Since the 13th I have lost another 3 pounds for which I am very happy.
But today I had a fat day.Where I am not satisfied with my weight loss so far and I wished I could just enjoy anything I ate like I did before the sleeve.Silly really as I would allow myself "anything" if only I knew what that was.
I dont find pleasure in food anymore.It is not fun to eat anymore.But then my little kid tells me that eating is not fun.It is nice to eat good food but it is not fun.Fun is stuff that you do,like swimming or dancing or playing a game...lol.And she is right.
And maybe I feel like this because Im getting a cold again OR
Or maybe it is because of this skinny woman at my kid's gymnastics who never speaks to me, that for some reason tonight, decided to loudly and in front of everybody say,O you've lost so much weight.I can even see it in your face now.Are you following a specific diet? To which I answered,yes very specific...lol
Whereupon she said, o its very hard but its got to be done! In front of everybody!!!
And goodness knows why that got to me so badly.of course everyone comments on the weight loss but this was just embarrassing for some reason.The be-atch in me wanted to say to her and maybe if you changed that horrid hairstyle of yours you would look so much better too.Its very hard,but its got to be done! But I didnt.and I have never been too sensitive about what others would say,goodness as a fatty Ive had to bite my tongue a few time in my life when people would make comments.So whats up with me now?
Crazy thing is whereas I was just thinking about food today,I came home and actually had a packet of weight watchers crisps which I dont even like.So Ive been thinking of how I need to get over myself and toughen up a bit.I cannot let peoples comments get to me.Since we have this big family reunion in December (my housemate's family not mine) and boy are they a bunch of rattlesnakes (hehehe...she doesnt want to go if we dont go with her) of course they will make their snarky comments.I can bet top dollar that the extra skin on my arms will be mentioned a few times and my eating this little will be critized now,I have to not allow myself to eat "away" what I feel.Maybe,just maybe I should for once say these quick comebacks that come up in my head out loud.That might just shut people up.But I wont,because I am not like them.
I suppose this is life and a good nite's sleep might just give me back my perspective.And tomorrow I might have a thinner day!
there are these interesting topics with a variety of opinions and recently this has been one of them.
Why shouldnt we eat and drink at the same time.
again.This is a reminder to self,should I need it somewhere in the future,and I usually do!
Everything in life gets old.We get use to changes and we adapt and we move on.That is the nature of the human being.Which is a good thong too.But too often we at that point forget.Forget what we are suppose to remember...lol
I experienced this with the band.Strict diet to lose the weight.Then the surgery,the pain,the heartburn,the feflux the vomiting...it got old.And became part of the new habits. In that I did what was comfortable.Added some carbs,added some sugar and started eating WAY to often.
Before I knew I was back where I started.
Why shouldnt we eat and drink.Well,just as we should eat solid protein first,ALWAYS AND FOREVER,we shouldnt liquify food to empty our stomachs faster.It seems as simple as that to me.Do you have some people that will be super self controlled for the rest of their lives to track their food,to only eat 3 times a day?Well,maybe,but most of us have a problem with self control as far as food's concerned and is why we got fat in the first place.
If my stomach is empty I feel like eating.Part of my old habits I suppose but This is me.The longer it stays full the longer I last between meals.
Now,will I be able to eat normal foods when I am in maintainance.I believe so.I believe that small portions,controlled carbs,not too much sugar,and only 3 meals a day,with maybe 2 healthy snacks might keep me at my goal.
However,should I not eat proteins first,I will not feel full quicker,I will be able to eat more and I will be able to gain more weight.And should one start flushing your food,you will not stay full,you will start eating more often and you will gain even more weight.Even now,when I eat protein and a carb my capacity is bigger.Dont know why,it just is.
At the end of the day I am way more concerned about the habits I have to somehow get deep into my thick skull now to be able to live a thin life FOREVER,than what I am about losing weight.
Do I eat food that is considered wrong to others,even now?Well,when I look on OH at the what have you eaten today threat I know I cannot post there.It will give them apoplexy.My habits might still seem atrocious to some.Here is a week day example and a weekend example.
