I have to say that the 8 week exercise program I committed to has been great. Althought, I hit a little snag last week. I had to cancel my Wednesday appointment with my trainer because I was feeling weak from my Tuesday fill. Then my trainer canceled our Friday appointment because of an issue on his side. Big bummer. The only organized exercise I got last week was 90 minues of walking. That doesn't come close to the 45 minutes per day I have been averaging. That's okay though. The way I see it, last week was a week that left me full of excuses and I still got in 3- 30 minute workouts. In the past, I would have done nothing AND I would have just stopped. Not this time!! Today I plan to Jazzzercise to start my week.
I had a couple of NSVs this weekend. First, a guy told me I was pretty. I'm not going to qualify that with anything. A guy told me I was pretty and I'm quite sure he meant it. Yay! Also, on the flight to our destination this weekend, I told my friend that the last time I was on a flight the seatbelt didn't fit. The belts on the plane we were on were kind of long so she was shocked, but I told her that not all seatbelts are the same. I had plenty of room. However, on the flight back, I quickly saw that this plane had short seatbelts like I had encountered before. This time it fit! There was a older gentleman across the aisle from me who was having touble. He and his wife couldn't figure out what was wrong with his seatbelt. I knew that they were short and probably just didn't fit. The flight attendant came by shortly with an extender. I heard him and his wife talking about how they couldn't believe it didn't fit and what they were going to do about it. I couldn't have been more sympathetic. It was nice to know that in the four months since my last plane ride, I had made a big (no pun intended) enough change to truly make a difference.
While I was writing this blog entry, something happened that makes me realize how much my life has changed. Today I was scheduled to meet a friend for lunch. She sent me an email and postponed. Shortly after, another friend that I work out with on Thursday's emailed me and told me that her boss had scheduled lunch with her during our next work out so she was planning to work out today. I brought work out clothes for Jazzercise after work, but usually if I work out at lunch & after work, I bring two sets of clothes (I sweat A LOT.) I decided that after last week, I need to make some extra effort. So, I'm going to work out at lunch AND Jazzercise today. I just have to find something to use for a towel. :biggrin: Don't get me wrong, I know this isn't anything earth shattering. But I'm just so proud of myself for being flexible instead of letting myself make excuses. That hasn't always been my M.O.
I have my eye on the prize. This weekend marks the end of the month and it would be SUPER if I could have a 10 pound loss this month. To do that, I need to lose 2 pounds this week. I will let you all know how it goes!!
I hope you all have a wonderful week!
Well, I got the big haircut today. There were piles of hair everywhere! I would post a picture of the winning style, but I can't. My wonderful stylist of 15 years went rogue. Chop, chop, chop. After venting to my mom for 30 minutes and crying about it for an hour...I took a shower spruced up and starting looking at it objectively.
What I was originally seeing was just short hair. My mind was screaming "boy", "butch", and "soccer mom". Sigh. All of the pictures I had were of medium length. Short in the back but with the sides and top long so it was roughly all one length. What I got was short all over, just shy of a pixie cut.
I am proud of myself because I did express my displeasure and did get her to get rid of the scary "roundness" of it all. She did admit that she cut it too short on top, but I can't get too mad at her. She has been an AWESOME stylist for so many years. I think she may have been distracted today because she had to tell me she was dropping me as a client. I knew it was coming because she has been wanting to scale back. I wish she wouldn't have been so nervous about it... :-) Ha!
Anyway, now that I look at it, it is a cute cut. Just VERY short. Thank goodness I'm 75 pounds lighter and feeling better about my body. This cut last year would have put me in the looney bin, i think.
I tried to take a picture but I can't get a good one of myself. I will try and have someone take one on Monday.
I guess one silver lining is that it is going to inspire me to lose more weight just to stay confident with it. All in all, I wanted something different to emphasize my transformation and I got that. It certainly makes a statement. I'm determined to make that statement "I'm a confident and sassy woman!" and not "I hate my hair."
Have a great weekend!
Beth
If you have been reading my blog, you know that I was banded on 1/27, had a good start but stalled after a month. I had my first fill on 2/19, started working out that week as well and gained weight each of the next two weeks. So, two weeks ago, I started what I was calling an 8 week Jumpstart. Basically it was a committment on my part to focus on nutrition and to spend more time working out.
I have completed two weeks of my little program and after losing 1.6 pounds last week, I haved gained 1.2 pounds this week. Sigh.
Recap of the week:
Monday - Did 40 minutes of cardio at Jazzercise and 50 minutes with my personal trainer. I ate just under 1,500 calories for the day, including 100g protein.
Tuesday - Did 25 minutes on the elliptical. I ate 1,600 calories, including 119g protein.
Wedneday - No work out. I ate 1,500 calories.
Thursday - Did 25 minutes on the elliptical at lunch and 40 minutes of cardio at Jazzercise after work. I did have 1,900 calories this day.
Friday - Did 50 minutes with the personal trainer and ate 1,800 calories.
Saturday - Did 60 minutes of cardio and strength training at Jazzercise. Did not track food this day.
Sunday - No exercise and no food tracking. I went back today and tracked the best I could (because I did think I ate a lot and even adding an extra 400 calories for things I might have forgot, I was still under 2,000 calories!)
I took a metabolism test that said that if I was totally inactive, I would maintain my weight by eating 2,000-2,200 calories a day. I would lose moderately eating 1,800-2,000 per day. I felt that my goal of 1,500-1,800 would be sufficient. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't completely on target with that, but by all accounts, I should have lost SOMETHING!
I'm telling myself that a lot of it is muscle and I have no doubt that some of it is. But it is clear that I'm going to have to eat less which gets me to today.
