Cangel76

SOOOOO My updates are not fantabulous but some new things have come about. I now have a strange lump on my neck by my skull, hoping it is a cyst of some sort. Every time I eat I get severe sharp pains on my left side under my ribs and I am concerned. Besides that.... GUESS WHAT>>> I am thinner than I was six months ago and hoping to keep going. Celeste Short and sweet, and no one thought I could do that!

Okay everyone, I am six months post op and this is weird. Every time I eat, with in ten to fifteen minutes I suffer severe pain in my left side. It hurts when I touch it too. It isn't up by my stomach at all, it is lower, like across from my belly button and right on my side, just under the rib cage.... Any ideas? I mentioned this to the Doctor last time and he said he didn't think it had anything to do with the surgery but it is only when I eat. So it has something to do with that general area.

No let me state I do not love ALL things Easter Candy. I do not love Jelly Beans or Marshmellow chicks, what I doooo LOOOOOVVVEEEE is Hollow chocolate. As I sit her and write this I realize I made a very misguided or, perhaps just miscalculated decision, I bought a Hollow Chocolate Easter Bunny. NOw this bunny purchase is not going to put a million pounds back on me, but as the bunny stares at me Mockingly it puts me at a risk of possibly over indulging. Now I promised myself I would be okay to have a little of.... I told myself it would be okay to have a bite of his ear..... Essentially it is but my question is, what is the risk of me devouring the entire bunny in one sitting. Though essentially not the end of the lap band procedure but not the best choice in the world. The thing that I thought today, and this is faulty food thinking at it's finest is.... "If I eat it all, at least it will be gone and I will not have to worry about eating it later." So in other words I would only have guilt one day and not two. Yah that is a benefit some how? Seriously, why do we put ourselves in situations that test us so early on. Just having had surgery, not even a full 6 months out quite yet, another week, there are a lot of foods that still are foods that make me weak. My comfort foods, Pizza, Chocolate, Chips and Cheese, etc.... I have to know to be smart about these choices and so far, the last few months I have fallen into old habits. I am stating here in this blog, after Easter, I am making drastic changes. I am also looking into healthier non meat protein sources. My husband will hate me but I do not care, it is about me being authentic and true to me. I really have to make some better choices and I was, but now I have to get back on the bandwagon. Darn you CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNY FOR MOCKING ME and for making me realize I need some better foods in my house.

Funny thing about blogging and posting updates is life catches up with you sometimes. I have been so busy with school work, the children, etc, that I forgot I even had an account here. So here is where I am, BMI is about 36, 9 more points to get to 25, 20 would be my ideal. 186, yah me! OKAY SO THE STORY: This is where I post something inspirational.... So I was thinking yesterday about all that has happened since my surgery. I went in for surgery saying that my weight was just caused my medical situations and I am finding out more and more that part of my problem really is FOOD. I LOVE FOOD and the flavors of certain foods. In fact if they could just add some fiber and protein to Dove chocolate, I might live off of it. So here is some thoughts on food. 1. Food tastes good, if it didn't we wouldn't eat. 2. Humans are over indulgent as a general rule. We love "things", many people want nice cars, houses, clothes, shoes, purses, etc. Imagine for a moment if we lived in a society where we had just what we needed. A roof over our heads, clothing hand made, gardens, etc. What would happen if we had just what we needed and couldn't run to the grocery store and buy crap. 3. Prepackaged foods are cheaper and easier for us as we work late hours and rush around. Why not grab those instant potatoes? Have you ever really thought about how much time it really saves you as you load yourself, your family and even your children with sodium. yummers NOT 4. What is most important in our lives, we need to set priorities right? Since loosing this 50lbs I walk my son to school in the morning, even though he is on a bus route and shouldn't walk, we also walk home. I play outside with my ten year old son and the kids, running around with swords and having a blast. I appreciate food more and I am trying to learn to add in what I love in a smart and intelligent way. I am altering my children's lives, they do not get candy filled easter baskets or stockings stuffed with junk. Everything given to them is thoughtful and not a "FOOD" source. It is amazing how much we feed our children. Here are some examples how psychologically we are wired to eat just for enjoyment: 1. Potty training, "if you do good you get an M&M". 2. Rewards, "if you get all A's you can go to your favorite restaurant." 3. The idea of ice cream when you are sad. 4. Babies, they are crying, you don't know for what so you just keep feeding them, thus they are being wired to believe that the bottle, or a breast, or whatever, which is food, is used to comfort. If this surgery has taught me one thing and one thing only it is, that many people suffer from issues with food. Huge issues, small issues, why in the world are we giving children gum, lollipops and ice cream, why start them there? Explain to me why we feel the need to load cheese on everything we eat? Oh and it isn't just the eating, we gain weight, get fat, get depressed, don't get out and do things. Like walking with our kids, or playing or running or swimming, or or or or or.... We hide which thus makes us eat more. The more I am home the more I pick at food. We as humans are not supposed to sit all day. Evolution has brought us into this comfort zone of boredom and what happens is this, we are naturally hunters and gatherers, leave us in one place too long with an unoccupied mind, we are going to hunt and gather something for our stomach. Water is our best friend, random I know but if you are going to hunt and gather something, make it water. We need to admit our failures to everyone, if I eat an entire chocolate easter bunny, I NEED TO ADMIT IT, because once I try to hide it, I am showing signs of an addict because if I feel that I need to hide the food then I am feeling guilty about eating it. Be honest wtih yourself and most of all FORGIVE IT is important to forgive ourselves for food slips and lack of exercise and just start new every day. We don't know what kind of day we are going to have but if we try to plan out our weeks and try and be smart about our food choices in advance, that way if we fall off, we have the right tools to get right back up again. Now go take a walk or something. he he