Weekday:Tea with lots of lf milk for breakfast.Lunch is now usually protein pancake with added fibre and chia seeds with sf syrup.And at 5 I eat a good 30 to 50 pods of edamame beans.Dinner is usually fish or chicken with a tablespoon of LC veggies.Then I have up to 3 sf popcicles after dinner.I still feel like snacking at night which is a very bad habit but have tried to focus it.I really have a breakout from this only once a month or so,which would mean a Weight watchers packet of tortilla chips.
Now,this weekend.Breakfast coffee with milk.Lunch late (16:00) chicken snitchel (breaded) with mushroom sauce and slice of cheese with onion rings.Of the whole plate of food I ate 1/4. Took it home and did the same for supper.That was friday which is our sunday.Then yesterday I had coffee for breakfast and chicken and beef fajita for very late lunch (17:30) at Hardrock cafe.Ate about half of the protein and half a scoop sour cream with half a scoop of guacamole.That was bad as at 21:00 I ate 1/4 or a burger patty that my kid brought home from her meal.
This is bad but it is what fits in with my life and that is not going to change.We are normal people,with a crazy routine and I am the only one in my house that would ever over eat.No one else have a problem with food.They eat a little and then they are finished.I am trying to start fitting my eating into my lifestyle which I cannot change at this time as it is not only me involved.
Obviously that wasnt good enough as my weight is up a pound this morning and I've been wanting food since my eyes have opened.So what could I have done differently?For one,not skip meals because I know I am going out to eat.two,not eaten that burger thingy as I just wanted it when I noticed it.Meaning,no take away boxes for the kids anymore.They dont eat it anyway.And I just didnt drink enough water both days.But would I have chosen different food if I could?I dont think so.It is normal to eat nice food every now and then.Do I do this all the time?Absolutely not!Did I really enjoy going out?A lot!Did I drink when I ate?I never do.
I might change my mind about all of is in future but for now.This is part of me learning what works and what will not work.I am going on a holiday in a hotel next week and will not gain.I will apply my rules to myself and will post how it went.This is in prep for a long hotel stay in December,which is a summer holiday for us.And I am scared of being overwhelmed by buffets every day.Thank goodness I seemed to have lost my sweet tooth altogether.
The long term success of this sleeve and the fact that I already feel normal again,am over the whole surgery bit and live a completely normal life now makes me realize even more how important ALWAYS BEING MINDFUL of what,how and most important,how often I eat has become.
To be satisfied with a little bit of food.
To drink enough water.
To not snack in between.
To not feel deprived.
To love healthy food.
To be like a skinny person and have a balance.
This is what I would like my life to be like.
Now I read all these posts of women saying:"o,its so hard to get in enough calories" and I want to laugh my head off!!!!!!
It is the easiest thing in the world to get too much calories in one's quest to get enough proteins.
So you drink 2 protein powders and they are 360 calories.Then you have 1 cup of milk at 100 cals.Another cup of veg beef soup at 220 cals and look where you are already.I read of people keeping around 600 cals in liquid phase and it freaks me out as I am already over that.
I dont have a problem drinking anything.When the dr says 6 half cups of liquid something during the day as food,do you now wait 30 min before and after or do you not?then,like with me not being able to drink water,I have to drink tea and all kinds of stuff to get the fluid in.
I AM SO SCARED I WILL FAIL AT THIS.
I cannot wait to feel a little more like a human so I can just stop thinking about all this ALL THE TIME.
I really like things that are more of an exact sience...with this I just dont know what ia going on from one day to the next.
Since surgery I have had an issue that I didnt discuss much as no one seems to have the same problem.
I get a thick white coating on my tounge and in my throat that has been driving me insane!It got progressively worse over the last month.
Yesterday I realized it must have soemthing to so with the milk Im drinking.I cut back on the milk,but not a lot,and because of this I became dry.I could feel my lips was even getting dry.So,I tackled a bottle of water,which I dont do often as I still struggle to drink water,and almost immediately the mouth started feeling better.
