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here we go...

A blog by jessyM in General

  • Entries

    8

  • Comments

    20

  • Views

    6,045

About this blog

things and stuff

Entries in this blog

better than it seems

hello, diary. It's been a while since I updated and i'm pretty sure my last few entries were total bummers.   things are going better. i've got a personal trainer (thanks mom 'n dad!) that i see a few times a week and i'm really trying to watch the food.   when i get depressed i eat (dont we all) .. but i have type 2 diabetes, and i go on sugar binges. and when i say binge i mean BINGE. and now that i'm taking some medical-type-classes, i'm scared to death of letting my diabetes get more ou
  • jessyM

*****

I'm going to kill my ******* mother. She constantly harasses me about going to the gym. And i mean harasses. She screams and yells and calls me pathetic and freaks the f**k out that I don't go EVERY DAY. She understands nothing. She respects nothing. It makes me want to never exercise just to spite her but that's so wrong. I can't stand this. I've got to get out of this city and get away from my family. I love them but the closeness is driving me insane.   Jesus christ. She knows how depressed

loony loony loony

ah. diary. i hate how you block out words you consider naughty. i will simply have to be more creative.   i went out to lunch today with a friend. the first meal out with a non-family member. i like this girl a lot and occasionally thought about letting it slip and just telling her i have the band. but i kept catching myself. if she turns out to be a real and true friend then yes. but until then i am sick of bringing it up, anyway.   still having these crazy anxiety attacks.. not as often,

ramblings of a crazy person...

hi diary land. so. ****. the band's been good. i was stuck in the same 3 pound up and down game for a couple weeks but that seems to be over. thank god.   i've been insanely depressed the past few days.. all day anxiety attacks, constant nausea and unable to stomach food. none of this has to do with my band, in fact the weight loss is really the only saving grace during this period of existence.   i weighed myself today and i'm 267 pounds. it's crazy. i haven't been in the 260's for about 6

first fill

well, hello... so i had my first fill yesterday, thursday the 9th of june... apparently they'd put 2cc's in me when he strapped that sucker to my stomach back in may, and yesterday she gave me another 1.6 ... so i'm at a total of 3.6 in my 10cc band. drinking water with a needle sticking out of me was a new, fun experience. it seems that a lot of people pass out when this happens? she kept asking me if i was about to hurl or conk out. i'm still on liquids but am living in constant fear that i'

gaining weight on mushies/before my first fill

OK THIS IS REALLY GETTING ANNOYING, NOW... not that it's the food's fault. obviously. BUT STILL. i want the scale to go down not up!   i've gained like 6 lbs in the week that i've been on mushies. flerg. gotta start watching it. for reals. first fill is on thursday.. must use restraint and my brain. stupid brain.   i just came here to vent about the gain... and the fact that every time someone at work looks at me - they look me up and down. to judge if i've gotten smaller. do they really thi

2 week post-op and beyond

so i had my 2 week post op. i havent actually SEEN my surgeon since my two-week pre-op.. which was.. may 3rd. i went to him based on a recommendation and extensive research. but for all i know the anesthesiologist did the actual surgery. apparently i'll see him next week, thursday the 9th for my first fill. i don't like that he has been so... invisible. like he's the great and powerful oz. whatever. i'd rather have him be aloof with a great record than my best buddy but a complete f**k up. becau

the beginning

i somehow managed to delete what i believed to be a great first entry. my idiocy knows no bounds.   so here we go. my "blog" ... i hate that word. so much. so this isn't my blog. this is my diary. and i invite anyone who is interested, to follow my little struggle, my journey, with myself and my weight-loss. the more the merrier.   so lets recap.... i was banded on 5/16/11... two weeks ago today. (which means i officially am in mushy town YES)   i'll be 27 years old when the end of june h

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