It seems like EVERY TIME I diet someone has opinions about the way I'm doing things, it's so annoying! I really want to keep this one to myself and find it hard not saying anything to anyone. I keep telling myself that once its out then everyone will know and keep an eye on me. If there is any issues then I'm sure I will hear it.

How do you guys not tell people without lying? Ive told two of my closest friends and they aren't really support since they are fat too and are jealous/think its too drastic

I'm not keeping it a secret exactly; I'm just not telling a lot of people. It feels like a personal thing that I don't want to talk about with most people. I did tell my best friend, who is a doctor, and he was totally supportive. I might tell some more family members when it's closer to time, but I haven't decided. It's not that I'm ashamed of the band; it's just that I'm a pretty private person.

I'm with you. I've only told my close family members and a few friends - partly because I didn't want to spread the word in case it wasn't going to happen, and partly because I didn't want to hear everyone's opinions or their "advice".

I did tell my boyfriend when I started the program. He was less than supportive (to put it mildly). Despite the fact that we'd been together for three years at that point, and despite how much he'd seen me struggle with my weight, he just kept saying "just try dieting". Ugh.

I've since broken up with him (for a myriad of reasons), but it made me realize that I took the right course for me. Telling only the people who would understand and be supportive - and keeping out the rest who really don't need to know my private business.

I haven't decided if I'll tell people once I start losing weight, though. I know people will have questions . . . do I tell them? haven't decided. Because the opinions and "advice" will still come.

I haven't decided if I'll tell people once I start losing weight, though. I know people will have questions . . . do I tell them? haven't decided. Because the opinions and "advice" will still come.

I did run into one situation where I had to tell one person I was eating lunch with. I got a piece of chicken stuck while dining with this person. While not an overly serious situation, what I was going through could appear to me something much worse to someone who has no clue about your surgery. If you totally put weight loss surgery out of your mind, the look on my face and my actions could be interpreted as a much more serious issue (choking or stroke) come to mind.

I did run into one situation where I had to tell one person I was eating lunch with. I got a piece of chicken stuck while dining with this person. While not an overly serious situation, what I was going through could appear to me something much worse to someone who has no clue about your surgery. If you totally put weight loss surgery out of your mind, the look on my face and my actions could be interpreted as a much more serious issue (choking or stroke) come to mind.

That's a good point. I had not thought about something like that - there will be sitchs that require telling someone.

I am keeping it a secret for now. Only my parents, doctors, and insurance know about it.

I did not even tell my sister, but I assume once I actually get the surgery, she will find out and I will tell certain people like close friends.

My mom said to tell people I am going into surgery to get ovarian cysts removed, lol. I think I am just not going to say anything at all. What I do is my business. :smile:

Like you, I chose to tell a few close friends and family members. I didn’t want or need ANY negative feedback. However, I knew that I would need support so I found this site along with a local support group.

I also started tracking my progress on youtube. There is a big WLS (weight loss surgery) support group there. At this point, I don’t care if people find out. I just will not openly tell people because everyone does not have your best interest in mind.

When people ask me how am I losing weight I tell them I am working hard at it. I am eating less and exercising. I also tell some that I am under doctor’s care and supervision. It works for me. Good luck on your journey!

How do you keep it from your boss? I have to take off time to meet with a lot of different people, plus a day for an endoscopy, plus the week of surgery. After a while, aren't there a lot of awkward questions?

I'm keeping mine a secret only my mom and dad knows, my mom is getting it too. My older brother (24) would try to talk us out of it and he would tell us it's stupid. Can't tell my friends because they wouldn't be supportive of it and probably think it's stupid as well. I don't know if I'm going to keep it a secret after I get the surgery or not. But as of now it will be

I need advice from you all. I'm sorry if this is long. I have been struggling with this issue right now and it's weighing me down (LOL). I have been banded for 1 year 4 months. I chose only to tell my closest family and friends. I thought people would be critical, give their negative opinion, watch what i EAT, how I eat, how much I lose, why I'm not losing, etc. etc.

I also thought they'd think I was a loser for not being able to do it on my own.

I think I felt a little bit like that about myself. I was embarrassed and ashamed that I should have been able to do it "on my own" (dieting, exercising, will-power) you know.

Meanwhile, I lied to people throughout these 16 months about how I'm losing the weight. Now I say I took diet pills because I think people are suspicious that I've lost weight so fast. I think some people think I'm lying and that I had WLS. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I get this feeling from others somtimnes.

Anyway, I'm now a liar and do not feel good about this. The lying is getting harder and harder and I don't remember who I told what to. I'm thinking about just telling others the truth about how I lost the weight, but am so fearful of their reactions.

I think people will react even more critical that I was lying all along, and will talk about me which is what I wanted to avoid in the beginning. If you were me, what would you do. Thank you all for your support.