Today I cut the milk a little more and had a lot more water.My mouth was actually fine most of the day except tonight when I had a large cup of tea with lots of milk and didnt rinse my mouth immediately.I am now chugging some water and my mouth already feels better.I still dont know why the milk does this but I now realize that water is super important.Not tea,not crystal light but water.
My mission for this week is to double my water intake.The dr halved my BP meds and there is a powerful diuretic in it.Of course I will have to stay away from the scale for at least a week (hehehe...who am I kidding?) as I will go up in water weight.But they say the best cure for that is more water.Will also juice some celery and cucumber as it is a diuretic as well.
Went for a dexa scan today and some bloods.Vit D and A is low.LDL is still a bit high but HDL is also high,which is great!Will see what the B12 is like.
Ok,now tomorrow I am going to exercise.I think if I keep on saying it,it will be so!
Things have changed since this morning.It seems that we will be moving to the UK as the USA visa issues are to complicated for myself and oldest daughter at this point.We are. Strangely blended family,to different for the US immigration to comprehend.lol.It would hav been a great experience living in the US but I dont want to worry about a border control person with pms refusing me entry after a holiday...we know what pms does to some of us..hehehe!
At least we can start looking at the future and go to the UK to see where we will settle at the end of summer.And I can start planning my summer holiday very soon!
I will keep doing what Im doing and stop fussing over a few pounds this way or that way.Until the next psyco event!
This blog has saved my life this morning.
The sleeve is seriously messing with my head.I thought I was in a looooong stall.In the mean time I have only not lost for 5 days.
The pattern with wich I lose is so different from before.I usually drop a few 100 grams every day,or most days.
Since being sleeved the weight will stand completely still for a week,sometimes a little more and then I drop about 4 pounds.But I mean completely still....not down even 100g.
Somehow my head is seriously done in by this.I just dont get use to this.My obsession with the scale is somehow more in control.It is not a matter of jumping on the scale every time I walk past it anymore.But I still get very anxious if I dont weigh every day.Cannot figure what to eat as I doubt myself so much,even when I track the food on fitday.Keep thinking maybe I had more,maybe Im not real about it...even when I weigh the food.Somehow when Im not losing I feel like I am doing something wrong even though I know Im not.
I suppose my fear that I will fail is still huge as I still feel I failed with the band as I did lose the weight but regained it.I am so resistant to believe that this will work as my big yap coudnt keep shut about the surgery and everybody knows.Maybe that is also why I havent climbed on the intense exercise band wagon yet.
Anyhoo,upwards and onwards christian soldiers....lol
Immediately after arriving I realized it will be a battle to get through this week without eating off plan,just because of the way my family eats.
My mom and sister have gained a lot of weight since I saw them in July.Sis because she had bilateral foot ops and cannot walk properly and mom because she is so stubborn.She needs knee replacement and Have issues with her foot after a failed surgery.
They both know that for them it is the little calorie additions that makes them gain weight.They've never been very fat like I was but they both lost quite a bit of weight with mindful eating.Cutting all the extra unneccessary calories.For instance.
When I offered to make tea they all wanted juice.And not little glasses of juice,huge ones.They also joked around about still being hungry after lunch,hauling out a christmas cake and eating huge pieces of it.I know they are a little self concious about trhe fact that I have lost so much weight.But they once again try to make out as if it happens by itself and I am so lucky!
Nothing to do with luck.I dont eat the junk they do.Not even in small portions.of course I will eat when we go out but I dont have coke or juice with it and I dont have to have a dessert anymore every time I eat.I NOW CHOOSE WHAT I EAT AND ALMOST FORGOT YESTERDAY that I CAN ALWAYS CHOOSE.
Love them but this is not going to be easy.I have to not try and tell them both that they will walk easier if they dont gain in fact lose 20 pounds each.It is not my business and I will not make it mine.I just feel so sorry for them when I see them struggle to walk.
