It ia just such a new thing for me to have to focus on protein drinks,food and fluids.Before we went to church this morning I had to have a cup of tea,make a protein drink,pack some water and some mushy lunch as we were going out directly after.
I just cant wait to start eating so I can have a protein bar instead of the drink and better even,to eat 65g of protein per day.
I have 4 more days of mushy food then a few weeks of soft foods.Just the fact that I will know how much I am ingesting is so much better than guessing how many cals my liquids actually have.
Must say,I am starting to love this smaller stomach,I ate a little sweetpotato today (mushed not liquidized) and I really felt full after 3 teaspoons full.I also notice I have less restriction at night than during the day...weird!
It often seems to me that people make things up as they go along.Very often,depending on who they are talking to,the story changes to suite the audience.About events in their lives,about the way they feel about thing and the way they have experienced it.Human beings are great at self deception and deceiving....not always on purpose either.Often to make things seem better.Often to make ourselves look better and often because we just dont remember things the way they happened.I have friends that had this surgery and the way they remember the early days now is not the way I remember it at all,and I did go through this at some small level with them...what they ate,how they felt,how they reacted to things.
The purpose of my blog is to expose the way having a surgery like this makes me feel.What it does to me physically and my reactions to it.How it affects my every day life and what my expectations are.
Now,I live in a country where no one is prepaired to admit they had this surgery.Support group is in early developmental stage and my great therapist left abruptly in the middle of last year sans a 65 pounds regain from me and the surgery as a result.
I do not work outside of my house and I have a full time live in housekeeper.I have 2 kids,one at uni and one going to middle school next year.I have a lot of free time on my hands at the moment as a whole lot of my close friends left the country last year and the friends I have left are the people that we mostly eat with and have coffee mornings or tea with.That in itself is slightly challenging for me at the moment.Eating out,going to Friday "brunch" (lunch like on sunday) going to lunch with friends and eating cakes at coffee shops for some reason,mostly peoples birthdays or going away teas, are big passtimes for us here.o,when we are not to heavy or ashamed of the weight gains we also exercise together when we can agree on which class to do.Life as an expat is different.life in the middle east is different.It is a good life with lots of disposable cash and no family support structure and a lot of heartache over good friends leaving.It is a trancient society where no one ever really gets to know anyone too well...they will leave again so you just dont invest too much of yourself in people anymore...10 years experiencing all this teaches one how to protect your heart.All this might seem very trivial to some but I do not need to defend my life or justify the way we live anymore.This was the first thing I now had to overcome.This is my life and it is great.
We are blessed beyond believe with a wonderful church and wonderful people in church.Our kids are healthy and doing great.We have enough money to travel a lot and life in general...just great.
This surgery is a big thing in my life.I believe I am as positive as I can be about it.As for my feelings about the long term outcome.I know I will have to make this work.At the moment it is still a little overwhelming to me that it is school holiday and insteat of going to stay at a beach resort we will stay home...the eating thing is just to complicated for me at the moment.Summer holidays are coming up in little less than 3 months.This is the time of year we go back to our home countries for 2 months or travel to europe to holiday,how will I cope with that?The lack of routine always gets to me during summer and the family back home do not know about this surgery.
I am,and will go through all 120 different emotions every day and I will acknowledge each and every one of them.Pay attention to the good ones and let go of the bad ones.That is the way I will earn to deal with the new me.The me that cannot eat away pain.The me that constantly think about food.The me that realize that my hunger has always been in my head,and it feels no different now.
This is how I will overcome using food for fun and learn to be normal.I can feel all this and not react to it.Not act on it.Not give in to it.I will be honest about everything I eat and feel.
I will win this battle to become normal.
over the past few weeks I have been on a real roller coaster emosionally.
The thing is I did have a what the heck have I done moment while still in hospital but once it was done,how can that matter? I am never an eternal optimist about anything but I cannot look back to often,I just get so angry with myself for lacking the self discipline needed to eat normal.
So,I have little moments when I really want to eat...just to eat,not because I am hungry.Then I have moments when I have the pain in my back and abdomen that I am scared it will stay like this forever.Then I have moment s when I think I can drink/eat too much of the liquidized food.Then I fear the acid which I know is present as it affects my voice.