I feel that I have been doing the best I can foodwise, so I'm hoping today will help. I would like to get to a point where I only need 1,000-1,200 calories a day. Although, it is hard for me to imagine woking out with that little...but that's what the doctor's say, right? I will be sure and ask today
Each week is a new one and a renewed comittment. It took me many years to get this way and it will take a long time to get where I want to be. I do not like being negative, so I won't be. I feel strongly that eventually everything I'm doing will kick in and help me, I just have to be patient.
Hope everyone has a good week!
It is unbelievable how busy I am at work this week, so this blog entry will have to be quick. :-) I hope to get caught up on all my blog reading tonight!!
I'm meeting my sorority little sis for dinner tonight. It will be the first time we have seen each other in almost 15 years!! We reconnected through Facebook and figured out that we both live in the DFW area. That was over a year ago!! But we are finally getting together and I'm so excited. I can tell through her FB posts that she has lost a lot of weight this year and she has really been working at it. She's been an inspiration to me! Her pictures now look like the same Shannon I knew in college. :-)
As promised I'm attaching my spandex progress pics. The changes are definitely more subtle, but I can tell that the once "sausage casing-like" shirt is now getting baggy. Yay! Plus, I'm starting to have a break between my chest and belly, so that's nice.
Have a great day everyone! Hope to catch up more tomorrow.
Hi all! So, I've started my new "night blogging". I think I can see why I did it in the morning. By the time you get to the end of the day, you are just ready to wind down!! One thing I do have to figure out is how I can have time to write, but also to read. I LOVE reading and responding to your blogs, so I will work on how I can do both.
First, constipation. Holy moly, do I have it. I have been taking Benefiber twice a day, but it just isn't working for me. I bought Miralax today and I'm trying that tonight. Tomorrow I'm going to invest in some Activia. I will keep you posted. Ha!
Second, my PCP referred me to an ENT for my throat issue. I feel sure that I have mentioned the disgusting issue I have with food getting stuck in the back of my throat. Well, I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow. When I talked to them on the phone, they said that it sounded like I have craters. Ha! How hysterical is that? Craters. Heh. I can't wait to hear more about that. Hopefully they can fix it though. I'm starting to get an ear ache from it!
Today, one of my best employees resigned. Sigh. She is excellent and has so much potential. She is the person I had planned to groom to lead the group. I'm sad because we are losing someone special. But I wish nothing but the best for her. It is going to mean some craziness for us. I feel sure that I'm not going to get to replace her so things should get super fun!! Wish me luck!!
Hope you all had a good Monday!
I remember people saying that they "forgot to eat" or were just so busy that they "never managed to eat lunch." Huh? What? If I EVER skipped a meal, I certainly noticed and that rarely happened.
A. I spent 35 years hungry, I think. Well, when I wasn't stuffing myself, that is. I constantly was conscious of how much food I was eating compared to others. And it was ALWAYS more. Yet, I hardly ever seemed full.
B. I LOVE food. I love the way it tastes. I love textures and new combinations. I just love it. That won't change and I will always want what I want. I would hate it if I didn't like food.
C. These things are facts. They are just who I am and I won't be able to change that. At best, I will have to learn to work around it.
Approximately three months out from surgery, I realize how wrong I was.
A2. The band works. I have been diligent in getting monthly fills and if I'm not at my sweet spot, I am close. Sometimes I'm hungry, so I eat. Other times I'm not, so I don't. It is truly a bizarre feeling for someone whose main focus throughout life was the next meal.
B2. Tastes change. Some things that I used to love (eg. french fries) no longer appeal to me. Funny how they lose their flavor when chewed to a pulp. I thought I would HATE that, but I don't. They no longer taste good to me, so I no longer eat them. It's a "good for you" choice that I am making because of the band.
C2. Pffffft... So not true! This band has truly exceeded expectations. I feel sure that with time, things could change again. However, this is BY FAR the most effective tool I have ever used (diets, pills, programs, etc...) to eat better. I honestly never believed that I would have a day where I ate to live instead of lived to eat. However, yesterday was just that day.
I think I mentioned to you all yesterday that my grandmother passed away. Typically sadness and stress made me want to curl up in a ball on the sofa and eat. But with this band and my new committment to exercise, instead I worked out and ate nutrionally what I needed for the day (along with a little bit of ice cream...but that's okay!)
Today I hit the 40 pound loss mark. YAY! I hope you all don't get sick of me telling you when I reach the MANY goals I set for myself. Reaching these little goals keep me motivated. 40 pounds lost, 80 to go. I'm a 1/3 done and it feels like I barely started.
Life is good!
I had a major smoothie meltdown over the weekend. I certainly don't hate smoothies, but I was at the point that I couldn't even think of one without gagging. I honestly didn't know that was possible. I didn't eat much on Saturday and I knew that wasn't healthy. I still felt that way yesterday, but managed to choke down a protein shake in the AM, but I ended up having a little less shake and a little more soup than I am supposed to have in the PM. I felt slightly bad for "cheating", but since the two soups together were actually less calories than some of the other soups I can have, I can't imagine that it caused too much damage. Plus, I feel much better today and know that I can finish out the diet from here.
I had a little bit of excitement this morning. I was talking to my mom about her flight in (she is helping me post surgery). She is coming in Tuesday evening and my surgery was Wednesday morning. Well, long story short, her plane ticket is for Wednesday evening, not Tuesday. Sigh. There was a lot of drama, but the airline switched her up and she is coming in Tuesday evening, just like she thought. YAY!
The surgery nurse called me today and I'm to be at the surgery center at 6:45 AM. I like that. I would rather get there early and get it over instead of waiting much of the day...especially since I have to fast. So, it is really starting to feel real. I thought I would be more freaked out, but I'm not. Yet, anyway.
My girlfriends are going to go get pedicures with me tonight so I'm not sitting at home thinking about it. They are awesome!
Wednesday morning will be the official end of my pre op diet and I will weigh in then, but as of this morning I am down 11.8 lbs. So, I think I will hit my goal of 12 lbs. lost on the pre op diet. I'm definitely proud of myself for that.