Anyhoo,will go shopping for food that is good food and seems a little holiday like,for them as well as myself.Things they dont buy for themselves.They will enjoy that.I cannot feel guilty for being thinner than them either.They make their own choices.But it is the first time in 25 years that they are heavier than me and boy there was a lot of clowining around about it yesterday.Made me feel embarrased and shy again.
Well,lets see how this day goes!
First I just want to say that my silly Ipad does not allw me to comment on the comments...I will sort this out as I really want to be able to thank evdryone for the encouragement!
As for today.2 days ago I changed my PPI to Nexium as I know it works for me....and it does!I also got some disflatel ( like gasX) and one Tumm per day,cut into tiny pieces,Every time I get that slighty hot feeling I take a tiny little piece of the tumm and well,it sorts it out.And every time I get that tight feeling after a sip or my back start aching so bad,I take a disflatel and voila,I had a fabulous day!
Could even drive my little kid home from gymnastics.
I still havent lost more weight but my little and me have decided I will loose 10 pounds overnight,just like that..lol
I am not drinking any artificial sweetners as of today.It doesnt help for the acid and it also doesnt make the swallowing easier.So I am using a little honey in my tea and let me tell you,its going down a whole lot easier.
I also made a soup with 5 oz sweetpotato and 2 carrots and some stock and it was so good that my I had to wressle my 10 year old when she just wanted to finish it.That was the 5 half cupmeals for the day.The protein thingy is still not working and I will have to work on it.
All in all a great day.
One thing,I woke up at 4:00 this morningwith the biggest thirst possible.And of course I couldnt just chug down a bottle of water...by the time the thirst was quenched,it was 6:00 am and time to get up.This is a problem and I dont really know what to do.This thirst was right into my tummy and I had to sit and sip and sip and sip.....will have to make a plan with this.
NOW THE WEIGHT MUST JUST START DROPPING TO REALLY MAKE ALL THIS WORTH IT.
Onto day 7
So,I actually slept quite well for about 5 hours,which is a lot for me anyway.Woke up feeling not to well.Nothing specific but nevertheless....I have a little bit of pain and tightness in my stomach area all the time.
Now,I think I may have been a bit busy yesterday.I went for a walk with my restless friends(who said we would just walk a block and then kept on saying there is a bench just around the corner) and climbed the stairs of my house too many times.
The PPI I am taking does not last 24 hours.I am taking it in the morning as that is when they started me on it in hospital but will have to change it to the evening at some point.I wake up in the morning with a very terrible taste in the mouth and breathing as if I have reflux.
The drinking was ok.I need protein and I can feel it.But I cannot take anything that is even slightly acidic as it causes acid so even the Isopure premade drinks are out.I am not sure which protein to take.I read about unjury and nectar and wish that I was in the US or UK ,we just do not have the products to make life easier at the moment.Like the sugarfree popcicles.I am even trying to find a non acid forming sugar free drink that I can make ice cubes with but alas...havent found any yet.The sugarfree jello did give me heartburn when I had the band and I am scared to eat that,even though that would be so great to just pretend to be eating.
Today I had 2 big cups of tea (my friend make me these big cups that have to be reheated all the time as they cool down way to fast to finish...LOL) 2 cups of chicken broth mixed with a lot of water, a actual popcicle with 12 carbs,high I know but I really needed something else and now I am busy drinking a protein drink with another 8 carbs.The total volume of drinks is about 1200ml (40 ounces I think)but I will try to do more for the day as there is quite a few hours left.
We went to the mall to see if I could find a protein drink.I found a protein shot called six star pro nutrition energy shot but unfortunately it had caffeine in it,and quite a bit too.I will drink this somewhere in the future as I actually bought a few of them.
So all in all a frustrating day as I really would like some sugarfree popcicles,and some protein drink that would go down well and something different to drink.Looking at the dr's program I am day 5 tomorrow and am allowed to go onto liquids from clear liquids and at the bottom it says "puree vegetables,puree potato and low fat labneh" .This makes me believe I can start having soups tomorrow.For now I will still do soups that do not have solids but like mushroom soup seems to be fine.
