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About this blog

my journey to gorgeous 160lbs again!

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MY WILL

"My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force. I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice, my responsibility. Win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny." ~ Elaine Maxwell
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YODA

"Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try." ~Yoda
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You Know Your a Bandster When....

You Know Your a Bandster When....   *I have a date" does not mean your going out. *You have baby food in the house and no baby. * "I'm a loser" is a good thing. * All of your silverware says Gerber. * "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death. * New clothes fall off in a month. * You get excited about hand me downs. * The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please". * getting wrinkles is a good thing. * "Just water for me please". * Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing. * You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy. * When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide. * When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club. * Other women are calling you "bitch" behind your back. * When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't belong there". * When you really don't have a thing to wear. * You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license. * You start being in the pictures not behind the camera. * You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeons card. * You are never parted from a bottle of water * When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal. * Being too small for your britches. * When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder. * When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say "WOW, your mom is hot!" * When you got to the mall a take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door. * You truly are a "cheap date". * When one drink makes you flipping floozy! * When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound. * You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar. * Vitamins feel like a meal. * You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction. * You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?" * You can cross your legs... both of them * Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra * When your obsession from food turns to your scale. * They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile. * No more velcro shoes * "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties * When your stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables * Your mother says "You don't eat enough" * When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have sucess with this." * Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him. * You can wear corderoy pants without igniting a fire * When you wave and your upper arms wave back * You safety pin your underwear * Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress * Cannot blame the cat for shedding * The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god..did he die???     Things I want to accomplish on this journey Cross my legs without having to tilt to oneside wrap a normal size towel around myself Have more energy-Check Work out in a gym Look at myself in the mirror and not crinch-Check Buy a Purple Harley Stop putting off tomorrow what I can do today Tuck my shirt in Wear a belt- Shop at MACY'S for my "You've Finally Made It Outfit"
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DON'T QUIT

Don't Quit   When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down,   And you feel like the biggest failure in town.   When you want to give up just because you gave in,   and forget all about being healthy and thin.   So What! You went over your points a bit,   It's your next move that counts...So don't you quit!   It's a moment of truth, it's an attitude change.   It's learning the skills to get back in your range.   It's telling yourself, "You've done great up till now.   You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow."   It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal.   You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.   To stumble and fall is not a disgrace,   if you summon the will to get back in the race.   But, often the struggler's, when loosing their grip,   Just throw in the towel and continue to slip.   And learn too late when the damage is done,   that the race wasn't over...they still could have won.   Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,   but facing each challenge will help you grow.   Success is failure turned inside out,   the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.   When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit,   If you bite it, you write it....But don't you quit! - Author Unknown
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NEVER GIVE UP!

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. ~Harriet Beecher Stowe
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"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark,

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.   Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.   The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." - Ayn Rand.
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230

230LBS BY WEDNESDAY!Who are you under the excess weight? You are your best possible you, that's who! After you have had your band for a while and learned to work it well, food will become - just food - and you'll be able to get on with your life. It is a process however and it takes time and work.
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2/19 235LBS

WALKED 50MINS LAST NITE 1.550 MILES, & 290 CALS BURNT, ATE 575 CALS. I HAVE TO BE DISCIPLINED W MY EATING... EGG WHITES, COTTAGE CHEESE, & FISH ONLY! I MUST WORK WITH THE BAND IT'S A TOOL LIKE THE VACCUM CLEANER, YOU GOTTA USE IT. NOW I MUST MEASURE EVERYTHING THAT I EAT. MY LEGS GOT SLIMMER...MY TROUSERS ARE VERY LOOSE. WENT TO TARGET & BOUGHT REAL MISSES SIZE 18 PANTS IN BLACK & BROWN THE BLACK FIT BEAUTIFULLY...I LOOK THINNER!
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2/18 235 yipee