The band has changed a lot since then. I think the truth is though, the band is a foreign object in the body. It only does so much. So if people are unhappy you have to see why. I had my band done, one incision through the belly button, I ended up with an infection, other than that, I have been golden. The band is a medical device that is put into your body, of course there are chances of complications. Having the Gastric Bypass you can leak and poison your body, the sleeve has complications, etc. I do not recommend doing something like this unless someone has tried EVERY OTHER OPTION.... Honestly, I hope to get down to a good weight, then I would like them to remove all the liquid from the band and give myself six months and see if I can keep it off. To me this is a tool, not the cure all. IF you read lots of posts, you will still gain weight if you make poor dietary choices, or drink alcohol (lots of empty calories) and don't exercise. Many people over restrict and cause trouble for themselves. Some people it just doesn't work for. In the end this is a very personal decision and one that should not be taken lightly. I believe if you have concerns about the media coverage, talk to your doctor. They can tell you the changes that have been made to the band, etc. Good luck, I did it and I don't regret it at all. I am nearly half way to my goal. To me that is amazing. I am in a size 16, haven't been there in 8 years, no matter how much I watched what I ate and exercised. I have medical things that were going on that once I put on the weight it is nearly impossible to take off. I think for me, it was the right decision, maybe not for others.

Weight loss has slowed way down, I have also not made it to the gym. After the stomach virus and other ailments, then being super busy. UGH.... The good news is weight loss is still weight loss. I have been, unfortunately putting weight on and then taking it off. LOL The good news is I am now in a size 16, I haven't been there in nearly 8-10 years. I know what I need to do and I will get back on track. I haven't been drinking my fluids and I have NOT been exercising like I should. I have a lot of self motivation I have to rebuild up. Things happen and I always try to say that it isn't my fault, but me not going to the gym is totally my fault. I am doing four classes a semester with college and I am making excuses why I can't get to the gym. Then I sit on the computer and talk to people. LOL SO whose fault is it that I am not at the gym? MINE So getting off here now to get myself motivated again. I have to drink more, (I am now onto herbal teas for variety and make it a goal to drink water first thing in the morning, afternoon and evening before meals) and not snack. I would love to feel full all the time but I get so gassy since this surgery about 2-3 hours after I eat that I have to put something else in my stomach. I think I just need to start putting an antacid in there. LOL Hope you are all doing well. This journey is a roller coaster but I am still enjoying the ride. I will get to the end, for now I just have to hang on. Celeste PS The hair loss is also depressing me, I have a nearly bald spot, most people say they do not notice it but it is a glaring shiney head. I can see it and I don't like it.