Most of all I fear failing at this,not losing the weight,eating when I shouldnt,staying fat!
BUT THEN I HAVE MOMENTS WHEN I REALLY BELIEVE THAT MY FUTURE WILL BE EASIER.That I will lose weight and be able to have fun with my 11 year old.
That everything will be ok.
I dont dwell on any one of these things for too long.They are all fleeting emosions.At the moment I am trying to be patient with not eating solids and to drink enough and to not over do it during the day.
And that is good enough for me for now.
Xxo
Realizing that I didnt talk about the surgery itself much,that is what I will do today.
But first: surgery day was on the 13th of March 2012. I weighed 287 on surgery day,292 for the first week post op and I am 267.5 today.....almost 20 pounds down plus the extra I had in fluid weight after surgery.This makes the whole experience worth it....or almost.Last night I regretted putting of our road trip through the USA....I would have liked to have sampled all the different lovely foods that they show on cooking channel,and the food seems to be especially decadent in America....o well,too late now..LOL
Surgery day and day 1 after was extremely difficult for me. I was not really prepaired at all for what I experienced...even though I had the band before.But if I could survive that,any one can!
Today I started the day fast.I wanted to have yogurt with protein powder but could only manage some as it was just to sweet....hehehe,a first ever for me,something being to sweet to eat.
Went for tea with a friend and came home only at 15:00.I made a smooth protein thingy with 4 slices of turkey lunch meat which went down well.Only came home again at 19:00 and by then I had had quite a quite a bit of water but I also had a stomach and back ache like you wouldnt believe.the back ache is high up,where my bra is a little to the left directly behind the stomach ache.
Made some liquidized,strained soup and had that.wanted a little sweetpotato liquidized and really struggled with all this.Another first for me since this surgery.I never struggled to finish even a full cup of soup before.
I think that I should eat a little more frequently as it is only liquids,and I shouldnt be on my feet so much yet.
My one incision is a bit wet and red and if you see what the scars look like on the outside it makes you realize it is not healed altogether on the inside yet.
Tomorrow,I will make time to just sit every now and then.And I will take it a little easier.
I should also start tracking my intake a little better but I am super careful at the moment and actually know exactly what I am taking in.For future reference: 100ml yogurt,half cup turkey mousse,half cup strained beef soup,sweetpotato soup made with 120g of sweetpotato and NOT ENOUGH protein.about 40g in total.The calories were about 550-600 calories for the day.I am happy with this for now.
So,what I thought was a problem might turn out to be a blessing.
I dont know how big or how small the dr made my stomach...what can I do about it at this point anyway?
The fact that I can drink so much more and with such ease might turn out to be a blessing.I think if it is difficult to drink that in the long term,people will drink less.
In summer it gets up to 50 degrees celcius ( 130 farnheit) here in Dubai and you need plenty of water to not cook in summer.
I also know that I will use the next 12 months to teach myself how to eat and apreciate less but quality foods,for the rest of my life.
In the next few weeks I will join OA and I will seek the help of a therapist if neccessary.
This will not be just another food limited low carb diet.
At the moment I am struggling to do the protein.I am still on full liquids and the yogurt,soup and protein powder (1 scoop) does take me to 600 cals or more but not to 60g of proteins per day.
Must say,eating will be better for getting the amount of protein per day.
9 oz of fish,poultry and meat or eggs per day will give you the right amount of protein,I think.
You live,you learn!I dont know how to stay in the calorie limits.I DONT KNOW WHY!
and...I am trying to be calm and enjoy liquids...hehehe.
I can drink to much.Will chat with the surgeon tomorrow.Why can I drink so easily when my friend thats 2 years out cant....with her it slow,slow,slow!
Am freaked out about weight loss that isnt too gr8 but its coming down.
This is a crazy emotional road i've chosen,it seems.
O yes,I went for a proper walk today.
Xxo
Now I read all these posts of women saying:"o,its so hard to get in enough calories" and I want to laugh my head off!!!!!!