Now,as far as the weights concerned I have decided to just keep saying I expect a BIG loss at some point.Seeing as I am not allowed to obsess about the scale I started using some ketostix I had in the house and man,no low carb diet have ever given me the amount of ketones in my urine the way I have now....and that is exciting (not obsessing, am I?lol)
I expect this week to be a lot better and I expect to feel a lot better.See,the power of positive thinking.
xxo
cant quite remember how long I've quit now but this is hard.Had to reason with myself a few times today but am ok now.
I feel like rubbish with the flu and but muscle still painful but went to reformer class just to do something.Also going to play squash tonight just to get out and not having to sit and resist the temptation to eat the whole night.
Crazy thing is my weight is now stuck on what I have gained.I have been low carbing (very low) for 3 days and did not have the usual results when I cut the carbs way back after a few high carb days.
Another interesting thing is this.Smoking does affect metabolic rate.This is very clear on my bodybugg at the moment.Now I have to do something other than wheezing and huffing for oxygen..hehehe...to increase my metabolic burn..lol
All in all I am way friendlier than I thought I would be and that is a real blessing for my kids (they were trembling with fear when I said I was going to quit..lol)
Tomorrow we are starting a week long experiment.I am going to up my calories to 1300 per day.My carbs to less than 100.I am not going to cut out any food groups but will not do refined carbs.It will be 3 meals and 2 snacks and I will only weigh on day one and day 8. (this is the plan...lol)I am not allowed to freak out about whatever happens.added to this I will have to burn at least 600 cals extra per day with exercise and I have to step up the weight training.
Next week I am starting hypoxi therapy!
Today was a great protein day!
Tomorrow I am going to stop smoking and I am very apprehensive about this. (is that the right word?lol)
Will try to do loads of exercise (playing squash in the morning) and drink lots of water.I have asked my family to cut me some slack and not buy into any arguments I will try to start. (they are terrible at this though so I might just have to lock myself up for the day..lol)
Usually by the end of day 3 I start feeling like a human being again and dont snap at everybody.
This is the last time.I will not give up anything,will just stop to be a normal non smoker from now on.(thats what Alan Carr says)
So this is the first day of the rest of my life as a normal person.
There's been a lot of things going on in my head over the past 3 weeks.I have to come to terms with a lot of stuff.Being mindful has never being one of my strong points.The moment something gets emotionally uncomfortable,I would just retreat in my mindless world of eating.Since I cannot do that anymore I have been going through a bit of depression I think.
I have to face the fact that I just dont heal as fast as I wanted to.When I walk I still get this pain in the back...really badly.The white coating on my tongue is a nightmare for me.I struggle to swallow and hate this fluffy feeling I have in the back of my throat.It should go away at some point,I cant wait!
Being of the kind that always thinks I know better than everyone..lol..I planned on doing my protein with food only.Now I am on soft foods I thought I would do it for sure!Well,its not happening is it?I can do quarter cup of food at a time.I opened different cans of stuff (expensive stuff!) that I kind of feel obligated to eat,but it takes days to finish a can.I will start cooking clean foods from today so I can see how many calories and proteins I am really eating.the past 2 days I did a protein bar per day that is calories that I consume and then I didnt feel like food.
This is really more difficult than I thought it would be.Getting on with my life is difficult.Planning everything ahead of time is what gets to me.
My head knows it is going to get easier.My lying deceiving heart is just petrified that I will not lose weight.
Such a lot has happened this week.My sister and her new husband came for a visit from SA and helped me get into eating small portions of real solid food.
This is great as I was in a serious stall and had zero energy before.Now I have added fiber to my diet and let me tell you it makes the world of difference.Low carb just dont do it for me.I get so constipated I want to die.Add 25g of all bran fiber and Bob's your uncle...dont need laxative anymore.
I also did a bit of REAL EMOTIONAL EATING 2 days ago.
We have just been promoted....TO THE USA.this is still a strange and super scary concept as we have always lived in very international societies and we are not sure WHAT peoples reaction to our VERY,VERY blended family will be in ........NEW JERSEY!
The eating the day we heard was crazy.will write about what we can really eat it we wanted to tonight.