I'M SO HAPPY! :clap2: :eek: :clap2: :clap2: 235! THATS 12LBS IN A MONTH! ON BSCI.COM'S GRAPH, I'M STEADILY SHEDDING WEIGHT. IT SHOWS IN MY ABS & MY FACE. MY UPPER ABS HAVE A LINE RUNNING THRU IT VERTICALLY, AND MY BELLY IS SMALLER & THE BOTTOM HAS A DEFINITE SCOOP TAKEN OUT OF IT. LAST NITE AS I LAY IN BED I FELT THE BURN IN MY THIGHS SO I KNEW THE NEXT DAY I WOULD WEIGH LESS! NOW I WANT TO BE 230 BY WED I KNOW I CAN DO IT WITH THIS RESTRICTION.THIS A.M. I COULDN'T EAT MORE THAN 1/2 C OF COTTAGE CHEESE... HAD TO PUT 1/4 C AWAY...I FELT RESTRICTED! NOW I'M LEARNING TO EAT LESS...1/2C IS ALL I NEED. YESTERDAY I ATE: B:1/2C COTTAGE CHEESE & TEA L: 4PM 1/2C COTT CHEESE, (TRIED TO EAT EGG WHITES BUT COULDN'T STARTED SLIMING, SO I LEFT IT) D: 9PM 3-4 OZ TURBOT & 3 CRACKERS W EGGPLANT DIDN'T WORKOUT TOO DRAINED NAPPED FROM 6PM-9PM DIDN'T SLEEP WELL @ NITE.
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bette blackwell's # and mine

~~~~~~~~~~~~~WEIGHT.....BMI.....POUNDS LOST lost FIRST APPOINTMENT.....376.......54 1st apt 271 wt lbs total DAY OF SURGERY..........350.......50.2....26day of surg 265 7 1 MONTH.....................330.. ....47.3....46 1 month 247 18= 25 2 MONTHS....................323......46.3....53 2 months 235 12= 37 3 MONTHS....................319......45.7....57 3 mar 225 230 4LBS = 41 4 MONTHS....................296......42.4....80 4 apr215 5 MONTHS....................286......41......90 5 may205 6 MONTHS....................276.....39.6....100 6 jun195 7 MONTHS....................266.....38.1....110 7 jul 180lbs 8 MONTHS....................252..........36.1........124 9 MONTHS....................245..........35.1........131 10 MONTHS..................231...........33.1........145 11 MONTHS..................227...........32.5........149 1 YEAR........................223...........30.9........160 18 MONTHS..................174...........24.9.........202 2 YEARS.......................163..........23.5..........213
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2/17 237! yay!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD! my scale READ 237 THIS AM! i'M SOOO HAPPY! I DIDN'T WALK LAST NITE...TOO TIRED BUT TODAY I WILL MAKE UP!
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239.5! LETS GO! INTO THE 30'S GOAL 230 BY MAR 1

GOAL 230 BY MAR 1 I NEED TO WALK 2X DAILY I LOOK GOOD! MY HAIR IS POKER STRAIGHT & FULL, I'M WEARING MY TAN TOP W GREY PANTS THAT ARE LOOSE. nsv both pants that Aideen gave me last month that fit are now loose & baggy WALKED 35 MINS IN AM 1.1 MILE BREAKFAST 1/2 C COTTAGE CHEESE 90 & 2 C TEA 1LG C (20 OZ) AT MEETING NOT V RESTRICTED TO DAY LUNCH: 1C TOMATO ROASTED PEPPER SOUP 80 & 1/2 C COTTAGE CHEESE 90 AFTER EATING I FELT RESTRICTED We fought after mtg he said I keep bothering him after he's done that Roger & I stopped him & I pointed a finger @ him. I told him he was splitting hairs & I couldn't believe the President of MLS would act the way he was. (He's pissed @ me because I am so shut down, now he doesn't get any vibe from me... & I look good ... how dare I not give him any good vibes...told me "who the hell are you" & I answered softly,"Right, who the hell am I after 3 years of working to build your company." He bolted to the door, I said "wait don't just run out" "No" he said & he ran out the door. He knew he went too far. RW said to me after, you 2 are funny how you guys banter because I said "whatever" is what teeny boppers say. I called Holb 4 Pattie & she was snotty 2 me... Either he told her to be that way or he was nasty 2 her too.
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2/15 240 1ST PB! UGH!

1ST PB! 4X IN A MATTER OF AN HOUR! RESTRICTION IS HERE!:faint: NO MORE CHINESE BUFFET FOR ME...I MEAN IT I JUST CANNOT.   FROM GEISS' MESSAGE BOARD: SOME SUCCEED BECAUSE THEY ARE DESTINED TO MOST SUCCEED BECAUSE THEY ARE DETERMINED TO :eek:   THOSE WHO WANT TO SUCCEED WILL FIND A WAY THOSE WHO DON'T WILL FIND AN EXCUSE.   ONCE YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT, YOU MAKE A COMMITMENT TO THAT DECISION I ATE 500 CALS IN THE WHOLE DAY   WALKED 40 MINS IN AM & 30 IN PM, 2 MILES TOTAL. BURNED 400 CALS. I WAS RESTRICTED!
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2/14/06 240 my scale 247 on geiss