It is the easiest thing in the world to get too much calories in one's quest to get enough proteins.
So you drink 2 protein powders and they are 360 calories.Then you have 1 cup of milk at 100 cals.Another cup of veg beef soup at 220 cals and look where you are already.I read of people keeping around 600 cals in liquid phase and it freaks me out as I am already over that.
I dont have a problem drinking anything.When the dr says 6 half cups of liquid something during the day as food,do you now wait 30 min before and after or do you not?then,like with me not being able to drink water,I have to drink tea and all kinds of stuff to get the fluid in.
I AM SO SCARED I WILL FAIL AT THIS.
I cannot wait to feel a little more like a human so I can just stop thinking about all this ALL THE TIME.
I really like things that are more of an exact sience...with this I just dont know what ia going on from one day to the next.
First I just want to say that my silly Ipad does not allw me to comment on the comments...I will sort this out as I really want to be able to thank evdryone for the encouragement!
As for today.2 days ago I changed my PPI to Nexium as I know it works for me....and it does!I also got some disflatel ( like gasX) and one Tumm per day,cut into tiny pieces,Every time I get that slighty hot feeling I take a tiny little piece of the tumm and well,it sorts it out.And every time I get that tight feeling after a sip or my back start aching so bad,I take a disflatel and voila,I had a fabulous day!
Could even drive my little kid home from gymnastics.
I still havent lost more weight but my little and me have decided I will loose 10 pounds overnight,just like that..lol
I am not drinking any artificial sweetners as of today.It doesnt help for the acid and it also doesnt make the swallowing easier.So I am using a little honey in my tea and let me tell you,its going down a whole lot easier.
I also made a soup with 5 oz sweetpotato and 2 carrots and some stock and it was so good that my I had to wressle my 10 year old when she just wanted to finish it.That was the 5 half cupmeals for the day.The protein thingy is still not working and I will have to work on it.
All in all a great day.
One thing,I woke up at 4:00 this morningwith the biggest thirst possible.And of course I couldnt just chug down a bottle of water...by the time the thirst was quenched,it was 6:00 am and time to get up.This is a problem and I dont really know what to do.This thirst was right into my tummy and I had to sit and sip and sip and sip.....will have to make a plan with this.
NOW THE WEIGHT MUST JUST START DROPPING TO REALLY MAKE ALL THIS WORTH IT.
Onto day 7
Today was a little more difficult for me as far as the drinking was concerned....I WANT TO EAT!
There,I've said it! Now,I will let it go!
I am constantly worried about calories.Being onw of the only people who still havent lost weight at 5 dys post op I am questioning myself seriously even though I know that is crazy!
Drinks for the day:
3 cups of clear beef soup.It has about 50 calories in each cup I think.
1 scoop isopure protein 110 calories
A small little bit of sf puding in liquids generously 70 cals
Then I had about 100 ml skim milk...dont know how much say 45 cals
And as an encore I had a mushroom liquid cup-a-soup for dinner 70 cals
Only about 30g of protein though.
That is a whole lot...almost 500 for day 5. My goodness.
Part of the issue is that I add something to all water as I have a real hard time drinking water.So I am sipping something all the time but it is not just water.
What is going to happen to me?Am I going to out eat this sleeve right from the start?How will I do when I get to eat?
I am so full of doubt and then I really struggle to understand the instructions for This pureed phase.
It says: half cup per meal
6 meals per day
30 minutes per meal
Water,broth,fat free milk,fat free gravy ( whatever that might be) PUREED POTATO AND PUTEED VEGETABLES.
Two weeks long,food must have consistency of a smooth paste or a thick liquid.add spicey or dairy slowly and in small amounts.
I am really stupid and will have to look up which veg will go down well.I will start cooking fresh though as my tumm never liked instant anything,even before.
Will also consult a friend that had the surgery the 28th of Feb. About what she ate.Lucky girl is now on stage 3 with soft solid foods.
Just hope the next week passes quickly and I can start to drive my car ( dont know when I can)
Stitches comes out next Saturday!
O well,another day another whatever..LOL
One last thing for this day.
