You Know Your a Bandster When....

You Know Your a Bandster When....

*I have a date" does not mean your going out.

*You have baby food in the house and no baby.

* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.

* All of your silverware says Gerber.

* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.

* New clothes fall off in a month.

* You get excited about hand me downs.

* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".

* getting wrinkles is a good thing.

* "Just water for me please".

* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.

* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.

* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.

* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.

* Other women are calling you "bitch" behind your back.

* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't belong there".

* When you really don't have a thing to wear.

* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.

* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.

* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeons card.

* You are never parted from a bottle of water

* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.

* Being too small for your britches.

* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.

* When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say "WOW, your mom is hot!"

* When you got to the mall a take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.

* You truly are a "cheap date".

* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!

* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.

* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.

* Vitamins feel like a meal.

* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.

* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"

* You can cross your legs... both of them

* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra

* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.

* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.

* No more velcro shoes

* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties

* When your stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables

* Your mother says "You don't eat enough"

* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have sucess with this."

* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him.

* You can wear corderoy pants without igniting a fire

* When you wave and your upper arms wave back

* You safety pin your underwear

* Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress

* Cannot blame the cat for shedding

* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god..did he die???

Things I want to accomplish on this journey

Cross my legs without having to tilt to oneside

wrap a normal size towel around myself

Have more energy-Check

Work out in a gym

Look at myself in the mirror and not crinch-Check

Buy a Purple Harley

Stop putting off tomorrow what I can do today

Tuck my shirt in

Wear a belt-

Shop at MACY'S for my "You've Finally Made It Outfit"