Edited May 27, 200917 yr by Bandana

Hi Dawn thanks for your message I have spent the last three days in and out of sleep the hospital released me on sat morning with indegestion tabs and injections for blood clotting but no painkillers as it was bank holiday this monday i couldn't get hold of a doctor plus I was to tired to do anything I live alone so nobody to help I just feel like I was rushed in and out and thats it take care of yourself I am very self reliant and usually don't like people fussing over me but a little help wouldn't have gone amiss this time I feel lost and don't no what to do for the best but I do hope everything goes better for you I think everybody reacts different to the lapband I expected to feel totally different a new me but I dont oh take no notice of me im just feeling down today oh and sorry for the wait for my reply Iv only been studying computers for 2 months

Ok well sleep is Good.. this means you need it and is probably the aneasthetic wearing off..

True everyone reacts differently, its hard when you are not well and on your own.

Hope you are feeling a little more refreshed, Peppermint tea s good for indigestion. Alka Zeltzer for PAIN is marvellous because of the Bi Carb in it... I use these for pain relief, and to settle an upset tummy as they are effervecsent. dissolvable before hand.. so the GUT does not have to do it.

Will get better keep reading the POSTS it gives you an idea on how to deal with it...

My turn on Friday all the very Best!!!

Dawn xx:huh2:

I need advice from you all. I'm sorry if this is long. I have been struggling with this issue right now and it's weighing me down (LOL). I have been banded for 1 year 4 months. I chose only to tell my closest family and friends. I thought people would be critical, give their negative opinion, watch what i EAT, how I eat, how much I lose, why I'm not losing, etc. etc.

I also thought they'd think I was a loser for not being able to do it on my own.

I think I felt a little bit like that about myself. I was embarrassed and ashamed that I should have been able to do it "on my own" (dieting, exercising, will-power) you know.

Meanwhile, I lied to people throughout these 16 months about how I'm losing the weight. Now I say I took diet pills because I think people are suspicious that I've lost weight so fast. I think some people think I'm lying and that I had WLS. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I get this feeling from others somtimnes.

Anyway, I'm now a liar and do not feel good about this. The lying is getting harder and harder and I don't remember who I told what to. I'm thinking about just telling others the truth about how I lost the weight, but am so fearful of their reactions.

I think people will react even more critical that I was lying all along, and will talk about me which is what I wanted to avoid in the beginning. If you were me, what would you do. Thank you all for your support.

Wow, it sounds like you got yourself in pretty deep. I don't think you should be ashamed though. You've lost alot of weight. And you DID do it all by youself. Even with the band you have done so well without any moral or emotional support.

I do think you should tell the truth even though I'm not sure how. Maybe you can tell the one person you trust more than anyone else and see how they take it. Telling just one person could lift alot of weight off your heart/conscience.

Or you might want to seek the guidance of a therapist.

Let me just say that just because you lied doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a survivor! You are a STRONG person! You did what you knew you had to do to make it through this.

Maybe it's not totally your fault that you didn't reveal your secret sooner. It sounds like you haven't had much support from those close to you in your life in the past and that's out of your control. It could be partly thier fault that you could not trust them enough to share.

So don't be so hard on yourself now. You should be proud of yourself. I'm proud of you! I wish you the best and I know this will turn out for you. Feel free to update me in the future if you feel comfortable doing so.

How do you keep it from your boss? I have to take off time to meet with a lot of different people, plus a day for an endoscopy, plus the week of surgery. After a while, aren't there a lot of awkward questions?

I eventually did tell the office manager in my firm. Only because, as you pointed out, there are a number of appointments and the time off required for surgery, etc., which I needed her help with (since I don't have enough time to cover all the time off I needed and will need). However, I chose to be specific with her simply because she has a young child that has multiple health problems and is frequently in the hospital, etc. So I knew she'd be understanding.

Other people I know who have undergone WLS have simply told their bosses they were having some "health issues" that needed to be attended to. I think bosses are generally reluctant to ask for specifics.

I told my office manager, but my actual boss only knows that I'm having "pro-active surgery to counteract possible future health issues". he's never asked any questions. :thumbup:

How do you keep it from your boss? I have to take off time to meet with a lot of different people, plus a day for an endoscopy, plus the week of surgery. After a while, aren't there a lot of awkward questions?

I have heard of people saying they had hernia surgery. For me, my boss was great, and I told him that I wasn't making my surgery public knowledge and he respected that.

I just think that the reason people whisper behind peoples back or act differently to you etc is that they think your not telling them the truth, or that they are upset that you cant be honest with them. Most people wont even care what your doing as they have their own lives to live, its only us fatties that think they will talk about us or that they will think a certain way as thats the way we think about ourselves.

I shouldn't have said I totally disagree with you. There certainly is truth in what you said, and perhaps even in a majority of cases you are right. However, the minority tend to be the vocal minority. It just takes a few cases to make your situation difficult.

How do you keep it from your boss? I have to take off time to meet with a lot of different people, plus a day for an endoscopy, plus the week of surgery. After a while, aren't there a lot of awkward questions?

I told my boss I'm having a "personal" minor surgery. He won't ask any further, just in case it's female stuff he's rather not know about.

I haven't told anyone by my mother, DH, and day care provider for my kids because she had to pick them up the day after surgery. Other than that I feel great. I didn't tell my employer, and had vacation scheduled for a week off. Ended up going back to work two days post op. Felt great. Good luck!