I follow a what have you eaten today threat on another forum and I must confess when I see the following I think they are lying....I am not saying they are lying,I am saying I think they are lying.I hope,hehe.
B: fatfree actimel.
L: 1 saltine cracker and 1teaspoon phili
D: beef-the size of a grape and quarter of a very small baby potato
This is at 3 months out and a sample only...not directed at a person,just an eg.
This is when I freak out at how little one can really eat and how on earth I am going to get mymind around that.I never had that kind of restriction with the band.Mostly it was all or nothing,like everything else in my life..lol
xxo
Ok,so it is 22:00 now and I realize I am and have been all over the place trying to diagnose and fix the way I feel.
1.I have acid even though I am taking a PPI.
2.My brearhing is difficult most of the time even though it is not like asthma..just breathing with difficulty.I dont lie down or rest during the day and slept sitting up for max 5 hours a night before.
3.I know the tightness around my ribcage and pain in the back can be because of the acid.My left incision is slightly painful tonight.
4. Protein drink does not sit well at all....gas,pain,bloating.
5.the stomach is RUMBLING LIKE NEVER BEFORE especially on the left side where the left incision and drain was.
But all this can be normal.It is all the darn lucky people that says I dont even know I had the surgery,I went back to work day 5 that makes me so paranoid...LOL
With the band I had
1. The acid
2. The back pain
3. The rumbling tummy
4. The breathing issue. ..but only briefly
So I suppose this is just normal healing and a tummy that is angry and tryinq to cope with what I did to it.
And I will try to relax and endure this for a few more days....because this will get better very soon.Ok,upwards and onwards Christian soldiers.Tomorrow is another day.
xxo
Ps.a warm bath helps every time....I have been doing this at least 2 or 3 times every day...it helps for all the symptoms but the acid,which will be gone before I know it..hehehe!
So,I actually slept quite well for about 5 hours,which is a lot for me anyway.Woke up feeling not to well.Nothing specific but nevertheless....I have a little bit of pain and tightness in my stomach area all the time.
Now,I think I may have been a bit busy yesterday.I went for a walk with my restless friends(who said we would just walk a block and then kept on saying there is a bench just around the corner) and climbed the stairs of my house too many times.
The PPI I am taking does not last 24 hours.I am taking it in the morning as that is when they started me on it in hospital but will have to change it to the evening at some point.I wake up in the morning with a very terrible taste in the mouth and breathing as if I have reflux.
The drinking was ok.I need protein and I can feel it.But I cannot take anything that is even slightly acidic as it causes acid so even the Isopure premade drinks are out.I am not sure which protein to take.I read about unjury and nectar and wish that I was in the US or UK ,we just do not have the products to make life easier at the moment.Like the sugarfree popcicles.I am even trying to find a non acid forming sugar free drink that I can make ice cubes with but alas...havent found any yet.The sugarfree jello did give me heartburn when I had the band and I am scared to eat that,even though that would be so great to just pretend to be eating.
Today I had 2 big cups of tea (my friend make me these big cups that have to be reheated all the time as they cool down way to fast to finish...LOL) 2 cups of chicken broth mixed with a lot of water, a actual popcicle with 12 carbs,high I know but I really needed something else and now I am busy drinking a protein drink with another 8 carbs.The total volume of drinks is about 1200ml (40 ounces I think)but I will try to do more for the day as there is quite a few hours left.
We went to the mall to see if I could find a protein drink.I found a protein shot called six star pro nutrition energy shot but unfortunately it had caffeine in it,and quite a bit too.I will drink this somewhere in the future as I actually bought a few of them.
So all in all a frustrating day as I really would like some sugarfree popcicles,and some protein drink that would go down well and something different to drink.Looking at the dr's program I am day 5 tomorrow and am allowed to go onto liquids from clear liquids and at the bottom it says "puree vegetables,puree potato and low fat labneh" .This makes me believe I can start having soups tomorrow.For now I will still do soups that do not have solids but like mushroom soup seems to be fine.