*** I want to thank you all for your support. I appreciate each and every response because it makes me realize how "not alone" I am. I can't even put into words what a difference it has made. ***
Have a wonderful day!!
Y'all know I'm all about setting goals, making/implementing plans and rewarding myself. It is a cycle I can truly live by! :-) I have 5 pound mini goals. Today I'm officially 75 pounds down!! YAY!!!!
I'm very happy to reach this mini-goal as I feel like I have been working at it for longer than usual. So, I went to the numbers. Hold onto your hats!
It took me 30 days to lose this 5 pounds. (Regardless of anything, that is FANTASTIC and far better than I ever did pre-band...especially 8 months into a weight loss program. In fact, I don't think I ever stuck with anything for 8 months anyway.) 30 days is a little longer than usual, but I'm starting to notice a pattern.
35-26 days
40-13 days
45-27 days
50-12 days
55-30 days
60-16 days
65-28 days
70-21 days
75-30 days
It seems like it takes me longer 26-30 days to lose 5 pounds, but then a shorter time 12-21 days to lose the next 5 pounds. I lose 5 pounds on an average of every 23 days. I love numbers!
All in all, this doesn't really mean anything. Except it does tell me that I'm still doing VERY well, even if some days it feels like I'm chipping at an iceberg. :thumbup:
I have been trying to focus on things other than the scale and weight, but sometimes it is nice to see the progress made there too. 276 days ago, I weighed 75 pounds more than I do today. I have lost over a quarter of my body weight. Sometimes it takes me writing statements like that to put it all into perspective.
Another super goal reached today is that I am no longer Class II or super obese. I am just plain old obese!! YAY!! Haha! Just 30 pounds to go until I'm overweight. :-)
This weekend, while at home for the first time in a few weeks, is going to be busy. I'm going to try and relax tonight, but tomorrow I have Jazzercise then a haircut and errands to run. Sunday I have church and theater tickets. Somewhere in there I have to do all the laundry that is piling up!! Then next weekend it is yet another out of town trip. What was I thinking?? Oh well, being this busy is MUCH easier 75 pounds down.
Have a WONDERFUL weekend everyone!!
I hit a wall this morning! I thought I was going to barf if I had to eat another smoothie. But then I ate a smoothie and didn't barf, so now I feel like a champion. Ha! I feel like I broke through the wall and I'm on track again. I do feel more hungry today, so I'm not quite sure what's up with that. I KNOW I will work it out though.
I had my non-official "official" one week weigh in this morning and I am down 8.7 lbs. So yay! My goal for the two week liquid diet is 12 lbs, so I only need to lose (less than) half that this week to meet it.
I haven't cheated AT ALL. I'm pretty sure that I have never done that before...ever. I went to an event last night that had a buffet dinner. On my way, I drank 2/3 of a protein shake and had the rest a couple hours later on the way home. That's HUGE for me, people!
I have my monthly dinner with my girlfriends tonight. There are 6 of us and all but one know about my upcoming procedure. My friend in charge of picking the place this month chose a place with broth based soup so I can eat there. I love my friends. Three of them have slight problems with weight, but not like me at all. One is very active and a really good size. The other is a runner and very petite. We are all different, but we are quite tight.
I WILL be good today. I'm not thinking about anything but today. I know I can do it.
Have a great day everybody!
Hi everyone!
It is amazing how much you can learn about yourself when you are willing to accept it. One thing I have noticed during this "journey" is that people have no hesitation in giving out advice and indicating that they know better than I do. I have had that with diet, exercise, you name it.
But then I started to realize that I do it too! And I started to wonder how I am making people feel when I do that. I'm trying to make a consicous effort to only give advice when it has been requested (except of course when it comes to my parents...they get it automatically. :tt2:) It is a fine line between giving (or getting) information and giving (or getting) unsolicited advice. In my opinion, I LOVE information and want as much of it as I can get. But I can do without advice and the judgement that sometimes comes with it.
For instance, with my decision to start walking down the stairs at work...I appreciated getting the information that walking DOWN stairs can be hard on your knees and isn't typically a recommended form of exercise. With that information, I can pay close attention to my knees and any pain that might creep up. However, I didn't appreciate the advice that I should be walking UP the stairs and how I should go about doing that and then the judgement that followed when I decided to stick with my plan for the time being.
[Deep breath.] I just get frustrated, you know? Anyway, I hope it goes without saying that my blog is an unofficial solicitation for feedback, so advice out here NEVER goes unappreciated!! :smile: Maybe I'm being hypocritical, but I think it is different.
Speaking of Project Stairs, I have finished Day 4. My calves are still burning, but at least I was able to get out of bed this morning without feeling like I was going to collapse! They hurt, but now feel more like I had a crazy hard work out...not that someone beat my legs with a bat. Ha! One more day then they will get a two day break.
My friend bailed on water aerobics with me last night. She is a working mom of three, so I can hardly get upset with her! I went to Jazzercise instead. I will go again tonight. I love it, so it is always good!
Have a great day!
It has been 10 days since my surgery and I'm really starting to get back in the swing of things. If you read my earlier blog, you know that I was having esophageal spasms that hurt tremendously. Well, as the swelling has gone down, the spasms have almost fully gone away. Yay! I hope that means that I won't have problems with fills, but I will definitely keep track of it.
As of today, I am down 21.1 lbs. I include my pre-op diet pounds in my total because it is all part of the process. I am a little worried that I will gain some now that I am eating solid food, but alas, that is part of the process as well.
I had TWO non-scale victories today. I am a HUGE Colts fan and my best friend is a HUGE Saints fan. She mentioned a couple weeks ago that she was planning to wear her cute little women's cut Saints jersey to work today. Well, my XXL men's Colts jersey hasn't fit for months. I tried it on last night and it doesn't look half bad! YAY! So, I can represent! That is NSV #1.
