So my hunni is blessed to be naturally thin...less than 5% body fat on him...lucky man he is! But anyway...ever since I told him I was getting this surgery...he has been drinking protein shakes and lifting weights...going to the gym like crazy...and everything! He says he wants a lot more definition...(for what? to accompany the 6 pack he already has?) Whats up with that?? Is he trying to compete with me? The other day we had an argument about me getting the surgery...He tells me I am already beautiful..and that I dont need to change a thing, then he says he thought I was a confident woman..and he may not even want to be with someone who feels as though they need to alter themselves...but the fact that I weight 287lbs means nothing to him!! What is the deal?? We are both 21..and he gets to run around like a regular man his age...but for me..he wants me to stay fat? hmmmmm Can someone please tell me what the hell is this man thinking!!! :thumbup::cursing::cursing:

I feel ya there. My husband goes to the gym a lot and does the protein shakes all the while telling me he loves me the way I am. I sat him down and told him that I am doing this to get healthy and to be around for our kids...the getting thin is just a plus!!!! Now he says he has to go to the gym so he'll be able to keep up with me...and to beat the crap outta the guys who are going to be after his hot wife. He actually went to my consult with me and asked the dr a lot of questions...not realizing that obesity isn't something you can just work off....some ppl need more help...you and I being two of those ppl. I hope things get better and you can always contact me if you need to vent!!!! Good luck gurl!

If only he was that supportive...i rather him tell me he may become a jealous mess afterwards then all the harsh words he said about my confidence

Hey there,

Well my wife is getting the LP done a week from now and like your BF, I am blessed with a high metabolism. I TRY to work out 4-5 days a week and also take protien shakes and suppliments to help me achive my goals.

My wife has done so much to get this weight off and it's been very hard for her and frustrating to say the least FOR THE BOTH OF US.

I use the analogy like this. Sitting on a slot machine and sticking $$$ in but NEVER getting anything in return. And worst off you can never leave that machine. Lap Band lets you leave that machine behind.

Your BF needs to understand how this weight is effecting you, he needs to see first hand how happy you will be to once you see the weight come off.

I think you should pull up this web site and read some of the stories on here...see some of the threads that people have posted and see how they struggle.

Most important!!!! And I can not stress this enough. DO THIS FOR YOUR SELF! My wife came to me about this WE researched it and WE agreed that it was a good idea to go through with it. But my wife is not doing this for me, she is doing it for her self.

Don't you for one second let him keep you trapped in that body any longer then you have to. Get out there do the research and if you find out you want to do that Lap Band then do it.

I KNOW that you will be a happier, sexier, and more confident person once you get to where you want to be. Just have to sit him down and explain it to him. Once you to start to argue then there's no need to go on with the conversation.

Make him see it..

Good Luck,

Erick (Enote)

I really like that analogy...I havent talked to him about the surgery since..I know I am gong to have it. July 17th is the day. I dont kow how to approach him about it...he doesnt know the struggle about being heavy...and I feel embarressed. Im not a regular overweight girl...I wear tiny dresses, and act like a have a perfect body..although Im hecka over weight...so when i have to talk about my weight..especially to a person who i dress up for (sexy lingerie) and hide my true shape and my true feelings about being obese...i get really embarressed. I cant talk without crying.. cause i want him so see this sexy confident girl..and I cant reveal that im really not that sexy..and not that confident..

And I just read your post again!!! Sorry YOU ARE GETTING IT DONE AND GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!

I have a thread on here I started about Husbands and wifes and what they can do to help...have him read that.

Show him your TRUE SIDE!!! You need to stop hiding hun! That weight will come off and with that your true personality needs to come out as well. Start being the person you are on the inside and out! Maybe once he sees that then he will understand!

Edited June 30, 200917 yr by Enote

It sounds like he likes you being overweight so he can control you, when you get thin and have more confidence, he won't have the power over you. I say go for it and forget about him! The feeling you'll have after will be so worth it!!

also stress the health benefits to him. Make it clear that you aren't doing this just out of vanity or that you want attention from others. That it's something you're doing out of love for him and more importantly love for yourself.That you're still gonna be the sexy confident women that hes in love with,they'red just gonna be a bit less of you. He may not like it but if he really loves you he's gonna come around.

OK, here's my attempt at pop psychology.

I'd say he likes being "the thin one". Not in a nasty way necessary, but in an immature way his ego is built by being the "good looking one".

so, if you're going to get thin, he is going to have to work hard to maintain his status.

That sounds so terrible, but people are motivated unconsciously by weird things, and they dont necessarily mean things are kaput in the relationship department. Even if you're completely stunningly gorgeous, or even just normal looking, he might be attracted to overweight women as a way of making sure he feels good about himself - in other words, his problem not yours.

That's not necessarily a problem unless its such an issue with him that he cant work through it and is not really with you for the right reasons (ie. he loves YOU, not how you make him look) in the first place.