Then,one more thing and I dont know if I've mentioned it.a few days after surgery I started having hot flushes like mad....will write about that later
of course the old me was just lurking around the corner just to pop out its head when I least expected it...lol
My friend came home tonight,after the housekeeper had made everybody else meal,cottage pie with a sweetpotato twist (and I had made my fish) and said she was opening a bottle of my favourite red wine...and of course I wanted a glass.So she ha one glass and I ended up having 2 and some of their dinner not my fish.
At this poin I have realized how hard I have actually been on myself over the past 6 months.I dont eat carbs (well,no carbs thats not in green veggies or salad veggies) I dont eat sweets or chocolates,ever.I dont eat crisps or ice cream.I really stick to my plan 99% of the time.Sometimes I eat too much fish or too much chicken (not at once but I will snack on it as well) I am actually good as gold with the eating plan except for once a month when I go to the movies and have some caramel popcorn (shared with someone)O,and I do have a snack of chilly bite beef jerky (very salty) at least 4 days a week.
I exercise all the time now.I am really very good and 99 pounds in 6.5 months is npt too shabby at all.
But every time I stall,and this last time I just started losing very very slowly,I am convinced that I am doing something wrong and will fail.
My choice is to put tonight behind me.I enjoyed my wine and my food and I will really try not to weigh for the next two days at least.
And tomorrow night we will do maybe a 5km run and be back on track for the next 5 pounds loss.
I am stoked to work super hard to lose the 35 pounds I still have to lose.
O my goodness,my sleeve has shrunk!
After 2 day on liquids an no real weight change I decided screw this,I need food...lol
So today I had low fat cheddar (1oz) for lunch and then I had some edamame (eating them out of the pods) too many of them but hey,they chew down to nothing!
For dinner I put 2 oz of chicken and 2 tablespoons of spinach on my plate.Now after 1oz of chicken and about half of the spinach I am stuffed.....not really satisfied but full.
The question of the moment is,do I walk away from the rest or do I wait for a while and finish it?of course I know I should leave it.This is exactly why I lost weight so fast while on holiday.I would have a glass of wine and a teensy tiny bit of food and feel happy and satisfied.I didnt try to "make proteins" and worry so much about this.
However,my hair fell out loads.Now,the new strategy will be 1 protein shake with 120 cals and 25g of protein.For the rest of it I am just not going to worry about it anymore.I will go back to teeny tiny portions of great quality protein and some veggies and some wine every now and then....I will have a good meal again.
Anyhoo,my resolve will most prob just last until my obsessive compulsive nature takes over and start obsessing about the fact that I am not at goal yet!
I average 2800 calories burn per day.I exercise,I eat right and my weight should stay right here then C'est la vie! I am doing everything I can to get to goal and it will happen!
Since I have decided to take a week off I had a blast.Not overeating but just relaxing a little.
Of course toda I relaxed too much and bamm,ate half a container of caramel popcorn in the movies....which of course brings my cals for the day to about 1700....ooops!
Now if the theory of calories in calories out was scientifically correct then this should not be a problem at all.See we played in a squash tournament this morning with a bunch of young girls and boy did I burn a load of calories.According to my bodybugg I am far over 3000 cals for the day but to be on the modest side lets say it is 3000.
Which means I still have a huge deficit for this day......but alas,as experience have taught me this will not matter tomorrow when I weigh.
Ok,here is my prediction.I will be heavier at least 1to2 pounds heqvier tomorrow and this will not jus disappear again the next day.
anyhoo,I will start fresh this week and see if I can drop at least a few pounds this week.It must be doable.This 4 pounds for the month thingy is not going to do it for me for much longer so desperate times call for desperate measures...will just have to figure out what that might be...lol
we will live and die!
As I am losing weight my life is getting better and worse.Isnt that just crazy?
How different could life have been if I was just able to get thin 15 years ago?What use is feeling like this anyway?
What I do know is I never would have allowed myself to be in the situation I am in now.Then the question of did I need to stay fat to keep myself "good" to be here comes up all the time?Which isnt useful either, I know.That I should have taken responsibility for my own life years ago is a fact though.