NSV #2 - I haven't worn my rings in several months. I kept telling myself it was because I was "swollen". Heh. Anyway, they are a little snug, but I'm wearing my rings (that I wore everyday for about 10 years) again today.
It is only the beginning and good things are just flying at me!!
Hope you all are having a bandtastic week!
Today I'm laughing at myself a little. As many of you know I tend to have surges and slumps. I get into a zone and I do SO WELL, then one little thing happens and I'm in a slump. I tend to use my blog to psych myself up. Honestly, it works quite well most of the time. Getting feedback from you all out there usually gives me the edge I need to meet whatever goal I'm working on at the time.
Yesterday, was no different. Feeling slumpy, I blogged and set a goal for myself. It wasn't ridiculous, just working out really well the next three days. Last night I went to Jazzercise and 5 songs in, hurt the everloving crap out of my foot. I often get plantar faciitis and it has been flaring up a little over the last few weeks. I had been doing so well with my exercise that I just wanted to ignore it. I guess I can't ignore it anymore.
So, the new and improved, flexible me is setting a NEW goal for the week. (Look at me being all "adjusty" and "easy-going".)
One thing that I have realized is that I tend to rely on exercise to help me lose weight. Don't get me wrong, the Band is helping me eat LESS, but I don't often make the best choices in what I DO eat. I have chosen to look at it as eating like a normal person (whatever the heck that is.) But, now that I can't rely on exercise (at least for a week), I need to focus on my food.
My mom sounded a little skeptical when I was running this by her this morning during our daily talk. She has been by my side my entire life dieting and not dieting. She knows how much I HATE to diet. Well, I'm not going to DIET. I'm going to make better choices. Instead of eating chicken fingers for lunch, I will have a grilled chicken salad. Instead of eating calorie loaded ice cream and candy after dinner, I will allow myself one square of dark chocolate IF I NEED IT. I will cut the mid afternoon snack(s) I usually have after or before working out since I won't need them for the extra energy.
Since I started my EXERCISE JUMPSTART a few months ago, I have spent most of my energy focusing on exercise. Now for my foot's sake, I need to rest it. (Sidenote: it couldn't come at a better time. I'm giving up working out today and tomorrow, but Thursday I'm leaving for vacation and mostly likely wouldn't have worked out through Tuesday anyway. So, by giving up these two days, I get a week of rest for my foot.) By taking this time to focus on my food, I'm hoping to get myself into as much of a routine with my "diet" (meaning food intake, not DIET diet) as I am with my exercise. So, my goal is to lose a pound in one week with no exercise. Seeing as people lose WAY more than that with no exercise all the time, that should be a very reasonable expectation.
Wish me luck, y'all! I feel strongly that I can do this. BUT I feel much more out of control not being able to rely/depend on exercise to erase my bad food choices. [Deep breath.] Here I go!!
This morning has been an interesting one for me. I have talked on my blog about how emotional I am and how I have been working on keeping things in perspective. I think in day to day activity, I'm doing a good job, but I still have a way to go.
Let me give you some history: I have been overweight all my life. I remember thinking I was fat as early as first and second grade. My nickmame in fourth grade was Buffalo Butt. Nice, huh? My first weightloss memory (real or manufactured...) was going to a Weight Watchers meeting with my mom in fourth grade and weighing 144 lbs. I feel like I've been on a diet ever since.
I love my mom. In fact, there is no one on earth I love more than I love my mom. My mom was always "normal" sized, but was almost consistently on a diet while I was growing up. My mom grew up in a household where her father expected perfection from her. She & Dad truly strived not to be that way with my brother and me. They just wanted what was best for us.
They wanted me to be healthy and happy, so they helped me try and lose weight. They took me to Weight Watchers which helped when I was actually doing it. They took me to Nutri System in high school and after a week or two I was sneaking food on the side. They found out and were really mad at me. In retrospect, I understand that they spent a lot of money (that we didn't really have) to do this for me. At the time, I felt I let them down because I stayed fat.
I was a food hoarder. I would eat normally in front of people then binge when I was by myself. I remember when I was young (maybe third grade?) I dipped a big tablespoon of peanut butter in sugar and started eating it. I knew it wasn't good for me, but it was tasty! I was in the living room and I heard my parents coming so I hid it under a piece of furniture. They found it and yelled at me. I feel quite sure that they were yelling at me because it is disgusting and gross to leave food around and it would attract mice and pests (which we had issues with anyway in our pre-1900 house.) I just heard them yelling at me becaue I was a disgusting fat pig.
Every time my mom tells me I look thin or that I have lost weight, I soar! When my mom mentions that I look like I have gained weight (or she asks if I have gained weight), I get physically sick to my stomach. It has always been that way, but I'm just now starting to tell her when that happens. She thinks I'm being silly, and objectively, I probably am.
I talk to my mom every morning during my commute. Every morning, I cheerfully tell her how much weight I have lost. I'm typically up a little on Mondays, but not much. Yesterday, I knew I was going to eat popcorn and I told my mom. She gets a little hitch in her voice when she says "okay" that makes me feel guilty. I was up today and I kid you not when I tell you I was in the shower this morning rehearsing what I was going to tell my mom. Sigh. I'm 36 and sometimes I'm 12.
According to rehearsals, I was supposed to cheerily say that I was up a pound that I felt confident would be gone tomorrow. Instead, I told her that I don't share gains with her, only losses. She started laughing and said that I must have gained a lot because I tell her when it is a pound. (I want to step in a second and say that I truly do not believe that she was laughing AT me or trying to be insenstive. My mom loves me ridiculously so and would never intentionally hurt me under any circumstance.) My face and body started to get hot and I could feel myself tense up. I told her that it hurt me that she was laughing at my weight gain. She tried to explain that she laughs at herself all the time. I was so wrapped up in my anger that I almost hung up with her. Crazy! But I was able to change the subject and we moved on.