That could be so so off base too, I'm just guessing. Go with your own gut instinct on this. I'm only thinking along these lines becuase of the weird comment about not wanting to be with a woman who would want to change herself. That rings alarm bells for me.

I'm not going to be as nice as Jachut. Your boyfriend is immature and w-a-y insecure--about himself. He has no problem changing himself (to get more definition), but uses emotional blackmail on you. "If you loved me, you wouldn't change," is basically what he's saying to you. Where's his respect for YOU? Sorry, but that's the same in my book as saying, "If you loved me, you'd have sex with me." Be strong. He is insecure and probably afraid--having you fat lets him rest on his laurels (he doesn't have to try as hard in the relationship--sounds to me as if you're the one doing all the work anyway). I hope that you have friends and/or family who can support you. Also, unless you and he can get this resolved before July 17th, don't expect him to be understanding after surgery (when you're in pain and struggling--sorry, but I can just hear him saying something along the lines of "see, I told you"). He'll either grow up, change his tune, and be supportive--or sorry, but he just might not be the one for you--you want to be with people who are in your "Hallelujah! Choir" and on your team and not with people who are working against you. Good luck.

I'm not going to be as nice as Jachut. Your boyfriend is immature and w-a-y insecure--about himself. He has no problem changing himself (to get more definition), but uses emotional blackmail on you. "If you loved me, you wouldn't change," is basically what he's saying to you. Where's his respect for YOU? Sorry, but that's the same in my book as saying, "If you loved me, you'd have sex with me." Be strong. He is insecure and probably afraid--having you fat lets him rest on his laurels (he doesn't have to try as hard in the relationship--sounds to me as if you're the one doing all the work anyway). I hope that you have friends and/or family who can support you. Also, unless you and he can get this resolved before July 17th, don't expect him to be understanding after surgery (when you're in pain and struggling--sorry, but I can just hear him saying something along the lines of "see, I told you"). He'll either grow up, change his tune, and be supportive--or sorry, but he just might not be the one for you--you want to be with people who are in your "Hallelujah! Choir" and on your team and not with people who are working against you. Good luck.

Exactly what I was going to say! You said it all! :thumbup:

.he has been drinking Protein shakes and lifting weights...going to the gym like crazy...and everything! He says he wants a lot more definition............then he says he thought I was a confident woman..and he may not even want to be with someone who feels as though they need to alter themselves...:thumbup:

Does this strike you as total hypocrisy? It does me.

Don't know him OR you...but I can't help but wonder if he prefers you fat (for HIS ego) and is running this line of BS to keep you that way?

Just my 2 cents, for whatever that's worth!

Ok, so I will play the devils advocate for a moment..Prehaps he is a man who likes a little cushioning on his woman. I am married to a man just like that. I thought I had done a great job hiding my shape and size, but nope, not at all, he saw every inch and flaw. He has always told me whatever I want to do regarding my weight is fine, he has never "blackmailed" me into staying fat this long, thats all been my choice.

But just the other day he told me he was getting concerned about the affects my weight was having on my health (none yet) and was scared something would happen if I had surgery and if I didnt have it.

Now, by no means am I saying stay big for you bf. You need to do what you need to do for yourself. And if he cant handle it, he can walk on down the line...

Most of us don't have just a "little cushioning" though..

and if he likes her heavy he should tell her that, instead of making it about her insecurities etc...in other words, making her wish to change seem to be a character flaw.

That's not loving. That's controlling. Big diff.

I really like that analogy...I havent talked to him about the surgery since..I know I am gong to have it. July 17th is the day. I dont kow how to approach him about it...he doesnt know the struggle about being heavy...and I feel embarressed. Im not a regular overweight girl...I wear tiny dresses, and act like a have a perfect body..although Im hecka over weight...so when i have to talk about my weight..especially to a person who i dress up for (sexy lingerie) and hide my true shape and my true feelings about being obese...i get really embarressed. I cant talk without crying.. cause i want him so see this sexy confident girl..and I cant reveal that im really not that sexy..and not that confident..

I think he will like you or love you either way, men have a weird way of showing their concern. If your weight was an issue before he would have never dated you. Maybe he is trying to see if you are really going to do the surgery. They have the weirdest ways of trying to call our bluff, lol cheer up! Hang in there and good luck! You will be just fine.

Thank God for chubby chasers...

I was in a relationship with a man that told me pretty much the same thing that "He didn't want a thin woman", I started losing weight on medifast, and started to get the attention of other guys and my guy actually broke up with me...I'm so much better off without him in my life, I never realized how much he was controlling me. Of course if he would have stuck around he'd have seen me gain the weight back plus some...oh well his loss...LOL

Back to your situation, I agree with many of the other posters here, your BF sounds like he is insecure. Reassure him of your love and make sure that he knows that just because you are losing weight and getting healthy that it doesn't change the way that you feel about him. Also, be honest with him and tell him truly how you feel, and let him know his support means a lot to you.

Good Luck! Keep us updated