Mind you,my delightful youngest came in now and made me realize again that there is purpose in everything.I cannot even think what life without her would have been like.
On the upside,all this has excelerated my weightloss remarkably and I am so close to 100kg's now its unreal.It i ao atrange that I lost weight ao slowly while I was still weighing and measuring and counting carbs and cals but when I became preoccupied with life itself and didnt have the mental energy to do that anymore,the weight started dropping off.
Upwards and onwards christian soldiers!When I have lost 60 pounds I will post pics.
Have only had a tiny .25 of a slice at 8 weeks out to see if I could after so many said they cant.Not had any since then.Im a good girl with this ruddy protein diet.
xxo
Today I weighed 239 and I am happy to keep losing a pound here and there as long as I keep losing.
Things will be a little less hectic from next week and then I might try to go to the gym.
Good things so far.My hip is a lot less painful some days.I still walk like a duck after I've sat down for to long but I definetly have less pain.
I often sleep at least 5 hours before waking up lately and then I will mostly be able to sleep on and off another few hours.This is such a blessing as I have been struggling with sleep for the past few years.
My clothes are much loser fitting now and people have commented that its time to get new ones.Will wait a little longer though as it doesnt make sense to buy one size smaller and then to buy again in a month.
So for now I am not obsessing wirh the scale or with the eating.We've had a house guest for the past few months and I now eat a little of whatever I cook at night.
Another great thing is the fact that I am eating a lot less lately and I am happy with it.I am trying to not snack as much and I do realize that the more often I eat,the more often I want to eat.A head thing I know.
Some days I dont really know how much protein I did but the next day I will make up for it by drinking a shake.
Well,thats me for now.Still waiting for that 5 pound drop over night...lol
I've had a body composition analysis done recently.That showed that my bodyfat percentage will only start going into normal when I weigh 154.It took me 2 weeks of chewing on this but today I decided to lower my goal from 165 to 154.This might be why I still wear such big clothes.Size 18 (UK) and 16 US.
No use stopping before I am really there,right?
Will have to up the exercise again a little as I have become a bit lazy again since I stopped the running.I still think having an exercise buddy keeps you responsible for getting up and going to the gym.Mine isnt speaking to me anymore (I was mean to her after my sleeve and didnt realize she took it so personal until it was too late,sad but what to do about it now?Must confess I was mean to many people in the first 2 months post sleeve as I was very depressed but the others are all still around and had the insight to know I was going through a heck of a tough time,they've all forgiven me and her having had the sleeve,well.....) I should try and find someone else now!
Its weekend here and food is a challenge as I dont cook over weekends and we socialize and eat out quite some over the weekends.I am busy making a super high fibre meatloaf,YES its possible..lol..quite low in calories and very low in carbs.This will be my go to this weekend when I feel like snacking.
The weather is beautiful so it is a beach weekend!
So,what I thought was a problem might turn out to be a blessing.
I dont know how big or how small the dr made my stomach...what can I do about it at this point anyway?
The fact that I can drink so much more and with such ease might turn out to be a blessing.I think if it is difficult to drink that in the long term,people will drink less.
In summer it gets up to 50 degrees celcius ( 130 farnheit) here in Dubai and you need plenty of water to not cook in summer.
I also know that I will use the next 12 months to teach myself how to eat and apreciate less but quality foods,for the rest of my life.
In the next few weeks I will join OA and I will seek the help of a therapist if neccessary.
This will not be just another food limited low carb diet.
At the moment I am struggling to do the protein.I am still on full liquids and the yogurt,soup and protein powder (1 scoop) does take me to 600 cals or more but not to 60g of proteins per day.
Must say,eating will be better for getting the amount of protein per day.
9 oz of fish,poultry and meat or eggs per day will give you the right amount of protein,I think.
You live,you learn!I dont know how to stay in the calorie limits.I DONT KNOW WHY!