When I got to work, my friend Liz approached me and said that she messed up. I had set up a birthday party for my friend Cori and had invited Liz, but not another work friend. Liz had mentioned the party to our other friend and other friend was hurt. To be truthful, it really wasn't something that was done intentionally. Neither Liz nor other friend has ever been invited to Cori's birthday party, but right at the time I was doing the invitation, I think Liz was on her mind so she said to invite her. It certainly wasn't an act of meaning to NOT invite other friend. In my mind, other friend is in a bad place right now and she is interpreting everyone's actions as something AGAINST her when in reality, that's not the case. I was actually that way last year, before I got my life on track. I realized that NOTHING anybody else said or did truly made a difference to me inside. If I loved myself, everything else would work itself out.
That brings me back to my mom. I am so unbelievably fortunate to have my mom. I can't even list off all of the wonderful things she has done and continues to do for me. Nothing she does or says is meant to hurt me. If fact, I have no doubt that my mom would lay down her life for me. I have 35 years of demons to work through. I feel like I have gotten through a lot in 6 months, but it is still going to take some time to get through the rest. Occassionally, my feelings are going to get hurt through no fault of anyone's. But as long as I realize that I control the situation and it is I who decides my emotions, I will be able to move forward.
I have have nightmares on occassion of a 5th grade me on a bus where kids are chanting BUFFALO BUTT! I have dreams all the time where people make comments that I'm fat. It is my achilles heel. But I'm doing something about it! At 60 pounds lost, which I should hit sometime this week, I will be halfway to my goal. Take that Amber Melvin from 4th grade! Take that mean, mean Debbie on the school bus!
But most of all, TAKE THAT BETH! I am my own worst enemy, but this time is different. This time there is no self sabotage. This time there is no letting myself get caught up in the enormity (pardon the pun) of it all. This time, I'm not just losing weight...this time, I'm changing my life.
Mom, I thank God for you and dad everyday. I love you.
Yesterday was a tough blog post for me. Because I had a bad morning yesterday, it started bringing up all those old feelings.
I made myself remember all of it. Not just Buffalo Butt, not just the bus, but more... There were so many times that I was interested in a boy that befriended me only to end up dating one of my (thinner) friends. It's very possible it was because they just didn't want to date ME, but all I saw was rejection of a fatty. As an adult, I had two long distance relationships right out of college and that is it. Nada in about a decade. I've only kissed one guy in about 6 years, I think? And that was a drunken hook up at a friend's wedding. Ha!
Growing up, I was the same size as some of my friends, but I always considered myself the fat one. I look at pictures and that wasn't really the case. All my friends had dates and boyfriends, but I didn't. My mom said that I always pushed them away or cut them off. The older I get, the more I realize that might be somewhat true. You know that Rodney Dangerfield quote about him not wanting to join any club that would have himself as a member? That's me, I think. In my head, I don't want to date anyone that would want to date me. Wow. That's just kinda sad...like, really...sad.
Did I mention that I love boys? I do. I'm boy crazy, in fact!! I just never get past the admiring stage.
I know I'm smart. I know I'm witty (in person...not so much in writing, ha!) I know that I am a natural leader, have a good work ethic and I'm nice. Apparently humble as well. But all that is negated much of the time because I'm fat. I was driving with a guy friend one time and he told me that guys will choose the skinny girl over the better looking overweight girl every time. He said that he knew it sucked, but it was true. That has really stuck with me.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know that fat people get married, fat people have sex, fat people date. I know all of that. While I can imagine a romantic scenario with a cute guy in fantasy, I have a hard time truly imagining it in reality.
About 4 years ago, I think I had a pretty good chance with a cute guy. We would email, talk on the phone and generally made excuses to see each other. It didn't work out and I started to gain weight. I didn't stop for 80 pounds. All the weight gain wasn't about him, for sure. But I have no doubt that it contributed to the start of it.
I know I feel better about myself now at 227 than I did at 285. No question about it. So, I do think that as I lose weight, I will continue to feel better about myself. I don't think when I am 185 that I will see myself in the mirror as if I am 285 or 225. Maybe the argument is that I should be happy with myself regardless of the number on the scale. But I don't think that is my reality. We'll see.
One thing I do know is that I haven't stuck with anything this long and I have officially lost more at one time than I ever have before. I WILL lose 120 pounds and I WILL feel good about my body.
I can't promise that losing the weight will net me a boyfriend. I know better than that. But if I feel good about myself, I know that will reflect and will at least allow for the possibility.
I will work on a happier post for tomorrow!!
Mom & Dad are coming today! I'm looking forward to spending time with them. We haven't seen each other since Memorial Day. I have changed a bit since then. :thumbup: Tomorrow we are going shopping for recliners. I would like a pair of durable, relatively inexpensive, leather wall huggers. If anyone has a suggestion on where to try, let me know! Saturday, Mom & I are going clothes shopping to get me some winter clothes that fit!! And some bras. I really need bras that fit.
Last night my friend Liz & I went to see Blue Man Group. Super fun!! Although I wasn't really able to eat dinner. For my main course, I had creme brulee. Don't judge! :cool2:
The last couple of fills I have had, I was so tight the first week that I would debate about going in for a slight unfill. But inevitably, day 7 or 8 would come and all would be fine. It is day 2 and I'm trying to remind myself that it is like this every time. It is how my body works. I can get down water and other liquids just fine. I just can't do foods. I figure some doctors require several days of liquid diets post fill, so it shouldn't be a big deal. Plus it really gives me a good weight loss jump start! I've lost 3 pounds in the last two days. Woot woot!!