Now,as far as the weights concerned I have decided to just keep saying I expect a BIG loss at some point.Seeing as I am not allowed to obsess about the scale I started using some ketostix I had in the house and man,no low carb diet have ever given me the amount of ketones in my urine the way I have now....and that is exciting (not obsessing, am I?lol)
I expect this week to be a lot better and I expect to feel a lot better.See,the power of positive thinking.
xxo
In 2004 I had the lapband done and suffered with it for 7 years before I had it removed.I lost weight gained weight,found with therapy what I thought was normal...lost that again and regained it all back.
After having the band out in 2011 it took a while to get brave enough to do the sleeve.With the bad experience I had with the band I never really thought I would actually do the sleeve.
The thing was that diet and not dieting took up all my mental energy for way too long.I have been thoroughly stuck for the past few years.It was just time to get unstuck and the sleeve seemed to be the only to do it.
The surgery was done on the 13th of March and today is the 17th,day 3 after surgery.
Today I have been drinking tea with milk,chicken broth,consomme,yakult light and hot water.It all goes down great.The only thing I cannot drink is any kind of juice.It falls hard into my stomache and I realized that it makes acid as my chest tightens and I struggle for a while to get it to open every time I had some.I must confess the yakult (drinking yogurt) did the same just now...maybe I will just give this a pass for another day or two.
The only Thing I am not sure about today is the headache that keeps coming back every 6 hours.I am drinking enough,have slept enough not done too much today....just not sure why Im getting this terrible headache.
O,one more thing.Every time the dr stops my blood pressure meds before surgery I come out of the hospital at least 5kg's heavier...10 pounds...(the tablet have a very powerful diuretic in it) And this time is no different.My weight is not even back to what it was before surgery so I have to be patient and wait until I can start drinking it again,which seems to be a week after surgery.
This sleeve is really going to be a prosess of changing my habits and make me more patient...as I have decided to learn to go with the flow and to not sweat the small stuff so much anymore.
Cant wait to see what the next few days bring.
xxo
I am doing this blog so that when newly sleeved patients ask me questions some time in the future when I have forgotten all the details,I can use this as a reference.
Us humans have the amazing ability to remember things,lets say in a more positive way,rather than the way they actually happened.I have found this a few times this week when asking some questions.Somehow we either make things worse than they were or so much easier/better than they were.The drama queens make them worse and the "can do's" makes everything seem so much easier/better than they were.
This will be a true reflexion of what I experienced and experience as time goes by.Another thing that I will try to do is update every now and then....long after the prosess of losing the weight is over...also so that people who is doing research can see how Im doing years into the future...good intentions right?LOL
Having surgery is always hard for me.Either the aneasthetics makes me nauseas or the pain meds does.I had pethidine when I came out of surgery and that caused some of the most agonizing moments of theday...the dry heaving was terrible.Moment number one when all I wanted was to undo what I've done to myself...and I couldnt.The rest of that day and night passed like a nightmare..but it passed.
The next morning at 11 they took me to the x-ray dept for the fluro leak test.Number two moment I wanted to just go back a few days....and couldnt.It was just one big swallow of fluro (unbelievably bitter) that I had to take..and it fell like a lump of clay going down a few centimetres down my throat and got stuck....they kept on saying swallow,swallow,swallow....and the next moment some of it just came back up.The radiologist then said to wait as it was delayed...whatever that meant.I waited for 15 minutes and had to go back for another x-ray....we repeated that about 3 times till they said,yes,its moving....you can go.So result: delayed but normal,again,who knows what that meant.
So now they told me to start sipping....and the nightmare started.I was very nauseous since surgery but the drinking just made it worse.the pain was crazy whenever I tried to swallow anything.And that is the way day 2 passed as well.
At this point I started thinking that this is it...as good as its going to get because this dr cut off too much of my stomach or I am one of the unlucky people with some crazy complication and my life was ruined...hehehe!It is really scary when things just dont live up to ones expectations and you dont know if the way things are happening is exceptable for where you are at that moment.And no one seems to be clear about things at all.
I was discharged on day 3 thinking my life is over...and battled all day to swallow even a few sips of hot water.
And then,in themiddle of the night,after I slept for a few hours,everything changed.All of a sudden I could swallow and drink.The pain disappeared and I could drink.