My beautiful housemate and best friend of many years,that really knows the extent of my desturbed body image and the body dismorphia (real) I have had since the age of about 13 have taken it upon herself to teach me about size...lol
Well,at first she was very subtle and I didnt know what she was doing.She would constantly ask me,when we were in the shops or gym,if I thought I was bigger than this lady or that woman.....she wouldnt comment much but sh wold tell me if I was wrong.
Today she said she wanted to show me women that was the same size and women that was much larger.I was not to ague this with her but just had to look at these women and had to think about what this mean in terms of how I see myself.
Very interesting I might say until I came home and looked at the newest pics my daughter took of me.I am still big as a house.Pictures dont lie!And maybe I dont need to see myself with my eyes but maybe I can just learn to ignore what I see that isnt true,that might help already!
Rome wasnt built in a day and I will keep trying to be more realistic,even if it is with my head!
Everytime I have lost weigh in the past I thought I would be able to see it and I never could.This made me extremely paranoid when people commented on my weight loss.This in turn woul make me fall off plan to stop being anxious and the old cycle would repeat.
I do no have these expectations anymore.I can trust clothes size and as it stands now,I still wear a size 18 which is huge even though I know it is smaller than a 24.
Everbody's got a story dont we?everyone trying to cope with all the crazyness in the world and so many not even realizing how much a part they are in it.And until real disaster strikes we dont realize how insignificant our daily struggles really are.
lately I have being thinking about being such a pleaser.Not only a peoples pleaser but everything and everybody.Not a happy pleaser either for the past few years.
When you st unrealistic standards you are doomed to fail.Not only that my fear of failure and success has become a serious stumbling block in my life.
My friend ( very successful lady) always says she is a plodder.She just starts somewhere without contemplating the whole big picture and adjusts as things play out.Me on the other hand needs the see the outcome even before I have started and I have become stuck as everything has the potential not to be perfect.
And when the scale moves down I can be positive about the long term outcome and when it doesnt I feel dread coming my way.
It is also stopping me in other aspects of my life which really needs changing.If something can be accomplished fast in a short time I can see the big picture but most things in life just dont happen that fast.
So this is my resolve.In order for me to do a different degree (I have one in nursing,got it 25 years ago,never needed math for that) I have to do IGCSE math and English.That is like year 10 math.I felt very resentful of this for years and would lose the plot completely because I just didnt want to do it as it would waste another year of my life.This year I am going to do it.Like a little 15 year old.But maybe starting somewhere again will teach me the patience I lack to just plod along and finally reach the end of something.And maybe this will help me along this weight loss journey that is a journey forever and not only for now.
Weight 205 today!
Today,for the first time I regret having this surgery.
Not in all my life of professional dieting (lol) have I ever felt so out of control about losing weight.
Nothing I do seems to break this stall,When my friend went on a crazy detox and liquids for 5 days to drop 5 pounds after a 2 week stall,I told her to relax,eat exercise and the weight will come off.Now (my surgery was 2 weeks after hers) I am in this crazy stall.the weight seems to come off and then bounces back on,over and over and over.
I have huge stress in my life with the not knowing where we are moving,leaving my child behind....for sure I dont need this weight rubbish as well.If liquids is what is takes then liquids is what we'll do.
I hate this sleeve.
Earlier I posted this post about being sick of the sleeve and desperate and doing the duodenal switch...blablabla...yada,yada,yada........
Then I went back to the gym to play a game of squash.We played hard and fast and my goodness it felt soooo good.
This all made me decide that I will lose more weight.Even if I have to learn to run a hundred km at a time.I will do whatever I can to lose the last 38 pounds.
My friend is a personal trainer and I will start train with him next week.I need to start doing some serious muscle building.
My goodness,why would I not lose weight if I really work hard?Why do I feel that its not fair that my weight loss have stopped?Who said life was fair?
No more chip on my shoulder about this.Yes,I might have terrible days where the scale might affect my mind but I will think positively about losing weight and getting to goal.
Tomorrow morning before we go out with friends I will do some exercise and in the afternoon I will either go and swim in the sea or I will go walk while it is still 97 degrees!(swim sounds like fun!)