It's only day 2 and I'm so impatient. Sigh. I guess some things never change. I'm about to have my smoothie for breakfast. I got it with peanut butter today to make sure I have all my protein. I'm not the slightest bit hungry! After a week of feeling hungry all the time, it is a relief. However, I couldn't live like this all the time. Plus, my allergies are making it worse. Stupid ragweed!! I love Fall, but that's the one killer thing.
I'm not sure if I will so much posting with the parents in town...it's hard to say. So, have a great weekend!!
Thanks for all the feedback yesterday! Two weeks from Saturday, I will have the cut. So, stay tuned, I'm sure there will be pics by October 18th!!
I watched the Biggest Loser last night. I know that it is the most realistic approach to weight loss seeing that we wouldn't have time to work out 8-10 hours a day. But I just love seeing what people can do.
The first thing that struck me is that I'm not sure if I could do a Biggest Loser work out! I work out a lot, but what they were doing was amazing. I was so proud of myself for jogging on a 5.0 incline yesterday for 30 seconds. She was having them at a 7.0 incline for longer!! I realize they are puking and I don't push myself to that point, but it is still amazing what you can do if someone is pushing you and you are receptive.
Second thing that struck me was when one of the guys had a bit of a breakdown and he questioned how he had gotten there. That really struck home for me.
I grew up "the fat girl." Looking at the pictures from my past, I wasn't that big. Even my dad said to me that when he looks back at old pictures he doesn't remember me being that small. I think part of it was that I weigh heavy. I was roughly the same size as some of my friends, but I weighed a good 20-30 pounds more than they did. That remains true today. My mom & I are wearing the same size clothes (for the most part), but she weighs over 40 pounds less than I do. So I think that we had a mindset from the beginning that I was FAT, when maybe I wasn't really.
Then I think we (I) became so focused on it. I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting in 4th grade. At the time, I just wanted to be smaller, but in retrospect, there were probably better ways to focus my attention. I was on NutriSystem in high school and I consistently snuck food. My parents found out and (rightly so) got angry for wasting money. I just felt like a big, fat failure.
I remember going to fast food restaurants with my family and my brother ordered french fries, but I couldn't. Now I wonder if I really wasn't allowed to, or if I just felt too guilty (fat) to order them. I honestly do not know.
When I got to college, I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. However, my Freshman year I didn't have a car and I walked all over the place, including to my job which was several blocks away from campus. My sophomore year I had a car, but by December I had moved into the Sorority quad which in my case meant a 4th floor walk up! I think walking those 3 flights of stairs multiple times a day kept me in check through the end of my junior year. My senior year I moved off campus. I was only a block away from where I was before, but it was on the first floor and instead of walking to classes, I drove. It was ridiculous and I'm quite sure that I gained 40-50 pounds that year.
I entered college around 185 and I left college around 250. I fluctuated between 200 and 260 for 13 years until I decided I had enough. I have been to Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig. I have worked out, taken pills prescribed by the doctor and over the counter. I have done Atkins and South Beach. But nothing worked or it did for a little while until I couldn't stay at it. In November 2009 I weighed a whopping 285 pounds. I weighed more that my (hefty) dad.
It was hard at the time to see how I got there, but now it doesn't matter. I have a tool that actually works for me! I am working hard, but I'm successful! I have another 6-12 months of weight loss to go, but I'm not at all intimidated by that. That's a first!
For the first time, I'm in control! And it feels darn good. I'm over 70 pounds down since January and I fully expect to be under 200 by Thanksgiving! I would like to have lost 100 pounds by 1/31/10. Even if I don't make every goal, I'm going in the right direction and THAT is enough to keep me moving!!
Anyway, I was a little "rambly" today, but The Biggest Loser will do that for me. Have a great day, y'all!!
Week #1 was tough, but I feel it was a success. First, I feel better which is most important. Second, I lost 1.6 pounds this week which is the first time in 3 weeks that the scale went DOWN!!
Step #1 - Logging food. I logged everything I ate, every day except for Saturday. I met my 1500 calorie goal for 4 days, only slightly exceeded it for 1 day. Sunday I did get closer to 2000 calories because I had a rum drink that pushed the limit, but as long as I don't do that every day, I should be okay. On Friday, I took one of the metabolism tests where you breathe into a machine for 10 minutes and it tells you how many calories you burn in a day. I burn over 2000 without exercise, so that is good. I just can't let myself use that as an excuse to cheat!!
Step #2 - Stay in for lunch two days a week and exercise. I stayed in on Tuesday & Wednesday and used the elliptical machine. This week, I have scheduled Tuesday & Thursday. This step is very cut & dried, but probably the toughest one for me. I was proud of myself for doing it and I am 1/8 done. :thumbup:
Step #3 - Get a personal trainer & meet twice per week. I met with my new trainer twice last week, Wednesday and Friday. Unfortunately, Wednesday was more of an introduction, so we didn't work out much that time. Still, I'm on track!
So, I went to Jazzercise Tuesday & Saturday, I trained with my trainer on Saturday, and I used the elliptical on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Total exercise for the week: 4 hours. Good, for sure, but this week my goal is 6 hours. My 2nd fill is schedule for Monday and I'm starting to get hungrier, so if I could lose a couple of pounds this week...that would be super!!
A friend of mine from LBSG (LAP-BAND® Support Group) gave me a recipe for enchilada chili that is super awesome! I made it last night and my (skinny) friend and I both gobbled it up.
Enchilada Chili
1 lb lean ground beef (however, I use Turkey ground white, and when I fry it up I put in about a cup of Beef Broth. The meat will absorb the broth)
1 medium chopped onion ( I also put in a 1/2 of a green or red pepper)
1 can rotel diced tomatoes (mild or hot) undrained
1 can enchilada sauce (red)
1 1/2 cups of green gaint corn ( I use the Mexicali corn)
1 can chili beans in sauce undrained ( I use Bushs chili beans, I also add a can of black beans)
cook beef or turkey with the onions over med heat for 5 to 7 mins till brown. Stir in tomatoes, enchilada sauce and corn into the beef or turkey boil, reduce heat and simmer for 10 mins. Then stir in beans and cook for 5 to 8 mins. stirring occasionaly. When I serve I put some low fat cheese on the top and add some salsa.
