gaining weight on mushies/before my first fill

OK THIS IS REALLY GETTING ANNOYING, NOW... not that it's the food's fault. obviously. BUT STILL. i want the scale to go down not up!

i've gained like 6 lbs in the week that i've been on mushies. flerg. gotta start watching it. for reals. first fill is on thursday.. must use restraint and my brain. stupid brain.

i just came here to vent about the gain... and the fact that every time someone at work looks at me - they look me up and down. to judge if i've gotten smaller. do they really think i dont notice their ******* eyeballs going over me? there are definitely some people i'd rather have not found out. it bothers me that my business office manager/HUMAN RESOURCES lady blabbed it to people. but she's generally pretty cool and so i'm just going to get over it.

flah.

i'm afraid i won't lose. it's so hard to stop eating, even when i'm full. i still want to eat because it's good and it's something i've been doing for so long. i want time to go by faster. i am sick of being at the beginning of yet another weight loss "journey"

i'm in a bad mood, today. it will go away. i need to get through work tonight and tomorrow and i'll be feeling better. i need to make it to thursday, and get that fill. i want that dern fill!

anyway. yes. thanks for listening, electronic world.