I know, we are supposed to be able to eat a 1/4 cup of food, blah blah blah, but after my last fill on thursday it's hard to eat anything, no matter how much I mash it. I actually had pain from eating egg salad. I am definitely not making the proper Protein so I drank a Protein shake and will probably have another one tonight. It is down right painful to eat right now. I get it down but it sure hurts. Even drinking Water can be a bummer at times. Do you think the band is too tight. Today I had maybe two bites of some fish, way less then a 1/4 cup of food and I don't know if I had to stop eating because it hurt so much or because I was full. The last bite I took seemed to just hang out there, and it was good. How much do I need to chew? It was practiclly water. Could it be food choices as much as the tightness in the band. I have literally had the fill thursday and my weight was 195 amd I am now 190. Five pounds in three days seems a wee bit extreme no? I mean I was 193 the day before the weigh in and had water weight from retaining fluids, but now I am wondering, could I have lost 3lbs in just water weight or is the band too tight? Just looking for opinions. Celeste

After I hit Onederland, after a bout of the stomach virus, I gained some of it back. I am going to the Doctors again to see if I have lost anymore. None of the scales are consistant so I am over figuring out my weight. I know I am exercising and I am dropping sizes, so I am not going to worry about the number anymore. Everyone says I look so much more tone. I did weights today, I do it twice a week because I really do hate weights, I should do it more often but I am there five days a week doing cardio/weight loss so I figure what I am doing is good enough. Still too afraid to take Zumba. All the girls at the YMCA around here are thin and I hate to be the only floppy fat girl in class. It just makes me feel like poop and I don't want to feel like poop. I KNOW it is ME not them. I will get over it, will take time. Today I pumped up my work out and was never so glad to get home and shower, boy did I feel gross. A good kind of gross, not bad. Now I have gotten my shower in and food in my belly, 20oz of water and I am feeling pretty good. I have a doctors appointment in an hour and will see what their scale says, I am sure I will need another fill. I can still eat pretty good amounts, however, I don't want to go too low because I want to get all my protein. Will talk to him about the hair loss also.

Thanks everyone, I have pretty thin hair to begin with so too much hair loss scares me. Some of the girls at my Doctors office are practically bald on top. My friend is looking into getting me the NIoxin Shampoo. UGH

Congratulations that is awesome. The day I got to onederland was the most amazing day. I was telling everyone, so go for it!

I am keeping up with my Protein, to a fault and my hair is still thinning. Does anyone have any advise on this or ideas? I am thinking of going back to prenatal Vitamins because it always makes my hair thicker, my friend mentioned a shampoo at her salon, besides that, I am not sure what else to do. As far as weight loss. I started the Journey at 234 and I am now 197 I think. My scaled puts me as low as 195 but the gym scaled hasn't budged past 199, forever.

Congratulations that is great!

I have been away because I haven't had much to post. Still going to the gym, trying to stay healthy, eat right, though I have had a few bad things, but I call the treats. I really do go to the gym 5 days a week and if I only make it 3 I do not beat myself up. I think all in all I need another fill because I can still eat the same amount almost as before. Though food sometimes gets stuck. I just don't want the amounts to be so small that I can not keep up with my protein. Oh and hair loss? Any tips to helping with that, my protein is on target so not sure why the loss of hair.

I am thrilled to say today I turn 35. I have been to the gym every day except for three when I was sick and I take weekends off. The gym makes me feel so good, my smaller pants make me feel so good. WE are going out to dinner tonight and the thought of not having to cook makes me happy. I am so thrilled to feel this good and have this much energy. My only troublesome thing is it has been two months since surgery and I still get pains on my left side and sometimes the right side. It can be quite painful and I am not enjoying that at all.

I have cried, I cried before because I hated the idea of surgery, I cried after, I cried during. I think that it is part of the healing part, it is us admitting the weight is an issue and yes, it is taking control. It is crying for the time we have lost fighting our weight alone and crying for the joy of being proactive. You will do great and it will be emotional. Each mile stone you reach though, the tears will be replaced with cheers and smiles soon enough.