This makes about 4 servings 1 1/2 cups. Since I measure out a cup I get more.
Nutrition per serving
Calories 380, total fat 15g, sodium 1440mg. Total carbs 38g, Fiber is 8g and Protein 29g.
Here's to a great week!!
So, it hasn't been quite as bad as I expected. Knowing that I only have 9 more days...there is a definitive end...makes all the difference. I obviously couldn't keep this up indefinitely. If I could, I wouldn't be in this situation!
My liquid diet consists of protein shakes twice a day and a bowl of soup once a day. I can fill in with sugar-free jello, pudding and popsicles. I have to say that I'm quite tired of jello, pudding and popsicles. :thumbup:
I'm still not very good at making my own protein shakes, so I tend to drink ready made or Smoothie King. I love Smoothie King's Chocolate Gladiator with berries, but I can't seem to replicate it yet.
I have lost 7.3 lbs. and I'm excited by that. I had gained around 15 lbs. over the holidays, so it would be nice to get at least most of that off before surgery. I have no doubt that the loss will slow way down now, but I still have 9 days. I plan to update my ticker once a week, so official weigh in will be Wed. morning.
I am so proud of myself for not cheating. Not even a little!! I have diet coke in my fridge and I don't even really miss it. What I do miss is Chipotle. Mmmm...Chipotle. I actually blame Chipotle for 30 of the 40 pounds I have gained this year. I love the stuff and I could never content myself with just a little bit. I'm hoping the band with help with that, but I know it might be something I have to stay away from for good. Only time will tell.
Things I still have to do before surgery: get my blood test, get my allergy shot, pick up meds at pharmacy, and grocery shop for the necessary post op diet. But I have a lot to keep me busy this week, like a NASCAR dinner at Texas Motor Speedway (that's right...I said it), "dinner" with friends, a couple of movies and some training at church. Plus, a couple of friends are going to get pedicures with me on the Monday before surgery to help keep my mind off it. Then mom comes in Tuesday night and Wednesday is surgery. It is going to be over and done with before I know it!
...or in this case a somewhat plump, (but soon to be svelte) and sassy liar. :thumbup: As I told you all yesterday, I have committed to 4 weeks of logging calories burned and calories consumed. My Body Bugg comes in the mail on Wednesday, but I didn't want to delay starting.
Yesterday was Day 1. About lunch time, it was quite clear to me that I was lying to myself about the calorie count for what I have been eating.
My current theory: it is my understanding that a pound equals 3500 calories, so to lose 2 pounds in a week, I would need to have a 7000 calorie deficit a week. That translates to 1000 calorie deficit per day. My metabolism test said that I burn 2200 calories per day and I'm estimating that I burn about 300 calories during my work outs. (I can't wait for Jax (my Body Bugg) to tell me for sure!) That means that I would need limit my calories (roughly speaking) to 1200 on non-work out days and 1500 on work out days.
Yesterday was a work out day, so I allowed myself 1500 calories. I planned it out at the beginning of the day because I have found that I'm not so good on the fly. You are SHOCKED, aren't you??
What I learned in one day (which I probably alreday knew but was subconsciously denying) was that I treat myself too much in the evening (especially when I have worked out) and I have too much of a tendency to pick high fat proteins over lean proteins. Since I am in a decent exercise routine, the next 4 weeks will be about making better food choices.
My goal is to lose 120 pounds. I feel that the first 60 pounds has been relatively easy since my hard work has been in exercise which I'm finding (gasp!) somewhat enjoyable. I say relatively easy, because it certainly wasn't EASY easy. But I haven't exactly been putting up every effort. Controlling my food intake (for me) is the hard part. I believe it is going to take a lot more of that to get through the next 60 pounds.
Thank goodness I have you all in my corner!! Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to get myself up early to Yoga. It's only a 1/2 hour earlier than normal, but you would think it was the middle of the night! :smile2:
So now that I have lost my first 50 pounds, I feel like myself again. I have been overweight all my life and well over 200 pounds my entire adult life. At 235, I weigh about 20 pounds less than I did when I graduated from college. I would say that the bulk of my adult life was spent weighing 225-255 lbs. Sometimes I would get a little lower and sometimes I would get higher, but that was my "normal range".
So right now, I look and feel like "me." As I lose these next 50 pounds, I will be making the journey to my high school graduation weight. This is an exciting time because anything more than 10 pounds and I will be "skinny" me. I got down to 200 pounds twice in my adult life but didn't stay there long. It will be such a pleasure to get there this time knowing that I'm going to blow right on past it! It is hard to believe that I am 5 months into a new lifestyle and I'm going strong! I would have never lasted 5 months on a "diet".
I have attached a head shot and a full body shot from the very beginning (mid-January) and from today. I'm so pleased!
Today I restart my exercise focus. This week my plan is to see my personal trainer twice, Jazzercise twice and do the treadmill work at least twice.
I have a support group meeting tonight and they always get me fired up! I have a couple of friends that I met through Group and I always look forward to seeing them.
Have a good week all!
Today is a new day, huh? I think I have finally gotten over my "I feel fat" phase. I feel very sure that another one will come eventually, but no worries now.
I had Group last night. I LOVE getting together with such a wonderful group of people. There are veterans, people at my level, and newbies. We share, share, share and it is FANTASTIC! I hope you all can find a support group near you. They honestly do have a tremendous effect!
I don't have much time today, so I will just update my spandex pics. So lovely. Ha! But I can tell the difference. I have attached one month ago and today. Plus I couldn't resist attaching one from the very beginning.
Have a super day!!