2.3cc in my band? per Powers... had .3cc + 1.00cc + 1.00cc? I thought I had .5cc more added it should be 1.5 cc/1.8cc whatever! I feel restriction! L:4 tbsp matzo ball soup & 3/4 cup stuffed derma 400cals D:Duh! I can only have liquids to-day.. it's soup to nite fish w spinach & horseradish (per Ms Mel)Joy , Kathy & Powers said I look good. Powers came up to me & shook hands w me. Mel said sometimes the restriction disappears after the 1st couple of weeks. Mel said not to eat if I'm not hungry. She said the Nutri would disagree but I should stick to 800 cals & not eat when not hungry. She said it's because I eat 800 & exercise that I lost 4 lbs she said "If you lose 1 lb a wk..that's 52lbs in a year.. most wt loss patients don't have any parience...they all want to loose it quickly, you have to give it 2 years." I told her "I'm serious about losing the wt this is not a dress rehersal for me... I also know if I eat 1500-1200 as per nutri I'll never lose wt. " Powers had to do my fill Mel couldn't find my port. He loved my saying @ the support group mtg "build a bridge & get over it" Mel said "what did they think they were on the Jerry Springer show?" Mel told me not everyone PBs when I told her it never happened to me. right now I feel restricted. He was v subdued to-day ... I didnt go to mgmnt mtg & it's Valentines day...I pissed @ him & he knows he's wrong, yesterday I asked him wordlessly in his office after sales mtg" So, this is your love for me?" With his eyes he said "ILY"
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FIRE

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.   Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.   The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." - Ayn Rand.
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GRATITUDE

GRATITUDE Every day is a blessing, and in each moment there are many things that we can be grateful for. The world opens up to us when we live in a space of gratitude. In essence, gratitude has a snowball effect. When we are appreciative and express that gratitude, the universe glows a bit brighter and showers us with even more blessings.   There is always something to be grateful for, even when life seems hard. When times are tough, whether we are having a bad day or stuck in what may feel like an endless rut, it can be difficult to take the time to feel grateful. Yet, that is when gratitude can be most important. If we can look at our lives, during periods of challenge, and find something to be grateful or, then we can transform our realities in an instant. There are blessings to be found everywhere. When we are focusing on what is negative, our abundance can be easy to miss. Instead, choosing to find what already exists in our lives that we can appreciate can change what we see in our world. We start to notice one blessing, and then another.   When we constantly choose to be grateful, we notice that every breath is a miracle and each smile becomes a gift. We begin to understand that difficulties are also invaluable lessons. The sun is always shining for us when we are grateful, even if it is hidden behind clouds on a rainy day. A simple sandwich becomes a feast, and a trinket is transformed into a treasure. Living in a state of gratitude allows us to spread our abundance because that is the energy that we emanate from our beings. Because the world reflects back to us what we embody, the additional blessings that inevitably flow our way give us even more to be grateful for. The universe wants to shower us with blessings. The more we appreciate life, the more life appreciates and bestows us with more goodness."
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2/8 240!

SUPPORT GROUP MTG WAS GOOD...BANDSTERS GET JEALOUS TOO!
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2/7 LUVLIF

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.   What is it you would let go of today?"   - Mary Manin
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2/7

I LOOK GOOOOOOD!!!!!! TODAY SEAN SAID I LOOK LIKE I LOST WT. AGAIN I SMILED & SAID "YUP" KUTTI HAD TO HEAR IT IN THE NEXT ROOM HE HE HE! WENT HOME 4 LUNCH @ 3.30. HERE I'M BITCHIN' THAT I HAVE NO RESTRIC BUUUT! I HAD TO SLOW DOWN WHILE EATING MY LUNCH & COULD'NT FINISH MY COTTAGE CHEESE HA! THEN, I LOOK @ MY REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR BY THE DOOR, MY SHOULDER BLADES SAID"HELLO!". (I GUESS I SHOULD SHUT UP) THEN I TRIED ON MY BL LEATHER JACKET... IT FITS..I BUTTONED IT UP! B.1 ENG MUFF 100 + CAPONATA 30 = 130 L.3/4C COTTAGE CHEESE 135 + 5 CRACKERS 60+1 SLICE BOLOGNA 20 +1 HOT DOG 50 = 245 = 395 SUMMER IS ONLY 3 MONTHS AWAY!
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2/6/06

UGH AUNT FLO SUCKS! B 1 EGG 70 L S CHILLI 220 + 1/2 POT + 5 NUGGETS =645 D ENG MUFFIN 100+ 2 CHEESE 50=795 WATER WALK WEIGHT:phanvan
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241lbs 2/3

B:CRABMEAT SALD 80 CALS L:GRILLED CHICK FILET W CHEESE 210+5PC CHICK NUG 220CALS 430 +80=510
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241.5 2/2/06

VERONICA & SUNNY STOPPED IN FROM HOLBROOK. VERONICA LOOKED @ ME KIND OF SURPRISED & SAID "YOU LOOK GOOD?" I JUST SMILED & SAID "THANKS"
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