run to the fridge to attempt to stuff my face, I went to my room and began cleaning. I even cleaned the bathroom (ok so the bathroom in our room is 'our' bathroom. however, she NEVER cleans the damn thing, so i've stopped getting ready in there, I've stopped cleaning it. Thinking that just MAYBE she would get off her @ss and clean.. NOPE. it's a hot mess. Gross really). So I grabbed clorox and wiped down the whole damn thing. Did a load of laundry. So this shows me my old habits of using food as my comfort, I now use cleaning as it HAHA!! Much less self destructive. I did look for houses to rent online today. Ugh there is nothing in my price range (how the hell do people think we will pay more than $1000 for rent..seriously?) I don't know if this fight will blow over.. I don't know that I want it to. I do love her. I do. When it's good, it's great. When it's bad...ugh watch out world. Explosive. I don't feel it's a healthy relationship for either one of us..love or not. Blah, I just want to go home........so over today.

Thank you all so much! your comments mean the world. As just like I predicted, by today, I OWN This hair do! It came out so good I never want to wash it LOL. it's short and spunky, LIKE ME! LOL

Hello Checking in on my fellow New Mexicans Albuquerque here. 2 years total post op (year one was lapband, was sleeved in December 2012.). Down 100 lbs and loving life !!! Hope to hear from you.

I have/am experiencing the feelings of departure. I feel so disconnected from my partner at times. Like you, we connected over food. We loved going out and trying new places to eat. And through no fault of hers, that has stopped for me. Food isn't what is used to be, it's not my life focus. And it still is her for. I had hopes that when she found out she was diabetic a few months ago, she too would change and we'd be ok. But it hasn't. She wakes up asking where we should eat that day...my mind isn't on food. And as we're getting ready for the day, she's already thinking of dinner or a meal for the next day. I would say this is all just me and what I chose to do with my life. But a comment she made a few weeks ago made it clear to me, she's feeling it too. She said "when we met we both loved food, we bonded over food. Now that you don't eat, what do we have in common". Yes that was a kick in the groin. I'm thinking "umm we shared other loves but food". I am still struggling with how i feel about her. I won't lie and say watching her eat doesn't sometimes disgust me, but again I made the choice to change my life. I cannot condemn her for what she's choosing. Will it ultimately split us up, deep down I think so. We're struggling to find other ways to connect. I never thought food would be the demise of a relationship...but apparently it is. So my darling, that is my personal answer to your question.

Grr the website won't work for me but i do know i've lost one of my kids!! my youngest is 102 lbs.. wow..that's kind of..wow...YAY ME!

First and foremost YOUR safety is what's important here. I can only imagine how anxious you are, but at this point, the safety of you and the staff is key here. You will get your surgery and everything will be fine! I'm sure your surgeon will call you and let you know the status of his surgeries!!