Since the surgery and losing so much weight (and being more active), I have had so much more energy. I think that is why when I'm feeling drained these days, I really notice it more.
I think I just packed October with a little too much. I have enjoyed my trips and such, but I like my down time. I'm so looking forward to seeing my friend Ann and my godson, but the thought of getting on another airplane tomorrow is exhausting. Oh well, once I get there I will have a ton of fun!
Besides, Jazzercise tonight should pick me up a bit. I think I have been so busy I haven't been focusing on my work outs which is adding to the lethargy. I guess I just need to get used to it. Things won't get "back to normal" until 2011!
Hair update: I think I'm finally used to it. I still don't LOVE it, but I am starting to dig it just a little bit. That's progress!
So, I got a speeding ticket this morning. Isn't that super awesome!! :thumbup: Honestly though, I was going 76 mph in a 60 mph zone, so I totally deserved it. The only thing that makes me mad about the whole thing is that that motorcycle cop is there EVERY morning and I KNOW BETTER! Oh well, it is what it is.
I'm feeling much better today! The respiratory infection has faded for the most part. Jazzercise was tough last night, but I definitely felt better when it was over. It is nice to be in enough shape that I don't feel like I'm killing myself the first day back after a break! Today I'm taking it up a notch and I'm doing my 2 mile hill run at lunch and Jazzercise tonight. I only have a non-running lunch work out tomorrow (maybe the bike?) so I should be able to push it out today.
I was hungry yesterday. After breakfast, it didn't take too long until I was hungry for lunch. We went to Mi Cocina to meet my parents and I was worried that I would need to eat too much. But my mom & I shared a nacho plate and I ate three nachos with sour cream and guacamole. So, not too bad. In fact, it held me until very late in the afternoon and I didn't get hungry until about 4pm when I had some greek yogurt.
I was a little hungry when I went to Jazzercise, but it wasn't horrible. When I got home, I fixed goodies for dinner. (My niece's favorite meal is what she calls goodies, which is bascially a collection of snacks, like apples, pretzels, peanut butter and cheese.) I had just less than a 1/2 c of potato salad, a boiled egg, 10 crackers and 5 pieces of cheese (roughly 3 oz, I think.) I finished the potato salad and egg, but I left 2 crackers and a piece of cheese. I didn't seem to have any "restriction" in the sense that there was no issues with anything going down, however, I did have "restriction" in the sense that I was full after eating a reasonable amount of food. So, I did well yesterday. The trick is stopping when I'm full. I've not been good at that historically and is something I need to work on.
So, goals for the week...drink water! And stop eating when I'm full.
PS: My new item of the day that I'm wearing...electric blue flats with a row of sequence around the top. Very flirty, but practical too.
Have a great day!!
I realize that even after losing over 60 pounds in 7 months, I'm not going to feel "skinny." I have at least another 60 pounds to go and I also realize that even skinny chicks have their fat days. So, I'm just going to wallow a bit in my fat day.
Yesterday my feet were killing me. I have had MUCH less trouble with my feet as I have lost weight. At the height of my weight gain, I could barely get through a normal day of work in crocs or tennis shoes. Now, I am careful with the shoes I wear, but I can wear "normal" shoes to work and I work out regularly. My feet ache some, but I think that is normal. However, yesterday, it was like I was back up to 285. :cool:
They hurt throughout the day. At the end of the workday, we received an email that the elevators were not functioning. We were told that we could use the service elevator, but there is only one. The service elevator is the slowest form of transportation on the planet under normal circumstances. For it to service all 22 floors, it would take me an hour to get to the lobby from the 18th floor! I had to get to Jazzercise, so I took the stairs. I have to say that it wasn't as bad as in the past when we have had to do fire drills, so that's a plus. But my legs were a little jello-ish at Jazzercise.
My feet hurt so bad at class, I feel like I was at 50-60%. I don't think walking the stairs was the cause since they hurt throughout the day, but I'm sure it didn't help. I was SO internally cranky during that class. I was picking fights with people in my head to the point I had to physically shake it. [sidebar: Do you all do that? I often times find myself picking fights or having arguments in my head. For instance, if I know that I'm going to tell my boss something he isn't going to like, I have the worst case scenario conversation in my head. It drives me crazy! I'm getting better about not doing that, but I certainly did it last night!]
I went home and did all the things with my feet that I am supposed to do. They feel a lot better today and I tried to pick out a pair of comfortable shoes. No Jazzercise today, but I'm planning to workout at lunch. I think I will choose the ellypical or the bike so I can limit impact on my feet. Then, because I am a glutton for punishment, I plan to walk down the stairs at the end of the workday. That is my punishment for wallowing in my fatness. :laugh:
Oh well, tomorrow is another day!!
Okay, first the bad news for the week. I gained a 1/2 pound this week. Ugh. That is made even worse by the fact that it is only the 2nd week after a fill and I had a two pound loss going into the holiday weekend. Double ugh. Whatever possessed me to eat a bunch of ice cream, candy and cookies? What's up with that?
On a positive note, I have been very true to my exercise committment. I've been thinking that that I have done well with a fitness goal and started to think about what I will do after my 8 week committment is over. I think that I am leaning toward a "Couch to 5K" program. I hate running, but it isn't THAT far and with a goal to achieve...I just might be able to do it.
Monday-10 min on the treadmill.
Tuesday-30 min on the elliptical.
Wednesday-hour with personal trainer.
Thursday-30 min on the elliptical.
Friday-hour with personal trainer.
Saturday-hour of Jazzercise.
Sunday-25 min on the treadmill.
I'm pleased that I worked out 7 times (every day!), but I'm disappointed that it only adds up to 3 1/2 hours. I would really like to be more at the 5-6 hour range. There is work to be done! :thumbup:
I have four more weeks in my exercise program. So, I will focus on putting in as much time as possible!
I feel better and truly that is the most important thing!!
I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter! Have a great week!!
