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sadness

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PrettyLilButterfly

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So yesterday my g/f's mother is rushed to the ER wtih chest pains. We were told she had just had her 2nd heart attack. When she gets to the ER, they said that was incorrect and her heart was fine. Due to extreme deadlines at work I couldn't rush to the ER to be there. I also figured all her children were there so I would only be in the way. Once I knew I could leave work, I called my g/f and asked her if I could stop by her moms. She said her mom was tired and that she'd be heading home soon.

 

I went home, fed the kids and text her letting her know I feel ridiculous being at home when I should be at her side. She finally gave in and said to come down. Just as I'm about to get on the freeway she sends a text telling me her mom is tired and she's putting her to bed and would be home soon. So I turned around and called it a night.

This morning she woke up to take her mom to the doctor. I asked her to let me know when she got there so I could call her mom. I didn't want to call prior to just incase she wasn't awake. I sent 2 text messages asking her if she was there. Finally after an hour she responded that she was. So I called, she answered her mom's phone and I asked her why she didn't let me know. She said her mom was getting ready. I asked if I could briefly speak to her. I needed to send her my love and let her know I'm thinking of her. I know her mom would be SO hurt if I didn't call or go see her. This is why I was adament about wanting to see her.

 

I can't help but feel like I'm being shut out. This is her mom, I'm her partner, she should be leaning on me. instead, she's pretty much ignoring me. I'm trying SO hard to be understanding and give her space... but I would like to feel needed by her. She can't do this journey alone. Her mom is on 10 different meds, has diabetets, high blood pressure and God knows what else. We NEED to change her eating habits and get her on some sort of exercise. Does she think she can spend everyday at her mom's alone and do this by herself? I can't make it more clear I AM HERE FOR YOU!!!!

 

Ugh, I'm just sad..I know she's angry at me from the other night because I "didn't have her back" when she got upset with my son. Is that REALLY a reason to shut me out now? I mean really? She is pissed I asked her to drop it while we were fighting. And of course twice as angry that I didn't bring it up the next day. (she knows I hate arguing). So...here we go again. SSDD..

 

I know in my heart we're not meant to be, the love is there...but not much else.. IDK.

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I don't know if this is the right time to suggest this, but there was a psychologist on Oprah years and years ago who was speaking on lopsided relationships. She suggested that instead of thinking "I love him/her - why do they treat me this way?" Start thinking "Why would I love someone who treats me this way?" Well, this change in perspective got me out of a dark way a couple of times. P.S. I don't like confrontation either. Oh man, sorry for the tough love, but here goes..... If this is your normal instead of an isolated incident, why are you still there? I had an ex-husband who isolated me (geographically and emotionally) from my family and friends for ten long years, so I guess I just have a zero tolerance on controlling behaviors now. It took a violent death threat for me to realize that my patient longsuffering endurance was not going to keep me happy or alive. I am sorry that this person is running interference on your desire to communicate with another person. Come on back and talk to us some more. Maybe some one else has a more clinical and less sensitive take on this than I do.

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Well when it comes down to it, you can only control your own actions, attitudes and acceptance level. You can stay in a relationship you KNOW is not going anywhere, and hope and wish that things will change. But if you already know, (I know in my heart we're not meant to be, the love is there...but not much else.. IDK.) what are you wasting your time for???

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When you were describing your girlfriend, it sort of reminded me of myself and things my husband gets frustrated with me for. I don't know your whole situation, but is it possible that she is just dealing with things the best that she can and in all the chaos, stopping for emotional support is the last thing on her mind, as she is busy supporting someone else. What if she feels like she can't stretch herself around enough right now, between her mom needing her, and you needing her to know that you support her. Please note, I could be so far off on this, I just know that is how I feel when I am in those situations and my husband feels like I am shutting his support out. Its not because it isn't deeply appreciated, its just that it may not be completely needed at that point. Just put the words out there, I am here for you, and when she wants to take you up on that, how fortunate she is to have someone like you in her corner. With all that said, if she is chronically like this, it isn't necessarily a bad thing on her part. You may just be better suited with another personality type. My husband has just come to accept that sometimes I shut him out, for reasons that have nothing to do with him.

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