passing time

I'm heading into May. Two more office visits and I should be ready to submit all my evidence to my insurance. I haven't lost weight. I've gained four pounds. And that's from all the bad food I've had. I keep thinking that I will no longer have that privledge so might as well enjoy it for the last time. I've been allowing myself to have diet pepsi. But every time I have it I think to myself remember the taste and the feeling of the carbonation because soon this will only be a memory.

I will be on a pre-op diet two weeks before surgery even if my surgeon doesn't require one. I feel like cleansing away all the chemicals. Fresh for a new begining.

I'm starting to become anxious. Starting to concern myself with the question of who will be my support person. I would love for my mom to be by side. Although I tend to become more childish and that strong inner women within me disappears. I also don't want my mom to go thru this struggle with me. She doesn't deserve to be overworked and worried with the responsiblity of being my caregiver. She's been extremely supportive for the past two years in preparation of this surgery.

But there's no way I would do this and not include her. I desire that motherly love, her beautiful unselfishness and her warm words of encouragement. I really hope she can be here with me.

love you mami.