2/28/06

:cry :cry :cry So I am having a bad day, and it's only morning. I ate about 2000 calories last night. It was all o.k. until I saw the news. This would be something small to most folks, but it devistated me.

Nathan is starting school next year, and I have not been able to figure out who's going to pick him up. His day care doesn't pick up from this school and his school has no after-school program, so I was going to request a transfer to a school that they do pick up from. I was going to line up on Monday morning at 4:30am at the AISD main office because they said that people start lining up pretty early. Well I had no idea how early until I watched the news. They showed people who were already camped out in the parking lot. Some had even taken a week off from work and rented a trailor just to get in line. There's no way I'm going to be able to compete with that. There are only so many places available, so I would say that my odds of securing a spot is very low. So I am so upset about that because now I am at square one. Still don't know what I'm going to do when my son starts school.

I also think that I am taking it so hard because it is that time of the month. And here I was just thinking that I had the previous week without the emotional PMSing. I just feel so depressed about this.

And to top it all off, I tried to comfort myself with food. It didn't work. It probably numbed me a little bit, but now I am left with the food hangover. I look at myself in the mirror, and I see how far I have gotten with my weightloss, but am scared to be happy about it because I have been so bad. I feel like I don't deserve to be so thin because of all that I ate last night.

I am just so unmotivated right now. I feel like crawling under a rock. I feel like I did the last time I fell into a real depression. And I am scared to go back there, because once I am there, it will be hard to get out. And just like before, it was such a little thing that triggered it. For God's sake, it's not like anyone died. Why am I so bent out of shape about this?

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through right now. In an effort to maybe help, do you have a YMCA in your area? I know that our schools will pick up the little guys and take them to class from the Y. They also offer afterschool care. Alot of time at a discounted rate (maybe even free depending on your financial picture). It is just a thought. Hang in there! There is always tomorrow.